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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I met a guy last week from a dating site for the first time. We had an amazing time and had sex which was fantastic! Of course this all sounds quick, but I believe it was the right thing to do at the time even though we only knew each other couple weeks. Thing is I really felt connected on all levels and thought he felt the same - there was incredible chemistry or so I thought. Now, I don't doubt my feelings and intentions as I would love to see him again. However - I checked the site where we met and he has been on line several times which makes me think he is still searching and chatting to other girls. Of course he is allowed to, but I have no desire to talk to anyone else at the moment as I feel hooked with this guy. Why would a guy still be on the dating site? I was so sure we could see where we could go and take it from there. I feel a slut now and really disillusioned. I felt I had known him for ages, that is how comfortable I was with him. I am corresponding with him now on a social network site as he has not given me his new telephone number - but have only had one message from him. Is he blowing me off? I really did not expect it from him as I thought this time he is different and we talked about lots of stufff and he was so open with me. Anyway, I am not going to contact him now and see what happens. Don't know why I feel so upset as we only met the once and I am old enough to know better! I feel used.
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male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 I believe he probably goes round the sites and finds women to have sex with then moves on. He got what he wanted with you and now has moved on. The lack of messages from him and that he wont give his new number all mean he is finished with you now.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (2 October 2011):
 all you can do is use this is a lesson in how NOT to date!
you slept with him too soon (sometimes it can work out for people but for you and him, it really doesn't look like it will) you FELT you knew him well enough but really, you didn't did you? it is easy to feel like you have a connection with someone when you are getting on really well and the chemistry is all there too but when you feel like this with a new guy you just need to take a step back - slow down and take a reality check - you do not know him, so don't sleep with him until you are SURE you do.
looking at the facts - he has not given you his new number, you are hardly hearing from him (before you slept with him i bet he was contacting you lots wasn't he?) you know perfectly well why he is still going on that dating site, even it you don't want to admit it - he IS looking for more women/dates/sex. for all you know he might be getting through scores of women by trawling dating sites.
sorry but you are right - you HAVE been used and you fell for him. he will probably keep you on the side for when he doesn't have any other dates to go to. i know this feels crap for you, but really, all you can do is chalk this up to experience. don't make the same mistake next time you meet a man.
some people use dating sites because they know they will find partners on there who really want a relationship. if you have that desperate need to have a boyfriend, you are in a dangerous position, you will be very forgiving when men do things wrong, you will settle for ones who are not really right for you. in short - you are an easy target.
don't be used by anyone. keep your feet on the ground and your wits about you. unfortunately, some people are not what they seem. get to know them well enough before having sex or else you will feel used and tricked.
a good social life with your friends can make you feel less lonely and desperate for a man, so do what you can to plan fun things to look forward to
x
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 This is one of the hardest lessons to learn:
Dating rule #1- If you are just looking for a good time-have sex with someone as quickly as possible when you meet someone.
Dating rule #2-If you are looking for a LONG time. Get to know the person, develop a friendship, decide if monogamy is acceptable...THEN enter the sexual domain.
Repeat the phrase "Monogamy before you get in me".
You are doing the right thing by going to no contact. Keep in mind he many not make a move.
You are NOT a slut. YOu were feeling chemistry and all the "signs" were there that he was interested. But, there was something missing. He did not express he wanted a monagamous relationship and he was ready to stop dating others.
Having sex with him early on also creates intimacy and bonding. This is far more common in women than men. Your "couple feelings" got turned on with the sex.
Generalizing, but Men do not have that switch. Sex is sex.
Real couplehood takes time to build.
In all fairness, you are on the dating site too, right? So, it might look like you are still "comparision shopping".
So, take a deep breath darling and mark this for experience. Slow down next time. Even if things are great and sparkly, a guy who is TRULY into will not bypass you because you hold off sex a little. It is more than likely, he will respect you more later.
MOST guys will move on if you are not offering the speedy path to sex. Let them walk away! If you really want a serious, monagamous relationship, you have to be pickier and more cautious. The real good ones are few and far between, but oh, are they worth the wait!
Good Luck! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am the original poster. Thanks for all your input. It is so easy to get carried away in the moment, and because I crave to be with someone so much right now, it felt so good, he did make me feel so special. And maybe he did really like me, but had time to think after and thought that I wasn't really going to be relationship material. One way street with this one then I guess, I got him wrong and I will learn from this. I think the best thing for me is to be friends first and try not to get too flirty/naughty with them without having at least met them first. I'll just put this down to experience, and just think what a great one night it was and that is all it was! Thanks guys and gals..!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 October 2011):
 I'm pretty sure he's done with you hon... it was a classic, get it, get what you can, and get out....
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female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (2 October 2011):
You are not a slut. You are a grown woman who chose to have sx with a man because the moment felt right. Chalk it up to a great time and a pleasure you enjoyed. He did not use you unless he made you false promises or lied to get you to have sex. It doesn't sound like he did either.
It was two consenting adults having a good time.
Now if you want more from the next one - you must wait to have sex. Look I know I have had sex way to early and the guy never takes it as a relationship. If you want commitment - you have to get the commitment first and hold out on the sex. I hate that it is this way - but sadly it is - especially if you are looking for husband material.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): he never made any promises before sex. You are probably one of many he has used.
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female
reader, Miss Karma Louise +, writes (2 October 2011):
i agree with the above. Just take it as a lesson learnt. your only human and when we crave love and attention lets be honest we do get a little crazy... it will all blow over and he'll be forgotton about, and you can do better than him im sure. keep prince charming in mind and dont stop till you get him. Good luck,x
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 You may have felt a wealth of introspective feelings for him, but he may not have felt the same for you. He may be a player and using this dating site is a way to meet lots of women for sex. Then again, men don't rush to cut their ties with other women as quickly as we would like for them to. Many will continue to be listed on dating sites well into a so-called committed relationship. Call it an insurance policy if you will. Men don't rush as quickly into their committments so it's hard to tell if they're serious until they tell us so. If you're patient, fruit may still come out of this union. But don't expect miracles overnight.
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (2 October 2011):
 Well, sorry for your bzd experience with this man. I know you're hurt and disappointed, and berating yourself.
However, the clue lies in your statements of "I thought...." and "I felt...." Obviously, HE did not think and feel along the same lines!
You are NOT a slut - so put that label aside. However, you DID allow yourself to be used. Sex on the first date is almost never a good idea. The truth is, you DON'T know him at all. How could you after a two-week acquaintance, and one meeting? You were unwise enough to invest too much, far too soon.
Him not giving you his phone number and still being on the dating site and looking, are bad signs - perhaps I should say rather, they are, in a perverse sort of way, GOOD signs because you now have a pretty clear idea as to his intentions vis-a-vis you.
There is an old, but harsh adage: "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." He got the goodies first time, and most likely, for what it's worth, enjoyed the time he spent with you, but there's no further incentive for him to pursue you now.
Having said all this, I COULD be wrong. He MIGHT decide to go out with you again, but don't hold your breath.
At least if you can learn from this experience, you'll be better off.....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): You had a one night stand...it doesn't get any more simple than that. Why would he want it to go further? Having sex the first time you see him communicates the wrong message about what kind of woman you are and you are at an age where men will really judge you for it. WAIT if you want a relationship, you can't sleep your way into one!
No doubt it's a double standard but instead of trying to change how all men think, change how you present yourself to men and you'll get more respect and maybe a relationship. You used him, he used you but he's the only one who got what he wanted. It will play out that way every time you jump in the sack without making him earn it.
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