A
female
age
36-40,
*egasus1028
writes:My daughter is having her 5th birthday party next week, and I am taking her to see a stage play. The tickets are not that expensive, but there is some travel. what I was wondering was if I want to invite her friend, am if I responsible to buy the ticket for her and her mother? If the kids were a little older I wouldn't mind just going out of town with her, but the kids are both five, and I would not feel comfortable taking her daughter out of town for the day. It seems rude to invite her to the play for a birthday, and then tell them they have to buy their own ticket. Money is tight though, but I would really love for her to have her friend there.(I know this isn't the usual question for this site, but the parenting advice site doesn't really have very many people on it)
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (26 June 2009):
If you are inviting your daughter's friend to your daughter's birthday celebration then I definitely think you should pay for the ticket. If it's a foursome, with the friend's mother also invited to the festivities then you really owe her a ticket, too. However, if a very close friendship is involved, you can try to play your pauper card (like "Tisha-1" suggested) and see what happens. Be aware that even mentioning the subject could have long-range effects on the relationship between you and the friend's mother.
Some other thoughts, from a "parenting perspective":
Many 5-year-olds would have few problems spending a day with a different family, especially if they are already well acquainted. (My granddaughters, ages 3 and 1, have spent several afternoons and even overnights with my wife and I.) You might open the discussion by asking the other mom if she thinks her own presence is even necessary. (I know that handling TWO kids isn't twice as much effort as one - it's more like, (the effort)*SQUARED - but the problems may not be as large as you think. Having said that, I understand and support your decision if you feel it really IS best to have two adults along on the excursion.)
5-year-olds have no real understanding of monetary value. Your daughter would probably be just as pleased with a less expensive celebration, especially if she can share it with her best friend(s). But if you have already made promises to her, then by all means keep your promises!
A
female
reader, betty_black  +, writes (26 June 2009):
 I wouldnt invite her if you cant pay, its slightly rude to ask other parents to pay for their own child when its your childs birthday, but you dont have the money for it, so just take your daughter on her own, im sure she'll enjoy it just as much!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): You should definately pay unless the other mother offers to. This is your invitationa and idea. I don't see any reason why you can't just take the two girls. They will keep each other busy....I think you want the mother's company for yourself, in which case, YOU need to pay for her ticket.
If your finances are so tight, do something that won't cost as much....a day at the beach for 5 years olds is a wonderful thing and then I am sure the mother would want to go to keep an eye on her little girl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): My wife and I seem to have a bit of a different take on this one than most people. Our feeling has always been that we should ask as little as possible of the other parents, in terms of travel time and in terms of expense. With three kids of our own, it was always a complete pain to have to deliver one kid to a venue that was sometimes nearly an hour away. For a three hour party, what do you do? Drive home and then turn around and go back almost immediately? You've toasted a big chunk of your day.
So if you're already going to ask this other person to join you some distance away, you really ought to pay for their ticket. Otherwise it's an unreasonable imposition.
That said, I think Tisha's wording is good -- if you can't afford it, then at least be to the point about it.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 June 2009):
 Could you say something like this:
"Hi Bev, it's Carly's birthday next week, and we're going to a play that's a bit of a hike. I don't know if you have any interest in joining us, but we'd love to have the company if you do. The thing that made me almost not mention this to you is that with the economy, our budget is tight, and I can't buy your tickets. So I hope you forgive me for the awkward way I'm mentioning this to you. If you can come, we'd love it! If you can't come, I fully understand and wish that I could cover the costs right now."
I don't know if that's appropriate or not, but at least it's honest and gets the point across. I hope some real moms chime in for you! Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): Lol it's ok. Parent to child is a relationship and this is a relatinship site.
Yes, it would be polite to offer to pay, since you staged the invite.
It's possible however, that the friend's mother will offer to pay her own way, in which case, you should accept of course, if money is tight.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, Legioness +, writes (26 June 2009):
 I'd say that it'd only be polite to pay yourself. But as you said, moneys a bit tight, so perhaps if you were to ask the friends parent to chip in a little, it'd be a great deal of help :)
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