| Latest articles: On relationships: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
|
Is it just sex or more?
Q. i have been having sex with a guy for about 2yrs now.. in the begining he and i was jst hooking up... 2yrs later... i am soo much in love... i dont think he feels the same way. he probably likes me... or does he jst like having sex with me. he ...
A. 11 April 2012: Look here: He IS USING you for sex, and sex only. It is NEVER going to be what you want - and you know that. So far as what he meant by "very bad timing, WHAT does it MATTER what he meant?!
You must stop clinging to the flimsiest thread o... (read in full...)
Is it just sex or more?
Q. i have been having sex with a guy for about 2yrs now.. in the begining he and i was jst hooking up... 2yrs later... i am soo much in love... i dont think he feels the same way. he probably likes me... or does he jst like having sex with me. he ...
A. 10 April 2012: Well, you recognize that he IS only using you and you are never going to get the kid of love and commitment that you want.
You deserve better.
Don't break it off slowly. Does he have a key to your home? If so, get your locks changed and when... (read in full...)
Is it just sex or more?
Q. i have been having sex with a guy for about 2yrs now.. in the begining he and i was jst hooking up... 2yrs later... i am soo much in love... i dont think he feels the same way. he probably likes me... or does he jst like having sex with me. he ...
A. 9 April 2012: I'm very sorry to have to say this, but his attitude just "screams" so to speak, that he doesn't care about you as a person; all he wants is sex when he wants it.
That is why he gets angry and nasty whenever you try to end it.
Nevertheless,... (read in full...)
He was supposed to be back over a week ago and I still havent heard from him! What should I do?
Q. I have been friend with this man via dating online for over a year. We’ve met at last and like each other a lot. We grew closer and closer day by day. We text each other daily even though only 2 or 3 words – just to say hi and sometimes more ...
A. 4 April 2012: What is "expedience with the forces"??
Maybe his stay was extended, who knows?
I'd wait one more week and if you don't hear from him before then, send an email.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
I think my best friend's boyfriend is cheating on her. What should I do?
Q. I think my best friend's boyfriend is cheating on her. To give you some background: My best friend (A) has been with her boyfriend (R) for about 4 years. R and my boyfriend (P) are also best friends since they were kids. This weekend I was s...
A. 2 April 2012: Oh for heavens' sake! WHY were you snooping through your boyfriend's phone in the first place? Do you have some trust issues with him?
You say that even if you talk to him concerning his friend and your best friend he's not going to be happy to... (read in full...)
Going out as friend when he's in a relationship?
Q. Okay, the last 4/5 weekends I've been hanging out with the guys and become quite friendly with one of them, he has a girlfriend. He has asked if I would like to go out for a meal with him and a couple of drinks. Its not a date but what I want ...
A. 2 April 2012: Tell him you'd enjoy it - IF (and by implication ONLY if) his girlfriend is present.
Otherwise, forget it.... (read in full...)
Do men like when their girlfriend calls and texts them first?
Q. My questions is, do men like when their girlfriend calls and texts frequently? I usually wait for my boyfriend to send me the first text of the day, and I usually don't call- I let him call me because I don't want to seem overly clingy or like I'm ...
A. 2 April 2012: Has he ever indicated to you that he'd like to hear from you first? Or does he he seem content to be the one initiating all contact? What's your sense of his attitude?
It wouldn't do any harm to occasionally phone to invite him to go out some... (read in full...)
Friends with benefits for 8 years, then I find out he is married! How do I get over this?
Q. hi everyone, could do with some advice please, how do you get over a man who you see for 8 years as friends with benefits? im totaly heartbroken and there isnt a day goes by i dont think of him. he got married 2 years ago and never told me and yet ...
A. 27 March 2012: Why in the world are you grieving over such a deceitful, selfish, inconsiderate, lying slob of a man?!
He deserves your scorn and contempt - not your feeling of being heartbroken! But so-called "friends" with "benefits" when you're a woman ca... (read in full...)
He says he isn't going to change for anyone. Should we just break up?
Q. my boyfriend and I have been together a year now. he relies on me for a lot of things, money, lifts, etc but as he is depending on me more frequently we are beginning to argue more.he does work full time but is absolutely useless with money,hence me ...
A. 25 March 2012: Your relationship isn't going well. You say he works full time but relies on you a great deal to give him money, lifts, etc. He's taking advantage of you. Any man worth his salt should learn to manage his money better - or if he finds himself ... (read in full...)
Why does this girl tell me that she masturbates?
Q. Please don't laugh I'm 23 I have a friend. And this girl. She will text me randomly or tell me randomly that she masterbated. Like I'm confused. Why would a girl tell a guy she masterbated? Is that good for me? Or bad that she tells me t...
A. 18 March 2012: Is this girl a friend of yours?
It seems highly inappropriate for her to be telling you such a very personal thing. Maybe she's dropping a hint that she wants to have sex with you?... (read in full...)
What can I say to just make her stop?
Q. Hi all.. Last weekend my friend and I got into an argument. It wasn't the first one and I was overall fed up with her bullsh*t, so I told her I'm done with her and got an app on my phone to block her. Well, I can still see what she says as long...
A. 17 March 2012: So don't click on the app. She'll get tired of trying to contact you eventually if you keep ignoring her!... (read in full...)
My husband is constantly making arrangements for us to be with his family and I don't want to!
Q. My husband has a very large family and he is constantly at their beck and call, doing things with them and helping them when he can. I have no issue with this and good for him but I don't want to have that kind of relationship with them. I have ...
A. 17 March 2012: Has it occurred to you that your husband loves his family and he loves you so that because you are important to him he wants you to spend some time with them?
It doesn't mean you have to have them over or visit them several days a week. But woul... (read in full...)
He asked if I wanted to be FWB, I really want to but I'm scared because I'm a virgin! What should I do?
Q. So I've been pretty good friends with this guy for a year. We had an instant attraction and we both have wanted to be just more than friends but he had a girl friend at the time so nothing happened but he's now single. We've been flirting and ...
A. 5 March 2012: DON'T. He only wants you for sex, whenever he gets "the urge."
Friends with benefits is wrongly named: You're NOT friends; and the benefits are all for the man - unless one happens to be a woman who loves sex and expects nothing more ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to date but wants to "hang out" should I?
Q. I was seeing this guy for almost two months. Everything was going great but he told me he wasnt ready for a relationship at the moment and wants to see other people but he still wants us to hang out. Should i continue to be friends with him or just ...
A. 2 March 2012: He's telling you he isn't ready for a relationship. What that basically means is that he's not ready for one with you.
However, he wants to keep his options open in case dating other girls doesn't work out.
If you and he have had sex, then th... (read in full...)
Is this domestic abuse? Is it safe to stay with my father after his behavior towards my mom and me?
Q. Really important- please read. I'm writing regarding an issue I feel it's really serious. I live with my mother and father; whilst I adore her, I never bonded with my father. He is essentially an extremely narcissistic person, who's the center...
A. 2 March 2012: Yes, your father is definitely abusive. Certainly he is and has been for a long time verbally abusive to both your mother and you, and has been on the brink of hitting you - as you describe in your post.
I know he is most likely frustrat... (read in full...)
If after a date the guy hasn't contacted you for five days, but you know it went really well and that they liked you, would it be desperate for the girl to contact them?
Q. If after a date the guy hasn't contacted you for five days, but you know it went really well and that they liked you. Would it be desperate for the girl to contact them? Because I went on a date with this guy, it went really well just everything ...
A. 25 February 2012: Why hasn't he contacted you five days after your date, you ask.
Could be any number of reasons: maybe he's just extremely busy with work or studies; maybe he's not been feeling well; maybe a member of his family was taken ill and he needed t... (read in full...)
When would be the time to forget about him and accept it's not going anywhere?
Q. I went out with this guy and things went really well, we got along great and talked for hours about literally everything. He was so sweet and makes me feel like a schoolgirl, he kept holding me close and we kissed a lot this night!! We've met up a ...
A. 24 February 2012: That time would be if he hadn't contacted you in a month.
Please, wake up and smell the coffee! Not contacting you for four days is NOTHING. Maybe he was texting/calling every two days but, there are certain minor details such as having a job to... (read in full...)
When would be the time to forget about him and accept it's not going anywhere?
Q. I went out with this guy and things went really well, we got along great and talked for hours about literally everything. He was so sweet and makes me feel like a schoolgirl, he kept holding me close and we kissed a lot this night!! We've met up a ...
A. 24 February 2012: That time would be if he hadn't contacted you in a month.
Please, wake up and smell the coffee! Not contacting you for four days is NOTHING... (read in full...)
When would be the time to forget about him and accept it's not going anywhere?
Q. I went out with this guy and things went really well, we got along great and talked for hours about literally everything. He was so sweet and makes me feel like a schoolgirl, he kept holding me close and we kissed a lot this night!! We've met up a ...
A. 24 February 2012: That time would be if he hadn't contacted you in a month.
Please, wake up and smell the coffee! Not contacting you for four days is NOTHING... (read in full...)
I don't understand this girl! If I am an important part of her life, then why am I being treated like this?
Q. Hi, I would really appreciate your advice on this, but first some background: I am 30 and my girlfriend is 28. We started dating 3 years ago, we went out for two months then she left me for her ex. I subsequently found out that they had never split ...
A. 24 February 2012: Yes, definitely time - and way beyond time - to dump her and move on.
She's messed around with you FAR too much.......... (read in full...)
I lost him once before and I don't want to lose him again, but I'm not ready to lose my virginity either!
Q. I recently started seeing this guy, only it didnt happen the way it normally would, I already knew him because we dated over a year ago. Then I bumped into him last week and he said we should go for a drink sometime and I mentioned that I was having ...
A. 20 February 2012: He probably thought that because you were willing to sleep with him it meant you'd be willing to have sex.
Lesson: don't get into bed (or fall asleep on a sofa) with anyone when you do not intend to have sex!
You might try telling him you ... (read in full...)
How can I figure out if this guy likes me when we only see each at parties?
Q. Hi, so my story: I have a pretty big crush on a boy i met a few months ago. When I run into him on parties we always hug and he is very flirty, but we never really talk about serious things. I am getting very interested in him because of thi...
A. 19 February 2012: Don't be scared and stressed out!
What's wrong with asking him to meet for coffee - or even lunch - next time you see him at a party?
You've nothing to lose - he can only say "no" and while that would be disappointing, he may very well be gla... (read in full...)
I deleted him off facebook. So should I message him and explain why?
Q. I have a crush on this guy for three years now. Even though we never got together, the chance we did have was thrown out the window for a number of factor. (he went back to his country + was seeing other women). I decided to be just friends ...
A. 18 February 2012: Well, the friendship you had hoped for never developed - and he sounds like someone who showed you almost zero consideration anyway.
So no, there is no need to explain why you deleted him as a friend. Just forget about the whole thing.... (read in full...)
I can't date her because of our religions...so what should I do?
Q. I've gotten to know this girl around 8 months ago. We're both 16, in the same school, same classes, everything. Ive gotten to know her so well, and I spend every waking minute thinking about her. I really think I love her, but see the problem is ...
A. 18 February 2012: Well, I'm sorry to hear about your dilemma.
I agree with Danielpew that dating her would be very, very difficult, from both families and the religious differences involved.
It's going to be hard because you're in the same classes, and eve... (read in full...)
B/f broke up with me because of my behavior. Could we get back together?
Q. So my boyfriend of 4 months (longest relationship of mine) dumped me on Valentine's Day because he was fed up with my behaviour. I won't lie and say what I did wasn't good (when I was upset sometimes I'd threaten to break-up with him, and sometimes ...
A. 18 February 2012: Well, I don't know. If you liked him that much abd you both got on so well, why on earth did you threaten to break up with him and tell him he was a bad person? Apparently you issued these statements more than once.
You should NEVER give any... (read in full...)
Why can't a married woman be a good friend to an ex-lover?
Q. we are coworker and she is married, i love her truely from the heart still i think about her 24hrs may be she will talk to my like a close good friend (not expected kisses etc) but close friendship as she earlier have with me . sometimes i think ...
A. 16 February 2012: Why can't she be a good friend to you, you ask? Because she is MARRIED now. That means her first loyalty is to her HUSAND - just as HIS first loyalty is to HER.
Not only that, but she told you she doesn't want to be friends with you.
You had... (read in full...)
My new friend does not like me talking to an ex. Is he being unreasonable?
Q. I am 19, and stuck in a huge confusion. Here is my story, In Dec 2011 I broke up with my boyfriend and the next day there was this guy from my guitar class whom I became friends with. That friend and I became really good friends and he helped me...
A. 16 February 2012: First of all, NOBODY has the right to tell you who you can and cannot talk to!
Second: you and your ex broke up. Normally, when a relationship ends, that's it, it is over and done with, finished, history, and not a good idea to try to remain "... (read in full...)
I don't feel loved nor that I matter to him. What can I do to try to improve things? Because I do still love him.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together three years. In the beginning while we were dating it was the typical crazy gaga love. It was amazing, I felt like a million dollars and so lucky to have found the love of my life. We bought a house about ...
A. 16 February 2012:
Sounds very unlikely that it COULD work.
You have been loyal to him; you've told him what your needs and expectations are, and received just about zero positive response.
IF you think he might be willing to go to joint counseling, you coul... (read in full...)
I thought that we were 'meant to be'. Wrong, it seems. Am I capable of loving anyone?
Q. Ok so almost 5 months ago I was in an on and off relationship that overall lasted three months. I felt I was in love with him but he was completely unstable. He broke up with me three times and I stupidly went back with him twice thinking we were ...
A. 16 February 2012: I can understand that you were very hurt and disappointed that you and your ex were unable to make a go of things.
But, he broke up with you THREE times? Did he tell you after the first - or was it the second? - breakup that things would be diffe... (read in full...)
His texting to me is unpredictable. If he texts me again shall I just ignore him?
Q. I have been texting a guy for several months now. We have met 3 times. Anyway his texts are not consistent. He will text me every few weeks and will only ask to meet when he is out drinking. I text him back the other day, got one text back to which...
A. 16 February 2012: How come you're doing all this texting?? What's wrong with the phone??? Texting is useful if you have an emergency and can't meet, as arranged, for instance, or a quick message to confirm when and where you'll be meeting. Brief messages sort of ... (read in full...)
He's still hiding behind work. Should I tell him I still care?
Q. iam middle aged 18months ago a friend said he love me and was going to do something about it his job stopped him at the time he didit want me to care at the time but i did so prtented not to so giv ehim time still not made a move hiding behind work ...
A. 14 February 2012: Hmmmmm.......do you know what it was about his job that stopped him from taking it further?
Do you work in the same place? Because if you do, when two coworkers get romantically involved and perhaps things don't work out well between them you... (read in full...)
Risk it all and ask him out?
Q. Hello Cupids EVery day for the last 5 months, I have wanted to tell my best friend of 4 years that I like him more than an friend. However, he is so shy when it comes to dating and love. I have felt strongly towards him for a while, but I don’t kn...
A. 14 February 2012: Maybe you could just ask him casually what he thinks of the idea of becoming boyfriend-girlfriend and mention you've thought about it too.
When I say bring it up casually, I'm saying that because you don't want to come across with a lot of inten... (read in full...)
How do I tell this guy I'm pregnant?
Q. There's a possibility that I could be pregnant. The father of the child is a friend of mine who when I first met a few months ago, I really liked, but then we decided to just have casual sex- no labels, no commitment. We became good friends and we ...
A. 12 February 2012: Well, he'll have to know sooner or later, so you have npo choice but to bite the bullet, have you? As for asking him to go with you to England to get an abortion, well, you could, but if he doesn't want to, you'll have to go by yourself.
Sorry... (read in full...)
Partner lied to me about having an eleven year old child. Is this a red flag?
Q. My partner lied to me about having a child from a previous relationship. I knew he had two other childrend but I didn't know he had had another child who would be eleven years old now. I knew my partner had a relationship with the child's mother ...
A. 12 February 2012: There are a number of red flags here. Doesn't sound good....... (read in full...)
How do I become close to a girl who is in a relationship with another? Should I?
Q. What should i do in order to win the heart of a girl who is in a relationship, even though i might not be able to see her often because of her studies? how do i become very close to her?...
A. 11 February 2012: Short answer; You DON'T. You forget all about trying to "win her."
The ONLY circumstance where you could conceivably attempt to form a friendship with her would be IF she and her boyfriend break up. EVEN THEN you give her some time - at least... (read in full...)
How do I become close to a girl who is in a relationship with another? Should I?
Q. What should i do in order to win the heart of a girl who is in a relationship, even though i might not be able to see her often because of her studies? how do i become very close to her?...
A. 11 February 2012: Short answer; You DON'T. You forget all about trying to "win her."
The ONLY circumstance where you could conceivably attempt to form a friendship with her would be IF she and her boyfriend break up. EVEN THEN ... (read in full...)
Who should I choose?
Q. I was in a 7 year relationship and decided to leave him.i then met a guy and was with him for 6 months and got pregnant but lost it. i then got back with my ex but am now so confused about who to be with.my ex promised to change but it didnt last ...
A. 11 February 2012: Well, what you have written just reinforces my advice in the last message.
Yes, do find a councillor to work with on your fear of being alone, and don't make a choice on either of these men until you've started some serious work in therapy ... (read in full...)
Who should I choose?
Q. I was in a 7 year relationship and decided to leave him.i then met a guy and was with him for 6 months and got pregnant but lost it. i then got back with my ex but am now so confused about who to be with.my ex promised to change but it didnt last ...
A. 11 February 2012: Well, what you have written just reinforces my advice in the last message.
Yes, do find a councillor to work with on your fear of being alone, and don't make a choice on either of these men until you've started some serious work in therapy ... (read in full...)
Who should I choose?
Q. I was in a 7 year relationship and decided to leave him.i then met a guy and was with him for 6 months and got pregnant but lost it. i then got back with my ex but am now so confused about who to be with.my ex promised to change but it didnt last ...
A. 11 February 2012: I'm sorry, but before you can form a mature solid relationship with any man, you need to be able to be independent and stand on your own two feet, emotionally and financially. This is important!
Just WHY are you afraid to be on your own? what is... (read in full...)
Who should I choose?
Q. I was in a 7 year relationship and decided to leave him.i then met a guy and was with him for 6 months and got pregnant but lost it. i then got back with my ex but am now so confused about who to be with.my ex promised to change but it didnt last ...
A. 10 February 2012: Right off the bat it sounds as if you should not be with either of them.
No need to feel guilty about leaving your ex, even if it is for the second time. It obviously wasn't working after seven years - or if it was working, you wouldn't have spl... (read in full...)
Is pool or bowling a good idea for a second date?
Q. I'm having a second date tomorrow, and I am short of inspirational ideas, thought of two, take her to play pool/billiards or go bowling. I will then take her for food she said she liked when we met last week. Is pool/bowling a good idea? ...
A. 10 February 2012: Sounds like a good idea to me! You could both learn together. Enjoy!... (read in full...)
What should I do in order to give this un requited love some closure?
Q. Well, it all started when my friend (male) and I became a bit more than friends. We were friends and confidants but that little game we shared (sexually) made us a little bit more. I fell in love with him but he didn't. He came from a break up ...
A. 10 February 2012: It may not be the kind of closure you wanted - and in point of fact you didn't WANT closure at all; what you wanted, it seems to me, is to find a way to hang onto this man, even if just as a friend.
I seriously doubt that he "hates" you. However,... (read in full...)
I'm a sponsor my niece but don't really want to be. How do I tell my sister?
Q. Hey, I'm seeking advice on something. When my sister had her baby she asked me to be one of my niece's sponsors, which is a God Mother but since we are Lutheran we call them sponsors. I really didn't want to be her sponsor but how do you tell your ...
A. 8 February 2012: As I understand it, being a godparent or sponsor means that you make a promise to see that the child is brought up in the Christian faith, as well as "being there" for the little one.
Are you prepared to take on this responsibility? If not, you... (read in full...)
| *enise32's friends
These are mutual friends, so *enise32 has
added them and they have added *enise32!
|
