A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months. The problem is that he's extremely touchy and always tickles and teases other girls, even in front of me. I talked to him about it but it seems that it's pointless. I've never told him not to hang out with girls, he can talk to anyone he wants as long as that person isn't a bad influence to him, but it starts bothering me when there's too much physical contact between them. Do you think I'm overreacting and I should just get over it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2016): If he was a personal trainer and had to touch women as part of his professional job duties, that's one thing.
But this is not a job he is doing.
It's for his own personal jollies and self gratifications
Get away from this player!
And find yourself a decent guy.
Not all men behave this way. Only ones who are defective.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (26 May 2016):
 If you don't like it, move on because clearly he is not willing to stop. If you do not want to leave then you will have to find a way to deal with it. It's as simple as that. No analysis needed.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 May 2016):
 Yes it is immature in a relationship to touch a tickle other girls, but as honeypie said it is to be expected at your age. He is young and he wants attention from girls, he is not ready to settle down and be in a serious relationship, you have asked him to stop this and he hasn't so it is your decision now, either you put up with it or else you dump him.
As chigirl said he should be able to talk to anyone he likes, even girls you think are bad influences, he should be the one to make his own decisions in life. not you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2016): Ditch him. You're too young to be caught up in all this. He's being fairly immature because it sounds like he likes this kind of flirting and you will end up mistrusting him.
You've, quite rightly, asked he stops tickling other girls and he hasn't and even does it in front of you. He doesn't respect you, so you move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 May 2016):
 I think he is being a bit immature (which honestly is to be expected at your age - no offense). I think that he KEEPS doing it even after you told him that you don't like it, because 1. he doesn't like being told what to do, and 2. he think it makes him look like ALL the girls want a piece of him. 3. he thinks making you a little jealous is a good thing. 4. He thinks he is being cute or it simply comes natural to him.
I don't think you are SUPER overreacting, but I do think you are overreacting a little. He is being playful (something I BET he did with you before you started to date). tickling and teasing other girls doesn't mean he is WANTING to be with them, it's part of how he interact with girls. I think for him it's pretty much platonic. And some people ARE more touchy feely than others.
BUT.. here is the rub. IF YOU did the same thing and he asked you to stop... would you? My guess is yes. You would listen to what he has to say and how he feels.
YOUR BF on the other hand, isn't listening to you. He thinks you are either being insecure or jealous. And some people find that making their partner jealous gives THEM a boost. Unfortunately... jealousy doesn't always = love.
If it bothers you, why not get up and walk away when he starts his tickle/banter fest? Leave the room or go talk to someone else across the room (and I don't mean go chat up another buy) I mean, show him that you respect that he is who he is, but that doesn't mean you HAVE to stand around and watch him do this. If he asks you what's up, tell him. I needed a glass of water/use the rest room/wanted to catch up with Jane/Will. Don't MAKE yourself be in "orbit" of your BF.
HE is the one who should set boundaries with other girls, but he CHOOSES not to. Most likely because HE gets something out of the interactions with them. Some times it's as simple as him liking the attention.
IF you REALLY don't like it, maybe you need to consider that HE isn't the guy for you. BUT you got to realize that he MAY not change this thing for you. And maybe... it's actually one of those things about him that drew you to him before you started to date?
Can you say exactly what it is you don't like? Him touching other girls or that THIS is how he "charmed" you before you started dating so now it feels like he "has" you and doesn't put in an effort no more to "charm" you?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 May 2016):
 ... I just have to ask, what makes you think you have any right to say who he gets to talk to and not, what so ever? No, the other person being deemed by you as "a bad influence" is NOT grounds to tell him he can not talk to them. You are not his parent. So don't go telling yourself that this is okay as long as you think they are a bad influence.
So, on to the matter: tickling other girls is flirting, in most cases. Unless it's his sister, a long time friend etc. And, lets get this out there in the open right away: you can not change another person, or demand that they change. All you can do is decide whether or not you are going to be in a relationship with them.
This means that if you told him his flirting and touching other girls bothers you, and you were unable to find a compromise and he just will not change things, then you can't expect more. You are left with the choice to either stay, and accept things as they are, or end the relationship and find a new boyfriend.
9 times out of 10, it is best, and unavoidable, to find a new boyfriend.
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