| *een there Now over it
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| | *een there Now over it's profile:At 64 yo I've been in a number of relationships and gone thru a lot of life's experiences. We all have rocky times in our lives but I have done my best with each instance and am the happiest and most successful person I know. I am upbeat and optimistic, and always try to make others feel the same. I really enjoy seeing someone shine, especially a young person with true talent.
I live in Los Angeles and am on the liberal side. I am a little more accepting of some predicaments than other DQ helpers. As for spirituality, I am agnostic and live purely by the Golden Rule...Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This very simply covers EVERYTHING!
In 2015 I had shoulder surgery (rotator cuff), which resulted in my left arm being tied to my side, 24/7 for the next month. I was mostly at home and spending a lot of time browsing the internet. I found Dear Cupid and - disappointed by the way some people were letting themselves be treated so poorly - decided to post some answers. I discovered that I was giving the questions much more thought than if just reading them. So this has become a matter of personal growth for me as well as extending help to others. Depending on what's going on in my life I get on here and read questions sporadically, and answer only a minority of them. If I read but don't answer a question it is because either 1) I don't feel I have any good advice to give or add, or 2) the info provided in the question isn't sufficient for me to make a judgement.
My favorite quote: "People tend to believe two things...what they want to believe and what scares the hell out of them." |
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Second cousin love and love at first sight?
Q. Recently I met my second cousin for this first time ever. to get an idea of the relationship: his mom is my great aunt. So his mom is my grandmothers sister. When he first walked into the door, I had no idea who he was, but there was an instant c...
A. 25 November 2015: Thanks for the update and glad you are feeling better over it and having a whole lot of fun with this. Be sure to update us! ... (read in full...)
Should I pay an escort to go on a date with me?
Q. I'm a male virgin who's never been on a date or kissed a girl ever. I live alone. I have a big collection of films and film memorabilia. I'm very shy. Partially due to my obesity, and that lots of girls in high school and college would say I was ...
A. 18 November 2015: Going out with an escort wouldn't put you any closer to a having a relationship with a woman, which I'm sure you would like. Don't be discouraged by your lack of success at on-line dating...most women are very cautious and the ones who you wou... (read in full...)
Should I lose weight to attract women?
Q. Hello. I'm a male virgin who's never been on a date or kissed a girl. I'm pretty overweight and I know this a contributor. I haven't asked out many girls before because I feel they'll just say no. A guy who's in shape and muscled up is of course ...
A. 16 November 2015: Loosing weight and toning up will help your self image go up exponentially. You'll physically feel much better, too. Add some nice clothes and you'll feel much more like initiating contact. ... (read in full...)
Would it be wrong to meet with him in a public place in day time?
Q. I'm 16 and he's 20 and we met online. Before you say I'm a naive stupid teenager I've thought this through oh too many times. It turns out we actually live very close (like same town close). I know he wasn't lying about where he lived because I ...
A. 16 November 2015: I don't know this fellow's motivations but I'll give you my $0.02 assuming he is decent.
If you do meet him, perhaps do so at a shopping center or some other highly public place. Go with a friend, and tell him that you are meeting that friend a... (read in full...)
How do black people find positivity in a world that seems to hate them?
Q. I'm black and every week I come across a video or article that commentators summarize as "black people are savage, Africans are worthless and the worst thing on the planet". I want to know how other black people find positivity in a world that hates ...
A. 16 November 2015: I lived in Los Angeles at the time of the Rodney King riots. Listening to callers on talk radio, I was amazed and saddened to hear so many black people believing that whites were talking bad of them behind their backs, frequently using the "N ... (read in full...)
How do I make peace with my father in law?
Q. My wife and I have two kids (4yrs and 1yr). We separated a year ago. We were having constant arguments which turned physical a few times. We have recently started to communicate. We both have taken our times and have gone through separate ...
A. 16 November 2015: If I was your wife's dad I might understand you two having your difficulties but I would go nuclear if I knew you'd physically abused her. That could very well be at the heart of his anger.
Have a very sincere talk with him, admitting what has... (read in full...)
I think my English teacher is attracted to me.
Q. I think my English teacher is attracted to me. I am a 19 year old college student and he is a man in his late twenties. My boyfriend is in his class with me. I feel like this teacher either doesn't like me being with my boyfriend because a couple in ...
A. 16 November 2015: I agree with the previous two aunts and will add that there is nothing you've said that makes me think he is attracted to you.... (read in full...)
Should I quit school and get a second job?
Q. I am in a bit of a dilemma. I work full time and take college classes full time. My days are 'split' my classes are in the early morning - to early afternoon time, and I work a 2-10PM shift at my job. The problem is I need more money. I ...
A. 15 November 2015: Darn. I hate to see you stuck in this dilemma and my heart goes out to you. If your job doesn't pay enough for you to live even a minimalist life style, you certainly understand the value of getting an education. Have you approached your colle... (read in full...)
Have I opened a Pandoras box by allowing my Bf to call me vulgar names when we have sex?
Q. I am having a big issue with my boyfriend. When we have sex he always calls me very derogatory names. I am very offended by this; but in some situations I have went with it, in the moment you know! Have I opened a Pandoras box? I never here I lov...
A. 15 November 2015: Yikes! That would be a huge turn-off for me, too. You don't mention how he expresses his love for you outside of the bedroom. If he doesn't tell you sweet things at all, that is a sign that you should move on. Here's an idea on how to handl... (read in full...)
I think I've scared him off
Q. Hi thanks for reading this. I met this guy on pof and I really like him we have met twice. And we text and call all the time but for the past couple of days we don't. So I did it I came out and say to him I really like u but we don't talk that muc...
A. 15 November 2015: Remember what 'pof' stands for...Plenty of Fish...for you and him. This is one of the realities of dating sites. Move on. ... (read in full...)
How can I persuade my brothers to accept the fact that I may never find a partner?
Q. Problem is people seem to think i should of settled down got married and produced maybe 1 or 2 children in the process. Honestly that is just not how i feel. I have brothers and they have children and to me that is my family. I do not think get...
A. 14 November 2015: My dad had four kids...I'm the youngest at 64 yo. The four of us produced a total of one kid (my sister's son), and he isn't having any bio kids. My brother (3 years older) got kicked out of first grade...his problems got worse from there and my ... (read in full...)
Guy gives me winks the whole time. How do I make sure that he truly likes me?
Q. I've known this guy for a few months. He used to flirt a lot and stare at me and he doesn't mind staring at me even though I catch him. He also made intense and deep eye contact which makes me feel that he had locked the whole secrets i hide. ...
A. 13 November 2015: Is this his behavior with other women or just you? Perhaps you are not around him that much and can't be sure.
He is definitely interested in you! There is no way he couldn't be, considering the attention and compliments he pays to you.
... (read in full...)
I can't shake the feeling that I met the wrong sister first!
Q. I have a moral issue I need help dealing with. The story begins with my current wife. We met in massage therapy school, you could say we were really "hands on" in class, and started dating early in the first semester of school. Before we were off...
A. 13 November 2015: Perhaps you would have been better off with Emma but you've already made your choice. It would be unfair, cruel and selfish to act on this as it would break the sisters and their family apart. Just letting your wife know about this could very well ... (read in full...)
Second cousin love and love at first sight?
Q. Recently I met my second cousin for this first time ever. to get an idea of the relationship: his mom is my great aunt. So his mom is my grandmothers sister. When he first walked into the door, I had no idea who he was, but there was an instant c...
A. 13 November 2015: A relationship with him isn't what I'd recommend but I can clearly see you are in a total crush over this guy. You are having a lot of communication with him, so try to find out how mutual the attraction is without freaking him out. Is he all ... (read in full...)
I'm pale but my genitals aren't.
Q. I apologize as this is quite personal. I am a 21 year old Caucasian female. My vagina lips are very dark, almost black. My anal area is the same but not as bad. I'm not sure why this is going on or how to lighten the area, it's quite emb...
A. 13 November 2015: This is not terribly uncommon and I think it is natural, not something that comes from hygiene or health. I once read about someone who underwent genital bleaching...I'm not sure how that was done but I wouldn't try it at home. As for what your ... (read in full...)
I want to live a new lifestyle, but I'm afraid of not being accepted by my family and friends!
Q. Hello everyone! I just want to say before I bring anything up, that this was a decision in the works for a long time, and it's set in stone for me. So, I'm 16 years old, and I have made the decision that I want to become a nudist. Or naturist, if ...
A. 12 November 2015: It sounds like enough drama is going on in your house. Wait until you are in your own place to practice nudism. Your mom certainly must have her worries with chemo and cancer, and your dad will probably drink even more. I would not be ashamed or ... (read in full...)
What would I be on the lease as, if I'm not legally responsible for the rent?
Q. Hello, I have an important question, my bf is renting an apartment where we can both live. He will move in before I do, because I'm going on vacation, so I will move after a month. They said they would add me to the lease when I would be moving ...
A. 12 November 2015: By adding you to the lease, the document will most likely be written so that you share financial responsibility to make payments and abide by all the other requirements of the lease. On the other hand, sometimes people are added to the lease ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend, porn and being rejected because I don't look like the women he likes??
Q. Hello, I've been with my bf for 5 years, and he has a problem with porn. Ever since the beginning of our relationship I was somewhat aware of him using it, nbd really. I didn't know it was so often (and still don't know truthfully because I'm not ...
A. 12 November 2015: I'm not going to be as hard on the porn thing as the other aunts. Seriously, just about every guy is watching porn, especially as it is free all over the internet. If you're looking for a guy who doesn't watch porn, pickings could be slim. Based ... (read in full...)
How can I ensure that losing my virginity is special, and not a one night stand, nor a joke for the guy?
Q. Guys, would you ever take a girls virginity then that's it, never speak to her again? I'm 16 and a virgin and although I sort of want to lose my virginity I'm terrified in case it's with the wrong guy. I don't want my first time to be a one nigh...
A. 12 November 2015: I don't think you should be in a hurry to lose your virginity, especially at 16. But I was in the same mind-set at your age so I'm not criticizing you.
Guys your age are going thru the same hormonal thing you are. They want sex crazy bad, whe... (read in full...)
My girlfriend watches alot of porn when I'm away but when home she rarely wants sex
Q. My girlfriend watches a lot of porn when I'm away, but when I'm home rarely wants to have sex. When we do have sex I make sure she is satisfied but nothing seems to make her want it on a regular basis. I don't have any idea what to do to make it ...
A. 10 November 2015: She is masturbating to porn images and not you. She either gets more turned on by the porn performers than she does with you, or she likes the porn sex better than what she is having with you. If she was sharing the porn with you and you were ... (read in full...)
I'm sick of the "let's try" excuse because nothing changes!
Q. currently my relationship seems to be at a standstill. i have been with my boyfriend for over two years now. we live together along with other flat mates that are his friends. also i am 24 and he is 30. we met in work and worked similar shift...
A. 10 November 2015: If you want to give this relationship a chance, it is going to need some very open and complete communication. You don't say that you've done this. If you have, or this doesn't work, or you don't think it is worth tryhing, then it is time to move ... (read in full...)
I can look past the religious stuff to give it a shot with him, what do I do?
Q. We got coffee, the next day he said we couldn't be more than friends cause I'm not is religion. We kept hanging out as friends, but he kept flirting and taking me out. Then he came over one night, we watched tv and talked a bunch, eventually he ...
A. 10 November 2015: As a non-religious person I've been down this road four times...all four relationships evolving to the somewhat serious and sexual level. They overlooked their religious needs at first but that never lasted. I'm fine and can live with other ... (read in full...)
I'm desperate for women to notice me
Q. Hi, I am a 22 year old virgin and have spent years trying to make myself attractive enough to be able to have sex. Ive transformed the way I look, started going to school parties,even started drinking at them even though I dont like alcohol. Im n...
A. 9 November 2015: It sounds like you are around women, so that's a good start on finding one. I would just be yourself and not doing things outside your character just to get noticed. You certainly got noticed when you dressed like a stripper and danced on the ta... (read in full...)
Should I show my girlfriend what her ex texted to me?
Q. My gf of three months had a nasty break up with her ex. He was verbally abusive and in the end became physically abusive. We started dating shortly after they broke but he recently just found out through Facebook that we are dating. Last night I ...
A. 3 November 2015: I would just forget this. And congrats to your gf for getting out of that relationship. As a guy, I don't understand how so many attractive women get involved with these morons when they could have other options. From the sounds of the message, ... (read in full...)
Never been on a date. Do my looks and personality turn guys off?
Q. Hello. So, lately I've been feeling really anxious about myself. I've never been on a date or a relationship. Although, guys always flirt with me and approach me but they never ask me out or they flirt with me for days then they just act as if ...
A. 3 November 2015: Try Denizen's advice...play it cool. You don't say how you react to their flirtations: Are you flirting too much in return? Guys want a bit of a chase. Personally, I am attracted to women who are athletic and in good shape. I don't know exact... (read in full...)
Why can't my husband please me? What is with all the porn?
Q. ok here it goes i need some advice on this please i dont know what to do? I have been with this guy for a long long time and things werent ever that great or so i became to realize. WE never had sex that much and it didnt bother me that much cause i ...
A. 3 November 2015: It appears he is bi-sexual and perhaps has a greater attraction to males and shemales (rather than women). In any case, he is beyond selfish and you aren't going to change him. This obviously bothers you a great deal...you'll need to leave him and ... (read in full...)
I remind him of his mom.. good or bad??
Q. Dear Cupids, I am presently seeing a guy . Its been 3 weeks now. We have a great time , being around each other. We communicate on a broad spectrum of topics. Recently, he has been going through some rough patches and I have been helping him to s...
A. 2 November 2015: Sounds good to me. What's not to like about this? If he didn't like his mother, it would be another story.... (read in full...)
Having sexual thoughts about an older man
Q. Hello aunts I need some advice on what to do about this older guy. I'm 24 and he's 32, now I've never been attracted to older guys. Never! But I keep thinking about him in a sexual way. We're both single but I just want to "sleep" with him because...
A. 2 November 2015: My first impression is that a 32yo guy is not necessarily too old for a 24yo woman. If you want a relationship with him, go on several dates with him without having sex. If things click, then have protected sex with him.
But it appears that you... (read in full...)
Is it still possible to continue with a normal working life after posing for nude modelling?
Q. I am currently studying accountancy in college and have ambitions to have a successful career working in finance. While still attending courses in college, I did part time work as a model for local painting classes. I did not see this as something ...
A. 2 November 2015: I'll preface my remarks by disclosing that I live in California, which is probably the most carefree place in the USA in regard to these things. Here, it would not be a problem. Hardcore porn is pretty much a fact of life, and very few people I ... (read in full...)
Why is he, all of a sudden, interested in trying? Is sex, the first time, sometimes not successful?
Q. My bf never used to be very much into having sex. We've been dating for over 3 yrs now. We are both college graduates. I'm working before going to med school. He's getting ready for law school. One of the biggest problems in our relationship was...
A. 1 November 2015: Achieving good sex is not nearly important as the question as to why he wasn't interested for the first three years! Every guy I knew at that age was hot and heavy to have sex. When I was a virgin I would have gone for it even if I'd just run two ... (read in full...)
How can I tighten up my vaginal muscles?
Q. I did sex before two months . Now I am in a another relationship. And we will get married in 6 months . But I don't want to feel embarrassed when we're having sex. So I want to tighten my vagina when I sex with him . P...
A. 1 November 2015: Search the internet for 'kegel exercises vagina'.... (read in full...)
How do I ask my lesbian friend to date me?
Q. I am a junior in high school, and I have a friend that I really, REALLY like. There's just one problem: she's lesbian. Well, from what she says, she's more bisexual, just on the women's side. I do a lot for her, just because she's my friend. I rec...
A. 31 October 2015: If you approach her about dating, preface your remarks with letting her know that you really like her and enjoy her company. Tell her you realize that she is interested in women, but that you are interested in her, and if she doesn't want to date ... (read in full...)
I'm dating my married step uncle...help? I need advice on what to do, please?
Q. Ok hi. Completely new at this. So to get right to the point. I'm dating my step uncle so (my mothers step mums son) so not. Definitely not blood related. He is married (not separated) tho like typical situations (is going to get a device an...
A. 31 October 2015: Most of all, I am worried about family relationships being torn apart when this gets out...whether you are a happy couple or split up. Your mom really doesn't deserve the fall-out from what most likely will happen here. ... (read in full...)
I have a very big problem with men who have a history of one-night stands. Am I giving myself no hope of finding love?
Q. Hi, I’m 23 and I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I hope it’s just a matter of not meeting the right person, but I’m beginning to worry that I’ll never meet anyone. Because of my family and religion, I have very strong values. I like the...
A. 30 October 2015: Are you having sex with them on the first date? If so, you should expect as much. If you are discovering that these guys have been sleeping around with her, her and her, they probably know the same about you. So you are naturally attracting this ... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend having sex with her personal trainer?
Q. Hi guys, I've been dating someone for 6 months now and generally it's been great. She has had a personal trainer (PT) for about 8 months. I was happy she had goals and wants to achieve them. I've started becoming concerned with the chat...
A. 30 October 2015: I find it peculiar that he might be after your girlfriend but at the same time tells her that he already has another girlfriend and is cheating on her with 3 other women. Maybe he is trying to pretend he is a huge stud that every woman wants.
... (read in full...)
Why does my married lover remain with his wife if they've stopped sexual relations with each other?
Q. Been with my married lover for a few years now and the other night I asked him if he was sleeping with his wife? He didn't like me asking because I have kept mentioning it, anyway he said he didn't and if he was to cuddle his wife she would be ...
A. 28 October 2015: This sounds as though his wife is his best friend and adequately fulfills his needs outside the bedroom. Perhaps they are having sex but he has become a bit bored and has thus added you to his life. Does he want more from you than sex? If not, he ... (read in full...)
Why does he reject me for sex but I never reject him?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for nine months now. however with our sex life things have gone from having sex almost every other day to sex only on weekends and sometimes i want to have sex during the week but when i try to touch him or ...
A. 28 October 2015: Are your sexual sessions all pretty much alike? Perhaps he is a little bored and looking for some variety in your activities. Has he hinted at something he might want you to wear, a new sex toy, or something else he may want to experience?
Lemmi... (read in full...)
Is he telling the truth? Why is there a porn site on his phone history?
Q. Hi I wonder if you can help me with something. My boyfriend who I don't live with yet has a porn site showing on his phone history. I was looking up something yesterday on his phone not thinking for one moment that there would be anything like th...
A. 28 October 2015: It is just naturally in a guy's nature to watch some porn somewhere, sometime. A man can watch porn and still get turned on by you and love you like crazy. Perhaps porn is one reason for that incredibly active love life you enjoy.... (read in full...)
He left me before I could learn anything!
Q. Hello, I'm conflicted... I don't know what to do. One time, just one, I get mad for a foolish reason. He told me, " let's not talk anymore" and deleted me everywhere. I loved him. It just hurts to see how easily he let me go, away from his life...
A. 27 October 2015: It doesn't sound like this relationship has much life left in it. But keep in mind that no healthy person wants to be in a relationship where they fight every week. Try to be a peace-keeper in future relationships. Good luck to you!... (read in full...)
I'm going away on a "dirty weekend", and don't know what to do !
Q. hi, Im going on a "dirty" weekend away with my bf and we haven't been away in a long time. I want to make it really special and sexy in the bedroom but havent really ever done something like that before... I have bought some sexy suspenders...
A. 27 October 2015: I am a big lingerie fan and I had a girlfriend who liked to reciprocate. When I would pick her up at her place she would sometimes put on something underneath her regular clothes...something that I could feel thru her clothes when I hugged her ... (read in full...)
I'm trapped in a passionless relationship
Q. Hi Really in need of some straight forward advice! Been in a relationship with an older man (he is 14 years older) for 8 years now. We have a love for each other but it's far from what I need. We see each other once or twice a week and...
A. 26 October 2015: Being alone can be a lot better than being in a bad relationship. I would not give him an ultimatum but tell him you want out. If that's too drastic, you can tell him you want to be alone and think things over, that you want a passionate ... (read in full...)
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