A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know that this will seem like a silly want to others, but there is something I desperately want. Some women want a baby, someWomen want a career, some women want a Gucci bag.I love horses and have always dreamed of learning to ride one, and having my own horse someday. I don’t need or want to be judged for this… who is to say my dream isn’t valid?I have never had a horse of my own or learned to ride skillfully, but I want to make this a reality so bad that my heart hurts. I have horse experience, so I know what’s involved in their care, and I’m aware of the expense involved.I graduated college and work really hard, but I have a job which is so poorly paid that I can’t even afford to care for a hamster. Furthermore, I live in an area where there aren’t opportunities to learn to ride. There are a few riding schools, but they just want to teach rugrats and I’ve been shot down because I’m an adult and I’m “stealing it from a deserving little girl.”I don’t want to settle for a cheap imitation of my dream. I don’t want to visit a horse farm and watch other people ride horses. I desperately want to learn to ride a horse and I want one of my own. I don’t want to be stuck in life. I need a change and I need a life of dreams. Please don’t come on here and accuse me of just moaning and not being motivated to change. I’m sick of working hard at a job where I’m burnt out, and never being able to get a life of dreams because there’s no time and no money.I just don’t know how to get this. I want a horse so badly it’s breaking my heart.How can I make this a reality? I could use some good encouraging words.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (3 March 2024):
 well, does it have to be a good horse? I live in the western USA and I have relatives who have horses. Some horses are a lot more expensive than others. I also drive past an interesting bit of property that has been up for sale for a few months. 13 acres irrigated includes a house a pasture and a horse arena. plus a few older out buildings. Doable range for someone selling and moving from California. three quarters of a million. The house will need a complete remodel. so tack on the other quarter mill. but it could be your dream. Of course you are going to have to relocate. It will probably be colder. You have had 15-20 years to save up for this dream. You do have a tidy sum put away, for the animal, truck, a years feed and so on?
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (28 February 2024):
 As someone whose life has revolved around animals, especially horses, for around 40 years, I totally "get" your need to have a horse. Yes, I did use the word "need" because, for some, that it what it is, myself included. After losing 4 old horses in the space of 7 years (all due to age), I decided to take a break to recover mentally and financially. (If you think young fit horses are expensive to keep, you should check out the time, energy and money it takes to look after ailing old ones, lol.) Less than two years later, I was climbing the walls and, as my partner said, "walking through the door, spoiling for a fight". I didn't have that "down time" at the stable after work to relax and took out all my stresses on my partner.
I now have a horse in my life again and my life feels "right" again. For me, it is not about riding (I haven't ridden for years) but about sharing my life with a horse and looking after it.
I notice you are in America, so not sure if you have the same opportunities as we do in the UK. Here one affordable way to have a horse is to share one with someone. Owners often look to share because they cannot commit as much time to their horse as they would like, due to other commitments. You can take on a horse for set days of the week and, on those days, it is like having your own horse. You ride it and care for it.
You don't mention any ties so, if you have none, why not have a change of career and look for a job with horses, somewhere where you will get the opportunity to brush up on your riding? These jobs are not usually well paid {at least in the UK) but often come with accommodation so, if you have no ties, there is no issue with the low wages (which you already seem to suffer) because you will be so much nearer to fulfilling your dream. As someone once said, if you love what you do for a job, you don't work a day in your life.
If you do have ties, why not look into training for a better paid job to enable you to afford your dream? And yes, it will take time, but the time will pass anyway.
I'm a little surprised you are struggling to find a riding school to teach you. Here the vast majority of riding schools teach both adults and children. Do you have any "local" pages on social media, where you can connect with like-minded people and find out more about what is available in your area?
Please don't give up. I was actively discouraged from having anything to do with horses as a youngster by both my parents as both my grandfathers had been killed by horses (unrelated accidents). My mother was terrified the same would happen to me. However, I bought my first horse when I was in my mid 20s and have never looked back. They are worth every coin you spend on them, ever tear you cry over them and every worry you have about them.
Don't discount anything which will bring you closer to your goal, even if it means giving up other stuff. I haven't been on holiday for about 20 years and always drive old cars as my money goes on my animals, but I would do it all again if I had my life over again.
Good luck. Stay strong. You can do this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 February 2024):
 Find a place that does adult classes for beginners and advanced riders.
They do exit.
"I’ve been shot down because I’m an adult and I’m “stealing it from a deserving little girl.”"
A little girl can still get lessons, you aren't taking anything from anyone.
I don't know about where you live but most adult riding classes I saw were in the early evening and early weekends. So call around. If the stables/riding schools do no provide this, ask them if they know of a place that does.
Now OWNING ahorse comes with a LOT of work, and cost. It's a daily job. Vet bills, farrier costs (re shoeing a horse is every 4-6 weeks and that isn't cheap either.) I had my own horse as a teenager, I had "free" stabling because I mucked out 8 stalls every other day. Hard work. Then you have the feed cost which is roughly $25-150 a month.
You could go for a "shared" horse. As in you "own" 1.2 or a 1/3 and pay half the costs or 1/3 and then have to plan a schedule for riding. But that would be pointless if you haven't had lessons first. You might decide that riding isn't for you once you get on a horse.
I also, would LOVE a horse. I would have loved for my girls to have one. It just wasn't possible. It's life. Life isn't always fair.
Another thing you could consider is volunteering at a shelter/Sancturary that has horses. You might not get to OWN one or even ride one, but you will provide love for horses who have seen better days and who will thrive with your love. You will be around horses and other animals.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (28 February 2024):
 I think its important for each and every one of us to have a goal, to have dreams and to know what we want and where we are going.
Nothing is going to happen over night but keep your dream with you and around you at all times. Instead of focusing on not having achieved your dream of having a horse practise the art of your dream actually having become reality and how you would feel if you had your horse right now.
Create a vision board, stick as many pictures of your dream to this board with affirmations and look at it morning night and when you can during the day.
The more you focus on the lack, and not actually having what you want the more your dream will be always just out of reach. I believe that feeling and emotions are stronger than words, feeling is the prayer.
Maybe look at changing your job, or move to an area where it might be nicer to have a horse.
Stick with it and never give up on your dream.
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