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| | *oyofthe Rovers's profile:I am currently coming to terms with alot of things in my life. One, would be the break up of someone extremely close to me which is taken its toll on me. The second, is to do with something which happened to me along time ago which I know i must now face to look forward. I feel I have reached a point in my life where I need to change things for the better, by facing my fears.
I found this site when i was at a real low point and it really helped to hear from other people who could understand/help my situation. Since then I have found myself wanting to help others who have found themselves in a situation they need advice from an outside source.
I just like to try and give my neutral and mature perspective to a given situation, without judging or labelling people.
As you probably guessed I am now single; I live in London, England and am just getting on with things the best I can for now. |
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I worry that i may not be good enough for her!
Q. Hi there, I'm not used to using these kind of things, however, i'm not sure where to turn. Friends of mine seldom give advice and i'm one of those who cannot take his own. My problem is as follows; I've found a partner that i beileve to be gr...
A. 8 May 2007: You have two issues you are addressing here; the trust you have for her AND your lack of self-belief.
The trust is a hard one to solve and can only take a leap of faith from yourself. You got with this woman for a reason; you love her. Your rea... (read in full...)
He calls out his 17 year old daughter's name in bed and he likes underage porn! What is going on with this guy?
Q. My boyfriend has a giant porn collection that i discovered recently. he watches them when i leave the house even if its for a few minutes. some of the dvds are underage porn. i am worried because his 17 yr old daughter is coming to live with us. ...
A. 8 May 2007: I would ask him to consider what he has done in the past and the effects it is having on you. To me that would be fairly disturbing whether they are drunk or not.
Child porn is wrong and he needs to aknowledge his addiction/hobby and find a w... (read in full...)
Is it bad that I'm introducing my younger sibling to these kind of games? Any views.
Q. To some this may seem out of wack ... but I'm 7 years older than my one of my siblings children and we play all those spin the bottle to the next level or strip spin the bottle kind of games with our own made up rules (no sex involved) with the...
A. 8 May 2007: That may be the case, but they are still exposed to this and this is wrong. The younger sibling needs to be out of the room and away from this.
This kind of behaviour as you know is only suitable for older people whether or not they are taking p... (read in full...)
He thought I was too young to date so he stopped contact. But I can't get over him-what can I do?
Q. OK, so there's this boy and I met him on my work experience. I'm 15, 16 this september and he had just turned 18. So we got talking + he got my number, nothing more happened while I was there, but after we texted each other a lot and eventually got ...
A. 8 May 2007: He is right in what he has done and I commend him for doing so. You may love him but he obviously thinks you are too young for him and not just in a physical way either. Remember what he was doing was/could of been illegal and the results from ... (read in full...)
Having neighbours-from-hell problems!
Q. Here is the trouble, my hubby and I are having with our neighbor's 13 year old daughter. She is continously either crying for attention or really agitating us to get a reaction that will stick to rebel for some reason; that I could not understand. W...
A. 8 May 2007: Right first, the dogs. I love animals especially ctas and dogs, but obviuosly dogs carry the risk of harming other people.
The first thing to do is maybe put up a sign warning the neighbours of the risks of the dogs (even thou they are probably... (read in full...)
I finally got him back. Do I keep him?
Q. My boyfriend of almost 2 years dumped me a week before my 18th birthday. We mainly broke up because i flip over the littlest things and treat him really badly.We spoke over the phone before my birthday and he said he would come. I needed to speak to ...
A. 8 May 2007: The way you described things right at the end of your post, it almost sounded like you are in a comfort zone with him. In the knowledge that you know where you stand with him and vice versa. You need to if you are using this comfort zone for the ... (read in full...)
My bf is on a long trip, how do I keep my urges curbed without him?
Q. My boyfriend is away on a trip and it's been three months. I have never gone this long without sex before and it is totally getting to me. I'm totally irritable and depressed. I wouldn't dream of cheating on him, and masturbation is just not working ...
A. 8 May 2007: You need to help yourself in that department as Penta has suggested. Its good you have ruled out cheating, but treat yourself while he is away, and maybe when he gets back he can get involved. It will be a treat for him aswell.
... (read in full...)
will my boyfriend think I love him less if I don't text him often?
Q. I'm not the kind of gf who texted my bf all the time, just like now he never texted me since this morning and its now bout 8pm at night now still haven't got a msg from him or a call from him like he used to, it doesn't bothered me for im just ...
A. 8 May 2007: I think you are over thnking this a little bit. It all depends on how often you see him really, but a text a day is fine, why not two?
If he does not text you as often than he obviously is on the same wave length that you would like to be. (Thi... (read in full...)
Is it bad that I'm introducing my younger sibling to these kind of games? Any views.
Q. To some this may seem out of wack ... but I'm 7 years older than my one of my siblings children and we play all those spin the bottle to the next level or strip spin the bottle kind of games with our own made up rules (no sex involved) with the...
A. 8 May 2007: Yes. You are setting a bad example for you younger sibling. You know you should be setting a better example for him/her so do it.
Ok, there is no sex involved and to an adult it may seem fairly innocent and just a bit of fun. But at that age... (read in full...)
Our marriage has become boring. What can I do to get the spark back?
Q. my wife of 7 years last night told me she was unhappy with the marrage and felt like that for a year. she says that she feels like she is living with a brother rather than a husband and she doesn't know why she feels like this. we get on great lik...
A. 8 May 2007: It sounds like you know what you have to do, you just have to push it through to the finale.
Give her loads of encouragement in regards to the things she wants to do in her spare time, show the interest you would like her to show you.
I think... (read in full...)
She is fed up with my insecurities and she left me---what can I do?
Q. hey, my heart is really broken and i REALLY want to save this relationship with my ex. she asked for a break a while ago, because things have been rocky. so i agreed, but i kept showing up and wanting to talk things out because i was really worried ...
A. 8 May 2007: It might be important to know what your insecurities were?
You are probably best to focus on your self and your insecurities which might hinder any future relationships you may want to have.
You need to think carefully on how you ended up wit... (read in full...)
What can I say to motivate my lazy grand-daughter?
Q. Tuesday 8 May 10.30 am My 14 year old granddaughter is bright, but lazy and prefers to spend time with friends than study. She consequently is not reaching her potential at school. Recently, through the recommendation of a family friend, ...
A. 8 May 2007: It is important a that age to find something which THEY REALLY enjoy doing. Ask her what she REALLY likes doing, maybe an out of school activity. Talk to her as an adult and do not try and point out too many negatives; this will only discourage ... (read in full...)
I know I'm not going to live up to my parents expectations with my school grades - how do I talk to them?
Q. I'm leaving school in a week and im really scared....my mum and step dad expect A's and B's in my GCSE's and i know im not getting them and i dont wana let them down!...i need 2 talk to them but im worried! i also am nearly 16 and never allowed out ...
A. 8 May 2007: You need to ask yourself have you done ALL you can at school? Are you doing the best of that you are capable of?
Your parents probably know what you are capable of, maybe more than you realise. They mean well, most parents do; they just want the... (read in full...)
We've been together 2 years and the affection seems to be gone. Is he just not that into me anymore?
Q. My bf and i have been together about 2 yrs now, and the affection just seems to be gone. It's like he's shutting me out, picking fights ... just being so much less concerned about what's going on w/ me at all. If I tell him i love him he still ...
A. 8 May 2007: The thought of a long distance relationship is a sary one especially when you have had a close relationship for 2 years. It may be his fear over this which is causing the anger.
What is the nature of the jump to a long distance relation... (read in full...)
Guys, what type of undies do you like and how do you like her down there?
Q. This is a question for the guys to anwser - only guys please! What kind of underwear do you prefer? Thongs, g-strings, boyshorts, french, bikini, granny?! And also, what do you prefer 'down there'? Bushy, trimmed, Brazilian (with a 'land...
A. 7 May 2007: I think you are going to find a mixture of responses to this one!!
Personally i think it depends on the figure of the woman, to what looks good. Thongs dont do it for me and I would prefer some sexy lacy lingerie, or something which still le... (read in full...)
Is my boss saying "no", but meaning "yes"?
Q. Ok here goes!!!! Im in a bit of a pickle, I am totally in to my Boss. one of my friends told her that I like her and she is cool with it,and said she already knew. she is also one of my best friends. we spend alot of time together in and out of wo...
A. 7 May 2007: She may be finding this quite over whelming herself. You said yourself she has never had a relationship with a woman before, and that is a big choice to make. She needs to be sure in herself that she wants to go down that road before taking it any ... (read in full...)
I can't find any good singles to date!
Q. I never seem to find a single guy to date because in the past the only guys that fancy me are divorced, engaged, married or in some sort of relationship. And they are all older than me a fair bit. I have no clue why this is. I don't want to be with ...
A. 7 May 2007: How long ago was it from your previous relationship that you are finding so difficult to get over?
And what were the circumstances of the break-up?
No-one can blame you for finding these "bad-boys" attractive, as there will always be an ele... (read in full...)
Would you be with someone who said he'll never marry you or refuses to take a holiday with you and your kids?
Q. Would you be with someone who said he'll never marry you or refuses to take a holiday with you and your kids?...
A. 7 May 2007: I think you know the answer to this. No. What kind of relationship is he hoping to have with you?
... (read in full...)
My ex treated me like dirt, how will I ever trust a man again?
Q. I want to enter the dating scene again, but I don't know how I will ever trust a man again after my ex dumped me nearly 5 months ago. I was utterly shell-shocked as we had built up a strong friendship over quite some time and he had been the one ...
A. 7 May 2007: I can relate to your feelings of being let down and lack of trust towards the opposite sex. It does sound like he was never really ready for a deep relationship; maybe something he was'nt truly aware of or ignored up until the end. It takes ... (read in full...)
I told my bf he could take my virginity but now I'm scared! Help!
Q. Im only 14 And im still a virgin. i told my boyfriend he could take my virginity but now im a little scared to let him take after all i am only 14. i really do like him and wuld do anything for him and i do want him to take my virginity but im not ...
A. 6 May 2007: If your are having doubts about this then dont do it. You have to be sure this is what you want to do. Even tho a part of you wants to it is clear that you are still anxious about it. Dont you want it to be something that you enjoy?
Your ... (read in full...)
My feelings for my ex are affecting my future relationships. How do I get him out of my head?
Q. I've met a new guy, we're not going out yet but we pretty much act like a couple and I really like him. However I have a problem in that every so often when I'm with him I really start to miss my ex. We broke up in October and we still get on pretty ...
A. 6 May 2007: You have raised the point yourself. You compare him to others. Doing this is only going to have a negative effect on you and how you feel for other people you want to get close to.
It is possible you are not ready emotionally for a relation... (read in full...)
Does anyone believe in life after death?
Q. does anyone believe in life after death?...
A. 6 May 2007: I personally believe there is something after death, but what that is I dont know. I have experienced oujia boards, seen (ghosts) and what I thought was an out of body experience. The things which I have seen up to now make me believe that there ... (read in full...)
I have been seeing this man who is 21 and i am 14 and he is doing some stuff to me that i dont understand and i dont want him to do!!!
Q. I have been seeing this man who is 21 and i am 14 and he is doing some stuff to me that i dont understand and i dont want him to do, 1st he said i like u will u meet me and because ive liked him for ages i meet him, and got in his car because i ...
A. 3 May 2007: He is taking advantage of you and it needs to stop NOW! Youre feelings for him maybe so, but if he loved you he would understand that your young and it is wrong to do what he is doing.
It is clear that you are not ready for this relation... (read in full...)
I'm dating a boy over pity but he spends too much time holding me and not backing off.
Q. I'm dating a boy over pity but he spends too much time holding me and not backing off. My friend who's probly my best friend is trying to help me get over my conscience but it won't work for me please give me some advice...
A. 3 May 2007: A relationship based on pity is not a healthy one, and it is not fair on him if his feelings are not reciprocated. Finish now if you have no true feelings for him and let him down gently.
It is not on him by giving him this impression.
... (read in full...)
Should I take her back??
Q. I was with my girlfriend for 7 and a half years and we broke up for three months we were really getting to each other and we both parted ways. I still seen her about once every few weeks for the next three months. She never told me she was seeing ...
A. 3 May 2007: I understand if you love someone that much it is hard to let go, no matter what they do. Just be careful and if its going to work; do everything to make it work.
I wish you all the best mate..
... (read in full...)
Although we broke up we still continued to have sex, now I'm pregnant with his baby.
Q. just need some advise....my ex partner finished with me last august.ever since we broke up he has been coming back to me for sex. we are still good friends though. i found out that i was pregnant in january this year with his child. he was ...
A. 2 May 2007: You need to stop sleeping with him if thats how he feels. You need to start to think about what you are going to do with the pregnancy and less about him.
If I really carwed for someone and found out she was pregnant I would not let somethin... (read in full...)
Is it possible to remain friends with an ex and even get back together with them?
Q. Do you think its possible to remain friends with an ex and is it possible to ever get back together again in the future after a couple of break ups?...
A. 2 May 2007: Yes, I think it is possible. But to base your friendship on this is going to be emotionally difficult and only serve against you both.
I would advise against it as being a friend with a hidden agenda is not a healthy friendship at all. It is a ... (read in full...)
She lost a close family member last week and seems to be inconsolable. How can I help her through this?
Q. Ok me and my best friend are very close, we are always together and tell each other everything. She lost a close family member about a week ago and shes just the worst i've ever seen her. Although she doesn't really cry a lot, she holds it in and ...
A. 2 May 2007: The previos post is correct. Grieving will take its time, be patient. Someone in that position is going to need and want to know there is someone else there who they can talk to or just hold and let it out.
I cant really say much more what has... (read in full...)
I just don't know how I can trust anyone again. This was the woman I had planned to spend the rest of my life with, start a family with and all she can give me in return is betrayal.
Q. On Monday night I kicked my Fiance out after discovering she was seeing another guy behind my back. We've been together over two years and engaged for the last year. About a month ago she dropped a bombshell about sleeping with another guy when...
A. 2 May 2007: Realistically only you know what she is like and whether she is capable of change. Betraying you twice is a sign that she is'nt happy about something in the relationship, you need to find out what that is.
Trust is a fragile thing and she has ... (read in full...)
How can I help him get over his insecurities and be proud of the person he is?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been having some problems lately due to his insecurities. I think he had a pretty bad relationship in the past, but he will not open up and talk about it. Everytime I ask how he feels or what is wrong, he just gets in a bad ...
A. 2 May 2007: He seems to a have a confidence issue which he may find help for. I myself lack confidence and can relate to how he feels, especially when you are in a relationship with someone. He is lucky he is with someone who recognises this and is willing to ... (read in full...)
How can I make my stomach normal (both sides the same?)
Q. dear cupid i have posted a question before and never got a reply and i need male advice, here the link from the previos question http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-get-my-stomach-to-look.html and i would like any one to either help me g...
A. 2 May 2007: A normal stomach?
Every human physique is different in its own way. Is this something you have had from birth? Is it an abnormality?
... (read in full...)
She went on to say that in a relationship you should be willing to give up anything if you really love the person in your life.
Q. I am a lesbian. Recently my ex girlfriend said she wanted to have a relationship with me. She was adamant that I was the person she really wanted to be with. She has been back and forth between me and another person for years and it was very ...
A. 1 May 2007: I think she is being unreasonable about the whole thing.
Relationshipsare not about giving up anything for the person you love, but comprimise and understanding; none of which she is showing you.
2 hours a week at church is not alot whatsoe... (read in full...)
I can't stop thinking about my girlfriend's previous partners.
Q. My girlfriends previous partners Okay, I really need the help of the DearCupid Online community with this issue I'm having with my girlfriend of a year. I'm a 24 year old male, in a serious relationship with a 20 year old girl. We...
A. 1 May 2007: You insecurites are probably due to your inexperience compared to hers, but that is'nt a bad thing.
What you need to do is focus ONLY on what you have in front of you and put all your effort into making it work. Thinking about her past relation... (read in full...)
What's the best way to get over someone?
Q. Im in my late 30's and I've just finished a 4 year relationship because i found out that he was cheating on me with another woman, i was devastated because i thought he was happy with me. How do I get over him? because i feel so depressed, i won't ...
A. 1 May 2007: There is no "best" way. You have expect to grieve for a lost love and that takes time. The best thing you can do now is keep yourself occupied and focus on YOU.
I know its hard when so many things at a time like this remind of you of memories... (read in full...)
I am 18 and pregnant and really don't know what to do!
Q. Help! i am 18 and pregnant. i moved out of home a year ago and have lived in differnet places and have now got the perfect home. i live with my local vicar and his family. me and his 18 year old son got on from day one when we first met 2 years ago ...
A. 1 May 2007: You need to talk to him and discuss where your future lies and how he sees the relationship going. Abortion is'nt wrong in my book if it does for the right reasons. You say he will stand by you, but what does that mean exactly?
You need to think... (read in full...)
How can I bring her closer to me emotionally even if she dares not to break her marriage?
Q. I'm involved with a married woman and i do not want to lose her, I really love her so much and she is confused and she does try to forget me to make believe that is worthless trying. How can I bring her closer to me emotionally even if she dares not ...
A. 1 May 2007: I think you have to see this from both sides of the fence.
If it was your wife, how would you feel in the same position? How do you know he does'nt feel the same way for his wife?
I think you need to step back and see what damage you could... (read in full...)
Should I take her back??
Q. I was with my girlfriend for 7 and a half years and we broke up for three months we were really getting to each other and we both parted ways. I still seen her about once every few weeks for the next three months. She never told me she was seeing ...
A. 1 May 2007: Trust is a fragile thing no doubt. I am finding it hard at the moment to do the same. It will take time and patience. All the best.... (read in full...)
Im 14 and hardly know any boys! How can I best get to know some ?
Q. Hey, i'm a 14 year old girl, but i really don't know any boys! i'm not a shy person and i get on well with most people... the couple of guys i know (my parents' friends' sons) seem to find me fun to talk to and quite good looking :P the thing is ...
A. 30 April 2007: I wouldnt worry too much about it, you only fourteen. Enjoy what you have at the moment. It is always going to be hard meeting the opposite gender when you are at a single sex school anyway.
Are there any clubs you can join where that is an op... (read in full...)
Should I take her back??
Q. I was with my girlfriend for 7 and a half years and we broke up for three months we were really getting to each other and we both parted ways. I still seen her about once every few weeks for the next three months. She never told me she was seeing ...
A. 30 April 2007: I dont think you should. It sounds like your trust in her has already been taken for granted by her. She has has gone behind your back twice!! Whats stopping her doing this again??
She needs to be clear where you stand and what you have gon... (read in full...)
My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 30 April 2007: I think you have made the brave and correct decision. I wish you all the best in your future.... (read in full...)
I don't know whether to work on it and hopefully get a good end result or just go back to being friends and find someone who does want to go serious.
Q. What does it mean honestly? I am 28 and came out of a 6 month relationship a month ago. Met a girl who is 21 and came out of a 5 year relationship 2 month ago. We got on as friends for a while, last monday we actually hooked up at the pub and came ...
A. 30 April 2007: Since it has been 5 months i would let her know yuor intentions and feelings towards her.
What happens if this goes on for a year, and then you find out nothing has changed, wont you feel used? What if she turns around and says she has found so... (read in full...)
My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 16 April 2007: He has to make the choice to give his marriage 100% commitment or to choose you. If he chooses his marriage he must do whatever he can to make it work. This means cutting his relationship with you and seriously thinking about counselling to ... (read in full...)
My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 15 April 2007: You have made things difficult for yourself by starting a relationship with a married man. This in reality could of never of been expected to work out the way you wanted.
The thing is he cant have it both ways. He needs to decide what he wants... (read in full...)
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