A
female
age
36-40,
*aby-it's-you
writes:I'll keep it short since our 'relationship' was short too. I met this guy at a party 3 weeks ago. We had an instant click and an amazing evening. He told me he came just out of a long relationship and was single for just 1 month. He's 23, i'm 26 but we didn't care about the age-difference.He invited me for dinner the next week at his place. We had again an amazing evening. We share the same interests and kept talking for hours. We kissed at the end of the evening. We met again at his place some evening the next week. We both have busy schedules and live at a distance from each other. But we heard each other daily on the phone. This evening was again just as great as the others. There was more kissing and we both felt good in each others company. He often told me he missed me and that he he had a good feeling with me. But he also told me it was a double feeling because he still had to get over his broken relationship. I knew that from the beginning and we decided to take things slowly. But then on the next date we slept with each other. I had asked him if he was allright with it and he said yes but I could feel somehow he wasn't. The next day I didn't hear from him and I knew something wasn't right. Finally he told me things went just too fast and he realized he's not ready for a relationship. He thought this situation would not be fair for me so we better don't see each other again while he has to get over his broken heart. He also told me he felt great when he was with me but felt terrible the moments that I wasn't around. I must admit that I've never had such strong feelings for someone before. I've also never slept with a guy after just a few dates. I can't believe that this is the end but I'm also afraid I'm hoping too much. Is there still a chance for us? Should I contact him again within a few months? Or should I just forget about him?Forgive me the mistakes in my text for I'm not a native english speaker.
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female
reader, baby-it's-you +, writes (25 November 2013):
baby-it's-you is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've been reading all your reactions with great interest and I want to thank you all for taking the time to read my story. I had to think things over for a few days first and now I've read all of your reactions over again.
I think I'll have to learn to look back upon the time I had with him as a beautiful romance. One that didn't last but still a wonderful memory of a time when I was most happy.
I should not expect him to come back. Chances aren't high he will come back and if I expect too much of it I'll probably get hurt.
I'll just have to continue to live my life and perhaps I'll meet someone else, or perhaps I don't and MAYBE he does come back. The future is still unknown to all of us and I don't want to live in the past.
I must admit that he's still constantly on my mind and that I have to keep myself from contacting him. But I'm sure that time will be the best remedy for that.
I don't regret anything. I would do it again, even if I already knew the outcome. We had a wonderful time together and I've never had such feelings for anyone in my life. I lived the moment and I'm grateful for the happiness I felt while being with him.
I'm also sure he didn't use me for sex. So I don't feel bad about it now. He was never after sex and when it did happen it was me who took the initiative. He always respected me and I truly believe his feelings were genuine but his heart just wasn't available.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (21 November 2013):
 he got sex and THEN pulled away. i'm sure you're an awesome girl. you don't deserve that. he was on the rebound and used you. i would not contact him again.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (21 November 2013):
I totally understood what you wrote. I'm sorry that you are hurting for this guy. I would not contact hime. Give him the breathing room he needs. If this is really meant to be he will reach out. Do yourself a favour and your heart. Don't get too deep with your feelings for him. You will invest way more than this guy.
Keep yourself busy. Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2013): The ladies before me gave great advice on the best case scenario but the fact remains as soon as he got sex he ditched you.
You were used, both as emotional comfort on the rebound and for sex. Maybe sex was his only goal in the first place.
OP don't hold your breath, move on and you're better off assuming he won't be back because he most likely won't.
OP you know what a rebound is like you've probably had one or two yourself, you don't even have to like the person to want to be with them while you're that hurt. He may have meant those things when he said them but they can still not be true because his head is such a mess.
The worst thing you could do here is not let go and hold onto hope. Don't contact him, don't hope that in the future he'll come back, I can say without doubt in my mind he won't and I hate to say it OP but he probably isn't even into you. Because the only requirement of being a rebound girl is that you're there, you don't have to be attractive, fun nothing, just the fact you're available makes you amazing for that couple of weeks.
Don't ever get with a person who is just out of a relationship unless you're okay with being ditched after a few weeks.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 November 2013):
 Your English was awesome... I understood exactly what you are asking...
I would not contact him. I would just assume he's really NOT ready for a relationship but he thought he was so he tried.
YOU like him so you were intimate with him and that's ok.. it does not make you a bad person... any more than his realizing after the fact, that he's just not ready.
In fact, he's saving you a world of hurt. If he got into a relationship with you now and in 6 months realized he was not over his ex and had to leave it would hurt you so much more than his leaving now.
Get on with your life, but do not be surprised if he calls you in 3 months or even longer... once he is healed emotionally I'm betting he comes looking for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2013): I really liked reading your post. I can relate to it.I recommend that you don't attempt contact anymore. I think you should just savor the memory; go with what you've had, and move on. I think you got swept up in the moment. This was a romantic interlude, good for as long as it lasted. There will be a few that will come along over a lifetime. They may last only a brief period of time. The mind plays mean games sometimes. I think people have to learn to except short romantic connections with people, and not always read a potential relationship into each and every one that comes along. Sometimes the value of the brief connection is only the romance and intimacy. Not a full-fledged relationship. It is meant to enrich your life, and be over quickly. A brief-reminder of what we should be looking for; so we don't forget what is an important ingredient that we often overlook. Just a sampler. It awakens that inner romantic part of us that might be dormant, sleeping, or dead altogether. Like an ammonia capsule snaps you back to consciousness. Like a vitamin restores your energy.I don't count one-night stands. They are only about sex.I mean like a 3-day world-wind romance with a lover found on an exotic vacation. Who steps in to add an element that brings it all full-circle; because the heart deserves fulfillment, when loneliness has dominated our lives. The romance ends when you checkout of the hotel, to head for home. I mean something that meets the description of what you had. The mind wants to attach, and make things permanent and long-term. It isn't always meant to be. Like some long-term relationships aren't meant to last forever. They have an expiration date that is decided by fate; and the promise of better things that await us in the future. Destiny will often give us a preview of greater things to come.Keep him as a wonderful memory. Be available for something more certain, tangible, and fulfilling. He hasn't gotten over someone; and you were his sweet interlude to better things in his future. He needs time and he was honest about that from the start. His heart is in rebound. His feelings are unavailable and in repair. Don't pursue him. You might get hurt.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (21 November 2013):
 Give it time and let him contact you. The same thing had happened to me, except it was the reverse. I met an awesome guy on the rebound, but I was still not over my ex, so I broke it off with him. It took me almost a full year to feel the urge to contact him again. I'm not saying this is going to happen to you, but I think you guys had a good connection, and you parted from each other amicably with some great memories. Don't wait for him either. Live your life. Who knows what could happen in the future. If it is meant to be, it will happen:)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2013): Don't contact him again. Leave it totally up to him to put in any effort. He wasn't ready to date, and it was really unfair of him to do that. He was looking for someone to help ease the pain of his breakup, someone to fill in a big gap in his life, but he was far from being ready to like someone else, when his heart is still with his ex.At some stage, he MAY contact you again, but my guess would be that he won't. It was just bad timing, and you have now had your time. I dated someone like that once. He did a similar thing. I never heard from him again.Try not to feel too hurt for too long, there will be more men in your life, just make sure they are "available" to be with you. The rule I have for me, is not to date anyone that is within 1 year of a long term relationship.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (21 November 2013):
 You are going to have to move on. You were his first rebound relationship and he was honest that he is still getting over an ex. He probably feels guilty that he betrayed his ex or feel that he is not into you.
I suggest you start heeling and move on, if you live on some hope that he will come back, you maybe setting yourself up for huge disappointment. Start being single and enjoying your life, you will meet someone that can give the same excitement , you just have to be open to it and not caught up in the past.
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