| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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How do I be there for both my fiancee and my soon to be stepson?
Q. Am I doing something wrong??? I am engaged to an amazing woman, who is also a mother. I also am a woman, no kids though. Our relationship for the most part is beautiful. We are approaching 3 years and an upcoming wedding. The problem is my fiancee ...
A. 4 September 2019: Ok this question has sat unanswered too long. The number one reason is that it is a huge intimidating wall of text. Next post break it up into paragraphs.
There are several dynamics at work here some of them you have already covered. He need... (read in full...)
"Only time will tell." A good or bad sign for us getting back together?
Q. I have a boyfriend who broke up with me because we never had the time to see each other which was true but I want him back no matter what it take I’ve decided to change the things I needed to to be the best me possible and I asked him will there ...
A. 4 September 2019: How old is he?
What is the age of consent in your state?... (read in full...)
She was texting and working during our date and seems to be ghosting me! Do I go on our next date?
Q. About a week ago I went out with a girl that I dated and was intimate with for 5 months a year ago. We drifted apart as she moved to another state but remained in contact during that year apart, texting and calling on and off. She's now moved ...
A. 31 August 2019: I asked the question to be sure you had a plan for the possibility. I also don't think she is going to call.... (read in full...)
She was texting and working during our date and seems to be ghosting me! Do I go on our next date?
Q. About a week ago I went out with a girl that I dated and was intimate with for 5 months a year ago. We drifted apart as she moved to another state but remained in contact during that year apart, texting and calling on and off. She's now moved ...
A. 30 August 2019: what day is the wedding thing?... (read in full...)
I get the attention but come off as disinterested
Q. Hi everyone, I have problems finding a girlfriend. I know what the cause is, I just don't know how to fix it. I have a hard time communicating with others. I find it difficult to pick up social cues. It's not that I'm shy, I just don't have the p...
A. 26 August 2019: That seems unusual in my experience with people from your culture. Politeness like smiles are free. Share them where ever you go. Brighten days and make the world around you a more comfortable place. That is all courtesy is, making people ... (read in full...)
He's ready to settle, but I love having my own life. What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years. We met at uni. When I met him, I had just come home from New Zealand. It was the 3rd country I’d worked in in three years, and I was ready to settle in one place for a while and study. We were ...
A. 26 August 2019: So what you are saying is, That you are not a good relationship person. And that you are in love with a good relationship person. Well I have no advice for you. I don't help narcissists wreck their lives. I have one word for "the best boyfriend ... (read in full...)
Do I leave a 10 year relationship? Or settle for her?
Q. Hello all. This post is as much venting as asking for others input. The sad truth is that I have nobody to talk to. So sorry if it is long. The big life question I have is: break up with my girlfriend, or settle for her. It is more than just...
A. 26 August 2019: Keep bringing up followups. One Idea we had was hiring a student for a day to get an apartment. Is that something you could find in a classified listing?... (read in full...)
My husband says my parents control me because I let them. They say I dishonor them
Q. I love my parents and I know that my parents want the best for me but they are so controlling and it is annoying. I posted a couple days ago about being 30 years old without a career. I was not doing well in my previous job in insurance sales so I ...
A. 25 August 2019: shouting over you is abusive. Whose house do you live in?... (read in full...)
He's ready to settle, but I love having my own life. What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years. We met at uni. When I met him, I had just come home from New Zealand. It was the 3rd country I’d worked in in three years, and I was ready to settle in one place for a while and study. We were ...
A. 21 August 2019: "However, now I’m getting itchy feet again. " Your feet aren't the only part of you itching, or wandering.
"he’s only 24, which I personally think is a bit young." do you really think this or is it just an excuse to do what you want to do?
"I do... (read in full...)
I want to volunteer but worry abut my dad's opinion and don't know how to research
Q. i want to do some volunteering overseas next year and i know i definitely want to do this but some obstacles that i feel will get in the way is my dads opinions and thoughts on where i should go , how long for and doing what , he doesn't mean to ...
A. 21 August 2019: I have some friends who are members of a service organization called Rotary International. Their daughter was like you and wanted to volunteer overseas. Through their group she found a group of people her age that were planning a trip to build a ... (read in full...)
Do I leave a 10 year relationship? Or settle for her?
Q. Hello all. This post is as much venting as asking for others input. The sad truth is that I have nobody to talk to. So sorry if it is long. The big life question I have is: break up with my girlfriend, or settle for her. It is more than just...
A. 21 August 2019: Thanks for following up.
Many men refuse to report abusive behavior for the very real fear of ridicule, or prosecution. I was afraid that you would as well. I'm glad your english is good, and that you fully understand the advice you are gett... (read in full...)
There's an age difference between us but I would like to get to know this person better. Should I try?
Q. There is someone who I would like to spend time with and ask if they would be up for meeting me to get to know me .this may seem really easy for some people but for me it isn't . up to now its the first time ive really ever wanted to see if I could ...
A. 20 August 2019: I agree 100% that with you "something will only go off my mind once ive done something about it "
You keep asking the questions and you keep thinking about it, and you keep failing to DO anything about it.
My advice is to go forth and DO. Sur... (read in full...)
Do I leave a 10 year relationship? Or settle for her?
Q. Hello all. This post is as much venting as asking for others input. The sad truth is that I have nobody to talk to. So sorry if it is long. The big life question I have is: break up with my girlfriend, or settle for her. It is more than just...
A. 19 August 2019: That was difficult to read in an emotional way. You have spelled out the problem in the relationship completely. The problems are major. There are no small issues here.
In good conscience there is only one advice I can give you. Get out and get ... (read in full...)
For 6 years I treated him as my son now I find out he's not. How do I move on?
Q. I am a man married to a woman who loves me unconditionally. I have put my wife through a terrible heartache when I cheated on her twice with my ex. My wife was devastated, heartbroken and depressed and wanted to end our marriage, but she decided to ...
A. 17 August 2019: Oh I don't think Anon is wrong. I don't think it will work out the way anon wants, but I do understand the ideal.
A note about fairness. In fairness my inheritance from my parents could be twice what it is if they hadn't adopted 4 teenagers afte... (read in full...)
For 6 years I treated him as my son now I find out he's not. How do I move on?
Q. I am a man married to a woman who loves me unconditionally. I have put my wife through a terrible heartache when I cheated on her twice with my ex. My wife was devastated, heartbroken and depressed and wanted to end our marriage, but she decided to ...
A. 16 August 2019: Anon,
We are not here to answer your objections. And we have already answered your objections.
It could be very interesting to untangle the kinks in your thinking. Shall we do it in your own thread?
FA... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting about his unwillingness to go on vacation with me?
Q. Dear Cupid I have been married for a year and I know my husband 3 years before marriage. We lived together for a year before tying the knot My husband do not want to go for vacation with me, every time this ends up in fight or argument. He...
A. 15 August 2019: I have a similar but different problem with vacations. But I don't want to bog down the discussion.
My advice to you is kind of off the wall. My brother and I worked with my dad for years. Frequently change suggestions from the younger gene... (read in full...)
For 6 years I treated him as my son now I find out he's not. How do I move on?
Q. I am a man married to a woman who loves me unconditionally. I have put my wife through a terrible heartache when I cheated on her twice with my ex. My wife was devastated, heartbroken and depressed and wanted to end our marriage, but she decided to ...
A. 15 August 2019: Hey! thanks for the follow up. We really appreciate clarification. I'm going to continue my advice assuming that you will end up staying in the son's life, although I believe there is a chance that might change.
Absolutely, You need a lawyer at t... (read in full...)
How do I come back from being the bad guy in the marriage? Its affecting me both mentally and physically
Q. I’ll just dive right in since I don’t really know how to begin. My husband and I separated for a while for many reasons, two of the biggest being he neglected and ignored me for two years and I ended up having an emotional affair with one person for ...
A. 15 August 2019: First, Thanks for the follow up. Second you are doing a lot of the right things to help the reconciliation. A change of jobs, moving away from contact with the Affair partner. Feeling positive about your relationship. All this is good.
You feel... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and sick, and by husband shuts the door on me!
Q. Im pregnant and when I brush my treeth it triggers me to throw up. Most of the time I manage not to throw up, but I will still caugh a lot. I have tried to not put the toothbrush too far into my mouth, and then I am fine, but wont be able to clean ...
A. 14 August 2019: 5 months sounds awful. I do hope everything else is looking good.
I have to tell you that it is so hard here to find posters who actually follow up and interact with us, that we do tend to swarm you. So we are happy for any interaction. Even... (read in full...)
For 6 years I treated him as my son now I find out he's not. How do I move on?
Q. I am a man married to a woman who loves me unconditionally. I have put my wife through a terrible heartache when I cheated on her twice with my ex. My wife was devastated, heartbroken and depressed and wanted to end our marriage, but she decided to ...
A. 14 August 2019: Due to current interest in the "unfair to the official family" question I think I need to address chapter 4 before chapter three. I also invite and encourage OP to respond with updates and clarifications. I invite one and all to sign up, get a ... (read in full...)
For 6 years I treated him as my son now I find out he's not. How do I move on?
Q. I am a man married to a woman who loves me unconditionally. I have put my wife through a terrible heartache when I cheated on her twice with my ex. My wife was devastated, heartbroken and depressed and wanted to end our marriage, but she decided to ...
A. 14 August 2019: A Note to all:
When we give advice here, we never know all of the facts. We never know if the question asker (Original Poster , OP) is actually reading the advice or believing it. In this case we have no idea who is listed as Father on the birt... (read in full...)
For 6 years I treated him as my son now I find out he's not. How do I move on?
Q. I am a man married to a woman who loves me unconditionally. I have put my wife through a terrible heartache when I cheated on her twice with my ex. My wife was devastated, heartbroken and depressed and wanted to end our marriage, but she decided to ...
A. 14 August 2019: Part 2 your moral obligation to your son.
For 6 years you have proclaimed to this boy and to the world that you are his father. Now you find that biologically you are not. The question is who is more the father to this guy. The biological done... (read in full...)
For 6 years I treated him as my son now I find out he's not. How do I move on?
Q. I am a man married to a woman who loves me unconditionally. I have put my wife through a terrible heartache when I cheated on her twice with my ex. My wife was devastated, heartbroken and depressed and wanted to end our marriage, but she decided to ...
A. 13 August 2019: There are 3 questions here. 1) proper boundaries in co-parenting. 2) your moral obligation to the son. 3) your legal obligation to the son.
Let's start with the easy one, #3. No matter how it came about if your name is on the birth cert... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and sick, and by husband shuts the door on me!
Q. Im pregnant and when I brush my treeth it triggers me to throw up. Most of the time I manage not to throw up, but I will still caugh a lot. I have tried to not put the toothbrush too far into my mouth, and then I am fine, but wont be able to clean ...
A. 11 August 2019: OK so you want him to be involved in vomiting. In 30+ years I have never asked my wife to be involved in vomiting, or defecating for that matter. You are certainly going too far.
Now if he was my dad and he was listening to vomiting, you woul... (read in full...)
Lost GF because I would not propose because I am struggling with depression from long-term unemployment
Q. Hi, I am in a quandary. My long-term girlfriend just broke up with me because I have not proposed. I don't know what to do. Here is the background: I am 48 years old, never married. I have been dating a woman, now 46, also never married, sinc...
A. 11 August 2019: 1) If you can't afford a child with a six figure income you will never afford a child.
2) If a man has never committed to marriage by 48 years old, he will never commit to marriage.
3) If a woman has not had a child by 46, she will never ha... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and sick, and by husband shuts the door on me!
Q. Im pregnant and when I brush my treeth it triggers me to throw up. Most of the time I manage not to throw up, but I will still caugh a lot. I have tried to not put the toothbrush too far into my mouth, and then I am fine, but wont be able to clean ...
A. 11 August 2019: What exactly do you want him to do?
Maybe this anecdote will help you take a lighter view of this. Out oldest daughter was almost 3 when My wife was in the first trimester of our second daughters pregnancy. She wanted to be like mommy and do e... (read in full...)
How do I come back from being the bad guy in the marriage? Its affecting me both mentally and physically
Q. I’ll just dive right in since I don’t really know how to begin. My husband and I separated for a while for many reasons, two of the biggest being he neglected and ignored me for two years and I ended up having an emotional affair with one person for ...
A. 10 August 2019: I'm somewhat reluctant to answer this, but it needs more answer. Years and years ago I felt neglected and let my feelings wander to another woman. Yes there was no sex. There was no date. There was no reciprocation from the other woman (that I ... (read in full...)
I can't get over my ex but I know he's an ex for a reason
Q. I can't get over my ex.. It's been 8 months but I think about him 10times a day.. Dream about him often.. It makes it worse when he calls to tell me he misses me.... But his an ex for reasons..his not aware I miss him... But I don't know why the ...
A. 8 August 2019: Good to know that it is not because he is abusive and dangerous. You are not alone. Many people go back to unhealthy relationships. Some die of the habit. Great advice here to block his contact with you. You have your head in the right place, ... (read in full...)
Why does my stepfather treat me better than my own mother?
Q. I don't know my biological dad and I have never been really close to my mother, she doesn't seem to care about me a lot. She does the basic parental obligations - feeding me, etc.- but she doesn't care much what's going on in my life and how I feel. ...
A. 8 August 2019: Never underestimate or under appreciate the role of a "trusted adult". It has been my great honor at times to be that person. I'm glad you have one.... (read in full...)
My wife and I are sexually incompatible and I'd like to know how I can kill my libido
Q. I am 30 years old and married. I love my wife very much but we have never had the best sex life. I knew from the beginning that we weren't a perfect match sexually but, when we talked about it, she always said that she thought she would get more ...
A. 6 August 2019: I would advise against it. It won't work, but that's just my opinion.
In reality all you really need to do is to tell your doctor that you have anxiety, or feel depressed. This is true based on your post. Being in the USA, your doctor will quic... (read in full...)
I'm in love with 2 men and unable to choose
Q. I'm in love with two men and unable to choose. my long term boyfriend who I have been with for over a decade but I find im not physically attracted to him anymore and don't want sex with him but I do love him and his personality is like my soul ...
A. 6 August 2019: Actually the most important factor in a long term relationship is fidelity, or loyalty, or to put it most simply Trust.
My advice is that you tell both men how you feel. That should quickly solve your choice problem.
Some more helpful advice w... (read in full...)
I don't feel the love anymore and wonder if he is cheating
Q. I think my boyfriend is cheating on me but I have no proof. We have been together for 2.5 years. Probably within the past 5-6 months our relationship has changed drastically and it hasn't gotten any better. I am feeling so unwanted and alone. I feel ...
A. 4 August 2019: Investigate before confronting. If you accuse without enough proof they will just go underground more. ... (read in full...)
My prince charming has turned into a frog
Q. Hello and thank you My husband was very charming, and loving before we got married. After our marriage things changed. It seems he doesn't like compromising and feels he can still act single. He talks to exes( no children involved) he goe...
A. 1 August 2019: This reminds me of the famous line from the Musical, Into the Woods.
"I was raised to be 'charming', not faithful."
Charming is not the best Prince.... (read in full...)
I'm interested in an older guy, how do I find out if he is married?
Q. for the past two months or so ive been wanting to speak to someone who is older then me , a lot of people who ive spoken to about this have give me mixed opinions . its the first time ive ever wanted to speak to someone older , he is older then me ...
A. 31 July 2019: :::: sigh ::::
You have in fact hijacked this thread and I apologize profusely for participating in it.
You persist in offering up the most useless and self contradictory advice, but at least you have the sense to not put your name on it.
This f... (read in full...)
I'm interested in an older guy, how do I find out if he is married?
Q. for the past two months or so ive been wanting to speak to someone who is older then me , a lot of people who ive spoken to about this have give me mixed opinions . its the first time ive ever wanted to speak to someone older , he is older then me ...
A. 28 July 2019: I don't have to look far or research much to find reasonable cause for concern. These quotes might be familiar - - - - -
"but not many men his age see women your age as friendship material. That’s nothing against you, but if they don’t have clea... (read in full...)
Why do some men perceive women as entertainment
Q. Why do some men perceive women as entertainment . I’ve seen this attitude from so many men and even seen it stated here on this round that women are men’s entertainment . Why do some Men think women are here solely for their viewing pleasure...
A. 26 July 2019: One commonly used method of identifying discrimination is to compare prison populations to the general population. In The US (for example) Female population is 51%. Female prison population is 7%. In the UK female prison population is 4%. So ... (read in full...)
My husband spends large amounts of money on prayer and food for God. I find this strange
Q. Thanks for your advice My husband does things that I find someone concerning. He is from Africa and he spends large amounts of money on prayer and eats food with God only knows what is in it. When I tell him to pray without giving these peo...
A. 25 July 2019: I don't really understand his religious beliefs, and we have no Idea what you believe (if you are a believer.
Money and special diets are all ove judeo-christian beliefs. Abraham gave 1/10 th of his substantial fortune to the high priest Melc... (read in full...)
Why are these 2 men acting this way to me?
Q. Here's the sitch: I work at a large department store. Associates flirt and date constantly, so there's no stigma about it where I work. I had an eye contact flirtation going on for awhile with a security guy(B). He'd always do his rounds to pu...
A. 25 July 2019: Obviously you are under suspicion. 2 security guys watching your every move. CYA... (read in full...)
I'm interested in an older guy, how do I find out if he is married?
Q. for the past two months or so ive been wanting to speak to someone who is older then me , a lot of people who ive spoken to about this have give me mixed opinions . its the first time ive ever wanted to speak to someone older , he is older then me ...
A. 25 July 2019: As a man a bit more than 20 years older than you, You hit it right on the head with the creepy thing. Practically everything I do has to be arranged around not looking creepy. Creepy men get hit with bricks and pushed off busses. With the #metoo ... (read in full...)
Why do some men perceive women as entertainment
Q. Why do some men perceive women as entertainment . I’ve seen this attitude from so many men and even seen it stated here on this round that women are men’s entertainment . Why do some Men think women are here solely for their viewing pleasure...
A. 25 July 2019: There is no point in arguing the case or even addressing the question. You have already decided to see men that way.
Please do not start thinking that there is one special man out there who is just waiting for you. Just keep dispising us all.... (read in full...)
My Baby Daddy never follows through on promises, how can I make him happy?
Q. I have been with my baby Daddy boyfriend for almost two years. I have stayed with him when he was unemployed for 6 months, quit jobs and been broke. I have worked full time even when I was pregnant. We split up for two weeks because I finally ...
A. 23 July 2019: You want a family.
You need security.
He has proven himself incapable of providing either.
I actually don't see any reason why your priority would be making him happy.... (read in full...)
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