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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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Does my ex-boyfriend still love me?
Q. Hi...I'm currently stuck and confused. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. We've been together for 9 years. The reason why he broke up with me was because he said we are no longer compatiable and are interested in different things...
A. 2 August 2011: Very good response, Daniel!... (read in full...)
Is he going to break up with his other woman? Should I give him a second chance?
Q. A bit long but please read and advice! :( I met my boyfriend at work. We work in the same department. He was separated from his wife (they are yet to divorce) while I was single when we first met. We started out as friends and then graduall...
A. 2 August 2011: I would not say that someone will NEVER change.
There is always the possibility that he may "see the light" and do an 180 degree turnaround.
However, consider his track record to date. It's not very good, is it? Are you prepared to hang... (read in full...)
Is he going to break up with his other woman? Should I give him a second chance?
Q. A bit long but please read and advice! :( I met my boyfriend at work. We work in the same department. He was separated from his wife (they are yet to divorce) while I was single when we first met. We started out as friends and then graduall...
A. 2 August 2011: Well now. The two of you may indeed get on very well together BUT what about the fact that he is separated - not yet divorced - from his wife? "Separated" is not "single", and he really isn't free to be with you (or anyone) until the divorce is ... (read in full...)
Does my ex-boyfriend still love me?
Q. Hi...I'm currently stuck and confused. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. We've been together for 9 years. The reason why he broke up with me was because he said we are no longer compatiable and are interested in different things...
A. 2 August 2011: It sounds as if he really struggled with being able to communicate satisfactorily while you were together. Did he
let you know at some point that this was an issue?
Then, when you've seen him after the break-up, he asked if it's possible for... (read in full...)
Does he think of me as a good mate or something more?
Q. Last nite i stayed round my mates house who i used to like ( still do a little) but he has told me clear that there is no spark there for him, ( we have slept together a few times )before he ound out i liked him Anyway last nite i called him in ...
A. 31 July 2011: What are you getting out of your association with him, apart from sex? If he has told you there's no spark for him, where do you think this can go from here, now that he's let you know he's not really attracted?
Are you hoping that by sleeping... (read in full...)
We've been online dating for 2 years but have never met in person once....
Q. How long is too long for a no-contact LDR? When I say no contact, I mean no physical contact. At all. We've been 'dating' online for over 2 years and through that whole time we've never met in person once. I've tried, I've made trips to see him...
A. 31 July 2011: You say you use web cam once in a while which leads me to ask if you have in fact seen him on the web cam? They usually are two-way in my experience when I've been on Skype with a friend.......
Having said that, what troubles me is that he is ru... (read in full...)
It breaks my heart that he may not be over her and that he lied to me....What should I do?
Q. Ive just found this page and I have a question that I need to find an answer to. I have been seeing this man for about five months. I do like him very much indeed and we have a great time together but the point is that our relationship is rather ...
A. 29 July 2011: I suppose he WILL have to be involved with her at some level because he has a child with this woman. Is he paying her child support? If not, he should be as part of his responsibility for bringing the baby into the world. He may well want to see ... (read in full...)
He's not paying me the attention he used too....should I be worried?
Q. Dear Cupid, Lately, I've been feeling unimportant. I mean, like i don't even matter, to him anymore. Like my fiance has no interest in me anymore! When we first started going out, he was all lovey dovey with me and now, I'm the one who always i...
A. 28 July 2011: It's fairly normal that after a while the heady, stars-in-your-eyes does die down and hopefully, infatuation gives way to a steady, mutually loving, considerate enjoyment and appreciation of one another, with both of you working to resolve the ... (read in full...)
I want to get back with my ex, but he continues to test me by dating other people...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating since April 2010. it has always been a little rough because we are quite different and we would fight quite a lot. About two months ago a friend of mine just moved back into the area and her and decided to hang...
A. 27 July 2011: He does sound very immature and controlling.
It's good that you'll be working with a psychologist on your issues, and it would be good to raise with him/her your situation with this man - including the fedback we've given you.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
I want to get back with my ex, but he continues to test me by dating other people...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating since April 2010. it has always been a little rough because we are quite different and we would fight quite a lot. About two months ago a friend of mine just moved back into the area and her and decided to hang...
A. 27 July 2011: Well, yes, you did break up with him - but thought better of it after a while.
Now he says HE will date other girls, but YOU are not to date other men. To which I say "Phoooey!! What a lot of nonsense!"
Whether you see or talk to other gu... (read in full...)
I hate my in-laws! What should I do?
Q. OK. This question is for anyone who has in law problems. I can't stand my in laws!!! They have never been really nice people . I'd love it if we never had to see them again! But that's not an option. Despite the problems with them, my hubby won't ...
A. 25 July 2011: Was there ever a time when you did like your in-laws, or they were cordial to you?
If so, what changed?
Look: they are your HUSBAND'S parents. It's not too surprising that he tries to keep the peace between you and them! Do you want him to ... (read in full...)
I want to still have hope but he seems to have given up...what can I do?
Q. Hi my name is Gloria I am 20 years of age and I am feeling a lack hope, emptiness and depression. My ex boyfriend who is 22 years of age and I had wonderful realationship together for 4 months and we dated for 11months, he truly made me happy and ...
A. 23 July 2011: You say you WANT to still have hope that you will get back together, but are feeling sad and discouraged.
There's a good reason for feeling this way. Your ex-bf did at first say he HOPED there could be time for the two of you while still in... (read in full...)
He was chasing me and I thought he missed me....but now I think I have blown it...what can I do??
Q. I feel like I ruined my chances for the come back of my ex yesterday. He broke up with me 1 month ago after 3 years because I hurt him with expressing doubts about my feelings and lack of commitment. After the brake up I thought being honest about ...
A. 23 July 2011: Well, look: You broke up with him after dating for three years because of your doubts and feelings about lack of commitment.
If you had doubts, there was obviously good reason for them or you wouldn't have ended it, now would you?
If when... (read in full...)
On relationships: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Q. The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A. 17 July 2011: Very true, Janniepeg!
And yes, VS, it is well worth keeping in mind, isn't it?!... (read in full...)
Why did he like me then reject me so swiftly?
Q. Hey. My question is more of a story and then a question, just so whoever reads this has some background information of how I've ended up in the situation which I'm in now. So hear we go. I am 17 and have been for a while trying to find some new pe...
A. 17 July 2011: First, let me say how sorry I am that you had a bad experience with this young man. Your communication of Facebook, text, and MSN went well, and so it was natural for you to hope it might develop into a good friendship.
Ah, but. The "but" is... (read in full...)
He has been sexting his ex! I don't know what to believe anymore....
Q. I am 19 years old and have been dating a 20 year old for six months now. Yesterday was actually our six months and I found out he had been texting his ex girlfriend. the texts were heartbreaking and strictly sexual. she told me he only texts here ...
A. 15 July 2011: Well now. He has lied to you about contacting his ex; when you confront him he says he loves you and really wants to change (as an old song goes: "And the band played 'Tell Me Another One, do'"). Sure he wants to change, yeah, right.
To pu... (read in full...)
He has been sexting his ex! I don't know what to believe anymore....
Q. I am 19 years old and have been dating a 20 year old for six months now. Yesterday was actually our six months and I found out he had been texting his ex girlfriend. the texts were heartbreaking and strictly sexual. she told me he only texts here ...
A. 15 July 2011: Well now. He has lied to you about contacting his ex; when you confront him he says he loves you and really wants to change (and as an old saying goes: "And the band played 'Tell Me Another One, do'"). Sure he wants to change, yeah, right.
... (read in full...)
What is up with this guy's behaviour? Should I hint that I want to meet up with him?
Q. why did this guy ask for my number, and why does he reply to my texts ,but doesn't meet up wih me ?. he also pokes me on facebook ( he does it first ). he seems interested in me, but i haven't seen him since the night when he asked for my number. it ...
A. 15 July 2011: No way to know why he asked for your phone number but hasn't asked you out. Perhaps he's shy; or maybe he is already dating someone, or possibly is just very busy at present.
Why not ask what his birthday plans are? If he has already made arr... (read in full...)
He is spreading untrue rumors about me!
Q. Hi, im having a bit of a problem with an ex of mine. Recently i just started dating a boy been dating for about 2 weeks, but one of my ex's when who i was in a relationship for a year is trying to cause problems! So my ex who i will call 's' has ...
A. 14 July 2011: 'S' may well be jealous because you are friends with 'D' and not with him.
At any rate, 'S' seems to be a real trouble-maker, but everyone is aware of the fact that he lies through his teeth, as the saying goes. If he can't have or keep a girlfr... (read in full...)
I don't hate my ex anymore and want to congratulate him on having a baby, how should I do this?
Q. Today I read a question about a guy that calls his gf names and wont let her eat til he says its ok. It made me feel sad and horrible for her because thats what my exbf did to me but he was badder. I treated him so good but he would always find ...
A. 13 July 2011:
Your ex bf was very nasty in the way he acted toward you.
If I were in your place, I wouldn't bother (to congratulate him).... (read in full...)
BF is married and lied to me about being separated from his wife, having sex with her and having another kid that I didnt know of. Does he deserve another chance?
Q. Five months ago I met this guy who seemed like a good guy and was fun to hang around. From the first moment we met he admitted to me that he had a son who was in the first grade, and showed me pictures like any proud father. Even though I myself ...
A. 12 July 2011: Should you give him another chance? Absolutely not. He is married; (whether separated or not, he still has sex with his wife sometimes); he has lied to you.
No, you can do much better than him.... (read in full...)
Do I need to keep my opinions to myself or embrace my outspoken nature?
Q. lately people around me tend to think i am being a pain in the but or a jerk. i can not really figure out why this would be? i am one of the those people or at least i have become one of late who speaks there mind who doesn't take shit from any ...
A. 12 July 2011: So this all boils down to you having been terribly disappointed in love. You don't say whether she simply ignored you when you tried to win her over, or (worse still) might have actually been rude and unpleasant - I hope she wasn't that.
You k... (read in full...)
Do I need to keep my opinions to myself or embrace my outspoken nature?
Q. lately people around me tend to think i am being a pain in the but or a jerk. i can not really figure out why this would be? i am one of the those people or at least i have become one of late who speaks there mind who doesn't take shit from any ...
A. 11 July 2011: Well, to be quite blunt about it, you come across in your post as a pain in the neck!
What has caused you to become as outspoken and critical as you are, do you think? Have you been experiencing a lot of frustration/depression about your life lat... (read in full...)
How can I gain his trust so he can say 'I love you?'. When it's painful to say "I love you" for a guy.
Q. I was hurt by something he said. He was referring to his last "love" who broke his heart and left him shattered. When I told him about how it made me feel he said that wasn't what he meant and that he does love me. It's been 8 months of excl...
A. 11 July 2011: Don't take it so personally! He was sharing an experience with you of something that happened in the past. It may well have been painful for him to tell you this. He probably didn't expect the response he got.
Unless your eight months of being... (read in full...)
How do I break up with her kindly?
Q. Ok, I'm a little reluctant to post this as I'm "the bad guy" in the piece, but I could really use some advice. I've been seeing someone off and on for the past few months and I need to end things with her. She really likes me and, despite my tryin...
A. 10 July 2011: First let me ask you this: are you breaking up with her because of difficulties the two of you have been having? Or is it more that perhaps you have come to realize that even though she's nice enough, there just isn't enough "common ground" ... (read in full...)
Beautiful woman extremely friendly to me at first meeting. Red flag?
Q. Right, so my mate and i were at a pub couple of nights go, and im sitting at a table, and i notice a drop dead gorgeous woman sitting with a friend. Friend goes up to go the ladies room, so gorgeous lady is sitting alone. I whisper to my mate to ...
A. 8 July 2011: What have you got to lose by calling her? If she agrees to meet you, take it slow and enjoy the evening.......see what happens.... (read in full...)
I wonder if he actually likes me...
Q. I dated this guy for about three months. We broke up about a year and a half ago. I came to realize after a while that the true reason he dumped me (I think) is because he wasn't over his ex-girlfriend who he dated for two years In high school. I ...
A. 8 July 2011: Maybe he does like you - but only as a friend. I think if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't spend too much time with him right now, especially if he's still in love with the other woman.
Why not continue to pursue others who are free to be with ... (read in full...)
Opinions on beards please!!
Q. Hiyaaaaa, Well this isn't really a problem more off a personal opinion and preference! I don't do art as a subject anymore but I recently bumped into my art teacher and saw him with a beard!!!!! So guys why would you guys grow a beard or ...
A. 8 July 2011: A man with a beard usually gets a second look from me!... (read in full...)
Do you think he actually likes me? or am I just wasting my time with him
Q. hi everybody i met a man a few months ago. i really like him and i told him this in a text last week. I also told him i know he is not interested in me and he doesnt want to see me, just wanted to see what he would say. He replied with, 'i do, just...
A. 4 July 2011: When you asked if he likes you and got the response about being busy, well, that's your answer right there.......not only that, but if he lives so close, and twice failed to come see you when he had said he was going to, it makes it quite cleazr ... (read in full...)
Third date sex and now no contact
Q. I slept with a guy I met on the third date. He dropped me home yesterday afternoon and i still have not heard from him. Feeling the typical feelings of anxiety, guilt etc Am i freaking out too soon, should I still give him some time to contact ...
A. 4 July 2011: If this was only your third date, it really wasn't a good idea to hop in the sack so soon. Men like to chase women a while. Generally speaking, they tend not to respect someone who sleeps with them very early on.
How did he leave it when he ... (read in full...)
Went to surprise him and caught him with my best friend!
Q. Alright, so a few months ago I got together with this guy I've had a crush on for years and we decided to have sex but earlier the day I went to his house to surprise him. Door was unlocked so to keep it quiet I went up to his room and pushed it ...
A. 4 July 2011: That was a horrible shock and on the part of your best friend in particular a terrible betrayal.
What do you want to do? To confront him and then her (or her first then him) and express your outrage? Or do you feel inclined to wait a while an... (read in full...)
Now I have met with the ex what should be my next steps?
Q. The meeting we had planned last sunday happened last night... he came round to my house and i made us something to eat. I was pretty nervous about the meeting but as soon as he arrived i realised i had no reason to be nervous. We had a really nice ...
A. 2 July 2011: It's only been eight weeks since he broke up with you because he said he was uncertain as to where he is in life. You know, it's hardly likely (not impossible, but not too likely) that he has all that sorted yet.
Wait a while and see if he conta... (read in full...)
I wanted this online guy to respect me, but was it all just fun for him?
Q. I need some help. Recently I started talking and flirting with this guy online and he lives about 3.5 hrs from me. He saw my pictures and thought I was hott but he didn't have any up. We talked for awhile and I was 'charmed' by his personality. He ...
A. 1 July 2011: Well, he enjoys the cybersex, but (and it's a very big 'BUT") he did tell you he just wanted fun and doesn't want to get serious with you. Not only that, he also brags about the other girls he's interacting with - oh, and the small (not!) matter of ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure where I stand with my FWB
Q. I'm married but its falling apart he cheated on me lied constantly, hurt me, ignored me. I started an affair with a friend, I know its wrong. We've been on and off for about 9 months now. When it started I didn't mean for it all but i fell for my ...
A. 30 June 2011: So, if you feel the situation was really bad, and you say you wish you could take it back and do things the right way, why don't you?
Stop thinking about how much you love your lover, and concentrate on getting to a point where you will be able ... (read in full...)
I have noticed some changes in her, what could be the reason?
Q. I met her in the internet since 10 months ago , we live so far away from each others , we clicked so fast , and we felt we should meet up , prior to that we felt love but we wanted to see if that's real or not , we met after 3 months of chatting in ...
A. 29 June 2011: You have had some really good responses. However, I do think the real clue may very well be in what Emily wrote concerning the cultural differences between you.
Is your gf from another Middle Eastern country? Are you both members of the same rel... (read in full...)
He is cheating on his new girlfriend with me, I just want him to hurry up and dump her so we can be back together again!
Q. Boyfriend and I just broke up about 2 months ago due to some just plain unfortunate stuff. Were living together over a year, dating quite a long time. Had to move out and to my mum's far away. Ended up leaving on good terms, and with mutual wants to ...
A. 29 June 2011: Well, I just don't know about your situation.
You and he broke up due to unfortunate circumstances (i.e., moving back to your Mother's) and then his friends "pushed" him into dating this other young lady.
Look, I don't see how they could have ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure where I stand with my FWB
Q. I'm married but its falling apart he cheated on me lied constantly, hurt me, ignored me. I started an affair with a friend, I know its wrong. We've been on and off for about 9 months now. When it started I didn't mean for it all but i fell for my ...
A. 28 June 2011: So your marriage isn't working ("he cheated, lied constantly, hurt and ignored me"). Do you have any idea as to why your husband started behaving this way? How long were you married when all this started? Do you even know what his ... (read in full...)
He doesn't treat me that well, but I'm still so drawn to him!
Q. Hi there everyone, I have a question for all of you and any help will really be appreciated. Last year me and A were together for about 10 months on and off he even lived with me at one point but we both had our problems both drink and mental ...
A. 28 June 2011: Maybe at some level you do have a perverse kind of "enjoyment" of all this drama, as RedAthena has pointed out. I suppose you could say it makes life interesting - in a very unpleasant sort of way!
At least you have taken steps to make a better l... (read in full...)
What am I to make of his confusing approach to sex and our relationship?
Q. ok here goes this might sound strange but it sounds strange to me too. sorry. ok i have a bf of 10 months, we are both going through rather difficult stages, i have family and work proplems and he has financial proplems and we are both pretty s...
A. 28 June 2011: I'm afraid it sounds as though he wanted to have a "fling" with you before putting the sex on hold - hence the four night jaunt in the hotel.
Now he's basically fluffing you off ("being cold") and doesn't really care now that he's got what he ... (read in full...)
I never know if he likes me or not!
Q. Hey , Big confusion.. Me and this guy have had an of on thing for a while but it recently just fazed out. His behavior towards me is very strange at the moment though, when he speaks to me he will say sexual comments to me, then he will ask about m...
A. 25 June 2011: If you're SURE that his comment to his friend about seeing if he could find someone better first was about you, then it seems he's not really all that keen.
Having said that, however, were you and he out somewhere with his friend, or was this som... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for me to fix this?
Q. To keep it short: my fiancé and I broke up about a month ago after an argument. We have spoken once in person since. One nighti sent her a text saying " I just want you to know, no matter how you may feel, I thought about you and it made me ...
A. 23 June 2011: I agree with the anonymous poster. You need to leave this young lady completely alone.
I know you're upset but she has made it very clear that so far as she's concerned, it's over. As for not receiving a birthday card, phone call or text, re... (read in full...)
Flame agrees to hang out but not giving me his number. Whats that mean?
Q. Hey guys , I've fallen for guy I used to work with whose recently become one of my good mates .. Before I got to know him I really fell for him pretty hard without knowing he was taken .. He found out i liked him thru a friend of mine ..We ...
A. 21 June 2011: It sounds as if he likes you just as a friend. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let him know you have a crush on him........evidently it took him by surprise and he wasn't prepared to quite know how to respond.
Anyway, now you have his phon... (read in full...)
He broke up with me to 'hibernate' but still cares about me... what should I do?
Q. I am very confused now..my bf of a year and a half broke up with me a month ago after having a series of arguments. Basically he was sort of depressed about his life and so he was aloof and cold to me sometimes, but I didn't really know what is ...
A. 21 June 2011: Well, it sounds as if your boyfriend really has some tough issues to deal with - and has for some time (hence your comment about finding him "aloof and cold sometimes."
I think he IS being honest with you and not trying to let you down gently. ... (read in full...)
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