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How do I ask my lesbian friend to date me?

Tagged as: Friends, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 October 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 31 October 2015)
A male United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I am a junior in high school, and I have a friend that I really, REALLY like. There's just one problem: she's lesbian. Well, from what she says, she's more bisexual, just on the women's side.

I do a lot for her, just because she's my friend. I recently helped take her dog to the vet early in the morning, and I'm watching the same dog Friday afternoon and Saturday morning. There's a Halloween party I plan on going to with her. I'd like that to be my opportunity to ask her out.

I just noticed that paragraph sounded very shallow. Let me clarify. I've known this girl for five years, and we've been great friends. We do a lot together, including movies and whatnot, but never as a date. I don't do her favors to get closer to her, I do it because I can, and I'm the most accessible. Hope that helps.

So my real question is: How do I go about asking her to date me, or at the very least telling her that I like her.

I'm willing and ready to accept rejection, her being... less than straight, in the most respectable way.

I've liked her for quite a while, and don't quite know how to go about this. Advice is welcome! Thanks for your help!

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (31 October 2015):

If you approach her about dating, preface your remarks with letting her know that you really like her and enjoy her company. Tell her you realize that she is interested in women, but that you are interested in her, and if she doesn't want to date you that is fine, that you understand, and you want to continue to be her friend. Just be totally sincere. If she's a good person she will understand you and it could actually bring you two closer together in a really platonic way.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (30 October 2015):

chigirl agony auntJust one problem? Sorry dude, but sexual orientation isn't a "little problem" in this case. It's a no-go, that's what it is. Leave it be and focus on dating someone who's available and likes boys. I think you only like this girl because you know you can't have her, and it is nice because then you never have to face asking her out and maybe get rejected.

Ask out a girl who's actually interested in your gender, for starters.

Or, in case it's true that she's bisexual, and maybe likes boys just a tiny bit, well then ASK HER, really. Then you'll know. You ask her just the same way you'd ask any other girl you want to date. Although I would advise you to be smooth, don't be blunt. Make sure you're alone and try to sit/move in closer to her. If she moves away from you then that's a sure sign she's not interested at all, and then you wont even have to ask. If she doesn't move away, look her in the eyes and smile. If she smiles back, then go for it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 October 2015):

Honeypie agony auntHonestly?

You two have known each other for 5 years, and nothing has ever happened. I DO think that is an indication that hse likes you, as a friend only. Add to it that she is bi with a preference for females. I know you are both still pretty young and everything so chances are that you have been good friends all these 5 years.

If she does see you as a friend only, be prepared to not have her as a friend after you tell her about your crush on her.

Are you also willing to not be her friend any more JUST so you can tell her you like her in "that" way?

I'd say if she didn't call herself bi/lesbian I would tell her, but the fact that she IDENTIFY with female/female romance and relationship might just BE because that IS what she prefers.


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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2015):

Maybe just tell her that you really like her as your friend but wondered if she would be interested in romantically exploring the friendship. That she will always be your friend but could exploring idea of girlfriend be an option? Remember to give her an out, so she can let you down if she wants to stay just friendsb

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