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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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He says he loves me so why keep pictures of the woman he cheated with?
Q. My bf is 23 and I'.m 22. We've been together 2+ years.Las Saturday I foun out through a friend he hd an affair for 4 months(feb 2012-may 2012) but it was over. I was upset. I also found out he had a one night stand the day before,Friday. I called ...
A. 8 July 2012: Quite frankly, this man is not much of a boyfriend!
Why did he give you his home number and ask if you need help with moving expenses and paying the first month's rent in you new home. I think because he had a guilty conscience - although... (read in full...)
She tells me she is besotted with me and yet it staying with him for a night!
Q. I have known this girl for about six weeks, she is 23 and im 25. When we first met she was in a failing relationship, her ex had cheated on her several times, he did it again and she split from him. In the next five weeks we have met three times and ...
A. 8 July 2012: This girl clearly doesn't know her own mind.
Or it sounds as if she wants to work it out with her ex boyfriend - by the sound of it he's not so "ex" after all - even though all indications are that this is not possible.
I would advise you to st... (read in full...)
My wife is offended that I don't want cigarette smoking in our new home. What do I do?
Q. So, me and my wife have this disagreement, it feels like tit-for-tat in alot of ways, so, what do you think? A while ago, we decided to buy a home, and i was planning to give her a puppy, she loves them, who doesn't right? But today, she dropped...
A. 5 July 2012: I can't understand your wife's attitude!
She KNOWS you're an ex-smoker. she KNOWS you have a heart problem and that coming in contact with cigarette (or cigar) smoke, either is one of the worst things for your health.
You need to reiterate the... (read in full...)
Our post lady ran over and killed our dog. Is there anything legally we can do?
Q. the post lady ran over my dog today at the back of my house. the front of the house was taken up with cars and we have a large backyard for trucks and vans for business. usually the post delivery people revere back out our driveway onto the road but ...
A. 3 July 2012: Whether your dog should have been running loose or not is beside the point.
The truth is your post lady should have been careful to look and see if the driveway was clear before backing out. She was negligent in not checking and worse still in... (read in full...)
After 2 years of dating my b/f decides to move closer to his kids/ex wife. I'm devastated
Q. I was single and not dating for 3 years after the breakup of a 6 year relationship and I had this weird sense that I would never be with anyone again. So I tried to put myself out there a bit more with activities and so on and I didn't even meet ...
A. 1 July 2012: Well, first off you and he need to sit down and have a good talk as to what this means for your relationship.
I mean, it sounds as if things are pretty serious between you if he has begun talking about marrying you.
I have to say that it's qu... (read in full...)
I felt secure in texting him earlier but now I feel I suddenly have to go with all the dating games of backing off and keeping my distance!
Q. I started talking to someone online around mid June. We had a busy week so we got to know each other initially through texting and phone calls which was constant each day. We got along really well. I did notice he still went on the site which is ...
A. 1 July 2012: Look, I'm sorry you feel so nervous and unsure of what's going on.
The fact is that dating is sort of like dipping your toe in the water to see what it feels like and whether you want to get a bit more wet.......maybe you or "he" does; maybe "y... (read in full...)
He usually ignores me, I don't understand him!
Q. OK first of all, I'm a Muslim girl. Now I have a crush on this other Muslim guy I know. He comes to these classes my dad teaches. He always completely ignores me. He never wants to sit next to me ever. I also see him in school everyday, and he ...
A. 1 July 2012: I'm sorry, but when someone just ignores you all the time,won't talk to you, won't sit next to you in class, the answer is pretty obvious: he just isn't interested in getting to know you.
Teenage boys can be like that: one "minute" they have a c... (read in full...)
Do I leave the man I love and return to a life I hate?
Q. I need some help with a choice i have to make. I have no idea what to do so please help me. I had a boyfriend for a year and a half. Lets call him X. We were really close. I moved in with him and his family because i was having trouble at home....
A. 1 July 2012: You don't go with X or Y!
X is unreliable, irresponsible (getting stoned) and doesn't care about you - not to mention that his father started hitting you!! -
Y is twelve years older than you; separated (so he says - but how do you know he's te... (read in full...)
No contact now for nine days -- is it really over?
Q. My ex and I broke up the beginning of May of this year because ofnmajor trust issues. I found out that he had not fully gotten over his Ex about 4 months into our relationship. I found out that he would go running back to her every time we had a ...
A. 30 June 2012: You say there were major trust issues between the two of you which eventually caused a break up. Additionally, the fact that he never really got over his ex means that he was either not able or not willing (and not ready emotionally) to fully ... (read in full...)
I feel really upset that he keeps demanding things from me that I cannot afford!
Q. Dear all, A few months ago I found out my boyfriend had been naked webcamming for hours with other girls and sending pictures of himself to them. There were also very explicit photos of naked girls on his computer from these conversations in a sec...
A. 29 June 2012: I agree this man is a dirty scumbag worthy of being dumped immediately - if not sooner.
The OP certainly should NOT have lost it to the extent that she threw her phone at his television - next time, OP tell the person what you think of their de... (read in full...)
I feel really upset that he keeps demanding things from me that I cannot afford!
Q. Dear all, A few months ago I found out my boyfriend had been naked webcamming for hours with other girls and sending pictures of himself to them. There were also very explicit photos of naked girls on his computer from these conversations in a sec...
A. 28 June 2012: Some boyfriend!! What on earth made you decide you get back together with such a jerk?!
His parents bought him a new television, so although you shouldn't have thrown the phone at the old one and broken it, it was an accident. I don't see that... (read in full...)
He has ignored me for 4 weeks, what shall I do?
Q. Hello, I have been with a man for six years now and he has left me several times, not ever actually 'ending it' but just freezin me out, ignoring messages etc. I thought that we were done with all that and the last time was a year ago now, however ...
A. 28 June 2012: Look, much as it hurts, you really have no choice BUT to move on.
Why ever would you still "love" a man who has treated you so badly and who clearly is no longer interested? You should value yourself more highly than to want someone who doesn't ... (read in full...)
If I get the chance to return to his state again, should I try to find out if he still likes me?
Q. My ex and I dated for 6 months and we broke up 1.5 years ago. But for the past 6 months I think about him all the time. Every day I dream about what it would be like if we could start over. Our relationship was long distance. I was a freshman at the ...
A. 28 June 2012: Think about it.
You and this man had a long-distance relationship. By their very nature these are not easy to maintain.
You and he broke up. There were problems that cropped up, correct? Otherwise, if everything was cool things would not... (read in full...)
I stick to my values and principles, am I wrong?
Q. I would be very grateful to get ladies view on this issue. I am a woman in my forties and very attractive, I started internet dating, I put on my profile that I take time to get to know someone and till I have feelings for them I do not have se...
A. 28 June 2012: I think you are within your rights to stick to your principles.
After all, you HAVE stated in your profile that you are not into casual sex, one night stands and you want to take the time to get to know a person first. It's out there; haven't ... (read in full...)
Why would he go away so far, with a woman 24 years younger? And leave his devoted loving wife?
Q. so i know this is out there a lot but my husband left me for a younger girl 24 years younger. they are living together oh and she has a 2 year old. Anyway just wanted to know if anyone could shed light on why he would leave a good wife that woul...
A. 27 June 2012: Well, I'm sorry to hear your husband has left you for another much younger woman. That's very difficult.
It's impossible for us to tell you WHY he left you. We can't read his mind - especially not at this distance.
Maybe he's "sowing his... (read in full...)
Problems! Hubby leaves me so confused. Not affectionate :( What can I do?
Q. I love coming here. I've been getting great advice. :o) So I'm back again. My hubby and I (ok mostly me) seem to be having on going issues. I really need someone to help me understand because my hubby can't (or won't). Let me say that my h...
A. 27 June 2012: No wonder he is showing you less affection and less sexual attention - you're smothering him!
Then you get resentful at his withdrawal and cross-examine him about his behavior and diminished demonstrativeness.
Look: if he's been out all day... (read in full...)
Problems! Hubby leaves me so confused. Not affectionate :( What can I do?
Q. I love coming here. I've been getting great advice. :o) So I'm back again. My hubby and I (ok mostly me) seem to be having on going issues. I really need someone to help me understand because my hubby can't (or won't). Let me say that my h...
A. 27 June 2012: Sounds to me as though your husband feels somewhat smothered by you at times and is therefore making himself less "available."
Then you get resentful at his withdrawal and cross-examine him about his behavior and diminished demonstr... (read in full...)
How do I get him back, I know he likes me!
Q. I want to get back together with this guy. We've been seeing each other for four months - last Wednesday I asked him what our relationship was. He was all okay with it and as soon as we left the restaurant he talked about splitting up with me. We ...
A. 25 June 2012: I have to say I agree with both Caring Guy and so Very Confused.
Not only does he neither like nor respect you, but i wonder why you moved in with him after only four months of dating - or was it sooner even than that?
Better to get to know o... (read in full...)
This break up seems different, nothing I've done in the past to get her back is working! What should I do?
Q. I have been dating the same girl since my senior year and we have now been together 5 years. We have broken up 2 serious times, once after a few months and once about 2 years ago and we both talked to other people but nothing really serious and ...
A. 22 June 2012: Yes, you may have been together a long time - but, sometimes relationships ultimately don't work out.
I'm afraid this is what has happened here. You both made several attempts to have it work, but without success.
It seems clear to me that... (read in full...)
Lost virginity to two Malaysian hookers. Should I feel bad?
Q. I am in the navy and am 21 years old. When i was in Malaysia a couple years back, me and my friends were partying at a club in downtown Kuala Lumpur. We were all drinking and getting pretty drunk. Then late into the night, the club started to ...
A. 21 June 2012: One more thing: have you been checked for STDs or even taken an HIV test?
If not, you ought to do so. You surely would not want to pass anything on to any future girfriend - or to suffer with disease yourself.... (read in full...)
Do you think he'll eventually snap out of it and want a normal relationship we once had back?
Q. Hello everyone, My boyfriend and I have had a rough two weeks. Basically long story short, he texted me 2 weeks ago saying he needed a break. After that text and asking him why; the contact had stopped. We didn't speak to each other until we f...
A. 19 June 2012: So: he told you he needed a break then three weeks later contacted you, went out to dinner with you, spoke briefly and had sex.
Quite frankly, I don't think much of that! He wants to not see you because you were both having relation... (read in full...)
How to write a letter to your ex without pushing him away- Help! My brain hurts!
Q. I have had an ongoing saga with my ex for almost a year now. He broke up with me and was with someone else, all the while calling me to tell me he cared about me, missed me and was confused. They broke and he came into town and wanted to see me and ...
A. 13 June 2012: This time it will be different. All you have to do is to keep remembering there is no future with this man, and whenever you are tempted to phone him, just say to yourself "no, I'm not going to do that." If you do this long enough it will become a ... (read in full...)
I'm starting to hate my best friend! Help!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a big problem and I have no idea as to how I should deal with it. The problem is my best friend. Let’s call her “Madison”. Madison and I have been friends for some time now about 5 years maybe, but we’ve been best friend s...
A. 11 June 2012: Honeypie is quite right in her response.
You say she's given you money when you were short. I wonder: have ever paid her back? Because you need to UNLESS it was given as a gift (personally, if someone asks me for help financially - which is... (read in full...)
How to write a letter to your ex without pushing him away- Help! My brain hurts!
Q. I have had an ongoing saga with my ex for almost a year now. He broke up with me and was with someone else, all the while calling me to tell me he cared about me, missed me and was confused. They broke and he came into town and wanted to see me and ...
A. 10 June 2012: By my count, that makes it three times altogether that he has messed around with you, first he goes off with someone else but keeps calling and texting to say how much he misses you - if he missed you that much why did he keep seeing the other ... (read in full...)
We met on facebook and he wants to have sex with me
Q. MODERATOR NOTE: TWO QUESTIONS COMBINED FROM SAME ASKER so im 16 and i know this guy from fb that i have been iming 4 bout a month now he is 23 and realy cute n he asked me out and wants to sleep with me but he said if i dont sleep with him then he ...
A. 9 June 2012: NO,you most definitely should NOT have sex ("sleep with") this guy!
You're only 16; he's 23. that's a big age difference at your time of life.
It is very plain that he doesn't care about YOU as a person; all he wants is to use your body for se... (read in full...)
Would you date a guy that's 14 years old if you are 17 years old?
Q. Hey everyone... I just wanna ask this question. Would you date a guy that's 14 year old but he's almost 15 and you are 17 year old? And he's also in the 7th grade and you are in the 11th grade in school. Thanks, I'm just asking....
A. 8 June 2012: NO! Absolutely not. The age difference is far too much at your ages.
In any case, why would you want to? - or this is just a hypothetical question?... (read in full...)
Nice guy, or overbearing?
Q. Hi all... I hope this isn't too long but im at work and not sure what to do, so hopefully this will give me some clarity. I have been dating the most wonderful girl for the past 3 months. Her ex boyfiend was a nasty peice of work and used to ...
A. 6 June 2012: Well, would you like to have dinner with her and her family this evening?
If so, then go.
About the "weird" man who offered to drive her home: you can't KNOW that he would have attempted any "funny stuff" - unless that is, you happen to know f... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't treat me well. Do I need to end things?
Q. Hello Iam 33 recently met a man 34years old who was very interested in me he told me interesting things about his past about his thug life and that he has slept with many women even there was a time he had 6 girlfriends all to be used for...
A. 6 June 2012: "Do I need to end things?"
YES.
Disgusting as he is, SweetThing's advice about ending it with tact and grace is something to pay attention to.
Just tell him that having given it a lot of thought, you don't think the two of you are well-matc... (read in full...)
If he doesn't reply does it mean he's ignoring me?
Q. This guy i like, he hasn't replied to my email of meeting up. He checks his email every day, as its connected to his phone so he has ignored me. does this mean hes rejecting me?...
A. 30 May 2012: I looked at your original post and I would say the fact that he doesn't want you to tell anyone you went to his office to talk, notwithstanding that you were upset, is a red flag. I'm NOT saying he wants to start dating you or anything like that. ... (read in full...)
Do I take a risk and do what he is asking me to do? Or do I follow my head and my heart and not move in for a while longer?
Q. Hey, I'd love some advice on how to approach the issue of 'progressing' in a relationship with my bf. He's nagging me to move in with him, and I don't want to yet. We've been together 20 months, and have been pretty happy the whole way through ...
A. 30 May 2012: Janniepeg's comments are right on target.
I will only add this: for heavens sake, if you don't want to move in with him, then DON'T! Unless of course you want to be even more disatisfied than you are now and relish the idea of being thorough... (read in full...)
My boyfriend got another woman pregnant
Q. My boyfriend and I have known eachother for years. We finally started a relationship that was almost 2 years now. I took a break I wanted it. It didn't feel like a break at all. We were still sleeping together. He wasn't giving me space. So I ...
A. 30 May 2012: Good lawd. This is a no brainer!
You "love him so much'. For heavens sake, WHY?
He used you; he used this other unfortunate girl and was not prepared to take responsibility for a child he might have fathered by her!
You say he's not doin... (read in full...)
If he doesn't reply does it mean he's ignoring me?
Q. This guy i like, he hasn't replied to my email of meeting up. He checks his email every day, as its connected to his phone so he has ignored me. does this mean hes rejecting me?...
A. 30 May 2012: He reads you email - or at least must see it since he checks it every day.
Now: what would you conclude about his behavior/attitude?... (read in full...)
We seemed to be getting along well -- why the sudden change?
Q. I have been talking to this guy my age for a couple of months now, he goes to a different school and I've never met him alone, only with a group of friends. We seemed to hit it off from the beginning, he texted me every day telling me how i was ...
A. 28 May 2012: It is very disappointing and upsetting not to know what happened to cause his sudden indifference.
I'm sure you didn't say or do anything, as he told you.
I suspect what happened is that seeing as he has a lot of other girls talking to him, ... (read in full...)
My married man said I cant have no one else but him
Q. I have been with a married man for going on 8 months now and it seems that we go well together, meaning the relationship between us just keeps going, we dont seem to have any problems, yeah sometimes i get mad at him when i cant be with him but he ...
A. 24 May 2012: You say you don't seem to have any problems.
I put it to you that you have a GIGANTIC problem!
First off, this man is MARRIED. He (and you) have no business whatsoever carrying on an affair. He's cheating on his wife - and you are particip... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend being inconsiderate because he doesn't care?
Q. Hey I was wondering about boyfriends being considerate. If they don't appear to be considerate 100% of the time, is that them not realising they need to show it, or is it because they don't care? I feel my bf has only been showing it 40% of the ti...
A. 22 May 2012: I meant to add that hopefully your boyfriend is one of those who is able to make a permanent improvement in the way he treats you.
As you said, give him a month and see what happens. You should have more of an idea by then. If no improvem... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend being inconsiderate because he doesn't care?
Q. Hey I was wondering about boyfriends being considerate. If they don't appear to be considerate 100% of the time, is that them not realising they need to show it, or is it because they don't care? I feel my bf has only been showing it 40% of the ti...
A. 22 May 2012: Regarding your question it's really a mixed bag sometimes.
All of us - not just men - can almost inadvertently be inconsiderate when we're preoccupied with something troublesome - or even overwhelmed with something good that has happened to us, a... (read in full...)
I'm a lesbian, then what's with my feelings for this man?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm in a bit of a crazy dilemma here. First off, I'm a 29 year old lesbian woman, holder of a PhD in Electrical Engineering. So I'm not an idiot. I also don't want kids, so I'm not really worried about my age. Since I was a ...
A. 22 May 2012: Well, you and this man have a common outlooki on life and values, and enjoy one another's company. Sounds like you have developed a close friendship.
That might account for a lot of it. However, according to my understanding, human sexual o... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend being inconsiderate because he doesn't care?
Q. Hey I was wondering about boyfriends being considerate. If they don't appear to be considerate 100% of the time, is that them not realising they need to show it, or is it because they don't care? I feel my bf has only been showing it 40% of the ti...
A. 22 May 2012: Oops - sorry didn't mean to send the post twice! One last comment: remember that "actions speak louder than words"
Good luck!... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend being inconsiderate because he doesn't care?
Q. Hey I was wondering about boyfriends being considerate. If they don't appear to be considerate 100% of the time, is that them not realising they need to show it, or is it because they don't care? I feel my bf has only been showing it 40% of the ti...
A. 22 May 2012: What stands out to me in your message, OP is that when you told him specific things about his behavior that upset you and the effect it has on you, one of his responses was that although he said he understood and was "willing" to fix it" (by the ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend being inconsiderate because he doesn't care?
Q. Hey I was wondering about boyfriends being considerate. If they don't appear to be considerate 100% of the time, is that them not realising they need to show it, or is it because they don't care? I feel my bf has only been showing it 40% of the ti...
A. 22 May 2012: What stands out to me in your message, OP is that when you told him specific things about his behavior that upset you and the effect it has on you, one of his responses was that although he said he understood and was "willing" to fix it" (by the ... (read in full...)
When we're not dating he goes all weird on me!
Q. Hi. I really need some hepl or advice to deal with this. I was with my boyfriend for just over 3 years, I ended it because I couldn't cope with all the stress. I have met someone so amazing, we met up and it all went great and he made me fee...
A. 22 May 2012: So nothing got resolved about your relationship since you had sex instead of discussion the situation. Not smart.
And now: do you know for a fact that you are pregnant? Have you taken a home pregnancy test or are you simply not sure and afra... (read in full...)
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