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Is it common for men to invest so much and then stop contact after 2 weeks?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 November 2011) 8 Answers - (Newest, 17 November 2011)
A female Canada age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hello, I need advice. Please. I had 2 incredible dates with this man. We kept in touch almost every day for 2 weeks. He brought up lots ideas for future dates and complimented me a lot. Not just on beauty but on my personality, jokes, interests. I thought there might be a future between us at some point. We kissed on the second date and there was definitely chemistry.

He texted me on Saturday, kept it very short and has not contacted me again. I'm not exactly hurt since its only been 2 weeks. But, I'm surprised and disappointed. I'm wondering if this is common for men to do. He seemed so interested in me that I'm feeling confused. Why invest so much energy in 2 weeks only to stop contacting me? Is that rude of him? He did say he was going to be busy in that last text conversation.

I noticed he changed his Facebook profile picture so he hasn't been that busy.

View related questions: facebook, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011):

I know exactly how you feel. Except my guy went one step further and asked me to be his gf. He then went cold.

Like you im not overly upset i dated him for a month more so just confused. He was so full on and then i just didnt hear from him until finally i asked what was wrong and he did the "we need to talk"

Theres busy and theres cant be bothered with you anymore busy.

Move on and find somebody worth your time. Thats what im trying to do..

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (17 November 2011):

Odds agony auntSometimes, after showing a lot of interest, a guy will go home, slap himself on the forehead, and say, "Dammit, I probably look too eager now... better to just ignore her for a while or she'll think I'm desperate."

It's only been, what, four days? See if he calls you by Friday.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011):

You kissed on the 2nd date and you felt chemistry...could be

a) he didn't

or

b) he was hoping for sex and didn't get it

Either way just let it go, it wasn't meant to be,not with this man

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (16 November 2011):

Denise32 agony auntWell, unfortunately, there is such a thing as easy come, easy go. No doubt he DID enjoy the two dates you had, but really, as others have said (and you yourself have observed) two dates is very little to go on.

Perhaps talking on the phone and texting (if that's how you kept in touch) might have been overdoing things a little.....you don't want to be too available with men......once or twice a week would have been better - MAYBE.

And now? who knows? Hopefully he really IS busy and will call to arrange another date soon. Or, he might have given it more thought and decided not to take things any further.

By the same token YOU could have decided that enjoyable as meeting him was, you had second thoughts yourself, later. Ever done that?

Anyway, give it another week and if you don't hear from him, give him a call to say hello - if you feel comfortable doing so in a relaxed, friendly, no pressure way - and see how he responds.......that should give you a better idea of the lay of the land......good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011):

From a guy perspective, based on what you have written, you are overreacting for no apparent reason...You guys aren't together so showing him this reaction would make you seem clingy, needy, and a bit too desperate for attention or whatever. Just play the game as he is. You guys had a great time and if he wants to continue seeing you, then great. But if you guys do not continue seeing eachother, it's not as if you are at a great loss, is it? You want to commit yourself to a guy you barely know? It seems he has you fooled then. Take some time for yourself, explore what you want, and if you do still miss him and want to see him, then let him know. He may feel the same way, but is unsure about how YOU feel. Guys can be very uncertain at times as well, especially a guy who has options, but if you tell him how you feel and it makes him happy, then you're one step closer to your dream.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011):

If he was that interested he would have been in touch,especialy with it being early days. You didnt meet on a dating site did you? If so then definately move on. In any case you are far more keen than he is.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011):

Oh geeze. Facebook. *sighs*

What did he change the profile picture to out of curiousity?

And if you are in his facebook, maybe thats something.

I think he may have been interested but then became busy. With what, I do not know.

You are right in saying its only been two weeks and it is odd and insenstive for a man that showed so much interest, to go cold.

Personally, if it was me, I'd chalk it up to, time to move on.

YOu both did not cement this as a relationship so you are both free to date others.

He isn't acting like it may lead to a serious relationship as most men I met and chatted with, when they showed interest, were very mindful of not having me believe I was not important to them. They would ask if I would be okay if they get busy and may not be able to get back to me right away. It was thoughtful, tactful, and polite.

I say, believe him when he says he is busy, as if he's in his 30s and his job occupation, he may be out of town and indeed busy.

Keep busy and dont dwell on it. Have some fun. If he gets back to you, he does, if not, you are too busy.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (16 November 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI have heard and read that men fall fast and fall OUT just as fast and that's why we need to dole out our attentions like JU-JU bees.. ( a small candy)... i read it in a book called "why men love bitches"....interesting book...

is it rude that he has not contacted you? did you reply to his text? if not then NO... he's waiting on you

if yes... and you are sure he GOT the text (because seriously maybe he never got your reply) then maybe it's rude... or maybe he's thinking of a great thing to say or do...

2 dates

one kiss

if you have not heard in a week I would possibly check in with him or let it go depending on how much you want to invest time and energy wise.

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