| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Should I propose before or after living with boyfriend?
Q. Hello, I would like advice on cohabitation. My boyfriend lives with his mom and I currently live with my parents. He and I have been dating for 8 years. I would like to move out and live with him although I'm not sure if I should propose to him and ...
A. 23 August 2020: Honestly, truely,
I wouldn't advise anyone to cohabitate romantically with anyone who hasn't paid their own rent for a year. That would include you and your boyfriend.
The pattern you have observed in your siblings is caused by taking t... (read in full...)
Is my gay friend Bi? We slept in the same bed together and now I'm confused
Q. I have two gay friends that are dating, I was hanging out with them and later in the night I started cuddling with one while the other was somewhere else. This is pretty normal because we are friends. We then went to bed and I slept beside the one ...
A. 20 August 2020: This is very confusing to me. It seems that you regularly cuddle, spoon and sleep with people who are no more than friends with you. But, in my defense, I'm demisexual, which means i need to have an emotional connection before I'm interested in a ... (read in full...)
My husband thanked me for sex and I feel sad and hurt about it
Q. Had sex with my husband whom I've been with for 28 years, married 24 years. He as had a operation down below so needs a device to get it hard. I gave him oral sex recently and sat on him and he came without needing the device. He thanked me for the ...
A. 16 August 2020: No matter what a man does, it's wrong.
Looks like I got it right the first time.... (read in full...)
She cheated on me to lose her virginity. Am I making a big deal out of it?
Q. My girlfriend and I got engaged in February this year(2020), we had been together officially since June 23, 2017. She is a flawless woman with a wonderful soul to match. I came to know her in December, 2016 on a church outing, and I was taken by her ...
A. 16 August 2020: Before you were official.
Well, there is your answer. She did Not cheat on you. ... (read in full...)
I know he's lying but I need concrete proof
Q. Hello, I have a question I hope someone will know the answer to. So I have been dating someone overseas. He definitely has money issues asks me easily for money. I dont give any. Yes we've seen eachother several times because I go there. Any...
A. 13 August 2020: ummmmm 70% of 30 million is 21 million. Leaving only a paltry 9 million to choose from. on the average about half of them are shorter than average, leaving less than 5 million.
if you are going to play the numbers, do the math.... (read in full...)
My husband thanked me for sex and I feel sad and hurt about it
Q. Had sex with my husband whom I've been with for 28 years, married 24 years. He as had a operation down below so needs a device to get it hard. I gave him oral sex recently and sat on him and he came without needing the device. He thanked me for the ...
A. 12 August 2020: No matter what a man does, it's wrong.
That's my take on this.
He thought the sex was better for him than it usually is. He thought you had put in a special effort for him, and he thanked you for it, and for putting up with the device and ever... (read in full...)
She cheated on me to lose her virginity. Am I making a big deal out of it?
Q. My girlfriend and I got engaged in February this year(2020), we had been together officially since June 23, 2017. She is a flawless woman with a wonderful soul to match. I came to know her in December, 2016 on a church outing, and I was taken by her ...
A. 12 August 2020: I've got a stupid question here. You say "On the 3rd of June she slept with a guy who had been pursuing her for about 2 years," Is that june 3, 2020? or 2016?
... (read in full...)
How do I get my husband's family to back off and not be so jealous?
Q. Hi everyone... I have a but of a weird one today but in just need to know whether I am over reacting or should react to it. So my husband and I have had quite a few issues regarding his parents. We had lived with them for a year and half whilst we ...
A. 11 August 2020: The ties that bind and choke. Clingy families wreck marriages. Don't put up with it. I'd suggest a 3 hour travel buffer. Move to somewhere it takes them 3 hours to drive.... (read in full...)
Is your sex drive driven by emotion?
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncle’s I wouldn’t really call this an issue, however I would like others opinions on it. So I’ll get to the point. I am 30 years old and have been single for a few years. I have dated a few men in that time but nothing ha...
A. 11 August 2020: So, you are demi-sexual. It's more common than you think.... (read in full...)
My husband said he would slap me if I did that again
Q. Please advise My husband and I went for a hike yesterday with hope we would be able to socially distance. We wore our masks of course. As he was studying the trail map another man (masked) came and stood next to him also wanting to look at the m...
A. 4 August 2020: I'm with youcannotbeserious on this one. Much like you I have a hard line on abuse. But, I know that If I grab and shove, that IS physical violence.
Yes he should not have said what he said and he feels really guilty about that. He will be m... (read in full...)
She cheated on me to lose her virginity. Am I making a big deal out of it?
Q. My girlfriend and I got engaged in February this year(2020), we had been together officially since June 23, 2017. She is a flawless woman with a wonderful soul to match. I came to know her in December, 2016 on a church outing, and I was taken by her ...
A. 31 July 2020: You are older than 25. you have kept her waiting for 4 years. When were you planning on getting married?
Ok here is some solid advice from an old man to a young man. One time foolish sexual incidents that are confessed promptly are the MOST LIKE... (read in full...)
Wife and I fight about chores! She says I don't do enough, but I do the same or more!
Q. My wife and I constantly fight about household chores. She says she is "Tired of doing everything!" My response to her is to point about all the things that I do. In our division of chores, she cooks, I do the dishes, I change the cat litter, w...
A. 27 July 2020: Happy couples don't do chores.... (read in full...)
My sister's boyfriend doesn't like me?
Q. My sister has been dating her boyfriend for almost four years but I still barely know him. Since I know she's going to marry him, I want to establish a good relationship but his behavior has made that difficult. In conversation, he does not ...
A. 27 July 2020: How long is your typical catch up call? Is there a way you can schedule the call for a time when he isn't with her? Honestly the only time i can talk to my wife is when she is driving, but since she refuses to set up her hands free stuff . . . . ... (read in full...)
How do women maintain their self worth as they age when everything is about looks?
Q. Scrolling through my general forum I see many interesting topics but every few posts there’s young women’s pictures posted in bikinis or even just in normal clothes with comments on their attractiveness ( or not ) I don’t see any such images of men ...
A. 22 July 2020: Well the Matriarchy created the status war you speak of. Perhaps you now have some influence with them to change it. I'd help you but I'm too short.... (read in full...)
Are women equally as shallow as men?
Q. Shallow men only go after attractive women. Would it be fair to say that shallow women only go after bad boys? I notice that bad boys tend to have more "alpha" personalities and therefore higher status in society. Perhaps men are wired to seek ...
A. 22 July 2020: Don't confuse good drama with real life. They publish what sells.
Are women as shallow as men? Certainly.
Is the bad boy thing just a phase? Tes, and a lot of women do grow out of it.
Women remarry nicer guys because they are tired of being abu... (read in full...)
Do you think his jokes are actually jokes or is he testing me to see how I respond before asking me out?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles!! I have a guy friend that I have known for many years. I haven’t seen him for 1 year due to him working away. Although now that he’s back, I need help deciphering if he likes me as more than a friend or not. We have alwa...
A. 22 July 2020: in your post you said "ruin our friendship" 4 times. I get the feeling that you are much more concerned with maintaining a friendship than moving on to a romantic, committed. relationship.
You are actively tallying up all the signs that ther... (read in full...)
He's 8 years younger than me and his grandmother told me to tell him to go away
Q. hello my name is Ashley and I really need your help. I am 29 years old with 2 kids and single mom. I met a guy two weeks ago and he is 21. I met him when I went to drop off my kids so his grama can watch them for me and she is the manager to the ...
A. 15 July 2020: I liked your no date no picture line, but is it enough? Hook up culture leads to physical intimacy in advance of emotional intimacy. And that is where people get hurt. (sorry, my demi is showing through)
at 29 you shouldn't need a granny to prot... (read in full...)
I am bigger than my partner and being on top is uncomfortable for me. Any suggestions?
Q. So I am physically the bigger bodied one in the relationship, I weigh a lot more than he does, and when it comes to having sex, me being on top is out of the question for me, I have got on top in the past but I am just completely uncomfortable, for ...
A. 12 July 2020: https://smile.amazon.com/cheerM-Multifunctional-Elasticity-Surprising-Adjustable/dp/B087TF98N4/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=sex+chair&qid=1594568181&sr=8-1
that comes highly recommended... (read in full...)
Is this the golden rule for dating?
Q. I’ve always heard that one of the golden rules of first dates is to never talk about exes. But often on first dates (or during online dating app pre-date talking), I'm asked about past relationships like how long did it last? why did it end? etc. ...
A. 9 July 2020: So gals, If he doesn't want to talk about his exe's which reply should he use?
- I've never been to jail if that is what you are asking.
- My ex was an incurable gossip and always pestered everyone for the juicy details.... (read in full...)
I thought it was a golden rule, so why do so many people break it?
Q. I’ve always heard that one of the golden rules of first dates is to never talk about exes. But often on first dates (or during online dating app pre-date talking), I'm asked about past relationships like how long did it last? why did it end? etc. ...
A. 8 July 2020: You posted this twice and got pretty good answers. I generally won't answer twice until the Original Poster returns with a follow up.
Your question brings up two interesting side points. One is the concept of the Golden Rule. I did a quick goog... (read in full...)
Is this the golden rule for dating?
Q. I’ve always heard that one of the golden rules of first dates is to never talk about exes. But often on first dates (or during online dating app pre-date talking), I'm asked about past relationships like how long did it last? why did it end? etc. ...
A. 8 July 2020: So what is your reply?
If you suspect a trap, or if someone is simply pushing at your boundaries. Your reply should be, "I don't talk about former relationships at this point in our relationship."
BTW your boundary is reasonable and wise.... (read in full...)
We fought my husband has not forgiven me and is now talking about separating
Q. Hi! I really need your help to get out of this mess. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. Both of us are in medical profession. Two days ago we had a huge row regarding a business he recently started with one of his friends. We ended up ...
A. 27 June 2020: You are welcome of course. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets annoyed with my questions
Q. My boyfriend gets annoyed with my questions. He says I ask a lot of questions but I think it's a way to keep up with a conversation. He says there's Different ways to communicate without asking. We are in a long distance relationship this really ...
A. 26 June 2020: OP: Honey, What does paranoid mean?
BF: Paranoid is when you have 2 noids close together.
OP: Okay, ao what's a noid?
BF: It's what I get when you ask so many questions.
JK... (read in full...)
We fought my husband has not forgiven me and is now talking about separating
Q. Hi! I really need your help to get out of this mess. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. Both of us are in medical profession. Two days ago we had a huge row regarding a business he recently started with one of his friends. We ended up ...
A. 25 June 2020: Accept the offer to attend counciling. It is the only route to the reconciliation you desire. I also think that you should promise each other not to use harsh language with each other. It is a start, but not enough.
You are both going to have... (read in full...)
I'd like to know if something is going on between my husband and his male friend, or am I just plain crazy?
Q. Hi everyone. I've got an issue at hand I could use some advice on. I don't know if I'm just crazy or what? I've been married for 8 years and although I love and trust my husband I have recently become weary of his friendship with his former lawyer. ...
A. 25 June 2020: There simply isn't a quick diagnosis for this. The good news is that you haven't confronted him yet. That means you are more likely to find evidence with normal techniques.
You already check his phone. You can put a location tracking app on i... (read in full...)
Is a year too long to make my LDR boyfriend wait?
Q. Hello I'm a single woman of many years I'm just finally starting to get back in the romantic spot light .So I met this guy on the Internet very respectful all I ever dreamed of he sends me money we talk for hours on the phone.He even told his ...
A. 24 June 2020: OP writes, "he sends me money".
I would like to discuss this at length before giving you any further advice.... (read in full...)
We fought my husband has not forgiven me and is now talking about separating
Q. Hi! I really need your help to get out of this mess. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. Both of us are in medical profession. Two days ago we had a huge row regarding a business he recently started with one of his friends. We ended up ...
A. 22 June 2020: Thanks for the follow up. I'm still worried. See a counselor, alone if you have to. Crisis center if that is available.
You are not really capable of swallowing this.... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned that sometimes my boyfriend likes to use a ball gag on me during sex?
Q. My boyfriend and I have a healthy, regular sex life. My only concern is that sometimes he likes to gently use a blindfold, tie ups and a ball gag. I like the blindfold and being tied up, but I don’t love the gag. Is it a red flag that he even wants ...
A. 22 June 2020: I could write a book on this. There are plenty of books on this.
I think you mostly need to understand one thing. What happens in the bedroom is not necessarily and indication of a person's overall personality. For example many men who are ... (read in full...)
I no longer feel desperate for things I didn't have. How do I deal with these feelings?
Q. Hi. Im a 28yr old girl. I have been single throughout my life. I had very less paying jobs in past. No good relations with family. All alone, depressed and anxious over last 5 yrs. There was a time when i was too desparate to have a boyfriend and i ...
A. 22 June 2020: Your grief over the missing things in your life has advanced to acceptance. With that acceptance has come an end of your depression.
I am so happy to see the end of your depression. Be careful not to associate the good feeling with money. You ... (read in full...)
Is it normal that my boyfriend's 6 year old sleeps naked with him?
Q. My boyfriend Face Timed me the other night. I the back ground his 6 year old daughter was standing there naked. I was kind of shocked because I don’t let my daughter who is 8 do this. She also sleeps nude with him. Is this normal?...
A. 22 June 2020: Is this normal?
That question pops up so much.
The answer is in fact that it is very normal for he and his daughter. And it is not normal for you and your daughter.
I come from a mixed family. unusually mixed. My parents adopted 4 teenagers in... (read in full...)
Why would a guy who is so happy to seem me and talk to me not want to meet up with me?
Q. So long story short, there was a guy in high school who had a crush on me but never did anything about it. 5 yrs later I message him on fb we hit it off and hes super intrested, we arrange a date and he blows me off, I tell him you had your chance b...
A. 21 June 2020: He is married. or otherwise engaged.... (read in full...)
She's given me oral but I'm sort of afraid of giving it back
Q. I have sort of a messed up question for you. I'm 17 and I have a girlfriend who just turned 15. Her parents are really strict and protective but sometimes they let us alone together. We basically have only got so far as making out but one time we ...
A. 21 June 2020: Speaking as a Dad. It's A-OK if you don't do that to your 15 year old GF. It's A-OK if she breaks up with you. It would be even better if you didn't take her to parties with alcohol and marijuana.
As far as specific advice to address your ques... (read in full...)
We fought my husband has not forgiven me and is now talking about separating
Q. Hi! I really need your help to get out of this mess. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. Both of us are in medical profession. Two days ago we had a huge row regarding a business he recently started with one of his friends. We ended up ...
A. 20 June 2020: Notes:
I am not saying this is one person's fault. You both engaged in verbal nastiness to each other by your account.
Just forgetting the fight and moving on is what we call rug sweeping. Look it up. It is a very poor way to deal with a proble... (read in full...)
We fought my husband has not forgiven me and is now talking about separating
Q. Hi! I really need your help to get out of this mess. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. Both of us are in medical profession. Two days ago we had a huge row regarding a business he recently started with one of his friends. We ended up ...
A. 20 June 2020: anonymous writes: I just want to forget the fight and move on with our lives.
Thanks for the very illustrative post. it is a very good warning to anyone. It is so much easier to just forget the fight before you say the abusive hurtful words. ... (read in full...)
I want to move from the friend zone to the romance zone.
Q. To the male readers here, has anyone successfully gotten himself out of the dreaded friend-zone? You know, when a girl you fancy treats you like her best friend and it is difficult to turn it into something romantic. If you have, could you please...
A. 15 June 2020: The saddest part of this story is that any other woman observing the situation will write you off as unavailable. You won't be able to be anyones romantic relationship as long as you are close friends with the woman who is using you.
Don't do favo... (read in full...)
I need some help with the bedroom activities.
Q. I started seeing someone in February of this year, it's been going really good, no complaints about anything at all, except that I need some suggestions/advice/guidance when it comes to sex. We have had sex twice, and it's been really good, exc...
A. 15 June 2020: Vellecko says "I get so embarrassed talking about sex though, "
yea, that. it's pretty common. No amount of wine or meditation is going to transfer you knowledge of yourself to you man. You get used to talking about sex, by talking about sex.... (read in full...)
My wife and I fight about laundry! I mean REALLY fight about it!
Q. My wife doesn't like to do laundry. She says she doesn't like the noise (we have a small house so doing a load of laundry permeates) and apparently doesn't like any other aspect of it either. She will let her laundry pile up until she has nothing ...
A. 27 May 2020: There is an expensive solution to most of your laundry trouble. The right machine can fix it. But getting an entrenched thought out of a person is often much harder.
You are 40's I am 50's we have a lot of laundry experience. and yet up unti... (read in full...)
Can't stop playing with myself
Q. I have an embarrassing problem. I can't stop playing with myself. I've been been doing it since I was 4. preschool. I figured out it was bad when I was that little because I got caught all the time and was sent to the prayer room.we have a prayer ...
A. 25 May 2020: Well your story certainly illustrates one point. No use having a prayer room if you are going to hire a "visitor".
Thanks for sharing. It has a value to the community.
As far as advice, you probably need counseling, with an emphasis on addictio... (read in full...)
Blocked, I'm angry at how all the blame is on me, should I send a letter and a gift?
Q. I was seeing a girl and she has a boyfriend, who she got just a few weeks after we met. Turns out she wanted to see both of us. But recently finally, the boyfriend found out her secret. She was out with me, and he got security to bget into her room ...
A. 25 May 2020: DON'T send a letter or a gift. She Threw you under the bus. Sure you feel stung that the younger guy won. Sure you can give her more things/maney/security than he can. Sure there is a chance to win in the end . . . .
But.
But what would yo... (read in full...)
Is there a difference in the way a wife and a mistress have sex?
Q. I've been meaning to ask this question for a while now. There are a lot of posts on here about married men cheating and I'm sure we all know or have heard of men who have mistresses; usually the mistress is more sexually "available", if I could put ...
A. 25 May 2020: As you are perfectly aware, Any woman can have all of the Mistress sex she wants, and usually does. The tricky bit is that you don't get the thrill of getting away with it. Of the excitement of the competition. Books have been written about it. ... (read in full...)
I worry I am just this woman's plaything.
Q. Been seeing someone for about four months for only one day a week, she don't have any more time for me, it's really good that one day a week, I told her I looked her up on Facebook, she got really mad an said not to do that again and block me, am I ...
A. 20 May 2020: Are you being used as a side bit? Are you the romantic fling? Is there something she is hiding from you?
The answer to these questions is probably yes.
You are under no obligation to stay. She has blocked you. You can block her too. ... (read in full...)
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