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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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Do emotionally abusive people really love you, but need professional help, or do they not love you ?
Q. Do people who are emotionally abusive really love you, but need proffessional help, or do they not really love you ?. I need to get out of a relationship with my emotionally abusive boyfriend, but i'm finding it hard to let go. Can anyone help ?. ...
A. 18 November 2011: He might or might not be abusive with another woman. the point is, he is emotionally unstable and deranged.
What YOU should be concerned with is not whether he'd treat someone else so badly; it's how he's treating YOU and ruining YOUR life tha... (read in full...)
Do emotionally abusive people really love you, but need professional help, or do they not love you ?
Q. Do people who are emotionally abusive really love you, but need proffessional help, or do they not really love you ?. I need to get out of a relationship with my emotionally abusive boyfriend, but i'm finding it hard to let go. Can anyone help ?. ...
A. 18 November 2011: Sorry, but you are not helping yourself if you keep calling texting him. Seriously, you're not.
You may love him, but this relationship is damaging to you. It is NOT in your best interests to keep in contact with this man. By begging him to c... (read in full...)
Do emotionally abusive people really love you, but need professional help, or do they not love you ?
Q. Do people who are emotionally abusive really love you, but need proffessional help, or do they not really love you ?. I need to get out of a relationship with my emotionally abusive boyfriend, but i'm finding it hard to let go. Can anyone help ?. ...
A. 17 November 2011: Emotionally abusve people are psychologically damaged, and get satisfaction out of controlling another person - gives them a sense of power. Yes, they DO need professional help if they are to ever become whole again.
However, the point for YOU,... (read in full...)
Is it common for men to invest so much and then stop contact after 2 weeks?
Q. Hello, I need advice. Please. I had 2 incredible dates with this man. We kept in touch almost every day for 2 weeks. He brought up lots ideas for future dates and complimented me a lot. Not just on beauty but on my personality, jokes, interests. I ...
A. 16 November 2011: Well, unfortunately, there is such a thing as easy come, easy go. No doubt he DID enjoy the two dates you had, but really, as others have said (and you yourself have observed) two dates is very little to go on.
Perhaps talking on the phone an... (read in full...)
I'm disappointed in my behaviour since joining this club
Q. I am in my final year at college and decided to join a club this year. I joined the sailing club and went to socials each week since September. The first trip just came around this weekend. I have a lovely long term boyfriend who I am 100% commit...
A. 14 November 2011: It's very simple: you know you feel bad over your behavior, right?
So limit yourself to no more than one drink on these outings, and make it a point try and strike up a conversation with some of the other women......good luck!... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says she's only been with 2 men, but I don't believe her. Am I right?
Q. I dont know what to do. I have been with my girlfriend for the last 5 years, but I cant trust her. I am 25 and she is 24. She has told me that she has had two boyfriends before me who she had sex with, but I have heard that she has had more. I think ...
A. 7 November 2011: Trust is essential to any relationship. Without it, the relationship cannot prosper and the two of you cannot be happy.
You say you've "heard" that she has had sex with as many as 10 men. Where and how did you hear that? From people who know... (read in full...)
She is more like my sister so I don't know why the sudden coldness and indifference to my wedding plans! Help!
Q. I have a bit of a problem with my friend that i dont no how to address. She is more like my sister and we have been inseperable since young children so it is obvious then that when i started planning my wedding i asked her to be my maid of honour. ...
A. 4 November 2011: OP: Yes, her attitude is very upsetting for you, and you do need to talk to her and just ask whether she'll be your maid of honor or not.
Whatever the outcome, don't let it spoil your wedding! You'll be starting a new life with your husband,... (read in full...)
How do I know if he's truly serious with his new girl?
Q. I would see this guy on and off very randomly for the past year or so. I recently see through Facebook that he's seeing someone. She's ten years younger and from the looks of her pictures she seems very immature. She dresses very sleazy and every ...
A. 4 November 2011: OP: Now that you have said a little more concerning your fomer relationship with this man, I'm in complete agreement with Honeypie.
He's just keeping you "on the shelf" in case he feels like having sex and nobody else is available. Is that wha... (read in full...)
How do I know if he's truly serious with his new girl?
Q. I would see this guy on and off very randomly for the past year or so. I recently see through Facebook that he's seeing someone. She's ten years younger and from the looks of her pictures she seems very immature. She dresses very sleazy and every ...
A. 4 November 2011: You know, it really doesn't matter how serious he is or not with this woman he's with now. You seem very judgmental of her by the comments you have posted here.
You and he have been friends, but it's clear from what you tell us that he has not ... (read in full...)
She is more like my sister so I don't know why the sudden coldness and indifference to my wedding plans! Help!
Q. I have a bit of a problem with my friend that i dont no how to address. She is more like my sister and we have been inseperable since young children so it is obvious then that when i started planning my wedding i asked her to be my maid of honour. ...
A. 4 November 2011: Now, how on earth could we know why she's suddenly blowing cold over plans to be your maid of honor?
It might be anything from her being envious because you're getting married and she isn't, to being unable to pay for the dress she's expected... (read in full...)
Any advice on how, to, I don't know, worry less when it comes to relationship issues?
Q. I met an amazing girl online a few months back. I know ALL the issues about online (risks I mean). We talk a lot on the phone too. My worry is that I am too insecure to keep things going until we actually meet. (we don't live too far away...
A. 4 November 2011: How to worry less about relationship issues in general?
I don't know: you might try getting more absorbed in other activities you enjoy doing - hiking, going to concerts etc., getting more involved in causes you care deeply about...... (read in full...)
I'm feeling badly because husband missed his "Friday Night Special"
Q. Hello, I am a 31 year old married woman. I have gotten great advice from this board in the past. With three kids by birth and an adoption of a 4th in process, my husband and I have to take advanages of opportunities for sex. My hubby is something ...
A. 1 November 2011: You are being much too hard on yourself!
The fact of the matter is, things happen. Your brother's car broke down and he needed his brother-in-law's help, which he willingly gave.
Has it occurred to you that your husband might have been tired ... (read in full...)
I am afraid to lose her but I think its certain!
Q. i feel like a dummy for asking but...some people, including my gf are convincing. i met a young lady half my age a year ago online. fwiw, she spoke to me first and the first few times after meeting her, when i'd go online she'd be the one to ...
A. 31 October 2011: I'm sorry, but it really sounds as if you're wasting your time.
I mean, she messes about as to when she's going to be able to "chat" with you via IM, chat room, etc. Have you even seen a photo of her? Has she seen one of you?
You haven't t... (read in full...)
I feel like he's flown off and I'm stuck on the ground
Q. So, things are a mess with my ex. Help? I'm sorry if this is one huge ramble, I really need to let it all out somehow. I broke up with him at the start of July earlier this year. We'd been together a while, a year and a few months. Each other's ...
A. 30 October 2011: Well look: I'm sorry to hear you are so upset by this situation. If he was your first real boyfriend, that is something you don't easily forget.
But now you and he have ended your relationship. He's changed, and seems to have become more pop... (read in full...)
What do I do about my needy boyfriend?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend just over a year and throughout our relationship he has constantly acted possessive over me and everything that I do. He loves me too much and I don't think it's healthy for either of us. I know he's interested in wh...
A. 30 October 2011: If you have had problems with being bullied, and have thought about or attempted suicide, and harming yourself, you need to get help in dealing with this! Don't delay! Either call a hotline who can give you a referral, or talk to your parents.
... (read in full...)
Married man is trying to break the no contact rule
Q. I have cut off a friendship with a married man because we are both attracted to each other and we both realized it should not go any further. We have had no contact for two months now. It has been hard but in that time, I have been trying to move on ...
A. 28 October 2011: I he smiles at you and comes over to say hello, I'd would just give him an icy look and turn away. If he asks why you are being unfriendly (which is undoubtedly how he would view it) tell him point blank you are not interested in resuming contact... (read in full...)
He said he'd come over, I gave up, he then left a message. I ignored it. Did I do the right thing?
Q. Hi I just started dating some one! He called me last night said he wanted to seeme before leaving town. His daughter called him and wanted him to come and see her before he left town. He ask me if he could come over when he got back from his ...
A. 28 October 2011: Agreed, he should have let you know why he was running late, but beyond that, this is a man you have only just started dating - not a good idea to have him coming over to your home late at night! Why don't you take things a little slowly and get t... (read in full...)
Should I stay or should I go?
Q. I met this guy online and when i asked him if he lived in Singapore, he told me no, but he would be back four weeks later. I waited for a month and during that month, I spent my time talking to him. I am impressed and instantly know I love the ...
A. 27 October 2011: Well, although he SAYS he is working on moving to Singapore, he evidently isn't.
Him telling you he considers you high maintenance, getting annoyed when you don't see things the way he does, and on and on, are indications (pretty clear ones, at... (read in full...)
How do I make sure I'm not the rebound when her divorce is finalized?
Q. Hello everyone! A female acquaintance that I've known for years has been separated from her husband for almost two years and just recently going through the actual divorce. So as of last month we have started seeing more of each other as friends. ...
A. 26 October 2011: Well, hopefully you won't be her rebound - but of course in this life nothing is guaranteed!
I think your best bet is probably to continue to go slow and not try to pressure her in any way, shape or form. She will need to get used to living o... (read in full...)
Does he really love me? And why does he not want me to see other men, when he already has a wife he cheats on?
Q. ModNote: two adjacent related questions joined into one. I need advice. I am currently in a relationship with a married man. I am 28 and this has been going on for a little over a year. It started off as just sex but now I've fallen in love with...
A. 25 October 2011: Well, you have to steel yourself and make up your mind that you will NOT be suckered by his attempts to sweet talk you into staying.
That won't be easy. Nor is anybody here saying it will.
You have to first find some other place to live - ... (read in full...)
Does he really love me? And why does he not want me to see other men, when he already has a wife he cheats on?
Q. ModNote: two adjacent related questions joined into one. I need advice. I am currently in a relationship with a married man. I am 28 and this has been going on for a little over a year. It started off as just sex but now I've fallen in love with...
A. 24 October 2011: Oh ho. So you think he's not "paying you" for sex because you tell us you can refuse to have sex with him when he comes over and he'll just lay in bed with you, do you?
Alright then: why don't you tell him "no more sex" and stick to it and see ... (read in full...)
Does he really love me? And why does he not want me to see other men, when he already has a wife he cheats on?
Q. ModNote: two adjacent related questions joined into one. I need advice. I am currently in a relationship with a married man. I am 28 and this has been going on for a little over a year. It started off as just sex but now I've fallen in love with...
A. 22 October 2011: You know he's not going to leave his wife for you. Indeed, why SHOULD he? He has you at his beck and call, whenever he wants you, plus all the "comforts" of home: another woman (his lawful wife) to have sex with, to cook and clean for him, plus ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend with my ex! Can this be fixed, or should I walk away?
Q. i was in a really bad relationship on and off for about 6 years i moved states away to be with this guy and we eventually broke it off. i met up with an old friend that ive knows for a really long time and he was over seas for a few years and i ...
A. 21 October 2011: So you moved to be with your now ex and it turned out to be a very bad relationship. And now you've met an old friend and are planning to move again and live with him.
Plus, you saw your old ex, because you hadn't seen him in months and wanted t... (read in full...)
Scared and confused, should I marry him?
Q. hi cupids, ive been with my guy for 3yrs.we have a boy of 2yrs.he's been divorced from a previous marriage.he wanted to marry me last june which i refused.because of the way he treats me.i am very confused.i still stay in his house.i cry almo...
A. 20 October 2011: You MUST NOT marry this man! He does not love you, he only wants to control you. He is nasty, abusive and the beatings and ill treatment will only continue and get worse.
Go back to your parents: tell them what you have told us and emphasiz... (read in full...)
We are virtual friends and Sext. Should I tell his new girlfriend about us? He says we do the things his Gf is too shy to do.
Q. dear cupid, soo, there's this guy that i met in college back in december of last year. for most of that time, me and him have kind of been...well, i guess a good term for it would be "virtual friends with benefits." basically, we sext (without pi...
A. 15 October 2011: No, don't tell her. And, you might want to consider dropping this man now that he has a girlfriend.
If he thinks she's "too shy" then that's his/their problem not yours.
Best to leave it alone.... (read in full...)
Parents won't accept my current b/f but I've found a new guy they would. I don't know what to do!
Q. Hello. Okay, so I usually am never confused when it comes to dating. But this time im stuck! Ive been dating my boyfriend for a year now. Im muslim and he is not. My family will never accept him if he ever wants to marry me. Im his first love. We ...
A. 15 October 2011: You'll get over your current boyfriend. I know that sounds harsh, but obviously all is not well in your relationship with him.
Marrying a fellow Muslim would be better in so many ways. BUT you might have to make some adjustments! Muslims ... (read in full...)
Overwhelmed with life and don't want to be independent anymore
Q. I'm frozen with inaction. I'm in a relationship that I hope will lead to marriage, but at this point (1 year), it's too early to be sure. I have always been fairly independent but I'm tired and lonely taking care of myself. I want certainty that ...
A. 14 October 2011: Well, a year is still early, but it's not TOO early to talk to your signifcant other and see what his thoughts are regarding a possible future together, as well as express your own hopes - WITHOUT coming across as over-anxious and giving him the ... (read in full...)
I slept with someone else when were not properly together and now I'm worried my boyfriend will find out, what should I do?
Q. I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 22, I've wanted to be with him for over a year, then I moved away for work in june,and he finally told me how he felt, we acted like we were together but wasn't due to long distance, when I came back for a few days I slept ...
A. 14 October 2011: If he wasn't your boyfriend when this happened then it wasn't technically cheating. However, if you hoped to become bf-gf at the time, having sex with a friend was not the wisest thing to do.
You have the choice to tell him what happened and hope... (read in full...)
I'm 18, single and unemployed but I want a baby
Q. I have posted a question on here before and received good advice, therefore I wanted to ask for opinions on something that has been puzzling me for some time. I am 18 and my boyfriend is 20, despite my young age, I am desperate for a child. My ...
A. 13 October 2011: You're unemployed, but want a baby. Why not try to get a job working in a day care center with very young children? That way you would be around them but not taking on the responsibility of having one of your own.
Look: you have years ahead of... (read in full...)
I lost my temper and swore at my uncle and now I'm seen as the 'bad guy'
Q. Hi, I feel the need to ask for honest anonomous opinion here! Ive recently had a fall out with my uncle over a text i sent. he called me shouting and arguing with me. I have never had anyone talk to me like that let alone my own uncle. (i ...
A. 13 October 2011: While it is true that your uncle shouldn't have called you and started shouting and arguing, but at the same time, YOU shouldn't have responded in the way you did.
He was understandably very angry that you sent a text telling the recipien... (read in full...)
Am I pushing him too hard to have relationship with me?
Q. hello guys.. i need your advices / help.. so here is my situation : I met this guy online this Sept 26th. 2011..he is a US NAVY but he is in Japan for 3 years,but going back to USA this december.. we always chat everyday, we text during his duty.. ...
A. 12 October 2011: I would advise you not to get your hopes up and build up a fantasy of what it might be like to have a future with this man! You met him less than a month ago, and though you have talked on Skype, you have not met in person. Who knows if you eve... (read in full...)
We broke up and he hasn't called me or texted yet
Q. Okay .. Umm so me and my boyfriend had a fight the other night and it turned out to be pretty nasty unfortunately we both were hell mad at each other and were being really selfish. In the end he was like "lets end it here only", I said "if that what ...
A. 9 October 2011: Why do you expect him to contact you?
You had a very serious fight with him; he said he wanted to end it, and you agreed.
If now you're regretting what happened, your best bet is, as the other aunts have said, to give him a few weeks time a... (read in full...)
Early on in dating, is 26 hours without contact a cause to worry?
Q. I hvae just started dating a new man. We have been on two (what I think) have been amazingly wonderful dates, and there is great chemistry and a connection already. It is obvious he is attracted to me - he isn't making any attempt to hide the f...
A. 9 October 2011: 24 hours with no contact from him? YES, you should be terribly worried!! He must no longer be interested!
NOT.
You've had two dates which were very enjoyable, so why all this anxiety now? As Aunt Honesty has said, you really need to slow dow... (read in full...)
My FWB is being far too casual with me. Is he losing interest?
Q. I don't understand my FWB guy. He seemed really into me and said that he just wanted "a bit of fun" I am fine with this. But what I don't get is that I just hardly ever hear from him. If I text him he doesn't always reply we're supposed to be m...
A. 7 October 2011: You've ended it? Good for you.
Yes, it is quite upsetting, but as you said, at least you won't have to put up with his nonsense any longer.
More power to you in eventually finding a man who will be attracted to you for the person you are, ... (read in full...)
I'm terrified that I'll never fall in love again
Q. Ever since I broke up with my ex 2 years ago I havent been able to have feelings for any other guy. I was madly in love with him and he broke my heart. I have been on many dates but when it becomes remotely serious I just back out and think I can'...
A. 7 October 2011: You were hurt pretty badly by your ex. That's like accidently putting your hand on a stove when you didn't realize the burner was on. That might well make you very wary of going near a stove again (I know, I know, not a terribly good analogy, but ... (read in full...)
My FWB is being far too casual with me. Is he losing interest?
Q. I don't understand my FWB guy. He seemed really into me and said that he just wanted "a bit of fun" I am fine with this. But what I don't get is that I just hardly ever hear from him. If I text him he doesn't always reply we're supposed to be m...
A. 7 October 2011: You don't get it. "Friends" it is not - I like Tisha-1's term "acquaintance with benefits", that's more accurate. You want him to be your friend, and he understands that, I'm sure. BUT that's not what HE wants.
What he wants is sex, period. ... (read in full...)
My FWB is being far too casual with me. Is he losing interest?
Q. I don't understand my FWB guy. He seemed really into me and said that he just wanted "a bit of fun" I am fine with this. But what I don't get is that I just hardly ever hear from him. If I text him he doesn't always reply we're supposed to be m...
A. 6 October 2011: I'm afraid I have to agree with what Caring Guy and the anonymous female poster have told you.
He wants you for sex, period. That's why you got the impression he was "really into me."
He WAS - so that he could get you into bed. To spell it out ... (read in full...)
He says he is over his love who died 8 years ago but I don't trust him!
Q. Hi.. whoever is reading this I do hope I can get some good advice or some kind of understanding as to why I feel the way I'm feeling at the moment! I met a wonderful Man back in July 11 -still together.He has not had any sort of relationship in the ...
A. 4 October 2011:
Now look: it wasn't very nice of you to tell him you feel as if you're second best, you know!
I realize it's been eight years since his other love died, but the truth is,as any widow or widower will tell you, if their relationship was happy, t... (read in full...)
Is my man holding something from me or is it just in my head
Q. here i am again agony aunts and uncles for your advice, i have been with my man for over 2 years now and its LDR, but thats soon coming to a end cause i am due to move up to be nearer him and eveuntally move in together, as we have kids from our exs ...
A. 3 October 2011: You don't know why you think there may or might have been something between them.
If you have asked him twice about this, and he has told you she's no more than a platonic friend, I'd advise you to drop it.
I realize it's tempting for you... (read in full...)
I don't know how to end a 3 year relationship when I know it'll hurt my bf so much..
Q. So, I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 19. We've been together for 3 years and he loves me and I love him but now I just can't see myself with him. He pretty much killed my social life because he's so awkward and now I have no friends. He can imagine us ...
A. 2 October 2011: Yes, he will be hurt, no question. Rejection is never a fun experience.
But you have been together since you were 16. That's too young to settle down with someone, when you both are very young and have your whole lives ahead of you. Your soc... (read in full...)
Why would this guy still be on the dating site? I feel so used and disillusioned!
Q. I met a guy last week from a dating site for the first time. We had an amazing time and had sex which was fantastic! Of course this all sounds quick, but I believe it was the right thing to do at the time even though we only knew each other couple ...
A. 2 October 2011: Well, sorry for your bzd experience with this man. I know you're hurt and disappointed, and berating yourself.
However, the clue lies in your statements of "I thought...." and "I felt...." Obviously, HE did not think and feel along the same lin... (read in full...)
How much trouble would we be in if we have sex at a movie theatre and get caught?
Q. I am 19 and I have been with my bf Brett for 2 yrs. Our 2 yr anniversary is on wednesday and I wanted to do something special so I asked him what he would like to do. I was kinda shocked when he sadi he had 2 things he had always wanted to do the ...
A. 27 September 2011: Stupid idea. You COULD get arrested, thoroughly annoy others in the cinema (though maybe a few would find it amusingly titillating), get some publicity on the local news, if not YouTube.......... (read in full...)
How much is too much patience? He tells me to "please wait and be patient" but my patience has limits
Q. So I met this guy two years ago but he was with someone else, so we lost touch, but then one day a year ago we started talking again. And I found out he was single. We started talking practically everyday and every night and things seemed to go very...
A. 27 September 2011: Has it occurred to you that he may want simple friendship with you and nothing more? If that's so, and you are okay with it, then fine, but if not....
By allowing yourself to become "very attached" to him, you have taken a step too far when app... (read in full...)
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