A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone! A female acquaintance that I've known for years has been separated from her husband for almost two years and just recently going through the actual divorce. So as of last month we have started seeing more of each other as friends. Though we both know there is more to it as we have talked about not wanting to have a relationship until the divorce is final and as a result we don't even hug for fear that it may lead to something else. This is because she is religious and wants to play by the book. She is not in love with her soon to be ex husband, but he is still in love with her and they have two pre-teens. My concern is that I do want this to work between us and I don't want to be a rebound. Will I still be a rebound if she has been separated for couple of years and is not in love with her soon to be ex? What should I watch out for? How should I proceed to ensure I am not setting myself up for heartbreak? We mostly meet in groups but the times that we do meet privately, we talk for 8-10 hours and we meet once or twice a week. I do need your advice and wisdom please. -thanks
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 October 2011):
 as a divorced woman I can tell you that if she has been seperated for two years and gotten on with her life, there is probably no concern for rebound...
just keep playing by the rules (as her husband could use it against her in the divorce proceedings otherwise)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011): well I think one way to tell (but this is by no means guaranteed, it's just ONE way) is to see how much time she spends in contact with her ex and the nature of that contact.
if she's religious enough to want to play by the book, she may likely be going through some crisis about the fact that she's even getting divorced because most religions are against divorce no matter what. many religions believe that the biological nuclear family must stay intact at all costs so she may be grappling with peer pressure from her family or religious friends making her feel like she's a criminal for getting divorced and pressuring her to get back with her ex. also realize that with the holiday season coming up which primarily family-oriented, she may be especially vulnerable to second guessing if she should get back with her ex for the sake of keeping the family together.
because of that I would not expect anything of her until her divorce has been finalized and is old history. some times people do halt their divorces and get back together (not always for good reasons, they may still end up divorced eventually just not this time just yet). This may mean a year or more after the divorce.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (26 October 2011):
 Well, hopefully you won't be her rebound - but of course in this life nothing is guaranteed!
I think your best bet is probably to continue to go slow and not try to pressure her in any way, shape or form. She will need to get used to living on her own - if she hasn't already moved out during their separation - and give her the time and space she needs to adjust to life a a single woman.
Then, just see how it goes over time.
Good luck!
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