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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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I'm a sponsor my niece but don't really want to be. How do I tell my sister?
Q. Hey, I'm seeking advice on something. When my sister had her baby she asked me to be one of my niece's sponsors, which is a God Mother but since we are Lutheran we call them sponsors. I really didn't want to be her sponsor but how do you tell your ...
A. 8 February 2012: As I understand it, being a godparent or sponsor means that you make a promise to see that the child is brought up in the Christian faith, as well as "being there" for the little one.
Are you prepared to take on this responsibility? If not, you... (read in full...)
Should I move my daughter away from her dad to be with the new guy? Or stay single?
Q. So Im sort of in a dilemma. I recently moved out to live with my mom. I was living with my ex of 4 years. The problem is, I love to hang out with him. Even though we arent together he is like my true homie, my true friend. Anyways, when I'm alone I ...
A. 4 February 2012: well, firstly you don't HAVE to "go with the flow" and give out your number to any "fine Hispanic men." This is something that is under YOUR control - and casual sex with a virtual stranger really isn't a good idea.
Then, yes, it's importan... (read in full...)
I cant stand my sister-in-law!!
Q. The title says it all pretty much. I just cant like her for as much as I try. When me and my hub were together in the beginning I would go over to his brothers house and help and clean she would be home all day pregnant I did this for about 3 months ...
A. 1 February 2012: You say she still asks for a lot. What is she asking for? Does she want money from you, or to do cleaning around her house?
I think if that's the case, your best bet is to politely tell her you have too much to do yourself, and can't help her... (read in full...)
Which plans should I cancel; those with my mum or my date?
Q. What should i do? It's my mum's birthday tomorrow, and we are supposed to be going shopping in the afternoon, and the cinema at night, but this guy i am dating said he wants to meet tomorrow too. Should i go to the cinema with my mum in the afte...
A. 30 January 2012: Look here: it's your mother's birthday for heavens sake! who would you rather disappoint: a man you've barely met, or your mother?
Call him and TELL him its her birthday and see if you can go out with you the day after her birthday! If he po... (read in full...)
I'm eight months pregnant and the baby's father is incommunicado.
Q. Hello, I need some advice please, I'm 35 weeks pregnant and the baby's father hasn't been in contact with me since we split up 3 month ago. I've tried ringing him and have had no answer to my calls or texts. Its like he isn't interested, and I hear ...
A. 30 January 2012: I posted the comment about the father being obligated too soon.
I wanted to check online......having now done so, yes, if you are going to be raising the baby on your own, your ex MUST legally make child support payments until she/he reaches ... (read in full...)
I'm eight months pregnant and the baby's father is incommunicado.
Q. Hello, I need some advice please, I'm 35 weeks pregnant and the baby's father hasn't been in contact with me since we split up 3 month ago. I've tried ringing him and have had no answer to my calls or texts. Its like he isn't interested, and I hear ...
A. 30 January 2012: He is OBLIGATED ... (read in full...)
I hate him and love him! please help!
Q. So of course Im in love with a guy who I hate more than anything. Yes I said it, I think I hate him more than I love him but I always stay,take him back, forgive him etc. Long story short, we met when we were teenagers (13-14 yrs old) ended up ta...
A. 27 January 2012: Maybe because he is the father of your child and your first boyfriend.
However, be that as it may, why on earth do you stay with him? surely you can do MUCH better!
His refusal to accept your decision to drop him; harrassing your family and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hates animals and wants to get rid of my dogs!
Q. My boyfriend off and on for the past 6, years wants me to give away my dog who is 9 and my rescue puppy who is 3 then find a job in his state and move in with him he moved away 5 years agao and we stay in touch meeting when we could in talking ...
A. 27 January 2012: This is a no-brainer! Get rid of your boyfriend and keep your dogs!
You may love him, BUT he sounds like a selfish, insensitive clod. Telling you to marry him and move to where he is, then never have pets again! HAH! Not in a million years...... (read in full...)
Help me navigate this dating dilemma!
Q. After our second date he texted me and made plans,but since he was out of town on business, he didn't confirm our third date and it never happened. Now that he's back, but to another state..he texted me and emailed me apologising and explaining why ...
A. 25 January 2012: Sorry to hear about the loss of your father. That's really hard!
First, I advise you not to try too much to read this man's mind! I mean: You asked him not to contact you by phone, so he sent both an email AND a text to apologize for not bein... (read in full...)
What should I do in this terrible relationship situation?
Q. So me and my now Ex girlfriend previously were dating for 8 years. I am 22 now. Ya i know thats crazy weve been together since we were 14. we are both eachothers first real relationship and first sex partners as well. Anyways I am not trying to toot ...
A. 25 January 2012: Sorry to hear you are experiencing such doubt and anxiety!
No, there really isn't anything you can do concerning the man she has a crush on. You could let her know that you have heard he's a player, and to be aware of that - but otherwis... (read in full...)
I met her on FaceBook and found that I love her. But she doesn't want a bf!
Q. I know her only on fb. even though she gave me her no, I have never talk to her on phone thats cause she live is USA and I live is South Africa but her Origin is in South Africa, anyways we were best friend on facebook, one day I faced problem then ...
A. 23 January 2012: I believe she is saying you don't need to give up being on Facebook, that's all.
But you DO definitely need to LEAVE HER ALONE! She has told you she's not interested and you need to accept/respect her choice, like it or not.
A final observatio... (read in full...)
Why would he email me after 3 months of no contact? Should I reply with this?
Q. Why would he email me after 3months of no contact? should I reply with this? ? I loved my ex boyfriend so much. Thought he was the one. But he dumped me saying he didn't want a relationship then I found out he was cheating all along. He wan...
A. 23 January 2012: I wouldn't say a THING about split personality or having a broken heart. You don't need to offer any kind of "defense" or explanation to this man!
No, don't give him the satisfaction. Instead, maintain your dignity and text him to say "I've mo... (read in full...)
How can I stop cum leaking out after sex?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, but there is this thing thats been annoying me for some time now... Whenever my boyfriend cums in me after sex, it never like stays in me? whenever I stand up I can feel it leak out, especially ...
A. 22 January 2012: Yes, you definitely should be using birth control. the last thing you need is to get pregnant....... But for goodness' sake, keep a moist washcloth close by and hold it in place as you begin to sit up - then as CindyCares says, head for the bat... (read in full...)
Is my married coworker attracted to me?
Q. Is this guy kind of attracted to me? He's married, so I would never act on it. He's also not my type--he's too "suave/lady's man" flirts with every girl, etc. You know the type. Anyway, I would nevertheless be flattered if he thought of me that way...
A. 21 January 2012: Whether he is attracted to you or not you know he is married and has been unfaithful to his wife - by the way HOW do you know this? Do you kinow her, or has he told you, or have co-workers mentioned it?
Whatever the case may be, you appear t... (read in full...)
Boyfriend all of a sudden making new friends and it bothers me
Q. So my boyfriend and I are on a break. Anyway, before, he'd never really make any new friends especially girls. Now all of a sudden he went out for his friend's 21st birthday and he added on Facebook 2 of the girls that were there. I got a little ...
A. 19 January 2012: I'm in agreement with Rescuer.
Leave him alone - and leave yourself alone: you are fretting, worrying and passing judgment too much.
Do not try contacting him. You're supposed to be taking a break from one another, so TAKE it.
Focus inste... (read in full...)
The ex and I work together and she makes things really uncomfortable
Q. basically we ended things 6 months back and I was angry at her for doing horrible thing to me and we made peace because we had good time being together and since 3-4 months her behavior is now much more hostile towards me,after flip flopping there ...
A. 19 January 2012: Yes, take no notice of her silly antics.
You have better things to do (such as focussing on your job) and she should have, too!
Let her get on with it.... (read in full...)
Older male cannot understand what's happening!
Q. Hi, I am 62 and change. Exactly 1 year ago I met a woman 14 years younger in a retraining program. She chased me, and even when I tried to point out the age difference, she insisted it was not important. We've been seeing each other several ti...
A. 18 January 2012: If the two of you really were/are compatible, then although that is quite an age difference - I would guess she's 48 or a bit older - it should work out well.
Do you know what she wants (how to live, etc.) in her upcoming years? Could it be she i... (read in full...)
Ex keeps getting together and then breaking up w/me. BF says I'm his booty call only!
Q. dear cupid, back in march, i met this guy through a mutual friend. i wasn't really all that interested in him at first; to be honest, our first date was actually kind of a pity date. but eventually, i wound up falling for him. HARD. and when i...
A. 18 January 2012: Right off the top of my head, I tend to agree with his roomate.
I mean, come on, he ended it with you saying he wasn't happy, THEN a mere WEEK later started texting you wanting to hang out and have sex. Just one month after that - the beginnin... (read in full...)
How often does "no contact" work on the heart?
Q. We were together 15 months. We practically lived together for six months. We were good together, really understood each other, but our timing was off (he's younger and not sure of what he wants in life). I broke up with him because of his ...
A. 18 January 2012: He most likely will not come around to your way of thinking and your desire for a commitment.
Just let it all go - COMPLETELY. Why would you want someone who doesn't want you? Pick yourself up, hold your head high, and reckon that he's fre... (read in full...)
Help, my boyfriend acts like a child...should I dump him?
Q. me and my fiance were together for 3 years...we have been having alot of issues lately..he brings out the worst in me it seems..we havent spent a actual weekend together lately bc he gets on my nerves and when i dont give him attention he gets in my ...
A. 18 January 2012: For heavens' sake, everything you're telling us about this man is extremely negative! He seems not to have any redeeming features AND he's controlling, and abusive.
Since you don't live with him any more, I recommend you get a new set of keys mad... (read in full...)
How often does "no contact" work on the heart?
Q. We were together 15 months. We practically lived together for six months. We were good together, really understood each other, but our timing was off (he's younger and not sure of what he wants in life). I broke up with him because of his ...
A. 18 January 2012: Why don't you sit down with him and ask him what he wants out of his life? Unless you have already done so.
Really, though, you were together for just nine months before moving in together. That's rather soon to be taking such a big step. I... (read in full...)
My wife seems to be addicted to making friends with men on the internet!
Q. What is your take on this? My wife is addicted to the internet. She is on there constantly, to the point that she neglects just about everything else in her life. I found out a few things and it has been bothering me to no end. What started the susp...
A. 17 January 2012: Your wife sounds like someone who only wants to get her own way, without caring what your thoughts and feelings are.
It's hard to see how she can not realize that what she is doing is hurtful to you and your daughters. To spend that much time sur... (read in full...)
How can I cope up with being single again...I don't know how to do this!
Q. I'm scared of being alone. 24, with a lof of my friends getting engaged/married...what is up with people?? I broke up with my boyfriend in October last year. Since then, i haven't dated anyone. I haven't even met anyone as such. An old fr...
A. 15 January 2012: OF COURSE, you don't sound stupid! We all need a little help and encouragement sometimes, and that's why you posted.
Loving yourself comes first: because you care about you, you came to us, and are doing things like preparing to run a marathon... (read in full...)
What advise can I give my friend?
Q. Dear Cupid, my girlfriend has been in an relationship with a married man for ten yrs. now she's also married. 2wks ago they were out of town together in a hotel. The guy paid for the room with his credit card and his wife tracked the hotel and ...
A. 15 January 2012: Yes, Aunty BimBim has hit the nail on the head.
If your friend won't come to her senses after this nasty episode and your telling her to end it, there really isn't anything else you can do.
I seriously doubt the man would ever leave his wife f... (read in full...)
How do I learn not to sabotage great relationships?
Q. I ruined a chance with a great guy.. again!! Probably because he wasn't a dick, or messed with my head by playing games like other guys always did... It was going really good, but I stupidly started to act like I was busy, just to see if he was st...
A. 15 January 2012: Glad to hear it worked out for you! Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as "they" say.
Hope you'll be encouaged to contact the gentleman yourself, OP!... (read in full...)
How can I cope up with being single again...I don't know how to do this!
Q. I'm scared of being alone. 24, with a lof of my friends getting engaged/married...what is up with people?? I broke up with my boyfriend in October last year. Since then, i haven't dated anyone. I haven't even met anyone as such. An old fr...
A. 15 January 2012: Aunthonesty offers you excellent advice.
I would only say this: You have YOU. What I mean by that is that it's up to you to be your own best friend and advocate.
Not that that doesn't mean you shouldn't cultivate friendships with other women... (read in full...)
He says he was in a bad place at the time ...
Q. I found out that my boyfriend of 10 years had been involved in a texting relationship. I also found a large amount of computer file folders with womens pictures. Each woman had their own folder. The women were downloaded pictures from facebook, ...
A. 15 January 2012: How do you approach this situation?
Short answer: You DON'T - so far as speaking/texting/emailing him ever again is concerned!
Whether he is sick/disturbed, insane or in a bad place doesn't matter. the fact is he knew perfectly well w... (read in full...)
How do I learn not to sabotage great relationships?
Q. I ruined a chance with a great guy.. again!! Probably because he wasn't a dick, or messed with my head by playing games like other guys always did... It was going really good, but I stupidly started to act like I was busy, just to see if he was st...
A. 15 January 2012: Why do you "keep doing this and probably won't learn from it next time"?
I wonder if perhaps at some level you aren't "afraid" or relucant, or "somewhat fearful" to enter into a genuine relationship with a decent man because you are apprehen... (read in full...)
We had a great connection, now he is ignoring me because of family issues. What should I do?
Q. I met a guy about 2 weeks ago and started talking on facebook things were going good so we started meeting up in real life. He is incredibly attractive and we spent hours upon hours talking and eventually cuddling and kissing eachother. We'd go out ...
A. 14 January 2012: I'm awfully sorry to tell you that if you keep fighting for him, far from it being appreciated, it will only annoy him.
The sad truth is you only knew him a couple of weeks and then slept with him this past Sunday. You know, that's far too much... (read in full...)
Should I encourage my friend to work on his marriage or support him to leave it?
Q. A friend of mine is going through a lot of pain. His wife cheated on him a few years back for 3 years. The affair ended in 2008 when he found it out. It was so bad that he is not sure that his son is biologically his. There is a 50% chance. He is a ...
A. 12 January 2012: Sounds as if you've already talked with him, empathized and recognized the pain and loneliness he's going through.
Perhaps you could ask him if there is anything he would like you to do for him, OR simply continue to "be there" for him, getting ... (read in full...)
I have broken things off with the 'other guy' and now I feel heartbroken!
Q. I really need some advice, I have been cheating on my partner of 7 years (who I have a child with) for 3 months. I have slept with this other man twice, met up with him 8 times and have been speaking/texting on the phone to him everyday. A week ago ...
A. 12 January 2012: Are you ABSOLUTELY sure you don't want to split up with your partner and form a solid relationship with this other man?
In any event, I wonder if your partner might not have a sneaking suspicion as to the reason you are so upset. Have you cons... (read in full...)
How can I make him understand it's too late?
Q. I could use some advise if anyone has any "insight" or experience or wise words... I have an ex-boyfriend who doesn't seem to understand what's wrong with what he does... Short: We date 3 years. He's always been open about having a crush o...
A. 11 January 2012: Next time he calls you, tell him flat-out that he's had his chance to make a go of it with you, and he's blown it. Tell him "IT.IS.TOO.LATE." "I cannot trust you, and this is at an end. You.are.NOT.to.contact.me.ever.again. If you try to, I will ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is moving away
Q. My boyfriend is moving away in about 6 months to his hometown and he is moving later on to another continent for his job. I really wanna go with him but i cannot travel because of lack of documents. There is two options, one is a very long process ...
A. 11 January 2012: First he's going to move to his home town - how long will he be there? And after that will move to another continent for his job? What continent is that?
Maybe you should talk with him about the possibility of getting married. He PROBABLY... (read in full...)
Why won't my long-term boyfriend be my Facebook friend?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years. We're stable and recently moved in with each other and we've never had trust issues (no concerns of cheating, etc). It's been an ongoing joke for a while now that once we move in together we should ...
A. 11 January 2012: Why does this matter so much?
Speaking of taking the plunge, have you thought about getting married now that you've moved in? (not that living together is necessarily a prerequisite for marriage, anyway).... (read in full...)
We can't be public about our relationship and its really getting to me
Q. I have been dating a girl for nearly three months now and she is a Mormon and I am not. I am 19 and she is 26 and her whole family is Mormon and its all she really knows but knows she is bi but has never had a girlfriend before. I am her first ...
A. 10 January 2012: Well, so far so good.
I think you're right about the idea of sitting down and having a frank talk with her about what she might want, and what you want from your relationship.
Only thing to bear in mind is that she might not be fully aware - ye... (read in full...)
I'm too controlling over him and don't know how to stop!
Q. ive been with my bf for about three years now we just recently had a babygirl who now is 5months and thing are good between us we used to fight alot over things that happend in the past thing are good now but ive notice that i feel realy attached to ...
A. 10 January 2012: Why are you so unsure of your boyfriend? It's more important now than ever to get on well together, ESPECIALLY with a new baby........
Could it be that you want to marry? This would make it a real commitment, particularly in terms of both par... (read in full...)
There's an 8 year age difference, is that OK?
Q. Hi agony aunts, i need some advice on what to do with this older man I have been seeing. He is 25 yrs old (8 yr age gap, I'm 17) i have met him only a few times in the month and a half i have known him and other than that mostly keeping in touch ...
A. 9 January 2012: Do NOT see, text, visit "his place" or have anything more to do with him.
He is only interested in you for sex, nothing else. Don't be fooled into thinking otherwise.
Tell your parents this much older man has been pursuing you. I seriousl... (read in full...)
My ex and I kissed and were flirting and we are both with others!
Q. Hello I am very confused at the moment, my ex broke up with me a year ago, and a couple of months ago i found out through FB (he wasn't very careful with his privacy) that he was dating this other girl (much younger) and apparently he wa...
A. 5 January 2012: Well, it was a relatively minor indiscretion. So, unless you REALLY want to get back with your ex (not a good idea because relationships end for a reason, and the issues that were present then, are likely to re-surface).
Perhaps you should j... (read in full...)
How can she say she loves me when she treats me like I am nothing?
Q. She clamins to love me..but yet she has no time for me. We are still early on in the relationship.. 3 months.. shouldnt we still be all over each other? For the past month its just been me barely getting by.. ive lost my cool once or twice because ...
A. 3 January 2012: Congratulations! You acted in your own best interest and were truthful with her in letting her know why you had decided to end it.
Now you're free to please yourself and eventually meet someone really compatible who will appreciate you for who ... (read in full...)
We can't be public about our relationship and its really getting to me
Q. I have been dating a girl for nearly three months now and she is a Mormon and I am not. I am 19 and she is 26 and her whole family is Mormon and its all she really knows but knows she is bi but has never had a girlfriend before. I am her first ...
A. 3 January 2012: Hi,
All I can tell you is that the Mormon church is STRONGLY opposed to homosexuality - and that would include anyone who is bi.
I suspect this is the reason she is afraid/reluctant to tell her parents about your relationship. She can expect a... (read in full...)
Is he letting his friends make all the decisions or is he only using them as a cover up for his own indifference?
Q. Hi guys. I'm not sure how to feel about this. I have an ex, we broke up just a few months ago. While we were together he talked about moving with his friends no another city. This came as a shock as he hadn't mentioned anything about it to me. He ...
A. 2 January 2012: Unfortunately he doesn't really love you in the sense you would want. Probably means it more as being concerned about you......in the circumstances, cutting off cotact with him is the best thing you can do for yourself - you can be free to meet ... (read in full...)
Is he letting his friends make all the decisions or is he only using them as a cover up for his own indifference?
Q. Hi guys. I'm not sure how to feel about this. I have an ex, we broke up just a few months ago. While we were together he talked about moving with his friends no another city. This came as a shock as he hadn't mentioned anything about it to me. He ...
A. 2 January 2012: Why is are you making such a big deal out of what is essentially a non-issue?
He is your FORMER boyfriend, right? The relationship is over and you said yourself that things ended because you weren't good together.
True, you discussed his (p... (read in full...)
How can she say she loves me when she treats me like I am nothing?
Q. She clamins to love me..but yet she has no time for me. We are still early on in the relationship.. 3 months.. shouldnt we still be all over each other? For the past month its just been me barely getting by.. ive lost my cool once or twice because ...
A. 1 January 2012: Maybe she just likes the idea of having a man around she can get in touch with when and if she chooses. Sort of a control issue. she'd lose that "power" if you end it.
But still, you shoudn't be puttintg up with this kind of behavior any long... (read in full...)
How can she say she loves me when she treats me like I am nothing?
Q. She clamins to love me..but yet she has no time for me. We are still early on in the relationship.. 3 months.. shouldnt we still be all over each other? For the past month its just been me barely getting by.. ive lost my cool once or twice because ...
A. 1 January 2012: Maybe she just likes the idea of having a man around she can get in touch with when and if she chooses. Sort of a control issue. she'd lose that "power" if you end it.
But still, you shoudn't be puttintg up with this kind of behavior any long... (read in full...)
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