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Latest articles:

On relationships: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...

A few things I've learned......

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...

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When we're not dating he goes all weird on me!

Q.   Hi. I really need some hepl or advice to deal with this. I was with my boyfriend for just over 3 years, I ended it because I couldn't cope with all the stress. I have met someone so amazing, we met up and it all went great and he made me fee...

A.   22 May 2012: So nothing got resolved about your relationship since you had sex instead of discussion the situation. Not smart. And now: do you know for a fact that you are pregnant? Have you taken a home pregnancy test or are you simply not sure and afra... (read in full...)

How can I stay strong in my belief and not hurt him or disappoint him? I don't want to have sex for 2-3 years till we are married

Q.   I am 23 and my bf is 25. We are committed. But there is little uncertainty in getting married. We are quite close and it has become tough for us not to get physical. I mean, I personally want to wait until our marriage and I am unable to convince ...

A.   20 May 2012: I agree with the responses from Starlights and Tisha 1. I would only add that if you do decide to have sex with your bf make sure you use reliable birth control! i.e., go on the pill or ask him to use a condom. Good luck. ... (read in full...)

I have feelings for someone that I shouldn't

Q.   I have feelings for a person I should not. He is brilliant, incredibly smart and charming, we talked for months everyday last year, attended a course at our college together last fall, saw each other frequently over the winter at academical meetings ...

A.   20 May 2012: If he is really as selfish and narcissistic as you say he is, running after you may just be a boost to his ego. The thing is, you already know he has a girlfriend, and you also know even if he were free it wouldn't work out for the best for you.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend called my phone but called me someone else's name??

Q.   Hi My bf fought with me couple of days back, because i called him twice when he was hanging out with his friends. After that I didn't call him and neither did he. Today he sent text, saying sorry for his shouting at me and i didn't resp...

A.   20 May 2012: Maybe he had a sudden memory loss???, LOL However, he doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend from what you tell us. I recommend you speak to him about it - but in a non-combative way - and see what he says. You'll then be in more of a positi... (read in full...)

Will I be more than just a hook up?

Q.   I have fallen for my sometimes hook up. We see each other only a few times a month. We chat every other day or so. He is not into having a relationship. I knew this and was ok but something about him is so amazing other than sex. I tried to break ...

A.   18 May 2012: No. It's highly unlikely that it will develop into something more. He behaves nicely with compliments and taking time to talk with you when you need him to. He's just keeping you sweet so he doesn't lose you as a FWB. He told you he would hat... (read in full...)

How can my husband say he loves me when he is seeing someone else?

Q.   Here's my situation. I have been married for 13 yrs. Three out of these years my husband and I have been apart. He rented a house but still comes here and sleep at times. We have four kids. When I asked him where are we going with our lives he ...

A.   17 May 2012: Your husband wants what he wants when, how, and whenever he wants it. Since being married to you he's been involved with other women and is now carrying on with someone he works with. He tells you she's not important to him, yet he buys her thin... (read in full...)

He asked me out, broke up with an email then said he never felt anything for me

Q.   Really hope you can help me! I can't stop feeling down about something that happened quite a while ago. I was seeing this guy, it was my very first relationship so quite a significent moment in my life. I used to let guys pick me up and drop me ...

A.   17 May 2012: Well, I'm sorry you are so disappointed that Graham dropped you like that. However, he did give you fair warning at the beginning that he wasn't really up for a long-distance relationship (just how far distant were you anyway?) because he wanted t... (read in full...)

My boyfriend thinks I cheated on him but I didn't!! I was with the other guy just to pick out a birthday gift for my boyfriend!

Q.   So I'm 18 and my Boyfriend and I have been dating since we were 15. His birthday is coming up in about 3months and I wanted to get him something special for his birthday. And he's been wanting a guitar since forever. So I was planning on getting him ...

A.   17 May 2012: Oh boy. No good deed goes unpunished, as "they" say. Do you happen to know who told him that you cheated on him? And how would they know? Presumably that person wasn't with you when you went shopping....... Evidently somebody has a g... (read in full...)

My boyfriend and I no longer have sex and when I asked him for suggestions to this problem, he said "do whatever makes you happy."

Q.   I've been in a committed gay relationship for over 5 years now. My boyfriend and I no longer have sex, and it's been long past a year since we have done anything sexual with each other at all. We have discussed it several times, he even went to ...

A.   17 May 2012: One other thought: could your bf have a low testostorone level?? It is, I believe something he could be tested for and if that is the reason for his lack of interest in sex, could be treated. Were things more satisfactory in the earlier stages of ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend and I no longer have sex and when I asked him for suggestions to this problem, he said "do whatever makes you happy."

Q.   I've been in a committed gay relationship for over 5 years now. My boyfriend and I no longer have sex, and it's been long past a year since we have done anything sexual with each other at all. We have discussed it several times, he even went to ...

A.   17 May 2012: This is obviously an untenable state of affairs for you. It might not be a bad idea for you to talk to a counsellor about your concerns and your options before you make any hasty or radical decisions. You have discussed it with him, and he has ... (read in full...)

Her mother has heard my wife is escorting, how should she discuss this her mother?

Q.   my wife has been working as an escort since 2009 and is quite satisfied with what she does. it causes no problems in our marriage. we are financially stable now and invest 75 percent of everything she makes. she pays her taxes and even lists her ...

A.   16 May 2012: Even if your mother-in-law has heard about your wife's profession, WHY does your wife feel the need to talk to her mother about it? Does she feel she has to justify what she is doing, perhaps? My suggestion is that she refuse to talk to her moth... (read in full...)

Need help! Really need to get the liar back for what he did.

Q.   So basically it's been a long night, my boyfriend well now ex has decided to tell me that he cheated on me, obviously it has really hurt, but I need a way to get him back. I know I shouldn't sink down to his level but I'm going to do it anyway, he ...

A.   15 May 2012: I can understand this news came as a terrible shock to you and you are very hurt by your now ex-boyfriend's behavior. I cannot, however, and will not give you any ideas as to how to get revenge. To do that is, as you acknowledge, stooping... (read in full...)

Am I in the wrong here?

Q.   Hi there I need to know whether I am in the wrong here?? I was seeing a guy last november and it probably lasted a few months, until he was offered a job abroad (new zealand) on a contract for a year and a half. We had been friends before for a ...

A.   15 May 2012: Why would you think you might be in the wrong? The fact is, his behavior toward you was abominable from the moment you landed until the time you left. His real motive showed when he told you he wanted to have fun with you and not be serious.... (read in full...)

If I go back to my first love will it be a mistake?

Q.   Hello, i am going to be 22 soon. I was with my ex bf for 1 year 3months, we split 9months ago. Reality was his negatives were gradually after telling his family about me, he wouldn't make that much effort and when he went to india on holiday he wo...

A.   13 May 2012: You ask is it normal to still be grieving after nine months. Hard to say, it varies from person to person. He was your first love, after all. However, even if he was supportive of you during the time you were together, he certainly is not now.... (read in full...)

How does he feel about me?

Q.   Hi all, I'm just a little confused by this guy's behaviour and I'm not really sure how he feels about me or if he feels anything at all. I've known him for a few years but it's more his behaviour over the last year that's had me stumped. At f...

A.   11 May 2012: What do you want from this man? Do you want to date him? If so, your feelings are valid - i.e., it's fine to want to begin a closer relationship, but if he does not, then I'm afraid you have to accept it and move on. It sounds to me as though ... (read in full...)

Is it possible that someone like my ex can change?

Q.   Hey, everyone :) This may be a bit long so please bear with me. I'v just come out of a three year relationship. We lived together the majority of those three years. Resons why we broke up: -he was extremely paranoid and jealous- constan...

A.   11 May 2012: Why in the world would you even CONSIDER giving this man another chance?! He sounds as though he's just trying to get the better of you - note that he called you stupid and said he knew exactly what he was doing. Manipulative so-and-s... (read in full...)

We had a great time, he said he wanted to see more of me but its been a week and I haven't heard from him yet. Does this mean he's emotionally unavailable?

Q.   I am divorced and been lonely for a long time. I am 50 and take great care of myself, therefore guys flirt with me a lot. I went online and have met nice guys, but no spark. I met a guy three weeks ago , he is 44 . We have gone out twice. We had a ...

A.   11 May 2012: Depends. Do you want to go out with him again if he gets in touch? A week isn't all that long. How do you know he isn't busy with work and other obligations, etc.? Do you have his phone number? If you do, and if you want to, in another week ... (read in full...)

When married and inlaws live with us should I be paying half of the rent?

Q.   Should I be paying 50% of the rent if my husbands daughter and son and his brother witch are all grown except the baby living here? I recently told him he is to pay the entire rent himself and not look for nothing from me since they do not ...

A.   11 May 2012: Are you saying your husband should pay all of the rent? What about his son and daughter chipping in with money toward it if they are working? When you say you told him to "not look for nothing from me" it sounds rather conbative.......... (read in full...)

Would it be okay to ask my boyfriend who's texting him so late at night, or is it none of my business?

Q.   sometimes really late at night (2-4 am) I can hear my boyfriend's phone go off (text message sound on an iphone). this has only happened a few times, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. would it be okay for me to ask who is texting him so l...

A.   7 May 2012: I think it would be perfectly fine to start off by mentioning that the sound of his phone going off late at night tends to wake you up - if it does - does he check his phone when this occurs, by the way? See what he says. I agree that its cert... (read in full...)

I don't want to be a single parent but boyfriend doesn't seem to be trying

Q.   Hey, I'm 20 years old and I have been in a relationship for nearly 15 months, we got pregnant quite early in the relationship and I gave birth to my baby boy 2 months ago, the pregnancy was a shock to both of us but after a couple weeks we got over ...

A.   3 May 2012: OP, it's your choice, of course, but I do think the advice Cerberus gave is right on target. Despite what you have now told us, he doesn't sound like a responsible mate or father.........not the least of which is the fact that he isn't working.... (read in full...)

How can he understand I need him to tell me and show me he loves me

Q.   After 18 years, he has told me I love you twice. He never kisses me before we roll over to sleep, I have to initiate a kiss. He never tells me that I look nice when I have gone out of my way to look nice. How can I tell him how Im hurting and how ...

A.   3 May 2012: Sounds like after 18 years he has become so used to you that he doesn't even think about saying he loves you and paying you compliments. Perhaps he DOES love you, but doesn't realize you don't feel appreciated. How is your life together? Do yo... (read in full...)

Boyfriend has sudden change in thoughts on children, should I worry?

Q.   My boyfriend and I are both 22, and we've been in a relationship for 8 months. This is the first serious relationship for us both in a really long times. As what happens with all couples at some point, the topic of children always comes up. My ...

A.   3 May 2012: Your relationship is still in the very early stages. Maybe he's just fantasizing aloud as to what it might be like to have children, in general. It's a bit too soon to be worried that he didn't specifically mention you, by the way. Why don't yo... (read in full...)

I don't want to be a single parent but boyfriend doesn't seem to be trying

Q.   Hey, I'm 20 years old and I have been in a relationship for nearly 15 months, we got pregnant quite early in the relationship and I gave birth to my baby boy 2 months ago, the pregnancy was a shock to both of us but after a couple weeks we got over ...

A.   3 May 2012: It is clear that he is immature and obviously feels trapped. He doesn't care about you or the son you both share. You can count on the fact that he will not be a real dad to his son - unless a miracle happens. I would suggest you both go to coun... (read in full...)

I'm feeling hurt over a relationship that ex said he couldn't do anything about

Q.   Dear Cupid, I was dating a man exclusively for almost 2 years. Early in our relationship he sent me an email breaking up for me and said he was going back to his ex girlfriend. Two weeks later I get another email asking me to give him a second c...

A.   26 April 2012: I can only say that even though you hoped for more from this man, he evidently was never willing to form a real, committed relationship with you. Yes, when that happens, it is very disappointing and hurts. It's worth keeping in mind that the... (read in full...)

He wants to go on a holiday to meet other people, I don't think I will enjoy this as we are travelling as a couple!

Q.   I'm in a long-distance relationship. I'm in the singapore, he's in the united kingdom. We've been together for over 8 months and we talked on skype everyday on the phone. recently he just got went here to have holiday with me over a month we enjoy ...

A.   25 April 2012: Well, the purpose of this expedition to the Philippines is not, presumably, intended so that singles can meet other singles, but more of an adventure. If you and he get on well together and enjoy one another's company, this trip is more of an ad... (read in full...)

Should I not be selfish and try to be more accomodating or should I tell him feel manipulated and used?

Q.   Dating has reached the relationship stage and I'm learning a few things about this guy. He was really nice and fun initially and I get along well with his 14 year old son who lives with him. It just seems to me lately he has such a sense of entit...

A.   23 April 2012: Just show him the door! He is using you as a convenient "picker-upper", chauffer; someone whose home he feels free to drop stuff off at because he says he doesn't have room. Put all his stuff outside the door and tell him to come and get it - OR ... (read in full...)

How do I get over this worry? I keep thinking he cheated on me with those girls

Q.   Hello I wonder If anyone has been in my situation or could give me some advice what to do? I have been with my boyfriend for about 7 months now and at the start of our relationship he was out all the time and once he stayed at a girls house ...

A.   23 April 2012: If he only stayed ONCE at a girl's home with two other friends and he told you nothjing happened then you have the choice to make a decision to either believe him or not. You can't keep seeking reassurance. I would look at: has he generall... (read in full...)

Why is my man always staring at this woman?

Q.   the story is i am with a man LDR but soon will be moving in with him, been with him nearly 3 years and we are loyal and honest and keep in touch and see each other the best we can, cause its getting too much for us thats why we have decided to move ...

A.   22 April 2012: You've known this man for three years and plan to move in with him soon. Well, quite frankly if his staring at this woman bothers you so much despite what he says about it, and what she says. You asked him whether anything has gone on betw... (read in full...)

Should I break up with my boyfriend because of his nosey aunt?

Q.   My question is do I break up with him because I really can't stand his aunt? I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. I have decided to move in with him for 3 months while he does his internship out of state. My boyfriend's aunt...

A.   20 April 2012: The Realist and Janniepeg have both given you good feedback. I know it's irritating, but as Janniepeg pointed out, she may be lonely and not have much life of her own, for all we know. I recommend courtesy in your dealings with her and try to d... (read in full...)

Was my reason for ending the relationship a valid one?

Q.   This is really bothering me because after many years of searching for true love it finally comes, but only to have a slit hold back. Now d story goes this way; i met this guy whom i fall in love with and i know he also love me as i do. One day he w...

A.   18 April 2012: OP I don't quite agree with the anonymous female poster when she said your reason for ending it wasn't valid. I mean, he WAS honest in saying he knew these three other women, and he DID approach two of them about forming a relationship. It might... (read in full...)

Was my reason for ending the relationship a valid one?

Q.   This is really bothering me because after many years of searching for true love it finally comes, but only to have a slit hold back. Now d story goes this way; i met this guy whom i fall in love with and i know he also love me as i do. One day he w...

A.   17 April 2012: So you got angry and ended it because of what your friends MIGHT say? Do you know WHY they dumped him? Was he manipulative, untruthful, borrowed money from them, abusive, cheated on them or something else equally nasty and a deal-bre... (read in full...)

Really unhappy in this relationship, is it just me? Or is he actually treating me badly?

Q.   So ive been with my current bf a year and this is my first serious relationship and we live together. He however is a divorcee who has been in several committed realtionships. (He is a decade older than me.) Ive been seriously debating whether...

A.   16 April 2012: Well, you are rather foolish to give him all your money to help him pay his credit cards, especially when you don't have a job; not to mention moving in with him when you've known him barely a year. As if that wasn't bad enough, but he's divorced, ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend fantasizes and approaches someone I know.. is it ok?

Q.   My boyfriend who has two kids with two different women is very charming and affectionate. I accepted the fact of his past (which is no easy for women). However, now I am finding that he write fantasies with my zumba instructor. I stopped going to ...

A.   16 April 2012: NO, it emphatically is NOT okay. Best thing you can do is to consider him now to be your EX-boyfriend!... (read in full...)

All his text said was nite nite sweet dreams. Why didn't he comment on our day?

Q.   Am i over reacting here,seen my boyfriend yesterday,we spent a nice afternoon together,we had some great sex too,later he sent me a nite nite sweet dreams text.now usually when we say good nite or good morning to each other,we always have a few ...

A.   15 April 2012: Well, did he appear to be enjoying the time you were in each other's company? Personally I think you are overreacting. "Mean and uncaring" certainly doesn't seem called for! The time to start worrying would be if he didn't want to get toge... (read in full...)

My heart says wait, even though he disappeared again, over three months ago!

Q.   The last time I saw him we were expressing our emotions to one another and he had said that he felt that I was the one for him and that he felt that way for a long time he also told me to be patient for him he had this amazing smile on his face that ...

A.   14 April 2012: They both sound like real "gems" - NOT! The one only wants to get into your panties; the other, even if he had an unhappy childhood - which, of course, he couldn't help, not his fault - BUT it doesn't sound as if whatever he has tried in order to... (read in full...)

Together a month and he keeps telling me I am offending him!

Q.   hi, ive been with my boyfreind for a month now and i love him, but we have different views about things that are important to us like religion. he keeps bringing it up, and saying that im the one that offending him. im just wondering if a r...

A.   14 April 2012: Spot-on advice from Cerberus. I will add nothing more than: you've only been with this man a month - a very brief time. Better to make a clean break NOW. Your differences will just become more prominent as time goes on (if you don't)an... (read in full...)

I like this girl. Should I try to destroy her relationship with her boyfriend?

Q.   ok, well, myself and this girl were really good friends 2-3 years ago and were kind of seeing each other. We stopped talking for about 2 years and have started talking again recently. We meet up a few nights ago and we got along great together, ...

A.   13 April 2012: You obviously DON'T like her, because if you did you would respect her choice to be in relationship with someone else. You might wish it had been you and be a little sad over that, BUT the reality is otherwise. You can gracefully accept what has... (read in full...)

How do I get my wife to see a dentist?

Q.   Hi, My wife has really stained teeth. I'd like her to get them looked at but don't know how to broach the subject. She could also do with flossing more but doesn't. How do I get her to a dentist?...

A.   13 April 2012: I'm in agreement with katiekate and person12345 that the best approach is your concern for her dental health rather than harsh criticism - not that you are dishing any of THAT out. Did you know that not flossing and allowing plaque to build up... (read in full...)

Is it just sex or more?

Q.   i have been having sex with a guy for about 2yrs now.. in the begining he and i was jst hooking up... 2yrs later... i am soo much in love... i dont think he feels the same way. he probably likes me... or does he jst like having sex with me. he ...

A.   11 April 2012: Look here: He IS USING you for sex, and sex only. It is NEVER going to be what you want - and you know that. So far as what he meant by "very bad timing, WHAT does it MATTER what he meant?! You must stop clinging to the flimsiest thread o... (read in full...)

Is it just sex or more?

Q.   i have been having sex with a guy for about 2yrs now.. in the begining he and i was jst hooking up... 2yrs later... i am soo much in love... i dont think he feels the same way. he probably likes me... or does he jst like having sex with me. he ...

A.   10 April 2012: Well, you recognize that he IS only using you and you are never going to get the kid of love and commitment that you want. You deserve better. Don't break it off slowly. Does he have a key to your home? If so, get your locks changed and when... (read in full...)

Is it just sex or more?

Q.   i have been having sex with a guy for about 2yrs now.. in the begining he and i was jst hooking up... 2yrs later... i am soo much in love... i dont think he feels the same way. he probably likes me... or does he jst like having sex with me. he ...

A.   9 April 2012: I'm very sorry to have to say this, but his attitude just "screams" so to speak, that he doesn't care about you as a person; all he wants is sex when he wants it. That is why he gets angry and nasty whenever you try to end it. Nevertheless,... (read in full...)

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