| Latest articles: On relationships: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
|
Torn between two men--who do I choose?
Q. I am a young lady, with fairly severe jealousy and self esteem issues. I have been dating and living with my boyfriend for 3 years. 2 of those years, we haven't been getting along. He was ignoring me, resorting to alcoholism and occasionally ...
A. 12 April 2011: Well, its up to you, but my recommendation is that you choose neither.
You say you have "fairly severe" issues of jealousy, self-esteem, paranoia and demand for attention from the man you're living with. Three years together and only the first ye... (read in full...)
Do I continue trying to move on or do I call him and let him know my feelings?
Q. Hey I'm looking for some advise on what to do... heres my situation it's really long so please bare with me... I had been in a 2 year relationship with someone I thought was my soul mate. Things got complicated and I felt trapped (Had moved in to...
A. 11 April 2011: Well, he is obviously not the kind of man you really want or need in your life........sleeps around, takes drugs, lies to you......I can understand that you found him attractive right off the bat, but your first mistake was that having had sex with ... (read in full...)
Obsessed with beauty way too much...When will I be happy?
Q. I am a 19 year old girl and a girl who can never be happy. .. I was a girl who got bullied since I was K2.. all the way until I was 15 years old. I used to be a girl where no one will say hi to me because I look "anti-social".. I was tan,geeky an...
A. 11 April 2011: You're looking for happiness in all the wrong places. It's good to want to lose a few pounds through diet and exercise, and improves your health; also to want to dress well, and go to the gymn, get a facial, massage or manicure once in a while, ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend forgot my birthday. How should I handle it?
Q. Yesterday was my birthday and the guy I've been dating for over ten months forgot it was my birthday OR didn't even know. We are more than "friends with benefits" and less than totally serious. He has told me he loves me. He went away with friends ...
A. 11 April 2011: If you have never told him when your birthday is, he could easily not even notice it on Facebook. Disappointing.
I don't know what to tell you. If you mention now that he forgot your birthday, he's going to be embarrassed. If you don't say anyt... (read in full...)
Depressed because of age. Any advice?
Q. I am getting terribly depressed and although not suicidal. I keep getting very depressed because I am coming up to 60 years of age. No man will want me now I know that and cant help wondering what a bleak future. I know one doesnt have to have a ...
A. 10 April 2011: There are many women your age who are healthy, (mentally and physically) and who have kept themselves in good shape in the way they dress and use appropriate makeup, hairstyle, etc. Attitude is VERY important. If you are kind, and tend to smile at ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my ex talk to me?
Q. My ex and I broke up a year ago and now we have the same class together. He is a really nice guy who made a douche bag move when he broke it off, saying he was too busy for school, work and myself. Even though he had a new girlfriend (at the time), ...
A. 9 April 2011: Re Sebaslookingforward: Yes, it might be polite to acknowledge one another's presence - EXCEPT that the OP seems to want more - she wants to "catch up" and have a "nice conversation." That could open a whole "can of worms". Her ex may suspect ... (read in full...)
I told the guy I'm dating to slow down, was that the wrong thing to do?
Q. So I've been with my boyfriend for about 5 months and we really like eachother. Recently while we were making out he made a go for my boobs and from there it got a bit too intense for me. So I pulled back and told him that I didn't want it to go any ...
A. 9 April 2011: No, you're not overreacting. You felt uncomfortable with his moves, said so, and he backed off and told you he won't pressure you if you are not ready. That's good, it shows respect.
However, I do wonder if you have been dating for five months w... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my ex talk to me?
Q. My ex and I broke up a year ago and now we have the same class together. He is a really nice guy who made a douche bag move when he broke it off, saying he was too busy for school, work and myself. Even though he had a new girlfriend (at the time), ...
A. 9 April 2011: Why won't your ex talk to you?
Because he IS your ex, that's why. Thing is, when you end a relationship the idea is that you don't stay friends; you wish one another well, and then move on with your lives separately.
In your case, he obvious... (read in full...)
My fiancé found out he has cancer and left me. How can I go on?
Q. My fiancé found out last winter as part of a physical exam for work that he has aggressive stage 3 cancer. His parents moved him into an apartment near the university hospital for treatment and he has been in chemo and radiation and there is some ...
A. 9 April 2011: I am very sorry to hear your fiance has cancer. He MAY be able to make a full recovery, but agressive stage 3 and the finding of new lumps doesn't sound good at all. I don't think you have done anything wrong. You have "been there" to share ... (read in full...)
He wants sex but won't tell me where we stand. How do I make him understand that this is important to me?
Q. There is this friend of mine that i study with at my uni. we have know each other for roughly 2 and a half years and a lot of nights we study until really late (between 2am and 3am). The problem is we are attracted to each other and sometimes after ...
A. 8 April 2011: Giving you his homework to copy (should he even be DOING that??) and staying up late to explain what you've studied? That's a very small matter. The main issue here is that we, as outsiders, can have a fair idea as to what's in his mind, and for ... (read in full...)
He wants sex but won't tell me where we stand. How do I make him understand that this is important to me?
Q. There is this friend of mine that i study with at my uni. we have know each other for roughly 2 and a half years and a lot of nights we study until really late (between 2am and 3am). The problem is we are attracted to each other and sometimes after ...
A. 7 April 2011: You say he won't tell you where you stand with him and what his intentions are. Unfortunately, from what you have told us, it's crystal clear.
He has absolutely no intention of having any connection with you beyond sex. None.
You ask how y... (read in full...)
When a man says "Be Patient With Me, ".what does that mean?
Q. I have been seeing this man since Nov. all was great until Feb. I saw him 3-4 times a week, slept over and suddenly that slowed down. I found out that he sees another girl on my off days, he has no idea I know, I have asked if there are other women ...
A. 7 April 2011: Well, to begin with he lied to you. Not good. I would say: ask him what he means when he tells you to be patient. It's the only way you're going to find out.
Also, you might want to think about telling him you know he's seeing other women - ... (read in full...)
I worry that one day he'll wake up and realize that it's her he wants.
Q. I'm in this 3 year relationship with this AMAZING guy. He and I have recently just came back from a 4 month trip in Europe. We have big plans for the future together. We are currently starting a business together, so life has been really stressful ...
A. 6 April 2011: Some very good, practical suggestions from Odds!... (read in full...)
I worry that one day he'll wake up and realize that it's her he wants.
Q. I'm in this 3 year relationship with this AMAZING guy. He and I have recently just came back from a 4 month trip in Europe. We have big plans for the future together. We are currently starting a business together, so life has been really stressful ...
A. 6 April 2011: The help you need is in your own heart and head!
Nothing we can say or do will reassure you if you don't know in your innermost being that it's you your bf chooses to be with, not her. He has told you they are just friends. You have to take him... (read in full...)
Discovered 'Mr. Perfect' is in the middle of a divorce, after I fell in love with him. Now I don't know what to do.
Q. I met a great guy some time ago and we started dating straight away. It was brilliant - we seemed to be completely on the same page. Alike enough to really like each other and alike in the most important ways but still so vastly different that ...
A. 4 April 2011: When you got to the point of saying there are other things that make you suspicious, such as always coming to where you are located, is when "I" began to think that he might be lying about being in the middle of divorce proceedings.... If he'll ... (read in full...)
How can I track my boyfriend's online activity?
Q. How can I track my boyfriend online to what sites he is on when we live separately?...
A. 4 April 2011: I'm not sure you CAN delete your post. However, you are "anonymous" so your identity is not going to be known to anyone else. Besides that, we get a lot of questions on the site so that in a few days yours will get "buried" in all the subsequent ... (read in full...)
Should I get sexually involved with my 66 year-old boyfriend's son?
Q. i was dating this 66 year old man. now i want to have sex with his older son. The father doesn't know. im just talking to his son on the internet. The son wants me to come to his place were he stays with his kids. I told him i would never ...
A. 4 April 2011: If you are still dating your 66 year old bf you definitely should NOT get involved with his son! Nor with anyone else for that matter before ending it with your bf (I'm tempted to refer to your bf as "poor old soul" because I wonder if the age ... (read in full...)
Don't I deserve to be cared about?
Q. I've always felt "less than". I've never liked the way i like even though i've gotten complements plenty of times. The past two years, my self esteem has hit rock bottom. I got involved with a guy i shouldn't have and it didn't end well, well it's ...
A. 4 April 2011: Oh heck! You are doing yourself a real disservice by continuing to permit this man to have sex with you - even if you're refusing him, he still is selfish and manipulative, is cheating on his current gf, and treating you very badly. By all... (read in full...)
My husband is in a nursing home, is it wrong for me to want to go out with a man for a drink?
Q. I have been through a horrible two years with my husband who developed dementia and now is in a nursing home. We have had a very happy marraige and I miss him so much and have so much guilt about him being where he is although he is well cared for ...
A. 4 April 2011: Good advice from TEM! And yes, I too add that I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your husband having to be in a nursing home.......you have certainly been (are) a devoted and caring wife........... (read in full...)
Fiance asked me to move out so she could sort out her head
Q. hi i have been in a relationship with a very lovely woman for 3 years and got engaged however middle of last month she asked me if i could let her have a few days on her own.we lived together.so i agreed and she agreed that it would only be two days ...
A. 4 April 2011: The middle of last month? So you've been away for at least two weeks, right? If it's your home, I don't see why SHE doesn't find a place to stay while she "sorts her head out." Doesn't seem fair to demand that you not be there while she's sayi... (read in full...)
How Much of My Own Beliefs and Opinions Should Enter DearCupidAnswers?
Q. I've noticed that in some of my answers to questions on this site, I have allowed my personal beliefs to color my opinions. So my question is, is that wrong? It seems nearly impossible to take my whole self out of the equation, but what level i...
A. 4 April 2011: We all have our beliefs and convictions, but these are not to be imposed on anyone posting a question on the site. For myself, I try to understand where the person is "coming from" and what they're dealing with, so that I can respond with common ... (read in full...)
Every time we fight he breaks up with me
Q. He breaks up with me every time we fight. today was the third time, so 3 fights in 8 months not bad but last time we talked it through and i was left feeling like i talked him back into being with me. This time I'm resolved to let him go...3 s...
A. 4 April 2011: If he breaks up with you after every fight, I wonder about it. What I mean is, in most relationships its normal to have at least some disagreements.......but you spoke of "fights" which rightly or wrongly, gives me the impression these are about ... (read in full...)
He lives nearby, he calls and texts everyday...Why can't we just hang out?
Q. I met this guy about a month ago. We live 15-20 mins apart, but we haven't hung out since we met. He texts me and calls me everyday, and he works here in my town. I just don't get why we can't hang out. I mean, whats stopping him? I'm starting...
A. 2 April 2011: Don't get discouraged just yet. I suggested inviting him out to lunch; why don't you do that? Need not be anywhere too expensive......good luck!... (read in full...)
He lives nearby, he calls and texts everyday...Why can't we just hang out?
Q. I met this guy about a month ago. We live 15-20 mins apart, but we haven't hung out since we met. He texts me and calls me everyday, and he works here in my town. I just don't get why we can't hang out. I mean, whats stopping him? I'm starting...
A. 1 April 2011: Good question. I would suggest that if you want to find out what his level of interest really is that you take the bull by the horns and invite him to go somewhere for lunch with you. See how he responds.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
If you've been friends for a long time, is there NO chance that he or she could ever fall for you?
Q. I've had something on my mind for a long time and I could use some wisdom in this situation. I would never try to steal, or break up someone's relationship... but, what I WOULD like to know is this: Suppose that you've been friends with someone...
A. 1 April 2011: Okay......you have known this person a long time - presumably before he was in a relationship?? and in all that time it has not progressed into more than friendship? Did you at any point let him know you hoped for more?
But now he is in a rel... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't seem to appreciate me sexually... is he just being friendly?
Q. I know I should be asking him this but wanted your opinion on it. Its about my boyfriend, we been dating for 3 months. I just don't feel like he likes me, sexually. He does do a lot of nice things for me like a friend would do, like help me if ...
A. 30 March 2011: You spend weekends together but he doesn't approach you for sex?
Does he flirt with you at all? Kiss you, hold hands and so on?
If not, it could be that he regards you simply as a good friend whose company he enjoys (one would hope) but ... (read in full...)
My ex keeps asking after me...
Q. Basically I'm going to visit my friends for a week...staying in the town where my ex girlfriend lives!!!! Recently I hear she has been asking people when I'm next in town etc and that she wishes she could talk to me..... I can't understand w...
A. 30 March 2011: Potentially awkward situation for you. Perhaps you could start by making it clear to the friends you'll be staying with that you have no interest/intention to talk to her.
Unless you want to send her an email to say you have no desire to speak wi... (read in full...)
I feel ready to lose my virginity, but am I wrong to think this way?
Q. I am a 15 year old Christian girl who likes to take a, as my mom would say "ride on the wild side". and lately i've had one thing on my mind when im near my bf. well actually more then one but them all leading to the same thing. SEX I am a virgin a...
A. 28 March 2011: Your thinking is natural - after all at your very young age your hormones are raging - but misguided.
If your boyfriend is around the same age as you, then HIS hormones are in full swing, also. Not only that, but its actually illegal in England ... (read in full...)
I have the feeling he's giving up and I really want to date him!
Q. Alright so long story (not short), I really REALLY like this guy (we'll call him X.) Anyways, I've liked him since September, and he was in my class for drama last semester (high school.) Now it's the new semester, and I have zero classes with him, ...
A. 26 March 2011: Bite the bullet and invite him to go out to lunch with you! Or coffee, or go for a walk in the park when the weather's nice....... Good luck!... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says I'm needy and nag, but I'm not sure I'm that way at all!
Q. I am having a problem with my boyfriend of 8 mnths. he says i nag and am needy and am not sure if I am. From day one we have been arguing and i think what has kept the relationship is i can help him financially when he is broke or in need of rent ...
A. 26 March 2011: Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! You really have answered your question yourself, you know. Think about it: constant arguments from the very beginning; YOU have been putting all the effort into an attempt to make this work; and have given him mo... (read in full...)
Breaking up, back together and now there's another girl involved
Q. okay maybe u can help me..... Im not so sure how to put this so i'll just tell u my whole story. My Bf and i were madly in love....then one day i was thinking about dumping him so i could get my life back on track from all the drama (keep in m...
A. 25 March 2011: Sings_alot chicky, Look, he is not treating you very nicely, you know? He is involved with this other girl while telling you he loves you and wants to buy you a promise ring. BUT he is STILL with the other girl, even though when she asked him if... (read in full...)
My boyfriend stopped talking to me and a girl answers his phone every time I call!
Q. Hi aunts! So I need some advice on what to do in this situation. Me and my boyfriend of 2 months broke up 2 days ago. He was at a party and I was going out to. Well I called him and was asking who was ther and stuff nothing mean though. And he said ...
A. 25 March 2011: Thanks for the clarification. I hope that if you are able to reach him by phone, that you will get the closure you are seeking. I will add only that being given a reason/explanation for a breakup often is not satisfying emotionally, bec... (read in full...)
My problem is his pregnant partner. Is there a chance he will just love me and leave me?
Q. Am girl who is 21 years of age,there is this guy I just met and I love him and I do want to have sex with him, but my problem is his pregnant partner. What if he loves her more than he loves me? What if he just want to have sexual relations with me ...
A. 25 March 2011: You've just met him and you love him? I'm sorry my dear, but you cannot possibly love someone you've "just met" - you hardly know him.
Anyway, the main thing is he has a partner who is expecting his baby. I would certainly hope he DOES love her... (read in full...)
My boyfriend stopped talking to me and a girl answers his phone every time I call!
Q. Hi aunts! So I need some advice on what to do in this situation. Me and my boyfriend of 2 months broke up 2 days ago. He was at a party and I was going out to. Well I called him and was asking who was ther and stuff nothing mean though. And he said ...
A. 25 March 2011: Well, you said you broke up two days ago, but yet you kept calling him and getting this other girl. You also said you "assumed" things were at an end, and you wanted to break up with him anyway. So if you wanted an end, what are you so upset abo... (read in full...)
B/f won't talk to me but won't tell me its over either!
Q. I am 22 years old and I have been dating my bf for 8 months..just recently he has pulled away a bit and I am not sure why..I was texting him a bunch of times and he wasn't replying so I started freaking out and eventually he responded and he was ...
A. 24 March 2011: I'm sorry you are finding it so difficult to deal with this. It seems to me as though he has effectively ended it - but without telling you. I'm afraid some men do do this. Not very considerate, no, but sometimes they'd rather not have the has... (read in full...)
Breaking up, back together and now there's another girl involved
Q. okay maybe u can help me..... Im not so sure how to put this so i'll just tell u my whole story. My Bf and i were madly in love....then one day i was thinking about dumping him so i could get my life back on track from all the drama (keep in m...
A. 24 March 2011: Well, if you choose to be confused and unhappy then go right along with what you and he are doing. It's your choice.... (read in full...)
What is he doing on this network site?
Q. I have just found out that my bf has being chatting a girl up on a social network site? He adds random girls every night all between the ages of 16-19 and they are tarty. He doesnt know any of them. He has added over 100 since january. Last night he ...
A. 24 March 2011: Look, if he gets into trouble then that's HIS problem, and nothing for you to worry about! Again, my recommendation is to DUMP this man. He doesn't deserve you - and YOU don't need such a headache!... (read in full...)
Has my new date lost interest?
Q. Hi all, Please help and advise!! thanks. I have been dating this lovely guy for around a month now. Things were going well, and he used to call or text every morning and around the same time every night . I last heard from him now 2 days ago first ...
A. 24 March 2011: You and he are still in the very beginning stages of getting acquainted. Not very considerate of him to turn up very late at your house, either on Saturday night.....hope you were not thinking of sleeping with him, its your call, of course, but its ... (read in full...)
What is he doing on this network site?
Q. I have just found out that my bf has being chatting a girl up on a social network site? He adds random girls every night all between the ages of 16-19 and they are tarty. He doesnt know any of them. He has added over 100 since january. Last night he ...
A. 24 March 2011: So why do you still consider this guy as your boyfriend?
Doesn't sound as if you're getting much out of it to me.
Is it really worth it to even think about continuing with him?... (read in full...)
Breaking up, back together and now there's another girl involved
Q. okay maybe u can help me..... Im not so sure how to put this so i'll just tell u my whole story. My Bf and i were madly in love....then one day i was thinking about dumping him so i could get my life back on track from all the drama (keep in m...
A. 24 March 2011: Look, you are what? Only 13, 14? You REALLY don't need all this drama in your life!(Doesn't matter if its "his fault"; or not his fault, or whoever's fault it is).
What would be good would be to leave your bf alone - don't text, phone, email hi... (read in full...)
Sweet man or sociopath?
Q. if a man is charming does it always have to mean that they are trying to schmooze? my new guy is rather over the top charming towards me, i have told him it makes me uneasy and he said he flatters me coz he wants me to like him. he is not a silly ...
A. 23 March 2011: No, if he's charming, it doesn't necessarily mean he's a sociopath.
You'd need to see more "clues" in his behavior to determine that. For instance, does he tend to be controlling; always trying to keep tabs on where you go, who you see when not... (read in full...)
B/f won't talk to me but won't tell me its over either!
Q. I am 22 years old and I have been dating my bf for 8 months..just recently he has pulled away a bit and I am not sure why..I was texting him a bunch of times and he wasn't replying so I started freaking out and eventually he responded and he was ...
A. 22 March 2011: Some men do simply "disappear" rather than tell the woman its over, yes. They do this because they want to avoid getting a lot of flak from her......... (read in full...)
B/f won't talk to me but won't tell me its over either!
Q. I am 22 years old and I have been dating my bf for 8 months..just recently he has pulled away a bit and I am not sure why..I was texting him a bunch of times and he wasn't replying so I started freaking out and eventually he responded and he was ...
A. 21 March 2011: True, it is a bit hard to accept. Nonetheless, hang in there! It will be alright - whatever happens!... (read in full...)
B/f won't talk to me but won't tell me its over either!
Q. I am 22 years old and I have been dating my bf for 8 months..just recently he has pulled away a bit and I am not sure why..I was texting him a bunch of times and he wasn't replying so I started freaking out and eventually he responded and he was ...
A. 21 March 2011: You are still telling us you love him, when he is not apparently feeling the same way toward you.
Several responders have recommended that you pull back, not be so clingy - in fact, being a bit standoffish toward him in your BEHAVIOR AND your MIN... (read in full...)
B/f won't talk to me but won't tell me its over either!
Q. I am 22 years old and I have been dating my bf for 8 months..just recently he has pulled away a bit and I am not sure why..I was texting him a bunch of times and he wasn't replying so I started freaking out and eventually he responded and he was ...
A. 21 March 2011: How long has it been since you last talked with him? A few days? A week? Two weeks?
I think you would do well to wait two weeks and then, as I said before, if you have not heard from him send him a brief message and see if he responds. If he d... (read in full...)
B/f won't talk to me but won't tell me its over either!
Q. I am 22 years old and I have been dating my bf for 8 months..just recently he has pulled away a bit and I am not sure why..I was texting him a bunch of times and he wasn't replying so I started freaking out and eventually he responded and he was ...
A. 20 March 2011: For goodness sake, find something else to occupy your time!! As Aunty BimBim said, books are a good place to start.....your bf told you everything is fine so go with that.....ONE apology would have been more than enough! Wait now until he DO... (read in full...)
| *enise32's friends
These are mutual friends, so *enise32 has
added them and they have added *enise32!
|
