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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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How much is too much patience? He tells me to "please wait and be patient" but my patience has limits
Q. So I met this guy two years ago but he was with someone else, so we lost touch, but then one day a year ago we started talking again. And I found out he was single. We started talking practically everyday and every night and things seemed to go very...
A. 27 September 2011: Has it occurred to you that he may want simple friendship with you and nothing more? If that's so, and you are okay with it, then fine, but if not....
By allowing yourself to become "very attached" to him, you have taken a step too far when app... (read in full...)
My baby's father cheated and had a baby with her!
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for two years and i got pregnat in may 2010 and while i was pregnat he had cheated on me most of my pregnacy but after my son was born i wanted my family together so i for gave him. i found out the girl he was cheating on ...
A. 27 September 2011: Very good advice from aunt honesty!
I know you are very upset about your boyfriend getting this other girl pregnant - but its HIM you should be angry with, more so than her.]
Strikes a sour note on you to call her a slut and hoping that "kar... (read in full...)
Is it bad if I don't want to take my boyfriend to Homecoming?
Q. My friends say I'm being insensitive if I say I don't want my boyfriend to come to my homecoming dance with me but I just really want to go alone and enjoy it with my girls. Is this really that bad?...
A. 26 September 2011: I can't see that it would be. I mean, if this is an event you just want to enjoy with your friends - provided it's not that you don't want him to go because you are either losing interest, or have some sort of issue with the man, that is.
Has h... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he loves me, but settling down with me fills him with dread
Q. Hi, i know ive posted a similar question about this problem before but here it is. I had an abortion in May 2010 and since then and especially recently i have had the overwhelming desire to have a baby. Part of me now is desperate for a ...
A. 25 September 2011: Having an abortion is difficult and emotionally wrenching - as you are experiencing. If your boyfriend definitely does not want to have children, and isn't about to marry you, you really have a huge "disconnect" with him and need to think about ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin with a normal sex drive but the moment I meet someone I just freak out and my libido goes out of the door!
Q. Hi everyone, I have an ongoing, nagging problem that won't go away and it keeps getting bigger and bigger. I'm scared of having sex, even oral etc doing anything sexual with another person. This is long so bare with me, I'm going to get therapy t...
A. 24 September 2011: In addition to going into therapy - and Daniel's advice and insight is very good - you might want to think about waiting until you meet a man who wants to be in a committed relationship with you, and vice versa. Doesn't mean you necessarily have to ... (read in full...)
Will marrying someone who cares about me help me forget my 31 year old married lover ?
Q. well i am in love with a man whose 31 years old while i am early 20s, sadly hes married and has a child.so i want to get rid of him but cant.so i am thinking of getting married to someone.at least i will have a husband and a home with whom i ll sha...
A. 22 September 2011: It is definitely not a good idea to marry a man you don't love in the hope that you will be distracted from your married lover!
To get married for this reason is basically using the man you are thinking of tying the knot with. Nor is it fair to ... (read in full...)
Meeting my BF's parents for the first time tomorrow and nervous as hell!
Q. Oh geez, I'm meeting the new BF parents am delighted he is proud enough of me to show me off, and I deal with people of all sorts for a living but I am so nervous!!! Crazy nervous, I think because I realised yesterday - like a massive lightnin...
A. 21 September 2011: Congratulations! Sounds as if things are going well between the two of you if your bf wants you to meet his parents.
My recommendation: Just relax and greet them with warmth and courtesy (as I'm sure you already know to do). They will want to ... (read in full...)
How can I make my boyfriend of over two years commit?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 2years but he doesn't seem like he wants to commit and i don't think i can wait any longer. We've spoke about getting engaged but he doesn't seem interested and the same with a baby, theres always ...
A. 21 September 2011: Once again, I must say I agree with Celtic Tiger.
You ask what is so wrong about wanting to have a child with him. I'll tell you: first, you should wait until the two of you get married, whether that's in one year, two or five - don't worry, y... (read in full...)
How can I make my boyfriend of over two years commit?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 2years but he doesn't seem like he wants to commit and i don't think i can wait any longer. We've spoke about getting engaged but he doesn't seem interested and the same with a baby, theres always ...
A. 20 September 2011: Once again, I must say I agree with Celtic Tiger.
You ask what is so wrong about wanting to have a child with him. I'll tell you: first, you should wait until the two of you get married, whether that's in one year, two or five - don't worry, y... (read in full...)
At night, my girlfriend scares me over the phone by talking about ghosts, how should I cope with it?
Q. I am in SDR with girl who lives in the same city between we have distance of 15 KMs between us. It’s been almost two years since we together. We meet over the weekend and keep it going through phone . For the last two weeks, my girlfriend has p...
A. 20 September 2011: You need to be more forceful in telling her that you will not listen to her when she starts talking about ghosts and witches. I know you have already told her how much it disturbs you, and she keeps on doing it, so now tell her you will hang up the ... (read in full...)
Emotionally he seems to be drawing away from me. Why has his interest waned?
Q. Hey guys, really need some help here, really getting me down! Ok so basically, i met my boyfriend of eleven months at uni last year. I know this is going to sound so typical and what-not, but during the first few months of our relationship...
A. 19 September 2011: Spanner28,
I was struck by some of your comments. It is true that in many relationships, one person - could be the man, could be the woman - does more of the calling, texting, getting in touch, etc. It is also true that men do like to be the ones... (read in full...)
Emotionally he seems to be drawing away from me. Why has his interest waned?
Q. Hey guys, really need some help here, really getting me down! Ok so basically, i met my boyfriend of eleven months at uni last year. I know this is going to sound so typical and what-not, but during the first few months of our relationship...
A. 19 September 2011: OP,
I'm sorry to hear how upset you are over your bf's diminished interest and attention (particularly, but not only) in sex. You know, one thing is that "what happens in the living room, affects what happens in the bedroom." So, take a look at ... (read in full...)
Fwb ignoring me done nothing wrong
Q. Hi this is my problem my fwb who I have been having sex with for the past 6 months has just recently started ignoring me I text him last wednesday and got no reply and today he completely blanked me and walked straight past me what have I done wrong ...
A. 18 September 2011: You may not have done anything wrong, as the other aunts and uncles have said. The only thing you have done was to be unwise enough to start a friends with benefits connection in the first place. Usually, a woman wants more, and the guy does ... (read in full...)
He disappears on the weekends..
Q. have been talking seriously with this spanish man on fb..who seemes too good to be true..is the most charming , sensistive man i have ever spoken to....he say's he's fallen for me and would like to meet me in London , as i'm from the uk and he's ...
A. 18 September 2011: You've been talking with him, but not met in person, correct?
Have you asked him for a phone number where you can contact him on the weekends? Presumably, if he's on the up and up, he has one......if he will not provide a contact number, then I'd... (read in full...)
How can I make my boyfriend of over two years commit?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 2years but he doesn't seem like he wants to commit and i don't think i can wait any longer. We've spoke about getting engaged but he doesn't seem interested and the same with a baby, theres always ...
A. 18 September 2011: Whew, lady, cool your jets!!
Seriously, why are you saying "its now or never for me" and you only, what, 19? 20? And how old is HE? You have your whole lives still ahead of you.
You have a job, and are only just planning to move out of your... (read in full...)
How do you move on from past heart ache?
Q. How does a person move on from a past heartbreaking relationship? About five months ago the man I was involved with chose to abandon me after I went through what I consider to be the most heartbreaking excruciating time in my life, of which he was ...
A. 16 September 2011: First, let me say I am sorry to hear you are feeling so betrayed and angrily upset over ryour recent ordeal.
Your former boyfriend evidently did support you at the time, but apparently soon after the crisis, broke up with you in a very nasty, h... (read in full...)
I fantasise about having a relationship but the reality scares me too much, especially sex
Q. Hi i am a 28 years old female! I have a problem: it's been 3 years since i got divorced. I never had any physical relationship with my ex-husband so technically i am a virgin! By the way my ex-husband was a big jerk and i don't wanna go into any ...
A. 13 September 2011: It's no wonder you are terrified of getting involved with another man and the thought of sex. You were obviously very badly "burned" by your relationship with your ex-husband.
I do not know whether that was an arranged marriage, or if you met ... (read in full...)
I'm upset about this guy that I thought liked me. How can I get over this disappointment and feel happy again?
Q. So since the beginning of the summer I've been a little down..I didn't hang out with Friends as much and I just felt like something was missing..it got worse when school started but no one could tell because I'm a really happy person and I cover it ...
A. 13 September 2011: Unfortunately, we're all human and there is no guarantee that someone we relied on won't let us down at some point.
A bitter pill for you to swallow, I know. Look at it this way: it's no reflection on YOU that he doesn't want to be friends.... (read in full...)
Can you be married and fall in love with another person?
Q. Is it possible to fall in love with someone else when you are married?...
A. 12 September 2011: I'm sorry to hear you say there is nothing anyone can do to help you.
YOU have to be your own best friend in a situation like this.
There is no future in keeping in touch with the married man. Therefore, it would be good (even if difficult) to... (read in full...)
Does she honestly like me, or am I just a rebound filler?
Q. Right, I'll try and keep this brief. Just under twelve months ago, I got out of a serious relationship with, to date, my only girlfriend. I found it hard getting back into the dating game but I'm finally starting to make some leeway. ...
A. 12 September 2011: It's hard to say.
When she told you she recently broke up with her bf, did you get any sense of who ended that relationship? Did she seem wistful, a little sad, or on the other hand, perhaps sort of relieved that something that wasn't working ... (read in full...)
Does sex on the first date ruin the chance of a relationship?
Q. I am now seeing this guy whom i have been talking to for while on the internet.I tried not to have sex with on the first date as I have been told that he will dump me and a relationship will not happen if you sleep with them straight away.I asked ...
A. 8 September 2011: Seems as if you already had a good idea as to the answer to your question before posting it to us.
Anyway, why be in such a hurry to have sex on the first (or second, third, fourth, fifth dates) anyway?
I don't know what you mean by saying y... (read in full...)
I'm going off to college, he wants a break, I'm scared, what do I do?
Q. My boyfriend has asked me to take a break from our relationship. We have been together for 5 months now. I am going off to college and he is so overstressed about school, football, me leaving, and his good friend going over seas. I love this boy ...
A. 8 September 2011: You know, you can't come from the attitude that "I'm so scared to lose him." If you indulge thoughts/feelings such as that, you will worry him, be tempted to call, text, skype, etc. more than he feels comfortable with. Then you'll start to feel ... (read in full...)
My gut tells me to leave him alone but my heart misses him
Q. I've been seeing this guy for about six months now. (We work in the same building, on different floors, and have known each other for four). Anyway, we are both in other relationships but came together because we were both unhappy. We hook up but ...
A. 7 September 2011: This man sounds like a real jerk! FORGET him - listen to your head, not your heart!!... (read in full...)
What does abstinence till marriage mean?
Q. i am a girl of 22 years old and im still a virgin but just started dating a guy few months ago and i think im ready to have sex, i believe in sex after marriage but the problem is i am not ready to get married and i'm affraid that maybe i am ...
A. 7 September 2011: It means you don't have sex until after you get married.
Are you and the man you are dating ready to make a commitment to one another? Which means you will not date or sleep with anyone else? Keep in mind there are men around who will do almos... (read in full...)
I got badgered into sending nude photos, my dad found out and is now transferring me to another school
Q. Okay so there was this guy and at first I liked him. He would tell me I was special and make me feel good about myself, and he would act like he liked me too. And to be honest I think he did. He would come to my games and watch and cheer me on. He ...
A. 6 September 2011: You did the right and sensible thing by refusing to give in to this boy's demands. But, your commonsense apparently deserted you when you agreed to send him nude photos!
This boy just wanted you to have sex with him, and evidently he got a lot of... (read in full...)
My boyfriend makes me feel unwanted
Q. Ive been seeing my boyfriend for a few months now and he as started making me feel really unwanted, He means the world to me and I thought I did to him as well but lately he as been really different towards me, He seems to be spending more ti...
A. 5 September 2011: Well, you need to come to terms with the fact that he most likely DOES NOT consider you to be his girlfriend any longer. I know he hasn't come out and told you that in so many words, but you know the old saying that actions speak louder than word... (read in full...)
I'm bothered by my fiance's past
Q. Hello I need some help... I been with my fiancee for awhile now and we are due to be getting married here very soon. I been hurt a lot by many people... He's a wonderful guy and he's very open and honest with me about everything.... When we talk ...
A. 5 September 2011: If you have been hurt by other men you have dated (unless you are speaking of early childhood experiences with members of your family), it's not too surprising that you are hesitant to trust your fiance. Does he often speak of past relationshi... (read in full...)
I'm bothered by my fiance's past
Q. Hello I need some help... I been with my fiancee for awhile now and we are due to be getting married here very soon. I been hurt a lot by many people... He's a wonderful guy and he's very open and honest with me about everything.... When we talk ...
A. 5 September 2011: If you have been hurt by other men you have dated (unless you are speaking of early childhood experiences with members of your family), it's not too surprising that you are hesitant to trust your fiance.
Does he often speak of past relation... (read in full...)
How much contact between first and second date?
Q. Hi Guys, This follows on from the last question I asked really, which was about getting a second date / level of contact / not being too needy. To put you in the picture, I went on a first date with this girl I met on a dating website. Now, I...
A. 4 September 2011: Personally, I think it would be fine. I don't "do" texting myself - nor do any of the men I know; I prefer a phone call or e-mail - maybe one phone call between now and the next time you see her, or an email. Something light and humorous, to say ... (read in full...)
How can I make him know how sorry I am?
Q. I need some help, I broke up with my 'boyfriend' because I thought he was having second thoughts about us. A few days before we broke up he told me that we weren't actually going out but just in a 'friendly relationship' which I took the wrong way ...
A. 3 September 2011: First off: You don't NEED him back, you WANT him back. Two entirely different things.
Second, he already told you the two of you are not "going out" (i.e., not gf-bf) and in any event, you are far too young to be thinking of having a "boyfrie... (read in full...)
My fiancee spends no time with me.....
Q. iv been with my fiance for 7 years and been living togather in my perents basment for 2 years, she got sick 4 months ago and went to the hospital for 1 week then she went to her sisters house after the hospital just to feel better and come back ...
A. 2 September 2011: It sounds very much as if you should consider her to now be your EX-fiancee. Evidently that is how she thinks of you - she just hasn't come out and said so - which would be the fair and honest thing to do.... (read in full...)
I'm devastated. He left me because he is still in love with his ex
Q. Hey guys , My boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago And I'm absoloutly shattered ..when we got together he had just come out of a relationship of 6 years (I wasn't aware of the duration ) ...he knew i liked him so he asked me out , everything was ...
A. 30 August 2011: I'm sorry for your hurt and disappointment.
Thing is, he had only JUST come out of a previous relationship - sounds as though she was the one to end it - and wanted to find someone who does like him and could nurse his bruised ego. Yes, he likes... (read in full...)
My lying cheating ex is so ungrateful for all I did for him
Q. I broke up with my ex a month ago after he lied cheated several times while I was living with him helping him get well after foot surgery he coudnt walk I cooked three meals a day cleaned after him and his cat got his medicine and other errands to ...
A. 30 August 2011: Sounds to me as if he's angry because he got found out! He was probably hoping to have his little fling with his "cousin" while having you be there to look after him, his cat, and to cook and clean.....
He's an ungrateful wretch and you did the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is unappreciative of all the things I did for his birthday!
Q. Hi guys, Am I a doormat? Twas my bf's birthday over the weekend, really annoyed that he wasn't happy with anything. I organised a party and was given out too because he said he didnt want one. Then I was given out too for inviting the wrong people...
A. 30 August 2011: What would I have said?
It's very simple: "Goodbye."... (read in full...)
Three kids! How do I tell my mom about him?
Q. Hiya Hope you can help me, I just need some advice. I am 31 with no children. I really want children one day. I jave recently met a wonderful guy. He adores me, I love being with him when we get the chance and I feel very happy with him. ...
A. 30 August 2011: Tisha's advice is excellent giving you a sample role plsy.
How often do you actually see this man? I hope quite often, not just texting - even if texting "all the time" - that's no substitute for frequent meetings.
Maybe you'd better think abo... (read in full...)
I was rude and spoke out of turn to my married mentor. Is there any hope I could turn this around to my advantage?
Q. Hi, I find myself attracted to married guy I've been talking to the past year as a mentor. he's attractive and kind. i didnt want him to know as i thought he might not want to talk anymore. i recently got upset and said things i didnt mean such as i ...
A. 27 August 2011: The best thing to do in this situation is - nothing. Leave it alone - and find another mentor. He's married, and you tell us you love him to pieces - NOT appropriate. I know we can't help our thoughts or feeling an attraction, but we CAN recognize ... (read in full...)
Would starting smoking affect the fact I'm taking birth control?
Q. Dear cupid...im 17 yrs old and i've been on birth control for about 6 to 7 months. I never smoked anything before but i've been tempted to lately since im always surrounded by people who do that. So i was wondering if i do smoke a cigarrette, how ...
A. 27 August 2011: It may not affect birth control pills, but it IS very bad for your health - even if you might not feel the effects for years to come. Think brochitis, shortness of breath, wrinkles (yes, from screwing up your face to get smoke out of your eyes!); ... (read in full...)
We talk a lot. We flirt even more. But he talks to other girls and will not give me his number. Does he like me?
Q. The story of my life. I've watched the movie (he's just not that into you[LOL]), I've talked to friends who know the guy, aaaannnd? The end result is that we are all completely clueless as to if he is interested in me or not. So I'm writing to get ...
A. 27 August 2011: You have already given this man PLENTY of very strong hints (and that's putting it mildly) that you like him.
He can not possibly have failed to realize you want him to go on a date with you. He's clearly not interested - I mean, when you aske... (read in full...)
He's in jail for life, and he's telling me to cut contact. How can I deal with my strong feelings for him?
Q. I'm in love with a man who is incarcerated. I met him through a pen pal service which asks for people on the outside, like myself to write to prisoners. To be on the safe side, I picked a man who was doing life without the possibility of p...
A. 27 August 2011: Unbelievable.
You "love" a man you've never met. You must surely know it takes time - months, at the least - of meeting in person, talking, spending time with mutual friends, going places and getting to know each other, good points and bad befo... (read in full...)
Sex has become a chore. I want to have sex but not with him!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months. To be honest, he never satisfied me 100%, but I enjoyed being with him. For the past two months, sex has been a chore. I want to have sex, but not with him. I literally get a little pissed off inside when he ...
A. 25 August 2011: If there are things you would like him to do, then gently ask him to try out some different moves.
It won't, though, do any good to be critical to his face. That will hurt him and just make everything worse.
If you think that nothing will imp... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable at being annoyed that he doesn't seem to acknowledge the fact that we've shared a bed?
Q. I have hooked up with one of my closest male friends 3 times. Last time we hooked up was June. Neither of us talks about what happened and we continue our friendship as always, except for the occasional heated look he gives me and warmer hugs. A...
A. 24 August 2011: If you don't want a relationship or a heart-to-heart talk, what do you want him to say to you?
"Did you enjoy it?" "When are we going to hook up again?";
"You haven't spoken about our hook-up since June. Why? are you embarrassed?... (read in full...)
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