A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would see this guy on and off very randomly for the past year or so. I recently see through Facebook that he's seeing someone. She's ten years younger and from the looks of her pictures she seems very immature. She dresses very sleazy and every pic is of her going out and partying. It seems that in the past when he and I would see eachother he would disappear once things felt real or intense. I've dated many men and had even fallen for one. Although I had moved forward I would always reach out to "on and off guy" most of the time he would respond to a text and we have conversations usually leading up to us seeing eachother. We have great chemistry but I never understood why he would never want more. I sent him a inbox message on Facebook and we've been chatting cordially for the past week. He's responded for the most part very quickly. How do I know how serious he is with this girl? He mentioned he had a girlfriend casually. I can't see why he would just be friendly with me considering our history. We all have enough friends. I can't help but admit that I like him still. I dont want to lose him but I don't want to degrade myself by pursuing him while he's with this girl. How do I know how serious he is with her? Part of me feels he's keeping lines of communication open perhaps to requindle things with me in the future?
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (4 November 2011):
 OP: Now that you have said a little more concerning your fomer relationship with this man, I'm in complete agreement with Honeypie.
He's just keeping you "on the shelf" in case he feels like having sex and nobody else is available. Is that what you REALLY want? I suspect not. As I said before, and as Honeypie says, best thing for you to do is give up on this one - "bye, bye guy".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. :-(
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 November 2011):
 How SHE looks and acts is really a moot point, I think maybe you should judge his taste in girls more then the actual girl? If you absolutely feel a need to judge.
Honestly, I think he sees you are a "booty call" girl who if he is hard up for a lay, to call you. There are no feelings involved from his end.
And since he is dating someone else I would suggest you let this one go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response. I wouldn't classify my relationship with him at any point a friendship. We dated on and off. Our interactions were extremely passionate. I wouldnt consider him a friend by any means... Therefore I don't see why he would entertain convo with someone who had no interest in being with especially since he's in this relationship. I can't see the benefit for him to send messages and take the time out of his day to talk to me. My assumptions on the type of girl hes with are pretty accurate. I actually know who she is but not know her personally, we although have mutual acuaintences. I've seen her out without him having other guys buy her drinks. But that's really not my business nor my issue. My issue is understanding his actions and how and if they will lead to my ultimate goal which is having him in my life again. I have feelings for him. Am I a "just in case girl" or the "shelf girl"?
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (4 November 2011):
You know, it really doesn't matter how serious he is or not with this woman he's with now. You seem very judgmental of her by the comments you have posted here.
You and he have been friends, but it's clear from what you tell us that he has not in the past, and does not now, have any interest in being more than platonic friends with you - chemistry or no (perhaps you feel there was chemistry, but does HE think so? Anyway, it takes more than chemistry to make a deeper relationship).
Best thing you can do is to let it go. IF he breaks up with her and shows more interest in you at some point in the future, then that's another story. However, based on past history, I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for him......aren't there any other men around you might try striking up conversations with where there might be more possibilities???
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