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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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How can she say she loves me when she treats me like I am nothing?
Q. She clamins to love me..but yet she has no time for me. We are still early on in the relationship.. 3 months.. shouldnt we still be all over each other? For the past month its just been me barely getting by.. ive lost my cool once or twice because ...
A. 3 January 2012: Congratulations! You acted in your own best interest and were truthful with her in letting her know why you had decided to end it.
Now you're free to please yourself and eventually meet someone really compatible who will appreciate you for who ... (read in full...)
Is he letting his friends make all the decisions or is he only using them as a cover up for his own indifference?
Q. Hi guys. I'm not sure how to feel about this. I have an ex, we broke up just a few months ago. While we were together he talked about moving with his friends no another city. This came as a shock as he hadn't mentioned anything about it to me. He ...
A. 2 January 2012: Unfortunately he doesn't really love you in the sense you would want. Probably means it more as being concerned about you......in the circumstances, cutting off cotact with him is the best thing you can do for yourself - you can be free to meet ... (read in full...)
Is he letting his friends make all the decisions or is he only using them as a cover up for his own indifference?
Q. Hi guys. I'm not sure how to feel about this. I have an ex, we broke up just a few months ago. While we were together he talked about moving with his friends no another city. This came as a shock as he hadn't mentioned anything about it to me. He ...
A. 2 January 2012: Why is are you making such a big deal out of what is essentially a non-issue?
He is your FORMER boyfriend, right? The relationship is over and you said yourself that things ended because you weren't good together.
True, you discussed his (p... (read in full...)
How can she say she loves me when she treats me like I am nothing?
Q. She clamins to love me..but yet she has no time for me. We are still early on in the relationship.. 3 months.. shouldnt we still be all over each other? For the past month its just been me barely getting by.. ive lost my cool once or twice because ...
A. 1 January 2012: Maybe she just likes the idea of having a man around she can get in touch with when and if she chooses. Sort of a control issue. she'd lose that "power" if you end it.
But still, you shoudn't be puttintg up with this kind of behavior any long... (read in full...)
How can she say she loves me when she treats me like I am nothing?
Q. She clamins to love me..but yet she has no time for me. We are still early on in the relationship.. 3 months.. shouldnt we still be all over each other? For the past month its just been me barely getting by.. ive lost my cool once or twice because ...
A. 1 January 2012: Maybe she just likes the idea of having a man around she can get in touch with when and if she chooses. Sort of a control issue. she'd lose that "power" if you end it.
But still, you shoudn't be puttintg up with this kind of behavior any long... (read in full...)
He's trying to cheat on her. What should I do? Cutting contact seems difficult.
Q. This isn't usually the type of thing I'd think about let alone do believe me. This guy and I were sort of FWB a while ago when we were both single. We've kept in touch since then and met up but just as friends because he's back with his ex girl...
A. 1 January 2012: Sorry, but it IS that simple. He's with this other girl now, so you need to stay out of it. No need to say anything to him: just cut off all contact. He evidently isn't going to give you what you really want - i.e., a committed relationship wit... (read in full...)
How do I stop this guy's invasive presence?
Q. OK, maybe this is a stupid question, especially at my age, but here it is: I met this guy exactly three times, once when we met at a party, once we had coffee and once we went together at a workshop with a lot of other people, and now he is writing ...
A. 30 December 2011: Can you not block your Facenook page from him?
That would be the easiest way - I don't know if it is possible to block unwanted people from looking at it, though.
Why do you want him as a friend??
Just tell him, straight out that you're... (read in full...)
Am I his Booty Call?
Q. So how do you know or ask a guy if this relationship is going somewhere and that I am not just a botty call? He says he worries about me and when we fight that he misses me a lot, and gets worried if anything happened to me. I want to know if this ...
A. 30 December 2011: Well, let's think about this: does he call or text you to go out on dates - out for dinner or lunch at a nice restaurant once in a while, sometimes he pays, other times you split the bill between you - and sometimes you just go to a local eatery, ... (read in full...)
My Gf still checks her ex's facebook account, should I be worried?
Q. What should I think about my girlfriend checking her xboyfriends facebook page even though she unfriended him and can't see anything but his profile pic which isn't even a picture of him? He was a bit of trouble in our relationship in the begi...
A. 30 December 2011: If he's her ex-boyfriend - how long has he BEEN an "ex" by the way? I don't know why she should be checking his Facebook profile on a daily basis. I could understand she MIGHT want to check it occasionally if he was having a lot of problems - for ... (read in full...)
He wants to stop chasing women. So he dropped me. What can I do to encourage him to not just walk away?
Q. Hi, I have been really foolish and now I'm stuck in a love relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I'm 31 and female and met this amazing guy last year in a bar with friends, he's 3 years younger then me, funny, intellig...
A. 28 December 2011: I know this is very painful and disappointing for you. But think about it: when you first met him he told you straight out that he "doesn't do" relationships and likes to chase women. Now he's told you he's giving up chasing and wants to focus on ... (read in full...)
I used to date my sister in law...and I think we still want each other
Q. hi i'm a married man with kids and don't see all my family until we all have a family get together at he weekends at my parents house, which is where i bump into my sister inlaw who was my ex girlfriend briefly at college but now shes married to my ...
A. 28 December 2011: She's off-limits. You are a married man; she's married to your brother.
Unless you want to break up your family and incur the resentment, hatred and anger of all concerned - FORGET IT!
Pay attention to iAmHereTohelpYou. If you don't give u... (read in full...)
My b/f throws it in my face that he has 2 kids and all that I have is a cat!
Q. Hello everyone I'm looking for advice and anyone else who has been through this. I have been with my partner for 2 years. I love him most of the time. We do nearly everything together and are affectionate, and love each others company. We alw...
A. 26 December 2011: Well, phooey to your boyfriend! Sorry, but he really does have a nasty attitude when he gets (I guess) overwhelmed with his responsibilities raising two children and it makes him envious of you. It's not as if you don't make his children feel we... (read in full...)
I've only met him 3 times. Is accepting his invitation to a party potentially dangerous?
Q. I've been invited to a house party on New Year's Eve, and i'm not sure whether to go or not. I recently met this guy. We have met up in public three times so far ( including the night we first met each other ). And now he wants me to go to the ...
A. 25 December 2011: Having read other responses and your giving us more info as well, my strong recommendation is DON'T GO.
Think about it: HE doesn't take drugs - so he says - BUT his room mates and friends do, and he does drink. Plus he made a sexual comment ... (read in full...)
I'm terrified that I'm going to like him too much
Q. I just need a little advice about this guy I just met. It's important to know that I have just been broken up with by the guy I deeply loved (first love) and we had been together for four years (since being 17) and he decided to end it six weeks ...
A. 24 December 2011: Yes, there certainly is a way to prevent yourself from letting the crush you've already developed on Brent from going any further: stop seeing him. OR, suggest getting together for lunch with him and his girlfriend, and don't see him alone ... (read in full...)
I've only met him 3 times. Is accepting his invitation to a party potentially dangerous?
Q. I've been invited to a house party on New Year's Eve, and i'm not sure whether to go or not. I recently met this guy. We have met up in public three times so far ( including the night we first met each other ). And now he wants me to go to the ...
A. 24 December 2011: If you have any doubt at all - and it sounds as though you do - then the simple answer is "Don't." As in "don't go."
If you do go, how will you get there? Will you have your own car to get home again? Be careful of how much you drink and don'... (read in full...)
We broke up because she is a go-getter and I wasnt figuring my career out quick enough...but now I want her back, how do I show her things will be different this time?
Q. I think the main reason was my wavering mind about my career, and the pace at which I was going in trying to figure things out - more slowly than her. She's a real go getter, and she really wanted me to match her pace, which I wanted to as well, but ...
A. 23 December 2011: Well, perhaps the best thing now is not to get in touch with her again. Just carry on with your own plans and life. If she should decide she wants to contact you again with a view to seeing if it might work out after all, then I'd leave it up to ... (read in full...)
Is it over?
Q. Hi, I've been dating a girl for a few weeks and the last couple we haven't seen each other as she doesn't live in my town but is here usually working on weekends. She's been a little distant not sending me messages a lot as before and in the space ...
A. 23 December 2011: Hoo boy! What ARE you doing - trying to make your fears that she isn't interested in you and might want to end it a self-fulfilling prophecy? If so, you're going about it in the right way!
If this is not what you want, you seriously need to ... (read in full...)
We broke up because she is a go-getter and I wasnt figuring my career out quick enough...but now I want her back, how do I show her things will be different this time?
Q. I think the main reason was my wavering mind about my career, and the pace at which I was going in trying to figure things out - more slowly than her. She's a real go getter, and she really wanted me to match her pace, which I wanted to as well, but ...
A. 22 December 2011: Unfortunately, it's plain as day that she is not interested in a relationship with you.
She knows (and you know) you want more than just friendship.
No matter how much you try to "pace" yourself, it will only end for you in thoroughgoin... (read in full...)
I wasn't entirely sure about commitment and let him go. Now I know I was wrong.
Q. Please someone shed some light on my heavy heart. I recently broke up with my partner of 8years. I was deeply in love with him..almost to obsession. He wanted to get married and start a family but throughout our r/ship, there were a lot of red flag...
A. 22 December 2011: Well, thank you, everycloud!
I'm glad to know you found what I wrote comforting and useful.
I wish you all the best for a nice Christmas with your family and friends, and greetings for a happy New Year!... (read in full...)
I wasn't entirely sure about commitment and let him go. Now I know I was wrong.
Q. Please someone shed some light on my heavy heart. I recently broke up with my partner of 8years. I was deeply in love with him..almost to obsession. He wanted to get married and start a family but throughout our r/ship, there were a lot of red flag...
A. 21 December 2011: You know, perhaps you've made the WISEST decision possible for your future.
I realize it certainly doesn't seem that way now, but I think you might be grieving for the kind of relationship with him that was just not possible. Obviously you trie... (read in full...)
No matter how much I spend my gift isn't likely to please his mother
Q. My boyfriend's mom is ridiculously materialistic. She's like a walking talking brand name. She makes fun of poor people and judges them. Well this year she's holding a huge party and giving away extravagant gifts for Christmas (perfumes, Luis ...
A. 21 December 2011: Yes, she DOES sound extremely difficult, I must say!
Perhaps you could ask her - or better yet, ask your boyfriend what kind of gift she'd like to receive from you -or, get her a gift certificate so she can buy herself something she wants...... (read in full...)
My husband's family don't respect my kitchen
Q. My husband had told me that some of his fathers friends were stopping by because they were driving up from Florida to Ny and they were stopping through. I had never met these people but it turned out they were actually staying at our house. No ...
A. 21 December 2011: You should tell him exactly what you have told us: i.e., "It's MY kitchen and I don't appreciate having some stranger come in and start cooking without my knowledge or permission. I realize your son came to visit for the first time, and these are ... (read in full...)
My Gf has asked me for £50, I said No, was I wrong?
Q. Hi all, been with my gf for 3 years she has never worked (she is 19) and neither has her mum I have worked since I left school. I spend quite alot on her having to buy food lending her bus money etc etc sometimes it annoys me sometimes it doesn't. ...
A. 20 December 2011: No, do not give her 50 pounds!
You have done quite enough for her. Tell her its time to get a job - any job - so she can start earning something and boost her self-respect.........
Stand firm!... (read in full...)
My ex and I had such a nice talk today. Do I have a shot of getting him back?
Q. i need some serious advice!!! after a while not talking to my ex, i decided to show him that i still loved him and wanted him back. he talked to me on the phone (we live in different cities) like a friend, but whenever i tried to say something a...
A. 20 December 2011: What should you do next?
Nothing.
Consider: he told you it is best for you not to try get him back, so he has evidently moved on. In view of your most recent conversation when you sent him the photos, he evidently feels bad that things didn... (read in full...)
Confront or not? Evidence of girl in my new BF's apt.
Q. Ok: confront or not? Just had the "are we sleeping with other people? Are we dating other people conversation" with the guy I've been dating for 2 months. He has been flaky in the beginnig and said he was but is no longer because he likes me and ...
A. 17 December 2011: You've only been dating this man a mere two months. Hardly any time at all. Have you both discussed being exclusive - or did you simply (until now)assume that you were?
In any case, it seems pretty clear that he is dating, if not sleeping... (read in full...)
Is this online guy a player?
Q. Here's the deal. I met this guy online and started talking to him (after a long ordeal of me ignoring him) and we eventually started hitting it off. We have a lot in common, have the same views about life and are physically/intellectually attracted ...
A. 15 December 2011: Well, it was a big mistake to have sex with him on the first date - and would have been if it were dates 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.........he has admitted to being highly sexed, and that usually gets in the way of getting to know one another.
Moreo... (read in full...)
Awesome boyfriend but I wish there was more chemistry
Q. I have a really great boyfriend. He is supportive, totally into me, very intelligent, comes from a great family, is loving, responsible, good looking, and the list goes on and on. When I have all of these qualities about him on my mind, I can’t help ...
A. 10 December 2011: How long have you been dating?
Has your current relationship lasted longer, so far, than some of the previous ones?
You see, the initial intense, stars-in-the eyes dizzy feelings do inevitably lessen the more time you spend with someone as ... (read in full...)
He called it "SPAM" I think he is cheating. Should I leave him?
Q. I need some help big time with my relationship! My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years!! Recently I have suspected him of cheating on me and its driving me insane! A few months ago I noticed that he wouldn't let his phone out of his s...
A. 6 December 2011: Is he cheating? Do you even need to ask?
I know it's very painful after he has been your bf for more than five years, you feel betrayed, hurt and let down - and now you know he can't be trusted.
Please, stop torturing yourself by checking his ... (read in full...)
Is this how cheats normally behave?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend almost 5 years. She is 10 years younger than me. We go out,and without fail she chooses out a girl in the crowd and when we get home she has accused me of looking at her chosen girl all night or says we couldnt take ...
A. 6 December 2011: Well, I don't know about "how cheats normally behave". The point is, she has been/is carrying on with a married man for a long time while with you. Either one of those behaviors is bad enough, but she's made her behavior much worse.
She m... (read in full...)
I feel so used and don't understand what is going on
Q. So to make a long story short. Met one night 7 months ago. Been talking and hanging out ever since. One day, he just stopped talking to me. For two weeks I tried to pretend I didn't care, but one night, my emotions got the best of me and I contacted ...
A. 1 December 2011: You feel used and neglected. But you know what? As far as HE'S concerned you are a willing participant!
Unless you have actually told him straight out how you feel, he really doesn't know. I think, though, that even if you did tell him, it ... (read in full...)
He acts like a complete jackass towards me but I cant let him go, help!
Q. Hello. What to do when your boyfriend of almost 3 years stops having sex with you, doesn't talk to you like that anymore, ignores your calls/texts, acts like he doesn't want you around, constantly lies about little simple things, rarely spends times ...
A. 24 November 2011: What do you do? It's simple: you dump his sorry self, forget all about "loving him" - he doesn't deserve it and YOU need to treat yourself with more self-respect!
Hard or not, steel yourself, make up your mind to cut ALL contact, and don't lo... (read in full...)
Involved with a married man and need unbiased thoughts, please help!
Q. Hello all, Please take the time to read: I met my boyfriend of almost two years (in December) online by chance. I actually caught his attention and made the first move, but we took a lot of time to get to know each other as friends first be...
A. 24 November 2011: P.S. I just want to second everything Ampersand has told you - excellent advice!
I had intended, but forgot, to say that you should trust your paranoia! It's trying to tell you something you should pay attention to!
Good luck!... (read in full...)
Involved with a married man and need unbiased thoughts, please help!
Q. Hello all, Please take the time to read: I met my boyfriend of almost two years (in December) online by chance. I actually caught his attention and made the first move, but we took a lot of time to get to know each other as friends first be...
A. 24 November 2011: You've known this man two years. He has told you his marriage is, basically, a wreck, but has taken no steps to even separate from his wife, let alone proceed with divorce and custody arrangements.
While he may well enjoy his online friendsh... (read in full...)
If I ignore him completely, will he miss me?
Q. i need some advice... i broke up with my bf 6 months ago and after a while, i totaly regreted it... (although i had really good reasons to do it) i have to admit that ever since we broke up, i never really left him alone... i'd text him, a...
A. 24 November 2011: Alright, Let's see now.
You broke up with him, he didn't initiate the ending. You say you had good reasons for doing so. If he was a jerk, why are you questioning your decision now?
By ending it, and then constantly contacting him, ... (read in full...)
How do I word this card so we can continue a professional relationship with the goal of getting to know him better?
Q. A mutual attraction developed between me and a work colleague. I have now left the company but occasionally contact this guy on business level. I would like to send him an xmas card and suggesting that we link up as I would like to see him as a ...
A. 24 November 2011: You fancy him, and feel there is a mutual attraction (unless the attraction is solely on your side, but you HOPE he's attracted to you as well).
Yet at the same time, you want to develop a friendship and get career advice from him.
Well, y... (read in full...)
How do I word this card so we can continue a professional relationship with the goal of getting to know him better?
Q. A mutual attraction developed between me and a work colleague. I have now left the company but occasionally contact this guy on business level. I would like to send him an xmas card and suggesting that we link up as I would like to see him as a ...
A. 24 November 2011: You fancy him, and feel there is a mutual attraction (unless the attraction is solely on your side, but you HOPE he's attracted to you as well).
Yet at the same time, you want to develop a friendship and get career advice from him.
Well, y... (read in full...)
He rejected me, but still acts interested. What's his deal?
Q. See the question? Yeah, why do guys do this? It's not only irritating but disrespectful. I asked a guy out at the end of September that i had been crushing on for the whole summer. (he's 29 i'm 21). I was proud of myself that I was so straight ...
A. 22 November 2011: He is certainly being disrespectful and just focussing on sex.
You say he "know he could have me if he wanted me."
Does he now? Whatever gave him that idea?
Don't put up with it! Either cultivate a friendship first without rushing into sex... (read in full...)
Impotence without a medical cause?
Q. I have a 49 years old husband. He is impotent at the last few years. He is ok medically. What could be wrong with him? Is it possible to be impotent without a cause?...
A. 22 November 2011: There's no telling. He really should see his doctor......good luck!... (read in full...)
My friends will laugh when they find out I met him on a dating site
Q. Hi, i have recently met my new guy on a dating site. My friends will laugh if they know where i have met him,but he has no embarrassment and refuses to lie about it. Also me and my ex broke up over me being on dating sites. Even though its nothing ...
A. 20 November 2011: Good for your current boyfriend about refusing to be embarrassed about meeting you on a dating site - and refusing to lie about it!
As for your ex, well he IS your ex. You should not have anything further to do with him. It is none of his busi... (read in full...)
Do emotionally abusive people really love you, but need professional help, or do they not love you ?
Q. Do people who are emotionally abusive really love you, but need proffessional help, or do they not really love you ?. I need to get out of a relationship with my emotionally abusive boyfriend, but i'm finding it hard to let go. Can anyone help ?. ...
A. 18 November 2011: He might or might not be abusive with another woman. the point is, he is emotionally unstable and deranged.
What YOU should be concerned with is not whether he'd treat someone else so badly; it's how he's treating YOU and ruining YOUR life tha... (read in full...)
Do emotionally abusive people really love you, but need professional help, or do they not love you ?
Q. Do people who are emotionally abusive really love you, but need proffessional help, or do they not really love you ?. I need to get out of a relationship with my emotionally abusive boyfriend, but i'm finding it hard to let go. Can anyone help ?. ...
A. 18 November 2011: Sorry, but you are not helping yourself if you keep calling texting him. Seriously, you're not.
You may love him, but this relationship is damaging to you. It is NOT in your best interests to keep in contact with this man. By begging him to c... (read in full...)
Do emotionally abusive people really love you, but need professional help, or do they not love you ?
Q. Do people who are emotionally abusive really love you, but need proffessional help, or do they not really love you ?. I need to get out of a relationship with my emotionally abusive boyfriend, but i'm finding it hard to let go. Can anyone help ?. ...
A. 17 November 2011: Emotionally abusve people are psychologically damaged, and get satisfaction out of controlling another person - gives them a sense of power. Yes, they DO need professional help if they are to ever become whole again.
However, the point for YOU,... (read in full...)
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