A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem - I'm attracted to guys outside of my relationship. We only see each other two weekends a month and I miss him terribly. And when I go out, I find myself strongly attracted to random men. I'm quite pretty so I wouldn't have a problem getting someone for an one-night thing, which further scares me. I feel like I'm so starving for my man's affection that I'd take anyone who looks remotely similar to him.I love the times we spend together. We call each other several hours every other day (he's more talkative than most of my girl friends :D), but it's not like he was here physically. It's not just sex either, simply having him around feels great. I'm OK being on my own, I'm more of a recluse, but when I do spend time with people I really wish he was there. It's nice to have a man to lean on when I go out, I believe it has something to do with what still remains of my social phobia. And then there are men who ARE there. Perhaps I'm looking for safety as well?I'm afraid that one day I won't be able to resist. How can I deal with this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2015): This is a tough thing to deal with. I agree with the others here about talking to your man about your feelings of neglect. However, I would edit out the part about you being attracted to other men for the time being. More than likely, that part will backfire and end up hurting him and making him feel as though you've already cheated on him. Unless you feel overly guilty about keeping that detail to yourself, then it's best just not to tell him. But definitely sit him down and talk to him about how you feel alone, and a need to be with him more than twice a month. Emphasize how much you miss him and how much you enjoy the time you do spend with him. If you make sure to highlight the good in the relationship, he'll be more open to give you the time you deserve. If for any reason he cannot or will not spend more time with you, break up with him. If you're attracted to other men, and your boyfriend won't give you what you need, you're better off being alone and able to pursue your desires without guilt and other negative stigmas than being in a relationship and still feeling alone.
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (17 March 2015):
 You are exhibiting classic signs of neglect and are tantalized by lack of attention from a guy to whom you feel attached so you think that some other dudes can take up his role. Many married women end up cheating over this and lose their husbands. That can happen to you and your BF. You need to tell him this as well as the statistic about this (Google neglect) Relationships require work from both so if you feel you miss him you need to find ways to see him more then twice per month. In turn, he needs to make an effort as well to arrange more meetings. In off days, when you can't be together, set up Skype sessions (FaceTime or whatever visual) and use postal mail to send each other stuff if you are far from each other. The trinkets you mail each other are wovs to one another that help strengthen the relationship. Last thing that you should do is end up in a bed on a 1night stand. That exposes you to STD, loss of BF and that guy will never fulfill your emotional needs.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (17 March 2015):
 Dr. Dad's diagnosis of your condition is: You are in love with being in love. You are more in love with the idea of being in a relationship than you are in love with him. He really is giving you plenty of affection and attention. You just aren't ready to be committed to him.
FA
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