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How do I keep a healthy balanced perspective on my finances?

Tagged as: Family, Health, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 May 2016) 5 Answers - (Newest, 30 May 2016)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Sorry, this isn't really a relationship question, but it's really weighing on me.

I'm fairly young (or maybe 30 isn't considered that young anymore), I have no debt and as of a couple months ago had low 6 figures of savings. With all that said, I have a HUGE poverty mentality. I get it from my family, who also acted like we were in the great depression when we were actually well off--culturally or socially speaking, we presented as though we were working class. Structurally we were not. I'll give you a little picture: I grew up with my dad reusing our kleenexes, hemming and hawwing if he had found someone had accidentally thrown a penny away, or if he read a receipt he didn't like, eating moldy bread because it was wasteful otherwise etc etc. This has profoundly impacted me.

Right now, I've decided to do probably the most uncharacteristic thing of both my family and me, and have started a business. I feel like I can make it work, I feel strong about the plan, but it obviously scares me a lot, too. I am not working a side job and I have about 1k/month expenses right now. It's just a lot at once, I had to buy a car for the first time and I've never spent so much money in one sitting.

I have a budget, I have financial goals for the year, I am aware the end-result of where I'll be if I make zero dollars this year (which is not gonna happen, my first client just hired me :) )and it's nowhere close to me being in actual financial trouble. So I'm doing the things that psychologically SHOULD put things into perspective. But still I panic and I distort things. Like the car I got, I called it "tons of money" - it was 6k. It's big chunk of change but it's not a Ferrari. Or I say things to myself like I have no money. Again: not true.

There's also the wrinkle of me being more passive than I should be as a business person. Before I had my client consult, I mentally prepared a quote, knew what price I wanted to tell him, but for some reason I felt guilt and I couldn't say the number I wanted to say, and my mouth said a number that discounted my costs substantially. I don't know or understand why I felt guilt about it. I STILL think I deserve the amount I mentally quoted, so why am I having trouble SAYING the number? So I guess question 2 and 4 are, how do I stick to my guns on how much I believe I am entitled to, how do I get more comfortable talking about money with clients, and how do I accept learning from my financial mistakes, instead of brooding and beating myself up over them?

Again, sorry this isn't relationship-related, but I appreciate any insights.

View related questions: debt, money

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you guys, all the positive encouragement I needed!

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A female reader, ArtisticBiscuit United Kingdom +, writes (28 May 2016):

ArtisticBiscuit agony auntSet aside some money for a rainy day. Or when you make no income.

Don't worry too much about money or it will make you ill.

You need to stop living by books and figures and start living for enjoyment of life.

It's good that you've got a business mindset. Stops you getting into debt or low on money. Don't stress that everything has to be thrifty. It's what makes your life happy that counts. Not how many zeros I can knock of my shopping price.

I don't know if i'm helping, but I tried.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (25 May 2016):

chigirl agony auntPractice, practice, practice! Practice with a friend. Pretend she is a client. Trust me, you will be equally nervous, despite knowing it is pretense. I have practiced like this for job interviews, which put me in the same mumbling and blabbering state as you, where I am unable to say what I actually mean and get nervous. Especially when being asked what I would want for a salary. Dropping that number is difficult!

Practice by talking to a real person, and not just your own reflection in the mirror. It makes all the difference. And BELIEVE in what you say. Do you believe you deserve this number? Then stand firm and remind yourself of it. You might get rejected, that is a possibility. But do not take that as a rejection of YOU as a person. It never is. Keep it professional. Think about that this is what you need for your business, it's not you being greedy. This is what you actually need and deserve.

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A male reader, Myau New Zealand +, writes (25 May 2016):

Myau agony auntYou sound like your all set. Congratulations on your first client.

I'm afraid its just a matter of practice. The more you do it the better you will get at it. BTW Denziens =20% is a great idea and I also recommend you go with that. You can negotiate.

Its always hard to step into new things. You will be fine. Think about it this way: Even if you fail, you tried and learnt a lot about yourself and that is actually worth it.

But what if you succeed ;)

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (25 May 2016):

Denizen agony auntThere are several questions I see in here. About the worry you are carrying and fantasising over failure, that's normal. They say no-one got rich working for other people. It may be true. Your pre-frontal lobes of your brain are trying to protect you. They are too efficient. They tell you a dozen ways you can fail. However you have prepared and covered all the eventualities you can. Well done.

Now as for working with the client over costs, my father-in-law used to say, "Anyone can give it away."

When you have a figure in mind that you want for your work add 20 per cent. It's not so much as will frighten them but it gives you room to negotiate if you have to. You should use phrases like, "Considering the work involved here I think it's worth it". Or, "I am going to have to put other clients on hold to get your job through in the time you want."

Everybody likes a bargain and your clients will too. That doesn't mean you work at a loss. You can point out how much extra you give over your competition - personal service and satisfaction guarantee for example.

Always remember to leave room in your busy work life for you. Don't get caught in the trap.

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