| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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What's wrong? Trying asexual dating but that also isn't working. What's wrong?
Q. Hello. First of all, thank you for your mostly kind responses to my last post. I'm the lady who posted about being raised by my grandparents. (I did not write the title). After a long period of failed relationships (four with men one with a woman...
A. 14 November 2019: Oh also, Please join the site and get a screen name so we can connect your posts.... (read in full...)
What's wrong? Trying asexual dating but that also isn't working. What's wrong?
Q. Hello. First of all, thank you for your mostly kind responses to my last post. I'm the lady who posted about being raised by my grandparents. (I did not write the title). After a long period of failed relationships (four with men one with a woman...
A. 14 November 2019: Asexual and sexual aversion are two different things. Some people are both.
I've been reading you but I'm really afraid to put a label on your sexuality. It's better just to say that you are you. The sum of your experiences and attitudes.
Yo... (read in full...)
My husband's use of porn has really hurt me
Q. I am 49 year old woman, my husband is 53. He had his prostrate removed 3 years ago and we have still manage to have sex with the aid of a pump. he as looked at porn for years and I told him I think he wants the women on the screen he said he does ...
A. 11 November 2019: You conclude, "my problem is, I feel insecure because of all the porn use and feeling I'm not as good."
You are right. These are your feelings, and it is good that you understand and acknowledge them.
Also you say, "I think the porn use destroye... (read in full...)
My ex is a jealous, negative-minded selfish idiot in the relationship area, should I take him back?
Q. I have a tricky situation that will probably receive mixed reactions based on whether you're a dog-lover or not. Basically - I broke up with my partner a few months back. We fought at first but eventually learnt to be civil. We don't have any k...
A. 11 November 2019: I've known guys who use the puppy trick. Looks like it still works.
Let's face the fact. Any guy that you openly call an idiot should not be in a relationship with you. Don't make the same mistake twice.
... (read in full...)
Married 40 years and not once has my wife given me oral sex. She refuses to
Q. I have been married for forty years to the same woman. She has never given me a blow job in all those years. I have gone down on her for years, but she refuses me when I ask her to do the same on me. When we were first married we had good sex but ...
A. 8 November 2019: And I quote,
"She now seems NOT be interested in ANY sex." emphasis added.
I understand that this occurs in post menopausal women, also Older men, younger people, cheating people, people who aren't in love, People who were never attracted, AND peop... (read in full...)
Married 40 years and not once has my wife given me oral sex. She refuses to
Q. I have been married for forty years to the same woman. She has never given me a blow job in all those years. I have gone down on her for years, but she refuses me when I ask her to do the same on me. When we were first married we had good sex but ...
A. 8 November 2019: Having not died from it is a very low bar. In case you didn't notice, love died, emotional connection died, the relationship died, and as soon as the papers are signed the marriage will be declared dead as well. ... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend but am lusting after her mom
Q. I love my girlfriend but I can't stop lusting after her Mum. Is there something wrong with me? We've been together for 2 years and are both 24. Her Mum is 41. I don't know what it is but over the past few months or so I've started finding her Mum ...
A. 8 November 2019: The math is interesting on this one. ... (read in full...)
Married 40 years and not once has my wife given me oral sex. She refuses to
Q. I have been married for forty years to the same woman. She has never given me a blow job in all those years. I have gone down on her for years, but she refuses me when I ask her to do the same on me. When we were first married we had good sex but ...
A. 7 November 2019: There is one proven truth, that endures. A relationship with sex and no marriage will out last a relationship with marriage and no sex.
... (read in full...)
Don't like to see the signs of the girls he's been with in the past
Q. In love with my boyfriend of a year sex and love life is great but I feel like I can’t fully give my self to him he has so many back scars scratches from another or other females in the past I hate seeing him in the light with no shirt seeing other ...
A. 6 November 2019: I suppose that at 50ish it's a lot easier to say "hey, no relationship exists in a vacuum." When you have 30 years of sexual history, another person's past, or even future isn't all that important. But at 25, that can be a whole different ... (read in full...)
Husband’s Weight Gain and Lazy, Selfish Attitude is Ruining Our Marriage
Q. My husband and I have been married a little over a year and it has been extremely difficult. When we were dating he was so sweet and so generous, I honestly never imagined we would ever be struggling like we are now. I expected a marriage where we ...
A. 5 November 2019: Thanks for writing back. Alternating sexual positions is actually a giant step. It is a taking turns example. I need to remind you that taking turns is not the goal, it's just the first step. Sexually the goal is where both of you are giving and ... (read in full...)
I found my soul mate and its not my husband
Q. I'm am recently married and very happily married, there are no problems, I have a lot of live for him and he's my best friend. However I have found my soul mate in a friend, and I never believed in soulmates before but our similarities and pasts are ...
A. 5 November 2019: Usually it is best to go straight to your husband and tell him everything. You are obviously not the kind of person who can stay in a committed relationship and the sooner your husband figures this out the less he will be hurt.
Also you shou... (read in full...)
It seems impossible to satisfy her sexually and it's giving me second thoughts
Q. My girlfriend of 8 months is unhappy with the amount of sex in our relationship. Tonight we had (in my opinion) a nice date and then had sex for 30 minutes ~ 1 hour and when I took her home, she just sat in pissed off silence the whole way (30 ...
A. 1 November 2019: There is an ego driven tendency in men to try and master any situation. It feels good to succeed in every thing we try. In sex this leads us to being super people pleasers. Many men are mor interested in their partnes orgasam than ion their own, ... (read in full...)
It seems impossible to satisfy her sexually and it's giving me second thoughts
Q. My girlfriend of 8 months is unhappy with the amount of sex in our relationship. Tonight we had (in my opinion) a nice date and then had sex for 30 minutes ~ 1 hour and when I took her home, she just sat in pissed off silence the whole way (30 ...
A. 31 October 2019: If a woman had posted this, As has happened twice in the past few weeks. The sex demander would be written off as abusive and demanding and only thinking about their own pleasure.
Honestly I don't see any difference here. OP's new Girl... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets nasty when I don't do what he wants!
Q. My boyfriend gets nasty and angry if I don't spend the night staying over with him every weekend and refuses to come over to see me and take me out for the day because I wont do what he wants which is stayover and have sex all night and day. the ...
A. 31 October 2019: Grabbing and throwing are abuse indicators. This has gone from annoying to dangerous. Get him into anger management. The rest of your follow up tells me you do need to work on the needs balance of the relationship. I still recommend that book. ... (read in full...)
Why does a guy have sex with 2 women in two sexual relationships? Has the first dropped the ball? Why is one not good enough?
Q. I'd like to know why and how a man can have a sexual relationship with two different women concurrently? Why isn't one enough? Does that mean he isn't attracted enough to the first one? Or doesn't love her enough? Or she isn't satisfying him? ...
A. 30 October 2019: (sorry no time to proof read, ask questions if it doesn't make sense)
Man here, I'm going to attempt to answer this without it blowing up. First I'll have to say that All men are not alike. We don't share the same brain, we don't have the same... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets nasty when I don't do what he wants!
Q. My boyfriend gets nasty and angry if I don't spend the night staying over with him every weekend and refuses to come over to see me and take me out for the day because I wont do what he wants which is stayover and have sex all night and day. the ...
A. 30 October 2019: I'm saving up for a vacation to the UK. I've got to find out what these forty plus men are taking so they can perform so much. I read these posts and I'm thinking 20-25, maybe 30, then I look and it's 41-50. All night and all day. The only ... (read in full...)
Co worker body shames customers
Q. I began a part time job at a fast food place where my son works to earn extra money and to keep an eye on him. (He's mildly autistic and often misunderstood). This isn't the problem. The problem is my co-worker "Xena". Yesterday, a man came in an...
A. 29 October 2019: My wife was in that business for a lot of years. In her franchise there was a store that had so much trouble with language that people would not bring children into the store. Honestly, you'd have to hold your hands over their ears. The corporate ... (read in full...)
Husband’s Weight Gain and Lazy, Selfish Attitude is Ruining Our Marriage
Q. My husband and I have been married a little over a year and it has been extremely difficult. When we were dating he was so sweet and so generous, I honestly never imagined we would ever be struggling like we are now. I expected a marriage where we ...
A. 29 October 2019: At one year it's not too late. you have a lot of solid advice here. I have a few odd suggestions for you.
Switch up his snacks. Diet sodas instead of beer. Low carb snack foods. No chips (crisps), cakes, cookies (biscuits). Vegies, meat... (read in full...)
I know it in my gut that my husband is cheating but he tells me I am paranoid, insecure and imagining things!
Q. I'm in a bad spot. Never thought I'd reach out online for help but I'm at the end of my rope. I have a strong gut feeling my husband of 5 years is cheating on me. Our relationship has been strained lately because of my anxiety. It's a doubled e...
A. 28 October 2019: Get evidence before you start accusing. When you accuse without enough evidence, a guilty person gets time to hide the evidence. I know advice too late.
You came to us saying that his "actions" are causing you increased anxiety. But in your whol... (read in full...)
I want to shut the door on my affair for all the right reasons but can't seem to
Q. I know I’m going down the wrong path but I can’t find the strength to stop it. I had an affair that was on/off for 10 months with a former colleague. We were both married. I ended it both times it stopped. The second time I went as far as getting a ...
A. 27 October 2019: Usually an affair ends when someone (usually a betrayed spouse) gathers enough evidence, and then emails it to the affair partners spouse his family, his work, his social media contacts. Your husband will do this to you. His wife will do this to ... (read in full...)
What can I offer that porn doesn’t when porn offer endless variety
Q. I know this may seem trivial to many people but I have struggled with the issue of men and porn for many years . I have no problem with my partner noticing someone attractive we all do that but when I’m with a man and he feels the need to master ...
A. 24 October 2019: Dear OP,
Thanks for the reply it really does mean something to us even when there is little hele we / I can offer. I do hope that you can find a way to look at your life in a more positive light.... (read in full...)
What is going on? I don't want to be the first one to bring it up.
Q. I don't understand what is going on between my friend and I. We have been friends for almost a year, but we fight a lot every week when it comes to misunderstandings over text. I always end up coming to him and we talk again (mainly 'cause when we ...
A. 23 October 2019: When you tell a person that you Never want to speak to them again, you need to mean it. You have probably said words to that effect to this particular friend 30 times. Don't you think he is starting to believe you?
My advice to you is desi... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend lie about his sister?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and he told me all the time that he's the only child of his mom, and I recently found out that he has a sister that he never told me about because until recently he was so upset and he had to tell me about this ...
A. 23 October 2019: Well you seem to have no problem with lying yourself, but quite conversely are very upset about this guys lies. I honestly think you should break up with him. You say that lying upsets you, then why should you tolerate it? At your age there are ... (read in full...)
What can I offer that porn doesn’t when porn offer endless variety
Q. I know this may seem trivial to many people but I have struggled with the issue of men and porn for many years . I have no problem with my partner noticing someone attractive we all do that but when I’m with a man and he feels the need to master ...
A. 23 October 2019: I grow weary of this argument. It shows up every week. No one is willing to discuss the root of the problem. I don't often bother to reply when I have no advice to give. But this one just hit me that way. I can't point you to group of porn ... (read in full...)
My partner says we should be having sex 4 times a day
Q. My partner of 11 yrs told me we should be having sex four times a day. I don't think that's very realistic. Is it time to release him to seek other people who want to spend the time he wants in sexual activity?...
A. 21 October 2019: Well the topic on this recently was in their 40's not 50's.
folks in their 50's can easily manage 2 ot three rounds a week. (not month) Assuming they are relatively healthy and have managed to get their adult children moved out.
When a couple m... (read in full...)
I'm upset that I'm feeling hesitant, has anyone else experienced this?
Q. I've come here for help when my heart has been broken and always appreciated the thoughtful, insightful responses complete strangers have given me. My question today is about a personal issue I have in moving forward with a great guy. I've been...
A. 17 October 2019: This "He really is everything I have been looking for" contradicts this, "I am not very physically attracted to him".
My advice to anyone in this situation is to not do this, "I want to get married and have children"
... (read in full...)
Am I being an egomaniac or does this matter?
Q. Hi, I am a 38 year old female and have been dating a 45 year old man for 4 months. In that time 2.5 months has been long distance. We were recently having a conversation and I mentioned that a long time ago I was dating someone who a lot of people ...
A. 9 October 2019: He has done and said more than enough to prove to you the many many reasons he prefers you. Most women would be ecstatic at beating someone 10 years their junior. But if it's not enough for you, the kind thing would be to let him go. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend refuses to distance himself from female friend who kissed him on the mouth in front of everyone
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. He is extremely close to his best friend (a female). It has always made me uncomfortable but I do NOT think anything is going on between them - I know he doesn't fancy her, and I very much doubt that she ...
A. 8 October 2019: So how are you doing at distancing yourself from your Boyfriend. You have to be ready to lose him to win this. ... (read in full...)
Am I too old at 54 to meet any men who will want anything more than sex?
Q. I’m recently dating after a divorce . He was interested in much younger women all the time we were together and had now found one and is happy . I took quite a while on my own and felt I’d really like to meet someone special one day. However I’m ...
A. 7 October 2019: I'm going to be blunt here. I'm within a year of your exact age. Since my diagnosis with type 2 diabetes 16 years ago I had assumed that my wife would long outlive me. Since then she has been diagnosed with a leaky heart valve and I'm not so ... (read in full...)
Am I too old at 54 to meet any men who will want anything more than sex?
Q. I’m recently dating after a divorce . He was interested in much younger women all the time we were together and had now found one and is happy . I took quite a while on my own and felt I’d really like to meet someone special one day. However I’m ...
A. 7 October 2019: I'm going to be blunt here. I'm within a year of your exact age. Since my diagnosis with type 2 diabetes 16 years ago I had assumed that my wife would long outlive me. Since then she has been diagnosed with a leaky heart valve and I'm not so ... (read in full...)
My live in lover found out that I am not divorced like I said I was
Q. Hello, I am almost 30 yrs old and have made the worst mistake. I had bn living contently in a broken marriage for 5yrs hurting everyday from what my spouse put me through. Finally i decided i deserved happiness and took matters into my own hands. I ...
A. 3 October 2019: multi issues:
Multi advice:
issue: " Finally i decided i deserved happiness and took matters into my own hands. I started dating."
Advice: No problem you deserve happiness, or atleast the pursuit of happiness. Dating, no problem. Not gettin... (read in full...)
Girlfriend and I went away together for a whole week and nothing happened sexually
Q. If you went away with your partner and you didn’t do anything in bed, would you consider that normal? It was a whole week and I never been so stressed, trying to plan things, make sure it’s all right, so it would of been nice to be intimate in our ...
A. 13 September 2019: "She has been asking me what to wear in bed etc" I thought that was a banned subject.
If she wants to open that subject again then she and you need to agree to read Willard Harley's excellent book His Needs, Her Needs together.
This is what ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend and I went away together for a whole week and nothing happened sexually
Q. If you went away with your partner and you didn’t do anything in bed, would you consider that normal? It was a whole week and I never been so stressed, trying to plan things, make sure it’s all right, so it would of been nice to be intimate in our ...
A. 12 September 2019: Thanks for the follow up. Yes not talking about it is more of a problem than not doing it. Looks like aversion / phobia. Something she needs to work out with a qualified therapist.
2 hours of cuddles leading nowhere is the biggest red flag... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a man to become nasty and aggressive over not having enough sex?
Q. is is normal for a man to become nasty and aggressive over not having enough sex because that is how my boyfriend is and I give him lots of sex five times a day every weekend. I feel like his constant pressure is starting to put me off him and sex ...
A. 11 September 2019: You ask, "Is there a woman who can give that amount of sex at 45 I wonder(?)"
I don't know any. Not that I talk to a lot of my peers about their sexual frequency, but really . . .
Two things you should do. Talk to a gynecologist about your men... (read in full...)
Am I attracted to the wrong kind of man?
Q. Am I going for the wrong type of men? I've been doing some self-reflection lately and noticing similarities in the men I date. I would say 75% of the meetups and communications are initiated by them and we would see one another 1-2 times a week...
A. 11 September 2019: The men you are dating are not looking to settle down, and why should they. They have high market value and they can get a new date 4 times a week if they want. They may be dependable, but they are not partners. They don't need a partner, they ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend and I went away together for a whole week and nothing happened sexually
Q. If you went away with your partner and you didn’t do anything in bed, would you consider that normal? It was a whole week and I never been so stressed, trying to plan things, make sure it’s all right, so it would of been nice to be intimate in our ...
A. 11 September 2019: Yes, this is a red flag. You are in your 20's. If you were in your 50's this would be a red flag. This isn't a weekend, this is a week. Sure there could be a million reasons, I'd even bet that over the next 20 years you will hear all million of ... (read in full...)
I cheated my husband and don’t know how to stop it and it’s getting over the head now ..
Q. I am 29 Indian living in US past 2 years after marriage. I had a arrange marriage in India and came to US with my husband. After 2 months of my marriage I was in US with my husband alone and spend time alone when he was in office .(cause I can’t wo...
A. 11 September 2019: What can we advise you? You made a bad choice. You say you don't like that choice but you continue to make it.
One thing you could do is stop making that bad choice. You can refuse the invitations to sex. You can choose to be faithful to your... (read in full...)
I love sex but have a phobia about semen
Q. Ok this is probably going to sound weird but here goes... I think I have a phobia of semen. The idea of seeing a man 'finish' just repulses me. I can't deal with the thought of a man finishing inside me either. That's not to say I don't like sex. ...
A. 11 September 2019: Nothing we can do here will help. If you want to change this you will need a therapist, a lot of work, and a lot of time.... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a man to become nasty and aggressive over not having enough sex?
Q. is is normal for a man to become nasty and aggressive over not having enough sex because that is how my boyfriend is and I give him lots of sex five times a day every weekend. I feel like his constant pressure is starting to put me off him and sex ...
A. 9 September 2019: Thanks for the follow up. I'm a bit nervous to say more as I kind if messed up the first post.
5 timres a day, 2 days in a row is not just unusual, at your age it's unheard of. Suspiciously off the charts. (meaning this sounds like a man taki... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a man to become nasty and aggressive over not having enough sex?
Q. is is normal for a man to become nasty and aggressive over not having enough sex because that is how my boyfriend is and I give him lots of sex five times a day every weekend. I feel like his constant pressure is starting to put me off him and sex ...
A. 9 September 2019: The same hormone that controls male sex drive causes aggression so yes they are linked. But you asked about normal. Well your profile says you are between 40 and 50 and it is common for men to have a drop in testosterone production around that ... (read in full...)
My husband wants me to dress up as a horse!
Q. My husband wants me to dress up as a horse ?! We have been married nearly 20 years and had a “normal” sex life with regular loving sex. The most adventurous we do is phone sex and I do enjoy it. I ride horses and wear jodhpurs all the time - he jok...
A. 6 September 2019: Sometimes we interpret the words "normal" and "regular" as proper, correct, or right. To contrast it we could define those words as plain, boring, or vanilla. The way we use the words reflects our feelings about them, but it can also shape our ... (read in full...)
How do I be there for both my fiancee and my soon to be stepson?
Q. Am I doing something wrong??? I am engaged to an amazing woman, who is also a mother. I also am a woman, no kids though. Our relationship for the most part is beautiful. We are approaching 3 years and an upcoming wedding. The problem is my fiancee ...
A. 4 September 2019: Ok this question has sat unanswered too long. The number one reason is that it is a huge intimidating wall of text. Next post break it up into paragraphs.
There are several dynamics at work here some of them you have already covered. He need... (read in full...)
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