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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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He broke up with me to 'hibernate' but still cares about me... what should I do?
Q. I am very confused now..my bf of a year and a half broke up with me a month ago after having a series of arguments. Basically he was sort of depressed about his life and so he was aloof and cold to me sometimes, but I didn't really know what is ...
A. 21 June 2011: Well, it sounds as if your boyfriend really has some tough issues to deal with - and has for some time (hence your comment about finding him "aloof and cold sometimes."
I think he IS being honest with you and not trying to let you down gently. ... (read in full...)
I want to call him but should I wait?
Q. Dear Cupid: After exchanging emails with a guy I met online for about a week, I gave hime my phone number. He waited approximately 3 days and called me on his lunch break at work. Our conversations were brief but pleasant. I told him that I enjoy...
A. 21 June 2011: You have only made contact with him online very recently. I don't think his waiting three days to phone you is all that long a time. It's true that if a man is really interested he won't wait all that long.
However, hasn't it occurred to you h... (read in full...)
Could this man 33 years older than me be interested in me?
Q. Do you think i should give this man a chance, if he wants to go out with me , despite the age difference ?. I am 27, and he is 60. He is a very kind person. I was seeing another man recently, and he didn't treat me very well sometimes. This man, who ...
A. 18 June 2011: Well, I guess its quite flattering that a man who is so much older than you is showing interest (not that 60 is considered "old" these days!) Does he seem old to you?
It seems to me that he would in fact like to go out with you but is hesitant... (read in full...)
I don't love him the way I did before because of his cross dressing, and now I don't feel like being faithful anymore! What should I do?
Q. My Husband of 25 years decided to go on a business trip 6 years ago and decided to dress up as a woman and had friends that did the same. He said he did not cheat on me and after that I changed my looks and lost weight I felt I was not woman ...
A. 17 June 2011: Because some men feel the need to dress up as women and do so, doesn't necessarily mean they are gay or bi, or are going to cheat on their partners. In fact, there are cross dressing support groups (believe it or not) to which both spouses ... (read in full...)
Affair with married man....things are getting harder... I need advice!
Q. Ok- i need some advice. I have been dating a married man for about 9 months now. everything has been so much fun, we talk every day and have a great time together- and yes, we fight... more so lately. Let me start off by saying that his wife ...
A. 17 June 2011: In your last sentence you say you know what you should do - leave him completely alone and never see or hear from him again.
The fact is, he's married and was not free to take up with you in the first place. He was - and is - off limits, until an... (read in full...)
Do you think I should contact him about meeting or leave it alone?
Q. Do you think he really wants to meet me or not? I met a guy in a bar recently, and he said he is going out later with his friend, and he said he would see me later if i am out, but he hasn't told me where he is going (i am assuming he is going to ...
A. 12 June 2011: Well, sorry to say but he's probably not all that interested. If he was, he would have let you know where he wanted to meet you and when.
You sent him a text last evening, and haven't heard back from him. Unless he replies to your text, I think ... (read in full...)
How do I know that he loves me?
Q. I have never love before,but two weeks ago i met this guy who told me he love me and i also told him i do. My thought as always be on him despite the fact that he has travel. Please friends does this means am in love? And i want to know how i will ...
A. 11 June 2011: You met him TWO WEEKS ago and now you are both declaring your love for one another?
I'm sorry, but you CAN'T POSSIBlY know enough about him to be thinking you love him, or wondering if he loves you!
You can be (and it sounds as if you are) INFA... (read in full...)
He hasn't texted me since Sunday night and this bugs me! What should I do?
Q. Im not sure what to do here The guy, im kinda seeing has stopped talking to me hasnt texted me since sunday night, and its been bugging me Ive texted him 3 times and rang him twice and no reply to both I now i havent done anything wrong her...
A. 7 June 2011: Well now. Today is Tuesday afternoon, so the last time you heard from him was Sunday evening. Which basically means it's been barely a day and a half since his last communication.
Have you thought that he might be busy? Have a lot on his plat... (read in full...)
She's an absolute Slob. How do we get through to her that we are done with it?
Q. My partner and I are in a bit of a pickle and don’t know what to do. My girlfriend and I live with our mutual best friend, who we will call Jenny, and I just want to begin by saying that everything in that respect is fine. We all get along really ...
A. 6 June 2011: Next time she comes to the house, don't let her in! That's my first thought.
However, before it gets to that point, either you or Jenny -preferably you, but let Jenny know you're going to - phone Stephanie and tell her outright that she is n... (read in full...)
So was it really my ugly self this whole time? :(
Q. [Moderator note: Users own title] I am crying so bad as i right this i feel horrible right now, so my boyfriend looked at porn and i found out about a year and a half ago and i came online for help because i have such a low self esteem and i felt l...
A. 4 June 2011: I do realize you feel rejected by your bf and very bad about your weight and looks. I don't suppose he WANTED to come out and say he had trouble getting hard because of your weight, but you did rather keep on about it until he finally told you, you ... (read in full...)
Should I just tell him to move on because I have, even though I miss him??
Q. What should I do? Do I check up on him or move on? I loved my ex boyfriend so much, but he dumped me saying he doesn't want a relationship. After a month of no contact he rang to me tell me he wants us to be friends cos he's moved on, got a...
A. 4 June 2011: He doesn't want a relationship with you; and you don't want him as a friend, either.
As zebralove says, don't get in touch with him. You have your life to get on with, and he has his......... (read in full...)
I am 17, in love with a 47 year old married man, my parents don't like him, what should I do here??
Q. I am in love with a married man. He loves me back but we have never been physical and he has not cheated on his wife except for being in love with me. He has wanted a divorce with his wife for a long time, even before he met me and before we were ...
A. 4 June 2011: I know this is going to sound judgmental, but I have to say to you, PLEASE, don't be so silly!
You met him on the internet (HAVE you in fact met him in person?). There's nothing wrong with internet dating, but you DO have to use common sense an... (read in full...)
This love just happened. How do I get over it? Why do I have to get over it?
Q. How do I get over this. I am falling deeper and deeper in love with a women 26 years younger than I am. We met in graduate school and worked together for 10 months before she left for a fulltime position. The last day we worked together, just the...
A. 1 June 2011: My only question concerns the "woman I have been with for more than 14 years." Is this someone you live with and/or are in a committed relationship with?
Because if so, and you want to pursue things with the younger woman, you must, in all fair... (read in full...)
Why aren't I sexually attracted to him when he's the hottest guy I've dated?
Q. My boyfriend is smokin' hot. We both have really deep feelings for eachother. He wants sexual activity, but the idea to me makes me gag. Normally I love being sexual with my boyfriend but its different for him. Why aren't I sexually attracted to him ...
A. 1 June 2011: The only thing I can think of is that there may well be something about his personality that turns you off.
And, I have to say, it could be literally ANYTHING. Even something that doesn't seem rational when you think about it - a little manneris... (read in full...)
Online he says he loves me but he won't meet me
Q. i meet a 26 year old guy on a dating site and we started talking on the phone alot his was perfect he made me feel so special..he is the first men in my life that made me feel good about myself.He would tell me me that he likes me and that he was ...
A. 31 May 2011: I'm with eyeswideopen on this one. A big red flag......how do you know he isn't married; has a live-in gf, or even in jail?? You really don't, do you?
Think of this as having a big traffic sign posted; "PROCEED WITH CAUTION"... (read in full...)
Where do you draw the line between getting to know someone and playing with their emotions?
Q. Ok so my friend is tring to fix me up with her boyfrien's friend, I have agreed to meet with him so I did a week ago. Hes verry nice and has a good sense of humor wich i like but however I don't know much about him and I also don't find him ...
A. 31 May 2011: Look, you can't allow either this man or your friend to pressure you into making a decision! That's not reasonable.
You've met him in person just once (I personally don't set a lot of store "talking" by text, better to have a phone conversa... (read in full...)
8 years, 1 child, another on the way..how do I get him to marry me?
Q. My fiance and I are both 28 and have been together for eight years. We have a three year old son and I'm currently 8.5 months pregnant with another boy; we even have three fur babies (a dog and two cats)! We've talked about it several times when we ...
A. 31 May 2011: You've been engaged eight years now with one child and another on the way? What ever has prevented the two of you from tying the knot long ago? Anyway, seeing as how the purpose of an engagement is a promise to marry (having, one would hope, ... (read in full...)
I cant continue this LDR but I don't want to hurt her
Q. Hi After ten months of a long distance relationship, I can't go on. I love her, love my time with her, but the relationship model is all wrong, it's not working. We have just done the "time to think" thing, I know we are finished, so does she, we ...
A. 31 May 2011: Very difficult situation you find yourself in!
First, I would ask her if any of her property has been recovered, and show some empathy for her distress......(not knowing how long it's been since the break-in).
It's really not a good idea to try... (read in full...)
I'm so nervous about meeting this guy!
Q. Can someone please try to help me keep calm lol ?. I met a guy in a bar last week . We arranged to meet up again tomorrow, but we haven't spoken since Friday, as i told him i would just text him tomorrow to see if he is still going out, as i know ...
A. 31 May 2011: I agree, don't be too nervous and don't load yourself up with expectations of someone you've only just met! By the way, if you have his phone number, why not call him tomorrow?... (read in full...)
My interfering mother drives me crazy
Q. me and my mum have just argued AGAIN. this time is because i said i would be cooking our dinner quite late (7pm) after she was starting to make noises about being hungry (she never cooks) so she snook up to my son's room and gave him a banana and ...
A. 30 May 2011: The only thing is, your Mother might not be willing to go to counseling - especially if - as is often the case between mothers and daughters (and sons!) she thinks she is in the right. When people get older they often feel they have the wisdom of ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure how to take the last text he sent me.
Q. I began a long distance relationship about 7 months ago. We would text each other from the moment we woke up until we would call each other to say goodnight. Distance eventually got the best of us and we broke up. We hadn't spoke since. A mutual ...
A. 29 May 2011: Yes, he may very well have been trying to be nice.
I do think, though, that considering you two are no longer dating, its better NOT to be in touch too often. I mean, you last texted on Monday. That's just a few days ago.
You need to m... (read in full...)
I don't believe a word he says but I still love him
Q. I need help!!! I have been datin my bf for one year now, 2 months ago i checkd his fone randomly n saw his bbm chats wif some chic n she was talkin about takin pills n being careful n he was saying he ddnt want to be a father, meanin they had sex, ...
A. 28 May 2011: Why ever SHOULD you stay with this man?! He is obviously not to be trusted and is cheating on you with other women. Think of it this way: what if one of those other "chicks" has an STD and then he has sex with you and you get infected? Serio... (read in full...)
I'm not sure how to take the last text he sent me.
Q. I began a long distance relationship about 7 months ago. We would text each other from the moment we woke up until we would call each other to say goodnight. Distance eventually got the best of us and we broke up. We hadn't spoke since. A mutual ...
A. 27 May 2011: It's hard to really tell, you know.
No doubt he WAS glad to be able to get caught up; on the other hand you both know it wouldn't work out because of the distance. No point in getting involved all over again, or in getting your hopes up. While y... (read in full...)
Should I leave my marriage or tough it out?
Q. Hello, This is gonna be long. So if you don't have the time, you might want to click through this one, lol. My wife and I have been married for 12 years and together for 14 years or so. To start from the beginning, initially we got along...
A. 26 May 2011: You and your wife certainly have a lot of issues going on. I suppose you have tried to talk with her about what you want from your marriage, your hopes and expectations from her and asked her what she wants?
She doesn't sound as if she has a go... (read in full...)
Friend has offered to let me stay at his place. Do I do it? Or get a hotel?
Q. To cut a long story short... I was in love with a guy a couple of years ago...pursued him like hell (ok i made a fool of myself) but he was not interested...so it was basically one sided. A couple of months ago i met him. After a gazillion yea...
A. 24 May 2011: Good to hear it worked out and that you enjoyed your birthday........you had your head screwed on straight (as the saying goes) and knew what you want and did not want.
He clearly respects you, and that's to his credit. It goes to show that not... (read in full...)
Friend has offered to let me stay at his place. Do I do it? Or get a hotel?
Q. To cut a long story short... I was in love with a guy a couple of years ago...pursued him like hell (ok i made a fool of myself) but he was not interested...so it was basically one sided. A couple of months ago i met him. After a gazillion yea...
A. 20 May 2011: I'm with Vintage64 on this one. Get a motel and see him with your friends and see how it goes.
It wouldn't be a good idea to sleep with him because as you say, you see him pretty infrequently and there may not be much chance for a real relation... (read in full...)
Grieving for my cat
Q. This isn't exactly a relationship question, but so many questions here on DC start out this way. I'm feeling horrible, though, and feel a sense of loss and failure. I would like to have a pet, but recently a disaster happened with my cat, he'...
A. 17 May 2011: First, let me say how sorry I am to hear what happened to the little kitten. You were doing the right thing to rescue him from being attacked by your dogs.....
I know you feel guilty and that deciding to adopt him when your current lifestyl... (read in full...)
Is there any way I can pull her towards me?
Q. i like this girl and have always been since the past one year but nothing has happened bcoz she said that she didnt like me that way but only as a friend, so i didnt even bother asking her.....this is infact the first girl i have liked soooo much. ...
A. 17 May 2011: Quite frankly, no there is not.
In one way she is toying with you, but she has also made it clear she doesn't see you as a potential boyfriend.
The best thing you can do is to cut contact and turn your attention elsewhere. If you keep on tryi... (read in full...)
He won't text me back!
Q. Basically this guy and I have been great friends for a while. Then, he did everything he could to make me think he liked me - flirting, texting, etc. But recently, he won't text me back, and when I ask him why, he just gives me a stupid answer, like ...
A. 11 May 2011: What are you supposed to do? Stop texting him, for starters and asking why he isn't responding.
Boys of his age tend to be quite fickle: one "minute" they like you, the next they don't. It's normal for them to not know their own minds.
... (read in full...)
With all of his problems, what can I do aside from leaving him?
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now and I'm completely confused as to what to do. I have no doubt that we completely loves me and wants to have a future with me, but he is unemployed and has been since I started going out with ...
A. 11 May 2011: I'm sorry, but he IS using you for money.
Look: you are not and cannot be responsible for his welfare.
As long as he thinks he has a "crutch" with you he's not going to be motivated to take the steps he needs to in order to deal with his ad... (read in full...)
How should I let this lovely girl down gently, because I have gotten with my childhood sweetheart?
Q. I am a 29 year old male, have been a bachelor for the past 3 years, and have previously experienced a long-term cohabiting relationship. When I was 17, I fell for a girl, lets call her Girl A, who lived nearby in my home-town. We dated for 6 mont...
A. 9 May 2011: You seem to be thoroughly confused! Not surprising since you have been "seesawin anwg" from girl A to girl B and back again......I recommend inviting neither to your going away party........you will have a lot to do to get ready for your departure ... (read in full...)
Today sucks. Any advice?
Q. Today is just a bad day. -my plans with my friends have been canceled -my other plans to go clothes shopping (which i desperately need) also fell through -i think i might be in love with a guy who has a girlfriend. I know I'm young but i took sev...
A. 7 May 2011: Sorry to hear you're having a bad day.
Unfortunately, plans not working out and friends letting us down from time to time is part of life. If you can acknowledge your disappointment and frustration, but then turn your attention to other things -... (read in full...)
I regret breaking up with him! How do I get him to respond to my text messages?
Q. I ended things with my boyfriend of two months because I was jealous of the interest he seemed to be paying to my best friend. I sent him a text message telling him that I was annoyed that he seemed to enjoy her company more than mine and that I ...
A. 7 May 2011: Well, I suppose you know now that you shouldn't act on impulse with a decision you might later regret.......you told him you were ending it; how was he to know you would change your mind later?
You COULD try getting in touch one more time and say ... (read in full...)
I don't know if boyfriend is hiding me or ashamed of me?
Q. Here goes ... Boyfriend and I been together for six months and I can't decide if he's ashamed of me or hiding something . I don't have a phone and have been sharing his complicated smart phone.. I keep finding messages to and from "old friends " ...
A. 2 May 2011: Well, I think for starters you can safely assume he isn't fully committed to you. Because if he was invested in your relationship and these women really were no more than just "old friends" he wouldn't be making plans to meet them behind your back - ... (read in full...)
G/f dumps me every year on my birthday!
Q. im 26 tomorrow and have never felt so alone and unloved im an extreamly caring person and have a big hart i would say im attractive stocky in build blue eyyes dark hair around 6ft. My ex finished me 2days ago for the 3rd time 3 years on the tro...
A. 28 April 2011: I cannot add to what Dirtball has said. His advice is pure gold. Except maybe to say this: give YOURSELF a good birthday present - tell her goodbye now and for the rest of your life. She doesn't deserve you.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has been unemployed for 3 years and its getting to me!
Q. hi everyone so heres the thing my bf of 3 years is unemployed hes been like this for 3 years since weve been going out . is it wrong that its getting to me now as i have to pay for things and he constantly beg money from me for ciggerets and when...
A. 28 April 2011: NO, you're not being horrible!
Three years unemployed with no work whatsoever? Has he even tried to get work, if only part time?
Even worse: asking you for money all the time - for something as frivolous as cigarettes! and being worried he... (read in full...)
Should I tell him he needs to decide whether he wants me or not? Or should I let him have more time?
Q. I started seeing this guy about 18 months ago. We met at work, he asked me out and was very keen for us to become serious. During the first six months he broke up with me twice, both times he asked me to get back together with him about three ...
A. 26 April 2011: You've known him for 18 months. He certainly seems to like you, but, based on his experience of being left after a 16 year relationship he is clearly gun shy.
It MIGHT be that he will decide, in time, to make a definite commitment to you. Ho... (read in full...)
What would you think of this age difference?
Q. Please be as brutally honest as your thoughts might be. If you saw an 18yr old girl walking down the street holding hands with a grey haired 49yr old man what would you think? Thank you for your time xxx...
A. 18 April 2011: After responding to your post yesterday, I remembered that a long time ago, a friend said she knew an older man who wanted to meet me - or maybe I said I wanted to meet him, I don't recall. I was 21 or 22 at the time, he was a divorced 50 year old. ... (read in full...)
What would you think of this age difference?
Q. Please be as brutally honest as your thoughts might be. If you saw an 18yr old girl walking down the street holding hands with a grey haired 49yr old man what would you think? Thank you for your time xxx...
A. 18 April 2011: Hmmm......well, except for the holding hands bit, I would be inclined to think she might be his daughter.
That is a large age difference. However, I think that when both people are a little more mature - say if the woman was 25 (or better s... (read in full...)
Will we have a 2nd date?
Q. so im just trying to figure if this date went well. we had alot of conversation, laughed alot.. or he seemed to be smiling alot, joked around. we hung out for a few or more hrs and then when he was leaving he lingered, so i hugged him. before h...
A. 16 April 2011: I think its pretty normal that he might not immediately invite you out again.
What I would do in your place would be to continue the "conversation" by text (though email or IM would be better, because text communication can be quite limited)... (read in full...)
Torn between two men--who do I choose?
Q. I am a young lady, with fairly severe jealousy and self esteem issues. I have been dating and living with my boyfriend for 3 years. 2 of those years, we haven't been getting along. He was ignoring me, resorting to alcoholism and occasionally ...
A. 12 April 2011: Well, its up to you, but my recommendation is that you choose neither.
You say you have "fairly severe" issues of jealousy, self-esteem, paranoia and demand for attention from the man you're living with. Three years together and only the first ye... (read in full...)
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