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| | *oyofthe Rovers's profile:I am currently coming to terms with alot of things in my life. One, would be the break up of someone extremely close to me which is taken its toll on me. The second, is to do with something which happened to me along time ago which I know i must now face to look forward. I feel I have reached a point in my life where I need to change things for the better, by facing my fears.
I found this site when i was at a real low point and it really helped to hear from other people who could understand/help my situation. Since then I have found myself wanting to help others who have found themselves in a situation they need advice from an outside source.
I just like to try and give my neutral and mature perspective to a given situation, without judging or labelling people.
As you probably guessed I am now single; I live in London, England and am just getting on with things the best I can for now. |
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I don't know whether to work on it and hopefully get a good end result or just go back to being friends and find someone who does want to go serious.
Q. What does it mean honestly? I am 28 and came out of a 6 month relationship a month ago. Met a girl who is 21 and came out of a 5 year relationship 2 month ago. We got on as friends for a while, last monday we actually hooked up at the pub and came ...
A. 30 April 2007: Since it has been 5 months i would let her know yuor intentions and feelings towards her.
What happens if this goes on for a year, and then you find out nothing has changed, wont you feel used? What if she turns around and says she has found so... (read in full...)
Do you believe it is possible to be 'just' friends with your ex without any feelings of jealousy when either of you move on?
Q. OK, here are a few questions for you all about ex's. 1. Do you believe it is possible to be 'just' friends with your ex without any feelings of jealousy when either of you move > 2. Should you both just make a complete fresh start from ea...
A. 30 April 2007: I personally think that is one of the hardest things to do. Remaining friends with your ex has too many emotions attached to it as well as jealousy. Especially if it after a long relationship where the bond between two people has grown too close. ... (read in full...)
My mum has changed since my dad left, and now I'm having nightmares about her!! Please help!
Q. I keep having violent nightmares about my mum trying to kill me because ever since my dad left , my mum has changed and she gets really angry and violent towards me and she says its my fault he left and she sometimes hits me to teach me a lesson and ...
A. 30 April 2007: Its doubtful that your mum actually blames you for your dad leaving her. But i dont know the whole situation, but still it is unlikely.
You mum is probably transferring her anger over the split on to the nearest thing to her, you.
Physica... (read in full...)
We broke up last July, I dealt with it as he wasnt around... He's coming home and will be where I am, I cant deal with this, Im too hurt! Please help!
Q. sorry long post but pls i really need some help! my fiancee and i broke up in july he said he was too young to be in a relationship. His mum and i were very close and she said it was he was in debt and couldn't cope with the pressure of being ad...
A. 30 April 2007: Your in a difficult situation and my heart goes out to you. Seeing someone again that you loved as you did in a different position (not together) is extremely hard especially when you still hold feelings for them. Seeing them again is only going ... (read in full...)
What makes a person in a relationship feel insecure?
Q. what makes a person in a relationship feel insecure,as my boyfriend says im just jealous of his past relationships...
A. 30 April 2007: Insecurity can stem from the fear of the unknown. Your past relationships can possibly lead to his paranoia of what you were like, what you did with your previous partners. Although this should have no real relevance to your present relationship, ... (read in full...)
I feel I can't console my wife after her losing a very close family member.
Q. i have 2 things to ask here hope u can help. My wife recently lost a very close family member and is absolutly distraught. I know its not easy for her and really want to help her. But when i see her upset I just freeze and don't like to be around h...
A. 27 April 2007: You need to be a s supportive as you can be. It is times like these that she will remember that you were there by her side.
Mourning someone takes its time and differs from person to person, depending on how they deal with a loss like this. T... (read in full...)
Am I being immature to be upset that my new bf gets flirty e-mails from his gf?
Q. I am dating a guy I work with, we aren't really too serious yet, just in the "new stages". He's great and our relationship has real potential. Because we work together I get to know and see a little bit more of his personal life. When I started ...
A. 25 April 2007: You need to be sure of yourself what kind of relationship you are looking for. If its an open one than you cant complain about his "other" woman. To be in an open realtionship takes alot and you need to be able to deal with the emotions or look ... (read in full...)
How can i change so that I treat guys better?
Q. hi, just wanted some advice. last year i was working at this place and there were five guys who all wanted to go out with me. One was married, the other engaged to a girl who lived abroad, another was divorced and two single guys. out of all of them ...
A. 25 April 2007: Sounds to me like you like the attention whether you like to believe it or not. Theres nothing wrong with that but if you are playing games with people like that you can only expect someone to get hurt, including yourself.
Having the attentio... (read in full...)
He made this comment when I was giving him a handjob! What did it mean?
Q. I was giving my boyfriend a hand-job today and he smiled and said "if you carry on like that you're going to tip me over the edge" any ideas on what he meant? x...
A. 25 April 2007: Simple, he was enjoying it. Nothing more, nothing less.... (read in full...)
We met again after 17 years and fell for one another again, now I've found out he's never broken it off with his old girlfirend!
Q. I met up with an old boyfriend after 17 years. I was going thru and divorce and he was unhappy in his current relationship with his girlfriend. We hit it off and fell for each other pretty fast. There was a long of drama in between, but bottom ...
A. 23 April 2007: Dont wait for him, get in there first. He has told a lie about waiting for you all this time. If was serious he would of broken it off as soon as he could, and you have'nt even mentioned anything about that.
He has just seen something that he ... (read in full...)
I don't think women working has a positive effect on society. What's happening?
Q. I am frustrated about the entering of women at workplace and can't see it to be having much positive effect on the society. I am a kind of guy who wants his girl to need him, to be dependent on him for some reasons, may it be financial or emotional. ...
A. 23 April 2007: What about the men who are self-centered? Is that ok?
I think you need to open your eyes. You want a woman from Stepford?
Women working has had no effect on society from what I can see. It is the society itself, with its crime, poverty, ... (read in full...)
Okay guys... does being stressed affect your sex life?
Q. Hi All, I would like to ask, mostly the Guys I guess. Does being stressed efect your sex life. I am asking this, as when my partner and I were first together, we were like bunnies. But he is under stress with his ex at the moment and seems to ...
A. 23 April 2007: Stress can kill the sex life rotten. But as the post above states once you can find a way of easing into it, it becomes a way of relieving the stress you had in the first place.
Most of the time it is the thought rather than the act, so maybe a ... (read in full...)
I did anal sex with him and now he doesn't want to marry me because he thinks I did this, in my past?
Q. I have been engaged for 6 months. In the arab world, we tend not to get sexually active until after marriage. My fiancee and I had anal sex. He now wants to rethink our relationship because he thinks that I did this in the past with other men. I ...
A. 22 April 2007: Everyone has a past, he cant deny you of that. You cant be expected to tell him every little detail about your past if you dont think it is relevant.
What you are saying about your past does not sound like something he should be concerne... (read in full...)
Working with this guy is driving me crazy!
Q. Hi, I wonder if anyone can help me. I'm very recently married but work very closely (daily) with another man and have done for a couple of years. Over the last year, my feeling towards him have spiralled out of control and he's mostly all I thi...
A. 22 April 2007: I dont think quitting your job is going to work, that just seems like the easy way out to me.
You need to show a bit of self restraint in all this and look what you already have, rather than look what you could of won.
You got married for a re... (read in full...)
Sixteen and I'm so confused about my sexuality! Any advice?
Q. hey im 16 and im really confussed about my sexuality i like girls and i kinda like guys and i try to go out with guys but it feels strange in my mind i think me liking girls is wrong and i shouldt feel this way so i put presure on myself to like ...
A. 22 April 2007: The worst thing you can do is to put pressure on yourself. 16 is a difficult age and your sexuality is just starting to develop, so let it develop.
Maybe consider going to see a school counsellor and talking about your feelings to someone.... (read in full...)
I'm bi-polar and my bf blames me and says I'm crazy everytime we argue! What should I do?
Q. First of all, I am bi-polar and pregnant! My problem is that everytime me and my boyfriend have and argument, he blames me and says I'm crazy! I am a very rational person actually and have even caught him making things up! When I defend myself, the ...
A. 22 April 2007: He has to underatand your position and throwing that back in your face is a pretty low thing to do. If he is not mature enough to understand what you go through than I can only see you getting hurt everytime you have a disagreement.
He needs to... (read in full...)
I loved him and I did everything for him and now he dumps me. Any advice to get over this loser?
Q. I am a wonderful person with a lot going for herself but I have a tough time with relationships. I have been divorced for 11 years and I have been in relationships with unavailable men, alcoholic men, men who are too busy for a relationship, etc. I ...
A. 22 April 2007: Sounds like you've started already by acknowledging what kind of person he is. You obviously put up with alot and showed your commitment to the relationship by putting up with all his faults, but you need to recognise you were worth more than ... (read in full...)
He finds it hard with my 2 kids around--is he wanting to end this?
Q. dear cupid i so need ur help...ive been with my boyfriend 4 months. I have 2 children he has 1 which he see's every weekend...the problem is that he has been saying that he's finding it hard with my kids and he is saying he's used to his space...so ...
A. 22 April 2007: I would have to question his commitment to the relationship, however you need to consider giving him the space he needs.
You need to talk to him and find out where he sees this relationship going, as you need to find a balance. he cant expect y... (read in full...)
I did anal sex with him and now he doesn't want to marry me because he thinks I did this, in my past?
Q. I have been engaged for 6 months. In the arab world, we tend not to get sexually active until after marriage. My fiancee and I had anal sex. He now wants to rethink our relationship because he thinks that I did this in the past with other men. I ...
A. 22 April 2007: You have done nothing wrong whatsoever. he is turning this all around now on you, which is BANG out of order.
He either needs to learn to trust what you say, or you need to leave him.
You agreed because you love him end of story. If he ca... (read in full...)
Hubby masturbates 2 times a week. I'm lucky if I get 'it' once a month! What is causing this?
Q. I asked my husband how often he masturbates, and he said a couple times a week. Yet, I'm lucky if we have sex once a month. He says it is not me, but what else could it be?...
A. 22 April 2007: I have to agree with martini. Theres nothing wrong with masturbation, and it is only natural whether your sex life is a steady one or not. Theres nothing wrong with this.
You have to talk to him and find out why he finds it so hard to engage i... (read in full...)
Why am I dreaming this horrid dream for two months now? Any insights?
Q. this dream will not leave me alone im walking around a swimmingpool then this guy attaks me and i end up in the pool with him and start drowning him this goes on for a bit then in bashing his head on a lampost but he is just laffing at me then i get ...
A. 22 April 2007: I cant give you an answer to what your dreams mean, and i wouldnt pin your hopes on dream interpretations either.
Repeating dreams as far as I see it, are built up anxieties or stresses that you are experiencing in your life. Your brain tends to... (read in full...)
My friend and I argued. Would I look weak if I gave in and called him?
Q. My guy friend and I had an argument. We have'nt spoken in two days. He has'nt called me.Does it make me appear weak to him if I call him? Or would he appreciate me more for giving in to him and calling? By the way he is an alpha male....
A. 22 April 2007: It really does depend on the seriouness of the argument and who was in the wrong?
Have you damaged the trust you both might of had for each other?
He may need the space to think if any trust was damaged by the disagreement.
It is always a ... (read in full...)
I want him back so how can I prove to him, that I'm changing my ways?
Q. On the 10th April I got into a strop at my boyfriends house about getting some of my things back to my house and I left his house without saying goodbye to any of his family. (We were heading back to mine when I left.) Then on the Monday I got angry ...
A. 22 April 2007: I dont think you can blame him for telling his family/mum things, coz that is what family is there for. He should be man enough to use his own judgement and make his own decisions about his own life.
I think you need talk to him and explain ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with all this stress I am experiencing? Help!
Q. im losing weight due to stress!!... i have to go to counseling sessions to help me learn to like myself and I'm getting ripping pains in ma heart everytime i get stressed and everything is just going wrong!! iv fallen out with ma pals!! ma mum made...
A. 22 April 2007: Keep up with the counselling is the best advice I can give you. The fact that you doing this is a great sign so keep it up.
Theres no doubt that you are having a tough time of things at the moment, but things can only get better.
Why did you f... (read in full...)
His dope habit is taking over, he doesnt care about anything but getting a fix!!!
Q. I'm in a serious relationship with a man for six years now, and we just had a baby six months ago. He smokes marijuana, but maybe since the last three years he started smoking heavily, His only concern is how to get some and when he is out of money ...
A. 20 April 2007: Cannabis is dangerous for people with addictive personalities. He sounds like he is dependant on this and he should'nt be.
Ideally he needs to seek professional guidance, but without that he is going to find it hard to stop. Where some peo... (read in full...)
Shes lost the love she had for me, but shes okay remaining friends, what should I do I love her still!?
Q. hi i have been having probs with my girlfriend we have been together 5 year we have split up in that time here an there we got back together again last october we have stayed very good friends even made love when we was not as a couple and she just ...
A. 20 April 2007: It is very difficult situation that you are in at the moment. Still in love with the person who has lost their love for you is hard enough, let alone trying to JUST be friends. If you cant walk that fine line without causing yourself too much pain ... (read in full...)
We are in a long-distance relationship but since I saw her last week all I want to do is see/call her! Help!
Q. My g/f, who lives in france, came to visit me in the UK for the week (last week). We had a wonderful time together but since she has gone, I have hit something of a depression. Our recent history is that, with her encouragement, I moved back to ...
A. 20 April 2007: It was only last week and now its back to reality of how things were before. Its got to hurt and no-one can blame you for feeling thae way you do. Where you were so near to her, now it has been ripped away from you and feels even further than ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to get this 'lodger' out of my house!
Q. Hi there, I'm in a bit of a pickle and don't know what to do for the best. I split with my girlfriend of 7 years in Dec 05. We were living together along with 3 children from previous relationships and our own little boy. We had a huge fight and...
A. 20 April 2007: I think you need to be strong about this. It is clear that the "lodger" is a bit of a loose canon and the relationship has gone past its point of return.
You cant trust anyone like that. You have to tell your girlfriend/lodger outright and to t... (read in full...)
He beats me, has given me an ulcer and has even injected a sedation drug into me! But he wants to change - how do I help him?
Q. He hits me but i love him so much, can anyone help me? I've known this man since I was fourteen and he was sixteen we were best friends but i fell in love with him. I finally told him on his 19th birthday and he confessed he felt the same! We've ...
A. 20 April 2007: This love he has for you is not a "healthy" love. He is clearly insecure with you and is threatened by the thought of losing you to the point of insanity. His love is based on need rather than what he wants. there is a difference between the ... (read in full...)
Ever since I was raped I have horrible dreams - how can I make them stop?
Q. hey eh i no this isnt a relationship question but i have asked for help on this site before and i found it useful recently i was raped. i told my friends and sis about it and im fine. my problem is that i keep having really horrible dreams a...
A. 20 April 2007: I am so sorry to hear about that, please, please, please go and see some proffessional advice. You need to talk to someone who can understand the feelings and trauma you are going through.
I know someone who had been raped many years ago and she ... (read in full...)
My fiancee is planning to meet up with someone else, but I found out by going through her phone! How do I bring this up with her?
Q. I suspect my fiance is spending time with a someone else. I checked her phone and noticed some text message to and from. They have been communicating and planning to meet. My fiance in the past said he is just a friend. How do I go about this? ...
A. 20 April 2007: You need to think about these text messages. Are they enough to suggest that she is seeing someone else?
Could this be an innocent meeting with an old friend?
Tread carefully, unless the messages are explicit and blatently obvious in what ... (read in full...)
My husband displays no affection towards me whatsoever and I'm almost ready to leave! Help!
Q. i get no affection from my husband, should I stay or go? I have been married for nearly 3 years now and imtiamy has always been an issue for us. My husband will not touch me, hug me or kiss me, occasionally he allows me to hug him but wont hug...
A. 20 April 2007: If he wont go to counselling and will not acknowledge there is a problem you have to reconsider things.
A marriage should be worked on and not just left to work itself out hoping things will be alright.
Tell him you need the counselling and ... (read in full...)
We agreed to a few weeks space, so why has he emailed me saying hi?
Q. I posted a question two days ago about my boyfriend being scared of commitment and not wanting a family. We've both agreed on giving each other some space for a week or two to think things through. I haven't spoken to him since Monday but the last ...
A. 20 April 2007: Sounds like he is missing you, but tell you what dont reply as you have already stated, and just see how he reacts to that.
If he is really missing you he wont be able to hold back from another e-mail, this time expressing a bit more of how is f... (read in full...)
All I want is to find love that lasts and have a happy family. Is there something wrong with me? Will this ever happen?
Q. Dear Cupid Will I ever find love again? I dated my first boyfriend for 3 years. He loved me and I loved him. He was kind, loyal, attentive, honest - just a great guy and great partner. For some crazy reason I broke off with him. He wanted t...
A. 19 April 2007: You'll find that person, dont worry. Life has a funny way of showing us. You sound like you have a rough time, but dont get down about it too much.
Keep motivated and things will soon turn themselves around. I mean you have got your child, y... (read in full...)
Confused and hurt after our two-year relationship ended...
Q. Dear Cupid, My relationship has just ended after two years and I find myself very confused and hurt and unsure what to do. When I met my boyfriend he was living with someone (he'd been with her two years, then moved in together for three years so f...
A. 19 April 2007: Not all men are like this, you just happened to find that someone who did'nt mind lying about things and felt comfortable doing it as well!
Its hard when people around you can see what you had, and comment on what a "perfect couple you are", bu... (read in full...)
Any new ideas for bedroom "spice"?
Q. I feel like trying something new in the bedroom - any ideas of something exciting I could do for my man?!!...
A. 18 April 2007: Blindfolds are great fun. Domineering (take turns) is always a great turn on.
Role play if your brave enough.
Just use your imagination and whatever your comfortable with, which is the most important part. But also enjoy it!!
... (read in full...)
How do I sort out my problems! Do I leave my marriage for this other woman?
Q. I have been cheating on my wife for several months with another woman that I have clicked with in every way since the start. I have been married for 5 years but never cheated before. The woman I have been having an affair with wants me to be with ...
A. 18 April 2007: You married your wife for a reason, have you changed that much? has she changed that much?
Surely talking to your wife and both of you being open about things, maybe seeing a counsellor is an easier choice.
If everyone who got cold feet in mar... (read in full...)
Not happy that he may of gone out with his friend after dropping me home and that was 02.50am!!
Q. I do not live so close to my b/f so when we heard a storm would be coming the next day, we decided to just do things close to my area and then can drop me home. His friend called like 3 times..the second time was about where he was and if he wa...
A. 18 April 2007: I dont get what your mad about?
Ok, he might of gone out with his mate afterwards, but from what you have said he did'nt say he was'nt. You only assumed he was'nt.
I can understand your frustration that he did'nt want to spend the rest of the ... (read in full...)
We broke up... She wants me as a friend, I want her as a lover. Should I just keep clear?
Q. My gf of 6 years and I recently split up. We have 3 young kids together. I moved out around 6 weeks ago and we were meant to be on a trial "break" for 2 months. I dont want us to split up and basically chased her for a month telling her I loved ...
A. 18 April 2007: To be honest you are putting pressure on yourself and on her by continuing this.
If she is adamant that her feelings have changed than flirting with her and trying to get back to the way things were will back her into a corner.
What if she s... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is addicted to cocaine!
Q. My boyfriend has addiction to cocaine...he's been doing this for the past 5 years. I've only been with him for bout five months. I've known him for longer though. I love him and I know he feels the same way bout me, but this has gotten inbetween us ...
A. 17 April 2007: He needs to stop this addiction fast. One of my close friends was addicted for many years until he was found dead in his bed one morning.
This addiction can escalate, where you are taking more and more of the stuff until you are taking dangerou... (read in full...)
Since moving in together hes been less affectionate, is this because I cheated in the past ?
Q. i just recently moved in with my boyfriend. we've known each other for about 10 months and i've been unfaithful to him in the past but i still feel like he's holding on to everything that has happened. i thought us moving in together was the ...
A. 17 April 2007: I was the same when moving in the my ex. It was frightening in a way, the reality sunk in. This is not a bad thing, but where before you have the space, now you are living together.
It may be your past which is preventing him, but I would as... (read in full...)
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