A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just a simple question... my fiancee of 6 years has put me on his life insurance but we are not married. He keeps saying that no other man will do that to me and that im lucky to have him, he keep saying i wont find another man like him. But hes controlling,demanding,manipulative,very very jealous,always wants his way,can be abusive and says very hurtful things when hes mad, and at times i be wanting to break up with him but he always comes up with the excuse that i will be sad for the rest of my life,i wont find another man,nobody will love me like he does, etc.... my question is is that a big thing about the life insurance that he put me on his
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 November 2013):
 ..If he is contemplating suicide, then he is cancelling any possible value or meaning that naming you as beneficiary of his life insurance policy might have had.
If he commits suicide, the insurance won't pay.
Sounds callous ? No more than his manipulative tactics. If you really take his suicide threats seriously - which, personally, I feel it's not the case of doing, since, in the general picture you draw, it's typical " basic manipulation 101 ", then advise his family/ best friends and you have done all you should and more.
Prayer is good , but should never become a substitute for the right action, or an excuse for passivity. You need to get out of this relationship, period, And if you don't do it yourself, no divinity is going to do it for you .
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (30 November 2013):
 I agree that the threats of suicide are another manipulative technique. I agree with IAmHereToHelpYou's strategy, and would just add that if you really believe he's suicidal then inform his parents or friends as soon as you've left. He is not your responsibility. Let your friends and family take care of you, and let his friends and family do the same for him. Look after yourself, put yourself first.
You're clearly struggling. Perhaps there's a support group for women in abusive relationships in your area? They could help you. You're not in a unique situation: he is textbook abusive/ personality disorder, you are textbook vulnerable/ victim. There are professionals who can help you.
Wishing you all the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the answers,it basically was the answers that i was expecting but like some of you had mentioned it is easier said than done especially when the person contemplates suicide but with gods grace,prayers and guidance i will leave........
PRAY FOR ME GUYS
and thank you all
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (29 November 2013):
It's another layer of manipulation, that's all. Another thing to keep you hooked. Like the fiancée status, but no marriage - that said I'm relieved you're not married to him.
I realise 6 years is a long time and it's so much easier said than done, but I think you should get away from this guy. He's a chopper; chopping you down so you eventually believe his words that you'll be sad and lonely without him. OP, you won't - you'll be liberated.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 November 2013):
 So you should stay with him out of gratitude? WTF?
Is it worth being with him hoping he will die (basically) so you can gain money down the line? I hope the answer is no. Because living in hell with a man like that isn't worth it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): If I were you I'd take my chances with other guys bc unless he already met them all and dated them then his statement is just an assumption. You know him already and you do not like what you have. I can't even believe your asking this question after how much he mistreat you.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2013):
 It's NOT a big deal. A person (especially a young healthy person) can by term life insurance (lasts for maybe 10-25 years) very cheaply and put ANYONE on as the beneficiary.
He's abusive and controlling and he's LYING To you. I am betting if you leave this abusive, lying, controlling man you will find a whole world out there of other healthy men to love and be with.
I'd dump him and let him forget about the policy... in the event that he actually did it, and does not change it and forgets about it, you may get a bonus later on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): My manipulative ex told me I was lucky to have him and I would not find anyone else like him.
He was right about one thing; I did not find anyone else like him after I dumped him. I avoided them completely! Now I'm with someone better who treats me well and respects me.
If your fiance needs to wave the medical insurance certificate to prove that he is good for you - then he isn't.
You can do much better.
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (29 November 2013):
 People life your BF are very insecure and fear losing you, hence the manipulation and threats. You need to decide whether this is a healthy relationship that you want to stay in or its time to break free and find someone that can be confident to love you and trust you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): You sound like me 5 years ago- I was in an 8 year relationship. The guy always said no one would love me like him, that no one would put up with my personality... He was quite controlling and manipulative. Always saying how much he loved me, but the next yelling or criticizing or creating stupid fights. Emotionally I was drained and beaten down. I broke it off, which created an emotional roller coaster of a ride- 19 calls a day, yelling, crying, begging... A week later I met my now husband who spent the first 3 years of our relationship helping me heel and become normal. He is the most peaceful, secure, loving and kind man on the planet- treats me like a princess. My ex was totally wrong- I could be loved and treated far better than he ever would have. He was just saying it to weaken me and make me stay. It is NOT a big deal you are on his life insurance- like a beneficiary right? You can remove someone easily. It means nothing other than another way he is trying to show you how 'Generous' or good he is to you.... But honestly it means nothing and is easy to do. Don't waste your prime years on a guy that doesn't deserve you- late 20's is a great time to meet someone amazing. No rational and healthy girl will want him. Five years later, my ex is still single and hasn't even had one girlfriend... No one wants someone as manipulative and abusive as him. The same will happen to your current boyfriend. It takes a very vulnerable and insecure person to get into a relationship with their kind. You deserve better- move out, surround yourself with family and family and heal.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): No it isn't that big a deal because he can cancel his insurance policy at anytime.
Don't believe him when he says you will never find anyone else if you break up with him. Why do you want to stay with someone for this reason anyway? And you found him didn't you? So of course you can and will find someone else. He isnt that special and rare!
Were you sad nonstop for your whole life up until the day you met him? Of course not. Therefore if you break up you will not be sad forever. You lived your life just fine before you met him so there's no reason you can't live just fine without him again.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (29 November 2013):
 Sounds to me like another manipulation tactic, in my personal opinion. Another way to make you stay.
If he's all the things you describe, you must be very unhappy. Who cares if he puts you on his life insurance policy if it costs you a lifetime of misery? Besides, it's not that huge of a deal. People do that all the time.
He's wrong about you being unable to ever move on. Please. You'll find plenty of guys who treat you way better than him. That policy is not proof of love. It further proves his manipulation. Move on.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, activeplay +, writes (29 November 2013):
 "hes controlling,demanding,manipulative,very very jealous,always wants his way,can be abusive and says very hurtful things when hes mad, and at times i be wanting to break up with him but he always comes up with the excuse "Get out now. Chances are, that you are a beautiful young lady, with loads of potential. Why would an abusive man, who thinks you are lucky to have him, put life insurance on you? Think that through! Don't stay where you can be hurt. What if he gets you pregnant? Then you will at least have to deal with him for 18 years, and on top of that, your child will have to endure this trauma! Please love yourself a little more. You DO deserve better, and I PROMISE that there is another man out there that WILL treat you right, and WILL give you all the love and attention that you deserve, and he will feel LUCKY to have you!Excuses are like butt holes, everyone has one, and they all stink. You can sugar coat a butt hole, but it'll still taste like crap! I believe in you. Save yourself, and your future self while you can. Don't ever settle for less!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): He does all those things, and put you on the life insurance because he wants to control you. He's beating you down (verbally) with his passive-aggressive ways and trying to make you feel unworthy and pathetic with out him. Of course he makes up excuses for being an asshole, h ewants you to shut up about it and he wants to justify the way he treats you. I had a boyfriend like that once and it took months for him to accept that I had dumped him. If you really don't want to be treated like this, you're going to have to dump him yourself. Sorry.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): This is not a big deal, dump the controlling abusive boyfriend and run!I'm sure there will many guys out there who can love you more than him without being abusive.
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