A
female
age
30-35,
*issAnnonimus
writes:I was in 4,5 year long distance relationship. We were seeing each other every 2nd weekend, which is quite often for 2 countries that are far away. It was love at first sight, we had the same taste, traveled a lot together, planning to marry and have kids and most important I was waking up every day happy to have my love and my best friend, and adviser...I planned to moved to him, but faculty was always a problem so we agreed that I finish it and then move to him, but I always kind of blamed him that he, as a man, never came in situation to say: ''Hey I love this woman so much, lets rip her passport, propose,whatever''. Cause I would do anything for him, but unfortunately I was still a student and parents depended to do that myself.But he always thought he is more rational, and that we'd live better and I'd have a better job if we did it his way, so I agreed and waited. How we s thinking on long terms and me on short.And now, few month into getting a degree we broke up...We had a stupid argument, said terrible things to each other and agreed to broke up, but it was just anger talking from me. We texted few times meanwhile but it was all cold or arguing.After a while I missed him so much and couldn't resist but text him that I love him and only want everything with him and his answer was how he doesn't want to make up, how he s 100% sure, begging me to trust him that he won't change his mind, how he will always be there for me and always love me but after our last argument, he saw he doesn't wanna be with me.Said how it was building up in him, every time I was blaming him 4 moving, than the fact i didn't move and the feeling that i ll never move, and how he's sick of Skype, language and all and that it was all terrible..I can not believe that I did that, to lower myself to that level to beg someone to be with me, I don't recognise myself! I told him its a phase, cause i know him and he has his flips, but he sad he its 100% not, that its better 4 both, I'd be thanking him one day and have the last laugh....I really dont know what to do, I can not believe that guy who was crying few weeks ago how his biggest fear is to lose me, how he can't wait for me to walk around with belly all pregnant and that is still telling me he loves me but doesn't want to be with me is dumping me :(I am 100% sure that he loves me and that is no one else involved, and from all people would've noticed that he was getting colder but it all happened after one argument-totally changed into another person! I dont wanna move on, when I know its hard to find what we had and I know how good it could be and the fact that I tortured for 4,5 years on long distance and finally graduating in few months that we were waiting 4 so long...... and we were getting along on so many levels even though he's now holding on to few things that were bad and saying everything is terrible...And after telling him all that he's not changing his mind :( One side i wanna fight for us, other I think its smarter to give him some time! I'm just so confused! Did he got scared of making steps? Or can a person just change that much after an argument, and end something so strong and long?
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, long distance, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (21 November 2013):
 Very sorry to read this. You must be very upset and very disappointed. It may be that he got cold feet at the idea of the relationship transitioning from LDR (part time) to full time. I wouldn't fight for him - it won't help your self respect, or his respect for you.
You are absolutely right, live your life assuming it's completely over. And stop all contact with him - hard as that is to do, it'll give you space to heal.
All the best.
A
female
reader, MissAnnonimus +, writes (21 November 2013):
MissAnnonimus is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your advice,i told him everything i had,all the best and say my goodbye.
So now the time will show...I ll just have to continue with my life like its over and try not to have any hopes. :(
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 November 2013):
 A 4.5 year long LDR are rare. Usually one or the other will move closer within 1-2 years, but if nothing has happened after 4.5 years it might be that it's not going to happen.
There are many reason why he has decided to end it. One - if you are almost done and getting ready to move and he had some doubts (ANY doubt really) it would be better to end it now, then AFTER you move.
Or he is having the LDR crazies, you know when it feels like the long distance is never going to end?
I would back off and let him know that YOU still want to make it work, but that you RESPECT that he needs time. That means you don't bring it up for at LEAST a month. See how he feel and how YOU feel.
4.5 years is a VERY long time to have a LDR, so it WILL take you a while to get over it, in case he doesn't WANT to reconcile. Because as much as you want him back, it can't work unless HE wants the same.
Sorry there is no instant fix to this. But I would prepare myself (if I were you) for this being over.
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (21 November 2013):
 It sounds like he was never really committed to you, if an argument can lead to the end of a relationship that you both have been waiting years to be together. I know you say that there is no one else. You maybe wrong as this was a long distant relationship and he may have you and another woman in his life. When it came to making a decision, he chose not to be with you. Don't make it any harder on yourself, let him go, go cold turkey. YOu will only beat yourself up afterwards if you call or send messages. It is hard to forget but not impossible to move on.
...............................
|
