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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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Am I being unreasonable at being annoyed that he doesn't seem to acknowledge the fact that we've shared a bed?
Q. I have hooked up with one of my closest male friends 3 times. Last time we hooked up was June. Neither of us talks about what happened and we continue our friendship as always, except for the occasional heated look he gives me and warmer hugs. A...
A. 24 August 2011: If you don't want a relationship or a heart-to-heart talk, what do you want him to say to you?
"Did you enjoy it?" "When are we going to hook up again?";
"You haven't spoken about our hook-up since June. Why? are you embarrassed?... (read in full...)
Older guy and I seemed to have this great relationship...and then he disappeared! What is going on??
Q. I know that this is a long story but please read it and give me good answers. I'm so sad. I met this guy on craigslist weeks ago. ( I'm a guy by the way so yeah I'm gay.) He came over my house and we talked and got to know each other. He was very ...
A. 24 August 2011: First, I'm sorry that you feel so bad over this man.
Second, it TAKES TIME to get to know another person and to find out whether the two of you are really compatible. Just can't be done in a few weeks. Incidently, it's called "dating" for a go... (read in full...)
Can I believe him even though these sites tell a different story?
Q. Really upset, i thought id found the man of my dreams now ive discovered him on fu##book and various other dating sites which were logged onto 2 weeks ago, the thing is we have been here before and he told me they were old sites which he couldn't ...
A. 23 August 2011: A paranoid looney you are not.
You have good reason not to trust him.
Now it's up to you what you do with "the man of my dreams."... (read in full...)
Can I date several men at the same time?
Q. need help from females After several years with the same man it appears the relationship is not going to move forward in any way. Id like to know if its is normal for a woman to date several guys at one time and how do I go about doing this. ...
A. 23 August 2011: I agree that you need to be honest with your ex and let him know you'll be dating other men. You should let the other guys know you're not planning to be exclusive with them, as well.
It's fine to "play the field". Just don't get sexually... (read in full...)
Am I being used or is there a chance he likes me?
Q. I work in a shop and for the last 5 months a guy (paul)has made a point of coming on my checkout every time I work. he tells me how gorgeous i am and how lucky my boyfriend is. my boyfriend finished with me 2 months ago - I told paul that I'm no ...
A. 22 August 2011: Don't fool yourself. He has made it quite clear this is no more than a temporary fling. "Do you think we can make this last two months? That's how long these things usually last" and he said you're enough for him for now, but we won't be picking ... (read in full...)
My daughter is getting married and my ex husband will be there
Q. My gorgeous daughter is getting married in 6 months time, me and her dad divorced 11 years ago and he hasn't been around much. However, during this time I tried to be both Mum and Dad to her, his family stopped speaking to us about 9 years ago, ...
A. 21 August 2011: Quite frankly I must confess I'm absolutely appalled at the treatment you put up with from your daughter.
Her disappointment and anger at her father for walking out on her and you is NO excuse for her to use physical violence on you, and dictate ... (read in full...)
Why did my FWB guy not tell me he was going on vacation for 2 weeks?
Q. hi everyone my fwb who i have known for 7 months has just gone on holiday and not even told me i know hes not my boyfriend but i thought he would of told me i only found out cos i have text him twice in two weeks and heard nothing from him so i text ...
A. 19 August 2011: Friends with benefits are situations where the "benefits" are mostly one-sided - the man gets to have free sex on demand with no strings attached. For a woman, if you enjoy sex for its own sake, and don't particularly care about having no other ... (read in full...)
I dreamed a dream... or 2! Help me interpret them if you can.
Q. Hey guys, do any of you know how to interpret dreams? Are they really relevant to waking life, and how? I have had a series of very disturbing dreams lately, some of which are spooky, some of which are just plain weird. Two REALLY disturb...
A. 19 August 2011: Dreams usually reflect events and experiences that have occurred in your life.
They can be sparked by recent activities, or come up from your unconscious mind regarding experiences that may have taken place many years ago, even back to early ch... (read in full...)
I'm prepared to face the consequences of dating a married man, so how do I approach him?
Q. It’s been two years now that I feel attracted to a man at my workplace. The problem is that he’s married. Yeah, I already know what you’ll tell me: Stay away from him. I’ve done so for the past two years but I still feel the same attraction. I know ...
A. 18 August 2011: Well said, eyeswideopen! OP, you are to be commended for choosing not to act upon your feelings after all! Hopefully, you'll be able to feel good about doing the right thing, and glad that he is (presumably) happy with his wife........IF he... (read in full...)
Why do people think its okay to berate women who sleep with married men?
Q. I'm so fed up reading people taking the moral high ground on every topic, especially that of married cheats and 'home wreckers' There is so much contraversy surrounding cheating at the moment on this site and I would like to express my views as...
A. 17 August 2011: You say that 90 percent of the married people you know are cheating. How do you know? Your comment "every married man cheats": what basis have you for assuming that? You're on shaky ground when you make blanket statements such as this.
Socie... (read in full...)
I'm prepared to face the consequences of dating a married man, so how do I approach him?
Q. It’s been two years now that I feel attracted to a man at my workplace. The problem is that he’s married. Yeah, I already know what you’ll tell me: Stay away from him. I’ve done so for the past two years but I still feel the same attraction. I know ...
A. 17 August 2011: "First of all, try to talk with him a little more and develop a friendship"
For what?! This is a very bad idea. The ONLY instance in which it MIGHT possibly be okay (and probably not even then, given the OP's feelings about this man) would be... (read in full...)
I'm prepared to face the consequences of dating a married man, so how do I approach him?
Q. It’s been two years now that I feel attracted to a man at my workplace. The problem is that he’s married. Yeah, I already know what you’ll tell me: Stay away from him. I’ve done so for the past two years but I still feel the same attraction. I know ...
A. 16 August 2011: Correction: I meant to say "whatever has made you keep up with this obsession".
I hope if you are unwise enough to approach him he will tell you in no uncertain terms to forget it, such that it will serve as a stinging refusal and a wake-up ... (read in full...)
I'm prepared to face the consequences of dating a married man, so how do I approach him?
Q. It’s been two years now that I feel attracted to a man at my workplace. The problem is that he’s married. Yeah, I already know what you’ll tell me: Stay away from him. I’ve done so for the past two years but I still feel the same attraction. I know ...
A. 16 August 2011: You DON'T, pure and simple.
You know this is wrong, you know the end will be miserable with no future in it for you. You know he would be cheating on his wife - who doesn't deserve this from him OR from you.
I don't care if you've been attr... (read in full...)
Does he want to come back?
Q. My husband cheated ...I forgave him not completely..I think he never forgave himself....but went back online and started a relationship on facebook with another woman...now he slowly trying to get back into my life...everyone hates what he did to me ...
A. 16 August 2011: So your husband cheated on you twice, is that correct? With one woman, then you forgave him - though not completely, as you said - and he subsequently went back online and found a second woman.
Now you say he has never taken you on any nice tri... (read in full...)
He hasn't texted me back yet. Am I overreacting?
Q. A week ago I met a guy when i went to the pub with my mate. Since I met him we have practically spent every night together (watching films in bed, not like that) and I really really like him, he is such a sweet guy from what I know. Anyways, last ...
A. 16 August 2011: At this point, I don't really see any reason why you can't send a text - or better yet, phone him - to ask how he enjoyed his birthday. Showing a little friendly interest won't hurt......if you feel relaxed and comfortable enough to do so, that ... (read in full...)
I fear that I may be wasting my time if my partner waits any longer to make commitment. HELP!
Q. I have been with my partner now for almost 3 years (on and off). About 6 months ago I left him for 3 months then gave the relationship another try, I did truly miss him and my heart did linger for him only. He is 38 years old and I am 24, I live ...
A. 16 August 2011: Good advice from birdynumnums. I would add this: don't spend too much more time waiting for this man to commit to you. If in say, six months, after you back off and give him the chance to chase you, he still hasn't proposed, I think you'd be ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with this online guy who seems to want nothing but sex?
Q. Okay so I met this guy online through a dating site, he seemed nice but never really spoke about himself much, which always bothered me, then we chatted online with web cam but he wouldn't let me hear his voice at first, later he told me he doesn't ...
A. 15 August 2011: older than dirt: I don't believe the OP has zero interest in sex.......of course good sex needs to be part of any serious relationship......what she's objecting to is that this seems to be his sole focus.
OP: he may not be a sexual predator... (read in full...)
Head over heels in love with married man and I know he won't leave his wife for me!
Q. Okay, I'm writing this because I'm miserable and at my whit's end of things. You've may have heard this a thousands times before, but Im simply head over heels in love with a married man and I have being for the passed year. And the worrying thing ...
A. 14 August 2011: Maybe you can't help who you fall in love with, But you CAN help what you do about it!
You knew he was not free to commit to you. Knowing this, you could have acknowledged you found him attractive, but made a firm resolve not to pursue him - or... (read in full...)
I really don't want to be with somebody who treats me like this but am shocked and numb!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years and I are 35. When we dont agree on things I prefer to agree to differ but he gets verbally abusive and swears and calls me a f*ing idiot. I find that so offensive. None of his family swear. He gets angry when he dr...
A. 14 August 2011: How can you be with this man?
Short answer: you can't.
He is overly critical to the point of being verbally abusive; can't control his temper; doesn't want to be told anything (pointing out he was going 70 mph in a 40 mph zone); doesn't c... (read in full...)
How can I deal with this online guy who seems to want nothing but sex?
Q. Okay so I met this guy online through a dating site, he seemed nice but never really spoke about himself much, which always bothered me, then we chatted online with web cam but he wouldn't let me hear his voice at first, later he told me he doesn't ...
A. 14 August 2011: I had a match a couple years ago and we did communicate by webcam and IM (he would not talk on the phone). He made it clear very quickly that his sole interest was in sex. After numerous attempts to steer the "conversation" in another direction, ... (read in full...)
He hasn't texted me back yet. Am I overreacting?
Q. A week ago I met a guy when i went to the pub with my mate. Since I met him we have practically spent every night together (watching films in bed, not like that) and I really really like him, he is such a sweet guy from what I know. Anyways, last ...
A. 13 August 2011: Okay, a couple of things:
1. It is MUCH too soon to be even thinking of being exclusive when you've only known one another a week! Continue to date and see how it goes, then maybe in three or four months (not sooner, mind!!) you can begin to... (read in full...)
Do guys mean it if they say they love you back?
Q. If you tell a guy you love him amd he says back' I love you too' does he mean it? or do some guys just say it for the sake of it? I told my BF this, and he said he loves me to, but I;m not sure how to take it. Do I take it he means it? or else he ...
A. 13 August 2011: Yes, please do lay off a bit from continuously calling and texting!
He may well feel backed into a corner and is resisting getting together on the weekends.....the more you try to persuade him to see you and ask if he wants to "pop round" the more... (read in full...)
Do guys mean it if they say they love you back?
Q. If you tell a guy you love him amd he says back' I love you too' does he mean it? or do some guys just say it for the sake of it? I told my BF this, and he said he loves me to, but I;m not sure how to take it. Do I take it he means it? or else he ...
A. 12 August 2011: Why don't you trust this man? Has he given you reason in the past not to?
He "only" calls you every other day. Yes, you are expecting too much. ... (read in full...)
My best guy friend told me he loves me but he's engaged!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm afraid of losing a best friend. My best guy friend just confessed with me last night that he's in love with me. He told me that he's felt attracted to me for a while, but for the past month he was afraid that he was falling for ...
A. 11 August 2011: I wouldn't recommend you telling your friend's fiancee about his "indiscretion."
Surely he has to know his behavior was completely wrong - after all, when they marry he will promise to be faithful to his wife and her only. Don't know if he wa... (read in full...)
Was he the victim in our fight? Or me?
Q. Our first romantic week-end away (after 3 years) turned into a violent mess of emotion after I expressed my upset about his three second idea of love-making. Like where’s the fire? What’s the rush babe…? Given that the setting was relaxed and ...
A. 11 August 2011: I'm sorry to hear your weekend was such a disaster. I have nothing really to add to what Eddie85 said to you. I really do hope you'll be able to profit from his advice!
I wish you all the best for a better outcome! ... (read in full...)
Why does he act like crazy? I love this guy , but I want to be treated seriously.
Q. Hey there. I recently wrote here about my bf, who told me not to talk to him without a reason. After few weeks, I stopped trying to contact him. And today he finally spoke to me. I was happy at first, that things may get back to normal. Yet he did ...
A. 10 August 2011: Daniel is right in his response to you.
As for the anonymous poster: teasing is one thing and has its place, but in this case - especially if the communication was on the phone - he had no business saying what he did.... (read in full...)
Despite his toxic actions? Why does he hate me after I ended our friendship ? Or does he want to be friends? Despite his toxic actions?
Q. I could use some advice please. About 7 months ago i fell out with all my friends (except one) one boy in particular I'll call him X. Out of all my friends X was the hardest to drop because he did have a really good sense of humour. he was very ...
A. 10 August 2011: Whatever it is, he appears to be one sick puppy.
You have gone out of your way to help him. He clearly doesn't appreciate it. Therefore: you don't need him in your life, nor do you need to waste any more time wondering about his motives.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has turned mean but I gave up my friends so he is all I've got
Q. Okay, so my boyfriend of a year and a half is just really mean lately, but here's the story. Everything was so good the first year we started seeing each other, He's the only person I've trusted 100%, and now I'm just hearing that he supposedly ...
A. 10 August 2011: What about your family? Where are they?
Maybe you need to kick this man to the kerb, and pick up the phone to reconnect with your friends!
HE is certainly no friend to you!... (read in full...)
He wants visitation but does not want to pay back child support.Does the father pay in these circumstances?
Q. My ex found out that a child I had a year ago may be his. He had a paternity test and my son is his. However, he knew I was pregnant with his kid but I told him I had a miscarriage early on. He saw me a month before I was due and asked about my bell...
A. 10 August 2011: I think you'd better check with a lawyer, or legal aid agency, but I should certainly think he IS obligated to pay child support - and the fact that you lied, ought not to have anything to do with it, but I'm not knowledgeable enough to really ... (read in full...)
I'm falling in love with my gf's sister and my gf is abroad.
Q. hello everyone, thanks for reading my post. here is my story. i have a gf for 3 years and 2 mos and i really love her. then she left abroad to work as a nurse. my gf is pretty while her sister is not so. before she left i'm already having lustful ...
A. 8 August 2011: Okay. You have a girlfriend who is currently working abroad. Do you know when she'll be back in the Philippines, or would it be possible for you to go visit her?
Secondly, think how devastated she'd be if you were to betray her with her SISTER! ... (read in full...)
Fell for him at a spiritual retreat, he's married, how can we pursue this?
Q. Hi all, I met this guy last year during a spiritual trip, and I fell for him completly. I thought he was my soulmate but then found out he was married. He seems to be in a loveless relationship. I am so willing to pursue him, and also I think th...
A. 8 August 2011: "Sometimes we have to be selfish......if it has to do with a soulmate...."
"If we have feelings for one another, a divorce on his part won't be so bad......"
We have to be selfish sometimes, do we? NO, we DON'T!
Just because you desire t... (read in full...)
We had crazy sparks and now I haven't heard from him. What's up with that?
Q. My mom and his aunt tried to set me and the guy up. His aunt asked if he was willing to call me and he agreed. We started off with txt msging and the next day he asked me if he could call me, i agreed. We hit it off pretty well and spoke for an hour ...
A. 7 August 2011: Yes, I don't think any harm will be done by getting in touch with him. However, I would phone him rather than try texting. It is, of course, WAY too soon to be thinking of committment, incidentally! If you do get together again just enjoy the t... (read in full...)
Long Distance Heartache
Q. Hi. I find myself in a very stressful emotional situation. I’m currently living outside of the United States away from Family and Friends, in a country in Africa actually. I have been living here for almost 9 months and I never imagined it would be ...
A. 7 August 2011: Has it occurred to you that he might be very busy with settling in to his new assignment and duties?? We don't know if that's why you haven't heard, but it's possible. Also possible that he did NOT receive your reply on his personal account. ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have sex with my first cousin once removed?
Q. I have been thinking of having sex with my first cousin once removed is this wrong? and should I do it? thanks...
A. 7 August 2011: You should only have sex with your your cousin if you are in a committed relationship.... (read in full...)
I don't want to be made a fool of by this man!
Q. I started dating a 40 year old man (divorced x 5 years, 1 child) a year ago having been single for seven years, partly through circumstance - work and studying – and also because I had a bad break up and wasn’t interested. I am not really ...
A. 5 August 2011: The only thing I can tell you is NOT to offer him financial help!
That is, don't offer in the first place because you might feel sorry for him and want to help out; and CERTAINLY do not give him money if he asks!
Invite him to lunch or dinner ... (read in full...)
How? He blows me off. I just need help in getting over him and moving on.
Q. For all of my teenage years and right up to now this guy and I have been doing this thing where we see each other for a while, then he just blows me off. we will have set plans and i will not hear from him for a couple months, then he will star...
A. 5 August 2011: Seems to me that you know very well what you need to do, but perhaps need a little "push" to do it - that right?
If so, here's a "push" from me:
1. Why on earth SHOULD you tolerate yourself feeling "love" for him for so long when he obviousl... (read in full...)
Should I meet him in real life? I'm not sure if he is the kind of guy I want.....
Q. Hi everyone! I'm new here and I really want to thank you in advance for your advices. I'm kinda in a big problem because of my confused feelings. I'm sorry if this story is too long, I'm trying to shorten it as much as I can. I met this guy (DB) on ...
A. 3 August 2011: Okay, let's consider what you have told us:
You're skeptical about him because you're not desperate to meet any stranger. Very sensible of you!
You don't like that he smokes and parties, which you are not into, and he is very different to you... (read in full...)
I've developed feelings for my friend's 16 year old son, how can I make this go away?
Q. Well here goes : i'm just 40 (look about 30-32-so i'm told)n seem to be having a mid-life crisis!! I've lost over 6 stone and feel great. Background: I'm married with 2 young children and a lovely caring husband who is the same age. Problem: ...
A. 3 August 2011: You are married. He is 32 years younger than you - not much more than a child. Frankly, it astounds me that you could possibly think there's not much harm in boy/girl flirting, even keeping to the boundaries!
You're not a girl, but a grown wo... (read in full...)
Does my ex-boyfriend still love me?
Q. Hi...I'm currently stuck and confused. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. We've been together for 9 years. The reason why he broke up with me was because he said we are no longer compatiable and are interested in different things...
A. 2 August 2011: Very good response, Daniel!... (read in full...)
Is he going to break up with his other woman? Should I give him a second chance?
Q. A bit long but please read and advice! :( I met my boyfriend at work. We work in the same department. He was separated from his wife (they are yet to divorce) while I was single when we first met. We started out as friends and then graduall...
A. 2 August 2011: I would not say that someone will NEVER change.
There is always the possibility that he may "see the light" and do an 180 degree turnaround.
However, consider his track record to date. It's not very good, is it? Are you prepared to hang... (read in full...)
Is he going to break up with his other woman? Should I give him a second chance?
Q. A bit long but please read and advice! :( I met my boyfriend at work. We work in the same department. He was separated from his wife (they are yet to divorce) while I was single when we first met. We started out as friends and then graduall...
A. 2 August 2011: Well now. The two of you may indeed get on very well together BUT what about the fact that he is separated - not yet divorced - from his wife? "Separated" is not "single", and he really isn't free to be with you (or anyone) until the divorce is ... (read in full...)
Does my ex-boyfriend still love me?
Q. Hi...I'm currently stuck and confused. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. We've been together for 9 years. The reason why he broke up with me was because he said we are no longer compatiable and are interested in different things...
A. 2 August 2011: It sounds as if he really struggled with being able to communicate satisfactorily while you were together. Did he
let you know at some point that this was an issue?
Then, when you've seen him after the break-up, he asked if it's possible for... (read in full...)
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