A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is regarding the other two question here about the 24 yr old guys wanting to save sex until his wedding night. I am also a 24 yr old virgin waiting for marriage, I replied to both questions but now I have a question for them. How do you go about telling a person you've recently met that you're saving sex for marriage? Surely not on the first date, I tried that once and never heard from the guy again. With another man I tried waiting for about a month or so and he got mad at me for not telling him sooner. I guess this is a question for everybody else as well. How do you tell someone you've met that you're saving sex till marriage, and how would a man react if a girl told him that??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): You should tell him when you feel ready to be open with him. If he looses interest after this then he was just looking for another notch on his belt. i think that you will be suprised how many people will admire you for this. Afterall, from reading posts on here, there are loads of men who wish they were there girlfriends first or are bothered by a partners sexual history.You should not be ashamed of your beliefs. The right man for you will respect your beliefs.
A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 This depends on whether or not he is a stand up guy.
If a guy truly cares anything about you he will be more than happy to go along with your wishes especially in a case of virginity.
Btw, let me say even though I don't know you I am proud of you. As proud as I am of my 22 year old virgin daughter.
I know it can be quite a difficult thing to stay morally unblemished, especially in this day and age.
In my daughter's case she has been with this guy for over a year and was pressured for sex for the first few months they were together. When my daughter told me about it her bf and I had words.
He immediately backed down and agreed that she should not be pressured. Besides I think he knows that I would kill him. lol
But even though he previousely had a sexual relationship whith his ex girlfriend he has been quite the gentleman since.
The point is, if all he is after is sex you don't want him in the first place.
It can be hard to use this as a gage but it is usually pretty accurate. Hope this helps. Doc.
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A
male
reader, childof1981 +, writes (13 February 2007):
 ABSOLUTELY the first thing you have to know is that your position on sex and marriage is not shared by a large segment of the population. Thus, it is very likely that the majority of people you date will not be on the same page as you are and things will not work out.
That said the topic is so critical that it must be brought up before things get serious, but also should not cast a shadow over the "getting to know each other phase". You should bring up the topic up on the third or fourth date, this allows you/him to end the relationship before it gets serious.
As for how you tell him, I think you should tell him in a straightforward manner that you are choosing not to have sex before marriage. That you understand that this is an irregular position and that there will be no hard feelings if he wants to call things off.
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A
female
reader, LISAG +, writes (13 February 2007):
 Well in England most men would run for the hills !!! that sort of a statement is too heavy for a first date for sure ! Why dont you just get to know him and after like lets say 5-7 dates then express your need to have sex only after marriage ? It's quite an old fashioned view these days but still plausible in the right context. Why not act like friends to start with - with NO PRESSURE about marriage? Dont say everything you think or feel when you first meet people - it can be too much I think. Keep converstaions light hearted and not so serious !
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