| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Should I try to pressure Jack into going to prom so he won't regret it later or just let him and his friends do their thing?
Q. My youngest son, Jack, is graduating from high school this year. He is refusing to go to prom. Instead, him and a group of friends are just meet up and do their own thing (they are talking about going bowling, than having a pool party at their ...
A. 12 May 2021: My son asked a girl top prom in his sophomore year. Another to homecoming in his junior year. Another to prom his junior year. Another to homecoming senior year. 4 expensive dates. 4 girls who got treated to a dream evening. For 2 years, not a ... (read in full...)
I worry about my b/f cheating but what if I am wrong and throw everything away?
Q. My long distance bf is really sweet. He tells me he loves me, talks almost all the time when not at work or sleeping. He's doting and talks about the future. When we will see each other again. But I feel very insecure after getting out of a long ...
A. 6 May 2021: It looks like three strikes to me.
Long distance relationship.
You are still too close to your last relationship. Rebound.
And rampant insecurity.
Sure the guy could be a player, or a nice guy, or a scam artist. We can't tell. But what is obvi... (read in full...)
The man I'm seeing doesn't seem to want to get vaccinated. I think its a deal breaker
Q. Hi, I have reconnected with a man, who a had a few dates with, a few years back. We really hit it off, but life sort of got in the way. I was an empty nester, but he was a widower with three kids home from 10-21. We started chatting in late ...
A. 6 May 2021: I can not understand why you think it is important that a person with natural immunity (his body built antibodies when he had Covid) Get immunized (given 2 shots a month apart to force his body to build antibodies that it already has). I don't ... (read in full...)
Female Nudity Movies
Q. There is too much female nudity on TV. There was a completely naked girl in a movie I watched with my BF last night AND the night before. Why can they show female genitals? Not ok. It was disgusting. Hate it. No male nudity? I was...
A. 27 April 2021: I'm honestly chuckling at this line
"I was shocked, disgusted, and jealous"
I don't want to get into the history, politics, or psychology behind this. I just want to say that if you are Disgusted by female nudity, then you should share that emo... (read in full...)
My wife screams, yells, rants, and cusses at the smallest thing. What to do?
Q. When the slightest little thing goes wrong, my wife starts cussing, yelling, stomping her feet, biting her lip, clenching her fists, and overall just pitching a fit. The other morning she knocked over a basket full of small items all over the floo...
A. 1 April 2021: Abuse is abuse. You need to stop excusing her behavior. Just GTFO... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my jealousy of not being a grandmother when I am around my friends who are grandparents?
Q. My son, John, is a only child. He is 36 years old and he became a Catholic priest in his 20s which is completely fine with me. The issue that I am having is all my friends now have grandchildren and they always talk about grandchildren th...
A. 31 March 2021: I have 4 children and no grandchildren. I give gifts to my neighbor's kids. I keep toys for the children of my nieces and nephews. I love children and I do what I can to make them happy.
I can't do anything about having my own gran... (read in full...)
Will men in general settle for having average, lacklustre or even bad sex over NO sex at all?
Q. I know this is a generalization. But would you say it is reasonable to assume that many or most or at least some men would take average, mediocre or even bad sex over having no sex at all? For example, if they are on a business trip or away from ...
A. 25 March 2021: Experience points in another direction. With the use of hands and the ready availability of pornography. . . ... (read in full...)
How often does the average married couple have sex?
Q. This is a pretty simple question I guess. How often does the average married couple have sex? ...
A. 25 March 2021: Who want's to be average?
How does the average apply to you?
Do you want an age grouped average?
So here are some interesting facts about sex in marriage.
A couple that has sex 10 or less times per year is considered "sexless".
Sexual drive vari... (read in full...)
My fiance forgot he was still married??
Q. MOD NOTE: For the sake of those who love to call out posts being "troll"...I have my doubts about this but let it through anyways so save the comments please!!! My fiance John told me last night that he had a big confession to make; the confessi...
A. 25 March 2021: Yes the story is Fishy. Fishy enough that our Moderator posed a notice. And based on that fishiness, I offer this advice. Quietly find and contact the Wife. Verify the whole story and get an ide of the important facts.
1. She has never coha... (read in full...)
My husband wants to quit his job as a university professor to work at McDonalds
Q. We've been in Australia for 7 years now, and my husband works as a professor in a local university. He told me three days ago he wants to quit his job so he doesn't have to work from home, and would prefer to work at the local McDonald's as "a...
A. 9 March 2021: Paula asks, "But wouldn't that be illegal over here, for someone like him on a visa?"
Well that's an interesting question. I just took a look at conditions of temporary and provisional Visa's in Australia, and temporary Visas cap out at 5 year... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't have the attitude of belongs being ours. Its either yours or mine
Q. There are two questions I would like answers to please. My first one is about marriage. I normally buy stuff for the house including, ornaments pictures, plants etc and also and garden lights and ornaments. if a light should not work outside ...
A. 25 February 2021: He has a maxed out credit card, and you want him to spring for coffees and lawn ornaments?
The problem is he is broke. He can't afford your lifestyle. ... (read in full...)
Former male virgin still has no clue
Q. Hello I just recently lost my virginity by paying an escort. I am a nerdy guy, very awkward, love various things like horror movies, comics, etc. I love to draw. I am not very handsome, overweight, short, bald and not well endowed. It f...
A. 20 February 2021: You are over weight and lack confidence. Those are the things you can change. Changing them may not bring you an attractive girlfriend, but it will make you feel better about yourself.
All I'm suggesting is that you add a gym hobby to your... (read in full...)
Whats wrong with being attracted to a married man?
Q. Hi, I’m attracted to a married man. I think he likes me too. I think one can’t help or change ones attraction that just happens and sometimes they happen to be married. Divorce happens too and maybe he’s already thinking of that so why is it so ...
A. 20 February 2021: Dear Flirty And Fun,
You ask, "Let me know what’s wrong with this way of thinking?"
While it is true that the world is full of people and you may be attracted to any particular one of them. How you act on that attraction is the differen... (read in full...)
Boyfriend said he didn't like our fighting and needed to think about it. What does that mean?
Q. My bf and I have had an amazing relationship the past year. Everything is great besides our arguments here and there. We had our first big fight the other night leading to me leaving his place to go home and cool off. The next few days without me ...
A. 16 January 2021: He's tired of fighting with you. He's tired of you leaving and refusing contact for days. He doesn't like conflict, so he is letting you down easy. But really, he is Gone.
BTW your fighting technique will never work in a LTR. Work on that next... (read in full...)
What has happened to men today?
Q. What has happened to men today . Before anyone tells me that women can also be bad people yes I’m aware of that but I absolutely cannot see anything in the scale of the way men behave . I’m yet to see an industry primarily using the abuse and degr...
A. 11 January 2021: Well that was absolutely painful to read. It's hard to imagine that a person could believe the propaganda that much.
Please explain the following statistic from your home country. "In 2017 males made up 91.9% of prisoners,[9] despite males only... (read in full...)
My boyfriend finally proposed after 15 years and now I'm not sure if I want to marry him
Q. Please could I get some advice on my love life? I'm so torn, basically i've waited years for my boyfriend to propose, in fact i'd more or less given up on the idea and emotionally exited the relationship but now he's suddenly decided he wants...
A. 11 January 2021: Sometimes it's good to just write it out so you can see the whole story.
What you have written out here is that you are in a sexless love less relationship for 4 years. Now your partner wants to make that relationship permanent. You know that... (read in full...)
He proposed I said yes but I don't want to marry him!
Q. My boyfriend of a year proposed. I said yes because his family was right there. I don’t want to marry him and I’m freaking out because I’m not married. He’s just not what I want....I don’t know what to do . He’s also still married to his first wif...
A. 10 January 2021: 1) I'm assuming you are also OK with not being his girlfriend anymore.
2) @Wise Owl E, there is no magic law in Utah allowing bigamy.
3) Your first lie led to your second Lie. You told him you didn't want to get married until he finished... (read in full...)
Should I Leave or am I to blame?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I had insecurities in the beginning but I worked on them and haven't has issues like that for at least 2 years. He first became extremely angry (name calling and violence) in the beginning and said that I had ...
A. 7 January 2021: Why are you nit picking the perfect boyfriend?
Yes he should leave you. You can't be happy with him.
Yes you should leave him. He uses emotional violence (yelling) to get his way.... (read in full...)
My husband wants to share me with a friend
Q. my husband wants to share me (wife) with a male friend but when he ask me how far my friend can go I shyly tell him "touch my leg" then a little more advanced " rub my thighs" of which he says " you really don't want him to go that far do you?" ...
A. 7 January 2021: This is a case where you speak clearly and honestly. I'd be happy to shake his hand and bring him a beer. I'm not interested in being sexual (touchy, naked, whatever your REAL line is) with him.
Now if you want to fantasize then you clea... (read in full...)
Why does my girlfriend need to talk to this older guy?
Q. My girlfriend talks to this older guy. She is 24 and he is late 40s. When I found out, she said I don’t need to know what i don’t need to worry about - she is very loyal to me. I did not like the fact she spoke to him daily. I became increasingly ...
A. 28 December 2020: IMHO if you want a faithful girlfriend, this is not the girl for you. Find a girl who prefers to be with you. Find someone who will put the kind of effort you GF is putting into the Other Man into your relationship.
To put it as bluntly as poss... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to say I am straight?
Q. I am a man and I do not consider myself bi or gay but I do like an occassional get together with another man from time to time I like to give him oral nothing in return I prefer to give oral to a straight married man My question is is it wrong to ...
A. 8 December 2020: I think I'm more confused than I was to start with. I think I'm straight monogamous until further notice.
In fact the orientation issue is more about attraction than experience. I'm not attracted to the male form, but, because of a lack of attr... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to say I am straight?
Q. I am a man and I do not consider myself bi or gay but I do like an occassional get together with another man from time to time I like to give him oral nothing in return I prefer to give oral to a straight married man My question is is it wrong to ...
A. 7 December 2020: If for example you were to tell a woman who is considering a romantic relationship with you that you are straight, And then later on you tell her that you like to have oral sex with men, she is not going to believe you were honest.
... (read in full...)
He didn't cum during oral. Why?
Q. So I'm in high school and me in this guy have been talking for awhile. We decide to meet up after school and fool around in his truck. I'd never done this but I assumed he had. When we get there I find out he hasn't done anything(kissing or head). ...
A. 17 November 2020: Dear Ruby,
On the off chance that you have returned to your question, I'd like to encourage you to continue to seek the advice of trusted adults.
I'm sorry that someone tried to shame you here.
FA... (read in full...)
How often I should give in to his desires to send him a sultry picture and yet still keep him attentive and not thinking about only sex?
Q. Hello, I have a simple question but one that keeps me up at night nonetheless. I'm seeing this guy. Super great, love him to death honestly. However, recently I sent him a slightly... unusual picture. Well, compared to what we usually send. It...
A. 11 November 2020: WARNING this advice may be sarcastic, but does contain truth.
You are under 22 and already your concern is how to regulate his sexual interest? Well, speaking as a person at the ultimate end of that kind of thinking, I can tell you that the answ... (read in full...)
He didn't cum during oral. Why?
Q. So I'm in high school and me in this guy have been talking for awhile. We decide to meet up after school and fool around in his truck. I'd never done this but I assumed he had. When we get there I find out he hasn't done anything(kissing or head). ...
A. 9 November 2020: Hi, Ruby,
Thanks for taking the time to write out what was no doubt an embarrassing post. To answer your question, no you were not giving oral sex wrong. Trust him when he says you are doing fine.
Some normal reasons he might not have achieved... (read in full...)
How do I know if I have a crush?
Q. How do I know I have a crush on my paternal aunt?...
A. 9 November 2020: You are over 40 years old. Your Fathers sister is probably over 60 years old.
If you think about her all of the time you probably have a crush (infatuation) on her. It will likely fade quickly (a month or less). That's pretty much the defi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's grandmother wants me to breakup with him?
Q. Hello, I am in my mid twenties and have dated my boyfriend since high school. My question is regarding his grandmother. Now, I know I shouldn't take her criticism too seriously but it has recently bothered me. Last week my boyfriend visite...
A. 9 November 2020: It is generally a good idea to have relationships with people who have similar goals and expectations.
You ask "If she tells him to break up with me again, and he mentions it, how should I respond?" You should respond with clear honesty.
examp... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets tired when he gives me oral. How can I encourage him to keep going?
Q. So what am I to do when my boyfriend says his tongue is tired when he performs oral sex on me? It takes me awhile with him. I am not sure why. I can take care of myself much quicker. But with him it takes longer. That is normal, right? I use...
A. 17 October 2020: You write "he feels it reflects on him, and his sexual skills," and "How to turn it around is the question?"
Alright, that is exactly the point here, the #1 sexual skill is listening. He needs to start practicing that skill. Be prepared to hear... (read in full...)
I need to know if people are capable of change when it comes to cheating?
Q. I need to know if people are capable of change when it comes to cheating? I broke up with my partner of 10 years and father to my child 18 months ago. We had a good relationship. There were a couple of niggles - he was slightly stricter bringi...
A. 16 October 2020: The cheater that is going to change is the first time cheater, who immediately confesses his misdeed who gives complete truth the first time.
The cheater who is going to cheat again for sure is the long term affair, multiple affair or serial chea... (read in full...)
What is the best way to quit a job? What should I say and what should I not say? What is the best professional way to quit a job?
Q. I am single with no kids of my own but I am very close to my nieces and nephew. At my present job, where I worked at for 15 years, they make me work over the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, est.) even through I request to hav...
A. 14 October 2020: Actually you are already way ahead of so many people your age. I'm always advising people to find a new job first and then quit the old job.
2 weeks notice is pretty standard in your country. If your job is "at will" there are no legal requ... (read in full...)
Things have changed with my health and now she’s been messaging other guys!
Q. I have been in a relationship for a few years and recently went through some personal troubles. Things are slowly getting better however I have not been speaking with my gf as much, mostly because I avoid my troubles rather than be vocal. We text ...
A. 12 October 2020: Yes she is letting you down softly. One of the more nefarious relationship habits. ... (read in full...)
How do I accept that this and stop blaming myself?
Q. My on and off ex boyfriend of 10 years is engaged 6 months into his new relaionship. Aka 6 months after he ghosted me and dropped me like a hot potato. I am completely heartbroken and having such a hard time moving on from this. I am doing all the ...
A. 12 October 2020: You say you are doing all of the right things already so I'll not focus on things to DO, but rather about ways to think.
First, the relationship was not as long term as you think it was. The relationship was always on and off. The rela... (read in full...)
Do I leave her because we only have sex every 3 months?
Q. In a relationship over three years sex only once in three months ,she know i want it but she comes up with all these excuses , and women wonder why men cheat, am tired of doing my self, so am i suppose to tell her , i need sex , or am going to get ...
A. 28 September 2020: Well that's a brutal bashing.
You really showed him.
He's so unattractive and manipulating.
Honestly this man needs to hear only one tiny bit of advice. She can't threaten you with ending the relationship. She already ended the relationship... (read in full...)
What can I do about my local sport team?
Q. I have joined my local sport team and the guys seem like a laugh, a good atmosphere. The problem I have is I get so little playing time. Some of the players are awful and the coaches have even said it when I've on the sidelines with them. Im...
A. 28 September 2020: There is a world of difference between being a bench warmer and being a player. I've done both. I played American football with an undersized team. The stars played both offence and defence. The Also rans were the training squad. The stars ... (read in full...)
How long does it take to really move on from someone?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for five years. About two years ago, I had a fling with another guy. It was all flirty banter until it went too far and we slept together. I told my boyfriend and cut the man off. I told him I didn't want to lose my ...
A. 23 September 2020: "Did you ever have to make up your mind?
And pick up on one and leave the other behind?
It's not often easy and not often kind.
Did you ever have to make up your mind?
Did you ever have to finally decide?
And say yes to one and let the other on... (read in full...)
My husband is in complete control of our sex life and will withhold sex from me
Q. bit of a strange question but i’m not the most tactile person in the world so would appreciate some other ways to respectfully get my point across to my husband. i’ve been with my hubs for 17 years nearly and he’s such a amazing dad and husban...
A. 16 September 2020: And the key message here is, ". then 2/3 weeks later ".
So if we do the math, we assume sex every 2.5 weeks 52 week in a year / 2.5 week frequency = about 21 times per year. Not quite clinically sexless, but definitely in the you would get more... (read in full...)
My friend tried to kiss me knowing I have a boyfriend
Q. I met with a guy friend over the week end for lunch. We hadn't seen each other for about 9 or so months but message each other maybe on average once a month. I have been in a relationship for 18 months and my friend knows this as I regularly talk...
A. 15 September 2020: So, Do you still think you can have other sex friends when you are in a committed relationship? ... (read in full...)
How to cut off a toxic and controlling friend whom I see often?
Q. I want to cut off a toxic and controlling friend but don’t know how. Normally, I would’ve just blocked her and said nothing. I don’t believe that’s necessarily the right way, as being direct and adult about it would probably be better. But I don’t ...
A. 15 September 2020: "What do you guys think?"
I think that as you age you tend to reduce your friend load. You focus more on quality and less on quantity.
At 29 you have about 1/3 of my adult experience. When I look at your examples of how this toxic person i... (read in full...)
My boyfriend made a rude remark about my new hobby. Should I get another hobby?
Q. I am going riding with a motorcycle riding group. My boyfriend has encouraged me to get some hobbies I do on my own. I've always liked going on scenic drives on motorcycles. So I found this group. When I told my boyfriend about it, he said that ...
A. 2 September 2020: If you really want to share this hobby in a strictly platonic way, you should get your own motorcycle.
It is odd. It is risky. But, his request is a bit . . . . off. I guess I need to know more about your relationship. How long have you been... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilty for masturbating this way? Should I confront my husband of this addiction?
Q. When I was a child, I was molested by a Male relative (not my dad). I used to scorn myself. I couldn't touch down there when I took a bath. I just used the soap bar and the faucet/shower head. At that young age of 10, I never felt aroused just a ...
A. 28 August 2020: A lot of women have difficulty reaching orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Many of then use other methods either during foreplay or after sex to reach that Orgasm.
In your post you had successful make up sex with your husband after he obser... (read in full...)
Should I propose before or after living with boyfriend?
Q. Hello, I would like advice on cohabitation. My boyfriend lives with his mom and I currently live with my parents. He and I have been dating for 8 years. I would like to move out and live with him although I'm not sure if I should propose to him and ...
A. 23 August 2020: Honestly, truely,
I wouldn't advise anyone to cohabitate romantically with anyone who hasn't paid their own rent for a year. That would include you and your boyfriend.
The pattern you have observed in your siblings is caused by taking t... (read in full...)
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