A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, this question has been floating around a lot and I wanted to know what your guys opinion is about it.Most people imagine their first time to be special and wonderful, but can it still be special and wonderful if the guy or girl your having sex with has already done it multiple times?Should your first time be shared with someone who is a virgin too? So you can both share the whole speciality of it together?Some people want somebody who is more experienced in bed for the first time, but I mean like why? Your first time is not usually, 'out of this world any ways' and you stay in one position the whole time and stop in the middle cause it hurts to bad.Well.. you know where I'm going with this, but what do you guys think? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009):
A lot of girls have the idea that they want an experienced guy for the first time. I think this has more to do with who they find sexy than who will actually make the experience better. There are experienced guys who will make the first time miserable, and there are fellow virgins who will take every possible care to make it decent.
The best first partner is the first serious relationship. With a parnter who is CONSIDERATE and not a selfish lover. Who is NOT pressuring you into sex for its own sake.
Serious relationships just don't happen at 14 I'm sorry to tell you. Lots of teens think their relationship is serious at that time they are having it. But in retrospect a few years later they never think it was as serious as they once thought it was.
A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (14 July 2009):
My first time was with another virgin. My wife also gave her virginity to another virgin. In fact, my first time and her first time were the same time. It was lousy sex - and it was also one of the most significant and meaningful events of our lives.
If sex was only a matter of the physiological mechanics, how you couple the genitals, etc, then having an experienced partner could be a real advantage. Heck, it might go even better if you brought in a few more people to "coach" the couple through the first time! I'm still disappointed and ashamed over the pain I caused my wife on our wedding night. If I had been with other women it probably would have been more comfortable for her. And, if she had been with other guys she probably could have improved my own physical experience.
But sex isn't about just physical sensations. That was a very special time for each of us, and never to be shared with anybody else. Despite our inept fumbling the first time, we were regularly pleasuring and satisfying each other within a couple of weeks. And - we learned it together. There was no need to un-learn something because a previous partner's sexual response and preferences were different.
If she had been with other guys before me I probably would have still loved her and married her. I don't think our first time would have been as special, though. And, sooner or later, I'd wonder what her other partners had been like. I suspect she would say much the same thing if the roles were switched. And if we BOTH had previous sex partners - I can't imagine it would have been as special.
If you go back through old threads here on this Forum - like all of them tagged with "virginity", for the last couple of years - you'll find several where somebody is upset because his/her husband, wife, or "significant other" had other sex partners prior to the relationship. (Yes, it bothers BOTH men and women!) In many, but not all, of these cases the upset partner is a virgin and wishes the other partner had NOT been experienced. That supports the "virgins should only have sex with virgins, and non-virgins should stick with non-virgins" advice. I don't recall one thread where a sexually experienced person was jealous or upset because his/her partner was a virgin.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (14 July 2009):
 hun virgins don't have to have sex with virgins.
it's more about the connection you have with that person whether or not they have already done it with someone else or multiple people doesn't make it any less special.
it's all about the bond you and your partner share and whether you feel you and your partner are ready to take it to the next step and connect with eachothers bodies.
sex isn't just sex it's a bonding relationship with two partners in love.
well so it should be but nowa days people just do it for fun and the word loses all meaning.
your first time should be special and if the person you are with has a strong bond and connection with you then it is classed as special.
it's how you make it not how many people the other persons slept with or not.
hope this helps.
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): To me it matters more about the person than how much experience they have.
To specifically answer your question, everyone is different, experience doesn't mean that they're good in bed or know what they're doing just as inexperience doesn't mean they'll be bad.
There's no way to know until you actually do the act, also not every girl bleeds or feels pain their first time and there's no rule to say that you should stay in one position.
It's more important to have a deep emotional connection to your partner for your first, that's what makes it special because as you said the sex itself is unlikely to be more than a fumbling mess, but it will be the best thing ever if it's part of a loving relationship.
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A
female
reader, Heartbroken-xx +, writes (14 July 2009):
I personally think a virgins first time should be with a virgin. I've heard a lot of stories about how girls regret it because they couldn't connect with the guy like they would of wanted because he had already done it so many times.Others may beg to differ though.. I guess its all up to the person.Hope I helpedxx
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