A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Im 14 and been dating a guy off and on all year... We dated once broke up because timing wasn't good, got back together after 4 months, broke up, and here we are now. I think this time around we are doing a lot better and he seems determined to stay together. Like we are only 14 and staying together forever isn't very likely but I do like the idea of staying together as long as we can and that's why I'm still with him. We both care about each other a lot... Or so it seems. I'm really confused because he says that he cares for me a lot, loves me, and all the other things that are sweet. Problem is it seems like he innocently flirts with my friends and older girls/ women without realizing it. I'm not going to lie I'm jealous and I get jealous but here's why.... He says such sweet things over text and invites me places and says he loves having me around, but he doesn't seem to ever know what to say to me or acknowledge the fact that he has a girlfriend sometimes... Only when im with him does it feel like he acknowledges the fact that he's in a relationship. I think about him all the time and I doubt I cross his mind very often. He really hardly can hold a conversation with me and I'm getting worried because we texted fine the first week of summer but now it's starting to get short and sporadic text conversations during the day. He isn't good at starting conversation and neither am I but when I try he just doesn't take the bait. I really like him and when I asked if he's losing interest in me any he said "not one bit," I don't know if I'm overreacting, overthinking, etc. I'd just really like an opinion and advice... Especially since my parents and his parents are finally going to meet... I'm not sure if my parents should even follow through with meeting them at this point because of the state I feel our relationship is in.... So please if u have any advice or a good helpful opinion on how to help me it would be greatly appreciated.... Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (15 June 2015):
 Hello,
I have a little bit of advice to you from the father of 3 girls who are around 10 years older than you now.
First I'd encourage you to take seriously the advice of people older than you. Don't assume that we are all out of touch, or that you are very much more mature than other people your age. I see some very positive attitudes in your letter, as well as a few common mistakes.
First you are right to have doubts when a young mans words don't match his actions. Many young men learn early the right words to say to keep your interest. This could in fact be the case. I tend to suspect he is somewhat more sincere than you are feeling right now. At his age a solid commitment to one person is unnatural. He has not experienced it before, and he is going to make mistakes.
In fact it is also unnatural for you, you should be pursuing looser friendships and meeting many young men. The reason you aren't is Your Jealousy. Your Jealousy is a bad habit of insecurity that you need to get control of. Trust is the Stuff that relationships are made up of. If you don't control your inner questioning you will never trust another enough to have the true emotional intimacy that you crave, and that a relationship requires to survive.
I get the feeling that you know that part of the problem in your relationship falls to you. If you are willing to work on your part, there is hope. If you are trying to fix this by forcing changes in him only, you will be in break up very soon.
So What I'm giving you may seem to be conflicting advice. I'm telling you to trust, and that he may be deceiving you. Here is Why. You said, "I think about him all the time and I doubt I cross his mind very often." This is a lie you are telling yourself. You have no evidence to back up this claim that he doesn't think of you. Your insecurities (jealousy) are telling you this because they don't believe that you are a great person who can hold a boy's attention. He is telling you that this isn't true. You would rather believe your own lie than him.
What I am saying is that you need to sort out the Facts from the Fiction. If you make decision based on the might be's and the could be's you will stay safe from any one disappointing you, but you will never be in a relationship. You have to trust enough to risk some hurt if you want to be in love.
Last and most important, so I hope you are still reading, Don't cancel the parents meeting. Parent's are your back up. They aren't trying to control the relationship. They are just getting the contact information so they can act as a safety net for when (And the sad truth is) you eventually break up. Hopefully you two will have many months to learn each others personalities, and share experiences together before that happens.
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