| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Female 15 year older than male relationship can it work?
Q. I am looking for advice about big age gap relationships and if they can work. I've started to see a guy 15 years younger than me, (2 week) were taking it slow and havent slept together yet. Weve spoken about quietly seeing each other to see if there ...
A. 26 January 2020: Thank you. Best of luck with the relationship. I don't see any insurmountable problem. ... (read in full...)
Female 15 year older than male relationship can it work?
Q. I am looking for advice about big age gap relationships and if they can work. I've started to see a guy 15 years younger than me, (2 week) were taking it slow and havent slept together yet. Weve spoken about quietly seeing each other to see if there ...
A. 25 January 2020: How is the power structure in your relationship. Can either of you safely veto a decision? ... (read in full...)
Female 15 year older than male relationship can it work?
Q. I am looking for advice about big age gap relationships and if they can work. I've started to see a guy 15 years younger than me, (2 week) were taking it slow and havent slept together yet. Weve spoken about quietly seeing each other to see if there ...
A. 25 January 2020: How is the power structure in your relationship. Can either of you safely veto a decision? ... (read in full...)
Is it psychological ED?
Q. Hello, Not really sure where to start... I'm a relatively young male and I just entered my first relationship. I am a virgin. I've never done anything sexual, other than masturbate. My girlfriend is also a virgin. Very recently, my girlfriend a...
A. 23 January 2020: Go see a doctor. Not maybe, just do it. Even though it is almost 100% probable that your ED is psychological, brought on by fear and anxiety. There are a lot of physical causes of ED a doc will check them all out.
You do need to take the pres... (read in full...)
Female 15 year older than male relationship can it work?
Q. I am looking for advice about big age gap relationships and if they can work. I've started to see a guy 15 years younger than me, (2 week) were taking it slow and havent slept together yet. Weve spoken about quietly seeing each other to see if there ...
A. 23 January 2020: My wife is almost exactly 7 months younger than me and She plays the been there done that card on me all the time.
There is a lot more to a person than age.
You are a lot closer to the 17 - 32 situation than you think you are. Those laws are... (read in full...)
Is there a cruel free way to break up?
Q. Hello agony aunts, I've been with my bf for 1 year now, it's been a year full of ups and downs. The first few months of the relationship were great, well he's my first boyfriend, and I felt on cloud 9 with all those emotions and the love I felt, but ...
A. 22 January 2020: "I feel so sad about it, but it's out of my control."
Get some control.
That is the crux of your problem. You have been dating a guy that you don't love for months, because you are unwilling to act. All you have to do is say "no, we aren't t... (read in full...)
Is my One Night Stand acting normal?
Q. I joined plenty of fish in August last year, and swapped numbers with a guy, he lived in a differnt town then me , but had family members in my home town, Anyway new years eve he was down and we finally got to meet, i knew from day one that whe...
A. 22 January 2020: You seem kind of obsessed with labels. He told you the truth in his own awkward stupid way. He wants you or no one at all. Preferably without your friend along. So don't try to set up a date with him on a day you are shopping with your friend.
T... (read in full...)
What is the ideal male body type?
Q. I have been lifting weights for ten years and had a bodybuilder type of body. Most other males envied me. I assumed women found my type of physique attractive too. So I was surprised that my girlfriend didn't quite like the way I look and wanted me ...
A. 21 January 2020: Someone once described it as fit but not chiseled. I agree but sadly will never achieve it. Fit sure I can get there but the not chiseled bit always catches me, even though I agree in principle.
Getting chiseled hurts. Chisels should be rest... (read in full...)
We broke up after 10 years. How long will I be hurting?
Q. Hi Just wondering if anyone could give me some advice.. Here is my story. Last year I broke up with my partner of 10 years not my decision I wanted to work through any issues.. There was no violence or cheating or drug abuse. It hit me hard and I ...
A. 20 January 2020: Grief counseling would probably be helpful to you at this point. You haven't finished yet. It takes more than time. As a complete outsider, it appears you are stuck at depression and haven't moved towards reconstruction yet.
There is no ti... (read in full...)
I'm losing myself in the process of raising my child and feel completely trapped
Q. I am stuck in a rut and don't even know where to begin. I am 36 years old and have an advanced degree in computer science and engineering. I've been married 4 years and have a 3 year old. I am a full time stay at home mom, not my preferen...
A. 10 January 2020: Congratulations!
You earned an advanced degree. That's wonderful.
You have a happy marriage with a supportive partner and family. That's actually not very common.
You have a bright precocious son who makes you happy. I love kids too.
You ha... (read in full...)
I like to sleep naked. Is there any concerns I should have?
Q. I enjoy sleeping completely naked. Is there any concerns I should have? I keep my bedroom window covered up and I know not to near my front windows without putting clothes on. So there is no chances of my neighbors accidentally seeing me naked....
A. 9 January 2020: Let me reiterate,
Then you can all blast my rarings again.
I have never slept in a burning home. I have never slept in a burgled home. I have never slept in a flooded home, I have never slept through a tornado, hurricane, tsunami, Earthqua... (read in full...)
Why would a 45 year old man post topless pictures of himself?
Q. Hello- My boyfriend of a year is 45 and I’m 41. He is a nice guy very smart professional and caring. He has been dealing with depression for some times now and I have tried to be helpful. He goes to these lost phases and goes quiet . I know he ...
A. 9 January 2020: That is quite unusual of you to not like topless pictures of men. There is very little social stigma for men to show themselves naked down to the waist. It is easily as common as pictures of women in skirts short enough to show their knees.
I... (read in full...)
I like to sleep naked. Is there any concerns I should have?
Q. I enjoy sleeping completely naked. Is there any concerns I should have? I keep my bedroom window covered up and I know not to near my front windows without putting clothes on. So there is no chances of my neighbors accidentally seeing me naked....
A. 7 January 2020: I don't sleep naked.
Lately I've taken to wearing even more to bed.
It has more to do with my wifes prefered sleeping temperature and her perimenopause than concern for my neighbors.
I have never slept in a burning house.... (read in full...)
Is my wife developing a violent streak?
Q. My wife threw a glass at my head during a petty argument. I’ve never known her to have a violent streak in her before. Should I be worried? On Saturday I was stripping the kitchen ceiling ready for it to be redecorated in a few weeks and when m...
A. 6 January 2020: Yes, that is something you should worry about. 40 years ag my mother threw a fork and ended up driving my dad to the emergency room to have it treated. 30 years ago my fiance slapped my back and bruised me. If Either of those things had happened ... (read in full...)
Wanting to explore my sexuality
Q. Thank you for taking time to read and advise me. I am 42, unhappily married (he has PTSD w/depression and has cheated on and off). Plus I have a special needs toddler who comes first in my life. 2019, I started to make changes to produ...
A. 5 January 2020: Your choice of gifts is the most telling part of your story. Your husband gets gifts intended to help him get physically into shape, and to improve his earning potential. You are giving those gifts to him to make him in to the kind of person you ... (read in full...)
I like my co-worker but am unsure how to proceed or whether to even try
Q. I really like my co-worker. Him and I we’ve worked together for a few months. I’m his boss but he’s older than me by 10 years. Usually he’s not the type I go for but he’s a gentleman. I thinks what’s one of the reasons why I’m attracted to him. ...
A. 5 January 2020: If I'm reading this right you don't understand his culture well enough to make that leap. Be much more careful than you have been. You are not handling this work romance by any sensible rules.... (read in full...)
There is no physical chemistry, which makes me think he is not "My Guy"
Q. Dear cupid, I have been dating a friend of mine who confessed that hes had feelings for me for a year now, and since I just got out of a toxic relationship he said he had to tell.me how he felt before I started dating someone else, hes a great guy, ...
A. 31 December 2019: Dear "not sure what to do",
My advice is that you pick a guy that is sweet and attractive. There is a fair chance that part of what is unattractive about very sweet great guy, is that he isn't dangerous enough to feel powerful or interesting to y... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't like my new hair colour.
Q. ive been with my partner for twenty years when I met him I was natural brunette but now im in my mid forties got a few greys and I changed my hair to blonde which everyone likes my family and friends and I get much more attention. Most importantly I ...
A. 30 December 2019: Yes as a beard wearer I think people should wear their hair (head or body) the way they like it. And really if you are feeling insecure about it, it's time to take care of yourself, not dictate to your partner.
But, hey OP, you coloured your... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't like my new hair colour.
Q. ive been with my partner for twenty years when I met him I was natural brunette but now im in my mid forties got a few greys and I changed my hair to blonde which everyone likes my family and friends and I get much more attention. Most importantly I ...
A. 30 December 2019: So you like feeling younger and getting more attention.
Sounds like it's time for Hubby to hit the gym and boost his testosterone. Maybe get a flashy car. ... (read in full...)
I've ruined my familly, I can't look at them.
Q. I had a family and it was beautiful. I never actually cheated physically but I talked to a guy for a month or so. It was never sexual, at least not from my standpoint. It was sweet. I liked the attention. I liked the new excitement. I like...
A. 29 December 2019: So what you are asking is can you come back from an emotional affair. The answer is Sometimes. What I like about your question is that you have pinned down the heart of the problem. Forgiving yourself.
When people come in and say I had an affa... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my cousin but not sure about his feelings for me
Q. I am I love with my 20year old cousin. I am 15. I don’t know what to do. He has a girlfriend but he acts like he likes me : he always teases me and we cuddle and other more intimate things. However I don’t know if he feels the same. I need him he is ...
A. 29 December 2019: Thanks for following up. You are 15 and are likely thinking "I'm almost at the age of consent. ant the "sexualish" stuff didn't start until I was almost old enough." But the law doesn't count almost. So that's a problem. The other very serious ... (read in full...)
I found out my husband is cheating, I want to be able to do the same.
Q. Question 1 ive been with my husband for 10yrs we both did our share of cheating and I thought we were passed it I promised to never cheat again I recently found out he still cheating but here I stay but now that I know his secret how can I tell him ...
A. 29 December 2019: Lulu,
I have some bad news for you. Being in an open relationship is:
1) For couples who have a strong healthy relationship to start with.
2) Not nearly as much fun as cheating.
Here is my advice to anyone married to a serial cheater (person ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my cousin but not sure about his feelings for me
Q. I am I love with my 20year old cousin. I am 15. I don’t know what to do. He has a girlfriend but he acts like he likes me : he always teases me and we cuddle and other more intimate things. However I don’t know if he feels the same. I need him he is ...
A. 26 December 2019: Of course you are confused. He has been a feature in your life for as long as you can remember. You have an important family connection. So of course you are important to him. But there is the girlfriend. which confuses you even more. And the ... (read in full...)
How do I balance 3 young children along with a love life with my partner?
Q. I'm a mother to 3 young children, ages 5,3 and 2. It gets very overwhelming sometimes, as parenting can get but we have fun. I've been with their father for 6 years. Lately it seems to be a bit of a struggle for us to balance this parenting/p...
A. 26 December 2019: Well it has been some time since my kids were that age. My advice is that the best thing you can give your children is happy parents. The way to be a great parent is to be a great spouse. To many men and women get into the mommy / daddy mode, and ... (read in full...)
We don't have sex much anymore.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. And next year it is 10 years. But we don't have sex that much anymore. Is this normal in a relationship?. Or is there something wrong with me?. ...
A. 23 December 2019: You've got to give us something to work with.
It is normal in a relationship for sex to slow down. The "honeymoon phase" usually last only a year. A Slow down after 8 years is a different story. A slow down after childbirth is pretty comm... (read in full...)
My partner doesn't seem to care.
Q. Hi I’m in a relationship now for 6 years but I feel so lonely I went out last night and kissed some bloke in front of everyone I was really drunk I get shown no affection from my boyfriend or shown any love at all we don’t have sex and he’s Been in ...
A. 22 December 2019: Well that didn't work.
This might help you understand why.
Generally, in most cases, men need sex to emotionally connect. Now for some reason your boyfriend has separated from you sexually. Either before that or as a result of that sexual s... (read in full...)
How to deal with a best friend who buys cheap gifts?
Q. My best friend and I have always made an effort to buy each other nice, thoughtful gifts for birthdays and Christmas. The average amount we spent on each other was about 60$. In the past two years, I have noticed that she has been buying me i...
A. 17 December 2019: Gifts are only one way of expressing love. Many people move away from material things as they get older. I'm a couple decades older than you , and I'm leaning towards the Dumbledore definition of a good gift. (warm socks, you can never have too ... (read in full...)
My ex is at college with me and he comes up and tries to start arguments with me. How should I act?
Q. Hello agony aunts. I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago, because we basically went through a lot of arguments the last couple of months. It's been a really stressful relationship and very toxic, and every time during a fight he would blame me for ...
A. 13 December 2019: Make your right hand into a fist.
With your palm up extend your arm in his direction.
Raise your middle finger.
... (read in full...)
I have never been on a date or been kissed and I'm too insecure to ask someone out
Q. Im not really sure where to start this, other than I posted on here probably about 10 years ago with pretty much the same question. I am in my late twenties, and I have never been on a date, been in a relationship, never kissed anyone or had se...
A. 10 December 2019: You are in your late twenties, still at school and still living at home. living in your dad's home is actually better than living in your mom's home. Even better if you do your own cooking and cleaning. Independence is attractive. I do hope you ... (read in full...)
My mistress is upset about my upcoming trip with my wife. How do I calm her down?
Q. I'm a man in his 60's, married for 25 years and I have had a mistress for 7 years. The problem is my wife and I travel frequently and always have, well before my mistress came into the picture. However it has been a constant source of fricti...
A. 10 December 2019: So is this a consensual open marriage? Does every one know what is going on, except mom? Because that is a whole different question.
The trouble with a secret mistress is that so many of them want the wife experience. Including trips to Flor... (read in full...)
I desperately need to get on birth control but I don't know where and how to get it
Q. I need to get on birth control because I heard my boyfriend is trying to get me pregnant (I'm 16 a Sophomore, he's 18 a Junior). My parents make it impossible, though. There are TWO clinics in our town that gives birth control to minors without ...
A. 9 December 2019: This is my opinion. Some of it has some research to back it.
As a father I provided education to my children , daughters and sons, because I knew that the time would soon come that they would be making these decisions themselves. I gave them... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I cheat on him. Will he get over this as time goes on?
Q. My bf gets upset easily and accuses me of being with other men. I went to a friends house and he got very upset and started saying I was with another man. Idk why he gets so jealous because I made it very clear he’s the only one I am interested in . ...
A. 9 December 2019: Trust is the STUFF that relationships are made of. Without Trust, you don't have much of a relationship.
Making continuous accusations is an abusive behavior. Getting very upset is abusive behavior.
Many people who are cheating tend to project ... (read in full...)
My mistress is upset about my upcoming trip with my wife. How do I calm her down?
Q. I'm a man in his 60's, married for 25 years and I have had a mistress for 7 years. The problem is my wife and I travel frequently and always have, well before my mistress came into the picture. However it has been a constant source of fricti...
A. 9 December 2019: What he said. It's pretty amazing how quickly mistress problems sort themselves out when the wife get's involved. There are a few reasons for that.
One, if on the odd chance this is a consensual open marriage, then your wife should already know... (read in full...)
I have never been on a date or been kissed and I'm too insecure to ask someone out
Q. Im not really sure where to start this, other than I posted on here probably about 10 years ago with pretty much the same question. I am in my late twenties, and I have never been on a date, been in a relationship, never kissed anyone or had se...
A. 9 December 2019: Tell me about your home life? please. I think we can do better this time.... (read in full...)
A friend is basing all of our interactions around her 9 year old son and I am getting weirded out
Q. I entered a graduate program (2 year length) last August where I met Wanda. She is about a decade older than me and is married with an elementary age son. I am married in my late twenties. My husband and I moved to a new part of the country just so ...
A. 9 December 2019: Is this weird?
Not for an only child who is a bit precocious.
Sure it's not the childhood you remember, but over the course of my life I've met a lot of different kids and this is just one possibility.
What would I do? my advice? When a kid t... (read in full...)
Does every woman like oral sex?
Q. I was out with some male friends the other night and they all told me every woman they have slept with loved oral sex and had orgasms from it. I just admit I'm not a fan and never feel completely comfortable recieving oral. However I do like the ...
A. 9 December 2019: All one women I've slept with like both. FWIW... (read in full...)
He said he loved me, then he went to Mexico and now he barely speaks with me.
Q. My bf and I were starting to become super close . He told me he loved me and than he went to Mexico with his parents . The first few days he msg me and sent me pictures . Now he has been gone 5 days and he barely speaks to me . This morning I told ...
A. 6 December 2019: When you are over 30 and your BF goes on a trip with his parents, . . . . You just dodged a bullet. ... (read in full...)
I really want a baby, is this a stage I am going through?
Q. I turn 18 in a couple months and have been with my boyfriend a little over 2 years. We are neighbors so we have slept with each other but I really want a baby. And I really want to be with him forever. Is this just a stage I am going through?...
A. 3 December 2019: Yes, a lot of girls your age feel that way. There are social , psychological and biological forces behind those feelings. You are certainly not alone. It is something you should talk to the trusted adults in you life about.
Like everything in l... (read in full...)
My GF is not a virgin but want have sex with me until we marry.
Q. I am dating a girl who is 40 years old , it’s almost two months . We have great chemistry but I have one issue. She don’t want to have sex until we marry. She is not virgin ( someone raped her ) I don’t think she has to refuse sex If she is not ...
A. 25 November 2019: There are plenty of reasons not to want to have sex early in as relationship. I tend to agree with them but, that's me.
You are dating a survivor of sexual abuse of the worst kind. My first question ism't how is the sex life, My first ques... (read in full...)
Is it childish of me to tell my mother about our arguments?
Q. Hello agony aunts. I'm in my first serious relationship with a man. I've only dated a few guys before but it wasn't that serious and more like short term relationships. Since I'm taking things serious with this man and planning to get engaged,...
A. 23 November 2019: OP asks, "Is my boyfriend right about me not having to tell my mom about our arguments and fights?"
my answer is Yes and no. In a relationship of equals, where you are not worried about a more powerful partner taking advantage of you, Then you woul... (read in full...)
What's wrong? Trying asexual dating but that also isn't working. What's wrong?
Q. Hello. First of all, thank you for your mostly kind responses to my last post. I'm the lady who posted about being raised by my grandparents. (I did not write the title). After a long period of failed relationships (four with men one with a woman...
A. 14 November 2019: Oh also, Please join the site and get a screen name so we can connect your posts.... (read in full...)
His comments seem to imply that I'm not hot anymore
Q. What does it mean when a man says you must have been hot/ pretty when you were younger or asks if you used to look like some famous star . I’m trying hard not to be offended by his comments but they seem to imply he thinks I’m not hot anymore ? And ...
A. 14 November 2019: "What does it mean when a man says" this is a clear request for a translation from manese.
Here is my translation.
"I'm attracted to you and am trying to compliment you"
Now for the advice:
First I'm going to advise you to believe my trans... (read in full...)
What's wrong? Trying asexual dating but that also isn't working. What's wrong?
Q. Hello. First of all, thank you for your mostly kind responses to my last post. I'm the lady who posted about being raised by my grandparents. (I did not write the title). After a long period of failed relationships (four with men one with a woman...
A. 14 November 2019: Asexual and sexual aversion are two different things. Some people are both.
I've been reading you but I'm really afraid to put a label on your sexuality. It's better just to say that you are you. The sum of your experiences and attitudes.
Yo... (read in full...)
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