| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Is this the end of Dear Cupid?
Q. Is this site reaching the end of its life? Not to say that I want it to be but are we actually providing a genuine service to anybody any more? Back in the "good old days" we'd have a couple of hundred questions posted every month. Now we do...
A. 20 December 2021: I'm still checking in.
My frustration is with the posters who pop in, write a long story, and never return. I think they give up hope before their question is even released.
I think there is some moderation going on because I see answers ... (read in full...)
I'm worries my younger boyfriend will lose interest
Q. I'm a 33 year old female and my partner is a 24 year old male. We've been together for over 6 months. I've never been in a relationship with a younger man before but he's very mature for his age and treats me like a queen. I realise we are in th...
A. 10 December 2021: I really don't know how to advise you. Your problem is so common that it has become fodder for marriage jokes. You have a combination of body insecurity (reinforced by the commercial world) and sexual repression / shame (reinforced by the ... (read in full...)
My father in law is a narcissist and my husband doesn't see it
Q. I've been in a relationship for about 6 years. We have 4 kids together. We're not married. I've decided I'm never going to marry him. I'd never take his name. So our relationship has its ups and downs, but for the last year it was going well. ...
A. 6 December 2021: Just running the math on this tells us a lot. You are between 30 an 35 years old. You have lived near his family for 3 years and near your family for 3 years. You have 4 children under the age of 6. Of course you are exhausted. 6 week ... (read in full...)
My mom doesn't want me to date till I am 20
Q. Hello! My mom says i shouldnt date until am 20above But how can i show her am matured enough to handle a relationship?...
A. 1 December 2021: hey, thanks for the follow up.
I'm going to need more than a one word for a definition.
Let's start with a relationship of trust. A relationship of trust is a person you regularly communicate with who you trust and who trusts you. When one of ... (read in full...)
My mom doesn't want me to date till I am 20
Q. Hello! My mom says i shouldnt date until am 20above But how can i show her am matured enough to handle a relationship?...
A. 29 November 2021: Notes:
I was surprised when WiseOwlE wrote his reply to a young woman. I thought the OP was male, but, the advice and mine is fine for either gender. We are both from the US, where age of consent varies by state, so the ages we are throwing arou... (read in full...)
My mom doesn't want me to date till I am 20
Q. Hello! My mom says i shouldnt date until am 20above But how can i show her am matured enough to handle a relationship?...
A. 29 November 2021: Well the classic answer is, Get a job, pay your own way and move out. Of course that may take until you are 20 or maybe 18.
Here is the deal, "dating" is a word that means a lot of different things, and I have no idea what definition you are usin... (read in full...)
Is 6 months after a divorce too early to date?
Q. I met this guy from my softball team about six months ago, that's right around the time he got divorced. He's 15 years older than me and has been with his ex wife for about 20 years, they share children but they are fully grown and do not live in ...
A. 29 November 2021: Just straight doing the math. 2 years would be a healthier timeline for a 45 - 50 year old man whose children are barely out of the nest. And that is from divorce to first outing, not to first physical act.
That is exactly why he hasn't kiss... (read in full...)
Why do men have dalliance a but never leave their partner?
Q. Why do men cheat on their wives or girlfriends and tell them that they love them? And do their best to treat them well even though they are hurting them behind their backs? Even though they have side dalliances, why do they wish to never leave their ...
A. 20 November 2021: I'm really not sure why you need to direct your question to men. On the face of it it is a ridiculous request. You think that cheaters (cheating men) should be ethical? But, they are cheating. But to give you a serious and hopefully helpful ... (read in full...)
My wife's obsession over bills and no sex has lead me to having an affair
Q. I'm a 33 year old man who's been married for 5 years. I am writing in embarrassed but I caused the problem and don't know how to get out. I've been having an affair with a 24-year-old woman since September and this has all been because of my ...
A. 15 November 2021: Your title thread is going to cause the reaction you see in Honeypie's response. I think she pretty much covered it.
But what you wrote tells a different story. You are describing a person who has dramatically changed in a short period of time... (read in full...)
Has a man ever been turned off by a woman once he has gotten her naked?
Q. I am a 34 year old female looking to take things to the next level with my current boyfriend. I have been divorced for 18 months and was with my ex for almost ten years. Even though I was married, I am rather inexperienced. I have only ever had sex ...
A. 3 November 2021: Sorry I can't help you. I'm just one of those weird men who like larger women. Intellectually I'm sure I'm not the only one, but I can't offer any statistics or anything. Back when I was loveable, a woman who was large got naked with me, in her ... (read in full...)
I love my husband but I don't know if I should be with him
Q. Hello, I am having some really hard thoughts about my marriage and no one seems to understand. I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 8 years but we got married this summer (August 19th 2021). We live in his parents house. I wa...
A. 22 October 2021: You are a box filler.
Get boyfriend, check!
Move in, check!
Go to uni, Check!
Get degree, Check!
Get married, Check!
The problem is you think your boxes are all full. They are not. You are just dithering about filling the next one or ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hired a maid to clean his house now can't afford her and wants me to pay
Q. Hello and thanks My bf and I have been together for a year. He hired a maid to clean his house and now can't afford to pay her. He asked if I could help. I don't even have a maid. I'm surprised, hes healthy and quite capable of cleaning his ...
A. 18 October 2021: Advice? dump him. See A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens... (read in full...)
I just found out my boyfriend use to be a sissy in high-school
Q. I recently discovered that my bf of 1.6 years was a huge sissy back in high school like super feminine. I found from some of his old female friends when I attended his high school reunion with him a few nights ago. They even said he never had a ...
A. 13 October 2021: You are over 30. You have finally settled down with a nice guy who shares likes and interests with you. You are ready to chuck him aside over what a few snotty girls in his high school class say? Did you pay attention to this type of girl when ... (read in full...)
I want to be happy but I can't because of my body
Q. Hello, I'm 21 years old and I've been struggling with this for long, I love to be more masculine,but I've got large breasts and i just hate them so much, I'd like to get a reduction or a top surgery but I'm so poor that i can't afford and also I ...
A. 13 October 2021: thank you for returning and following up, it is rare here. I'm afraid that no amount of therapy will ever end your dysphoria. But you can learn to live happily with it. That course will be your best hope to end your desperate poverty. You are ... (read in full...)
I want to be happy but I can't because of my body
Q. Hello, I'm 21 years old and I've been struggling with this for long, I love to be more masculine,but I've got large breasts and i just hate them so much, I'd like to get a reduction or a top surgery but I'm so poor that i can't afford and also I ...
A. 12 October 2021: You are 21, so you probably are pretty sure about your dysphoria. So my advice is not about your emotions, but rather about practical things you can do to achieve your goal. As you mention not having insurance, I'm making an assumption that you ... (read in full...)
He shared my intimate photo with somebody else. What do I do?
Q. I sent an intimate photo to the guy I’m dating. You can’t see my face and there’s no full nudity, but it’s implied. Anyway, he was at a bar the other night and he told me this woman kept hitting on him. She wouldn’t leave him alone even thoug...
A. 11 October 2021: The internet is forever. That is why your face wasn't in the picture and why the was not full Nudity. You gave him this picture knowing that something like this might happen. You prepared for this by limiting the content of the photo.
Now t... (read in full...)
Is my daughter wasting her time with a man 17 years older 3 kids never married
Q. My daughter is nearly 30 and is seeing a man who is 17 years older. He’s never been married but has 3 kids to two different women. He’s told her he doesn’t want anymore kids or get married. There has been a lot of ups and downs between them (more ...
A. 7 October 2021: How can I give advice here?
I don't have input from him, I don't have input from her, All I have is your interpretation of what she reports.
I'm inclined at this point, to give advice to you.
You are the parent of a 30 year old single woman... (read in full...)
relationships take two and he is doing absolutely nothing to help me
Q. Hi Cupid’s, Wanting some relationship advice about me and my partner. We have a loving relationship and respectful of each other. We have been together 3 years now and it’s going good. My friends always ask me if he is ‘the one’ but I’m unsure. ...
A. 5 October 2021: Never make someone a priority in your life, when you are an option in theirs.
You are not compatible with your BF. Keeping him in your life is semi comfortable for you, but in the end it is just keeping you from finding someone who is comp... (read in full...)
Male virgin's first sexual intercourse
Q. If a male virgin has fullsex for the first time with a woman whereby obviously the woman puts her vagina on his penis,if he does not feel anything because his penis is not erect enough, and the woman pulls off after a couple of seconds,would you ...
A. 4 October 2021: virginity is what you make it. it's no longer a legal term of any import. ... (read in full...)
Am I been over sensitive?
Q. Am I been over sensitive? My boyfriend of 5 month is constantly hanging up on me in mid flow of a conversation. We can be talking on the phone and he just says bye I’ve got to go and hangs up. It’s really annoying and I have ended up telling...
A. 29 September 2021: I do this. Usually it's when a customer walks in or when my boss calls. That does indicate that I consider casual conversations secondary to making money, and I can see how that could be insulting.
In your case he is cutting off your conv... (read in full...)
Our breakups cause me extreme anxiety
Q. My girlfriend of many years and I can’t ever seem to resolve any conflicts very well. This means that almost any time we argue she gets VERY angry and very mean and seemingly wants to punish me. Most of the time an argument ends with her saying ...
A. 22 September 2021: your story reminds me of my wife's aunt and uncle. The divorced and remarried several times. Between children even. Finally the Justice refused to remarry them. It was obvious to an outsider that they were incompatible. But to them it was ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems to be addicted to online games, but won't admit to it.
Q. Hey all. Thanks in advance for your help. My boyfriend seems to play a lot of online games. I think they are useless and a waste of time. He plays one particular online game every single day and sometimes for hours. I would rather get back to real ...
A. 17 September 2021: "Addiction is a treatable, chronic medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual’s life experiences. People with addiction use substances or engage in behaviors that become ... (read in full...)
I don't find my husband attractive when he shaves his beard!
Q. When my husband shaves his beard I do not find him attractive at all. I have mentioned this to him and when he tries to kiss me and become affectionate I pull back because I do not like how he looks. He looks like another person when he has his ...
A. 9 September 2021: But, thanks for the vote in favor of beards!... (read in full...)
I like this girl but I'm not ready for a serious commitment of any sort.
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been seeing this girl for a 2ish years. When we first met we were both pretty adamant that marriage was off the table. I told her I didn't see myself marrying and we continued to see each other. She's slowly made passes about mov...
A. 3 September 2021: I don't know in what world 2 years of exclusive dating isn't a commitment.
... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to make rules for my cheating boyfriend?
Q. I’ve recently taken back my boyfriend after he cheated on me. Am I right in telling him he can’t go out with his mates because I think they are a bad influence on him? The last thing I’d ever want to be is a controlling partner as I cannot STAN...
A. 27 August 2021: Good post, you've covered the important parts.
1) Are his friends friends of the relationship?
2) Do you want to be a warden?
So as for friends of the relationship. It is possible for a committed person to have active friends who are single, but ... (read in full...)
I feel I should withhold sex from my husband because he made me feel bad about my boobs. Am I overreacting?
Q. I am so LIVID right now. I was just out at the store trying on dresses for an upcoming event. My husband usually accompanies me as he likes to watch me model clothes and weighs in with his opinion. Well his opinion does matter to me as he is my ...
A. 26 August 2021: Oh well, there truly is no new thing under the sun.
Honey covered it really. You asked a question with no possible good answer then you blew up.
That's called a s*** test. the purpose of the test is to see if your man will put up with your S**... (read in full...)
My husband had an encounter with a sex worker
Q. Last week, my cousin Rachel told me that she'd seen my husband kissing a schoolgirl in a car park by a McDonald's; this girl looked about 16-17, and he didn't even seem to notice her. She didn't want to confront him and cause a scene and embarrass ...
A. 19 August 2021: First and foremost I agree with all of the advice so far. He has cheated. He is probably lying to minimize the repercussions. There is often much more than you know about.
But there are some things about your story that twig me.
1) there is... (read in full...)
Wife is sometimes too tight.
Q. Odd Question, I have been happily married for 30 yrs. Throughout three children, my wife's vagina has remained extremely tight. Is it normal for me to want her looser sometimes? I buy bigger toys to play with beforehand so when I get "up to bat", ...
A. 12 August 2021: Well some study of human anatomy and physiology wouldn't be amiss.
What you are describing has to do with healthy muscle tone. It is often under conscious control. Open and honest communication is your friend here. ... (read in full...)
Husband isn't satisfying me in bed
Q. My husband isnot satisfying me in bed,what help and advice do you give.should i quit him....
A. 12 August 2021: At your age and considering your other question re. his porn use, I think there is a lot that could be done. It will start with open and honest communication. It will require experimentation. You will both have to be patient.
A sex therapist isn'... (read in full...)
Way too much drama involving my cat and my roommate while I'm away on holiday
Q. I left my cat with the woman I was staying with while I went to see my ldr bf. The trip is a month and I'm halfway through now. I never asked her to watch her she said she would and it would be no problem and since I got here it's been nothing but ...
A. 2 August 2021: I have 2 cats. I've had more pets in the past but this is it. I have a geriatric male and an older female. I suspect in 2 or 5 years I will be petless. I'm looking forward to the freedom. But even then I will not be able to take a 1 month or ... (read in full...)
Am I self sabotaging because I can’t trust men?
Q. I met an older guy a few weeks ago through work. He messaged me and we just got talking none stop. I found him really nice while working with him, even though it was briefly and he was saying all the right things. We went on a date and I met h...
A. 26 July 2021: He's probably been warned for stalking before.
Because that is what it is legally called when a woman says she is "walking away", and the man "fights for you".
I wouldn't call it self sabotage. I'd call it, the ball is in your court. ... (read in full...)
Former co-worker wants a recommendation to work at my work place. I don't want to give it
Q. 2 years ago I worked with this woman who unfortunately was very lazy. She’d come in late and leave early. Constantly taking sick days when she was fine and was very argumentative. She has lots of verbal warnings too and had the company ...
A. 12 July 2021: The best thing, and exactly what your employer wants and needs is the truth. Always remove the emotion and put it in impersonal terms.
She was absent many days. Not I think she called in sick when she was fine. just the fact not the assu... (read in full...)
Can a school bully ever have redemptive qualities?
Q. When I was in 10th grade, the 11th and 12th graders were hazing and initiating us even though it was against school rules. I thought it was just a guy thing but then had an 11th grade girl tells me I was her initiation assignment. I had training in ...
A. 1 July 2021: My very worst school bully (grade school years) is apparently quite a nice guy now. I looked him up on facebook after a bad dream one night. His current hobby is a charity for children.
So yes people can and do change. But, I didn't send a frie... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has become a different person
Q. My girfriend changed. Itz a completely different person than who I met 3 years ago. She is 27, I am 35. We are planning to get married very soon. Now I dont even know anymore. First I didnt really pay that much attention but now it's obvious....
A. 30 June 2021: Sounds a bit like depression?... (read in full...)
Do I expect too much of my 11 year old stepson?
Q. My question is child related. My stepson who lives with me and his dad for 3 years now . He came to me at age 8/9 is now 11/12 . Now I wonder if I expect to much of him .. I ask him to put his washed dried and ironed clothes away but most t...
A. 14 June 2021: There are enough signs here to make me wonder if there is a learning disability. ADHD, dyscalculia, Mild autism, it's impossible for a non professional to diagnose and certainly not over the internet. Some of the things that bother you are just ... (read in full...)
I had a threesome with my roommate
Q. I am 25 years old this year. I had my first threesome last weekend with my female roommate (who is now ex roommate) with his male "friend". We fought not because of a threesome but because she took my keys without telling me and spent the whole day ...
A. 9 June 2021: It is unusual for a post to go unanswered for 3 days. Perhaps your story is so unusual that no one can figure out where to start with advice.
In part you asked "how can I get her back"? I'm taking that as the main point of your post. I don'... (read in full...)
Was he role playing or is he really bothered by this new guy at work?
Q. I’ve been having sex with this guy I work with. We’ve slept together on and off for a few years but the last time before now was 2 years ago and we started working at the same place 7 months ago. When I first started working there, we weren’t ...
A. 3 June 2021: Note: I tend to see all relationships as power relationships. While I intellectually understand that other people don't view the world that way, I n this case you should probably look into the power structure of this relationship.
Mistake #1
... (read in full...)
My fiance's father is pressuring her to have children but we don't want any
Q. Backstory: Been with my fiancee for 7 years, but engaged for 2 years, wedding delayed to 2023 due to COVID. I've been with my fiance Anna (this isn't her real name) for 7 years now, she's from a rich Chinese-Australian family. Anna was born h...
A. 3 June 2021: What is the hold up on the wedding?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is 30 years old and his parents are too controlling
Q. So my boyfriend and I were going to use his family’s motor home for the weekend. His mom learned I was not getting the covid vaccine and told my boyfriends dad his dad then stated I couldn’t be in his motor home his house or his cabin. I was upset ...
A. 26 May 2021: OK you seem to have a clash of family of origins problem. You expect family to act one way and his family acts in another way. This is pretty common, but it can be small differences or huge differences. My advice on this problem is to make your ... (read in full...)
Husband won't admit he has a problem and I'm tempted to cheat
Q. My husband can’t keep an erection but is in complete denial that he has a problem. I’m so frustrated that I’m getting more and more tempted to try and cheat with an old friend each day. It’s been an issue for the best part of 5 years now ever since ...
A. 12 May 2021: I just hope that I can get through life without someone loving me to death in this fashion.... (read in full...)
Should I try to pressure Jack into going to prom so he won't regret it later or just let him and his friends do their thing?
Q. My youngest son, Jack, is graduating from high school this year. He is refusing to go to prom. Instead, him and a group of friends are just meet up and do their own thing (they are talking about going bowling, than having a pool party at their ...
A. 12 May 2021: My son asked a girl top prom in his sophomore year. Another to homecoming in his junior year. Another to prom his junior year. Another to homecoming senior year. 4 expensive dates. 4 girls who got treated to a dream evening. For 2 years, not a ... (read in full...)
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