A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have longtime female friend. I'm separated and in the middle of the divorce process. She's married, very unhappily. We talk often and get together every now and then for dinner. She told me she was jealous I'm getting out of my marriage saying she wants out of hers. I asked her why she's not filing for divorce if she's that unhappy. She said their dirt poor, she can't afford it. I told her to try counseling, can't seem to afford that either. I'm getting frustrated hearing how unhappy she is and not doing anything about it. I would think if someone is that unhappy they would find a way to get out of it or find a counselor. Let me also say I have no interest in a relationship or having sex with her. She's more like a sister than a friend. I admit I really don't like the guy, he's not ambitious and wastes money on stupid and unnecessary stuff. If they could afford that kind of waste I'd care less. This woman has a heart of gold, she doesn't want to hurt the guy so she stays. Would I be out of line offering her financial assistance for either counseling or a divorce? I don't know if I'd be interfering or helping.
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ambition, divorce, jealous, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 October 2014):
 You know if they don't have kids under 18 or own a house, a divorce can be less than $300. If they CAN NOT save that money up, how do they live?
It can be done without a lawyer (especially) if they share no property or debt.
All she has to do it look into a non-constant online divorce.
But she rather bitch and moan to you, hoping that you will be a knight in shining armor an do the dirty work for her.
I would NOT offer her financial aid. Unless she actually takes the time to find out how she can get things done, and how much she NEEDS to save up. SHE needs to find a way out of this herself. Right now, I think she isn't LOOKING for a way out unless it gets done FOR her. She is venting.
You wrote:
"I would think if someone is that unhappy they would find a way to get out of it or find a counselor."
That would be common sense, wouldn't it? Some people HAVE to hit some kind of rock-bottom before they wake up enough to work things out or figure them out. She is a big girl, she CAN find a solution. She can do it, she just chooses not to for now. Saying: "Oh I don't have the money" is a great excuse, is it not?
I'd stick to being her friend, to give her advice and if at some point she ASKs for money help, MAKE IT A LOAN. make it a legal and binding agreement. That way you will HELp her more then just enabling her.
A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (12 October 2014):
 Some people like to flutter a poor excuse like that than admit they are too weak to make such a life changing decision, however much necessary. Take care, she might misinterpret your offer or think you want more.
People who are in unhappy relationships often become very sensitive and can easily fall in love with the person who helps them.
Consider giving financial support - if you afford it - if she asks. And at the same time knowing she probably won't be fast to return it given her situation. But otherwise I don't feel it's a bright idea to offer to help, that can be viewed as interfering or can even confuse her. If she decides later on it wasn't really what she truly wanted, you could be the scape goat. These are such delicate matters.
Personal examples can also be very truly motivating, nonetheless. Let's see if she follows yours.
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