A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: i have 2 things to ask here hope u can help.My wife recently lost a very close family member and is absolutly distraught. I know its not easy for her and really want to help her. But when i see her upset I just freeze and don't like to be around her, i feel so uncomfortable with it and i know i shouldn't. I really want to help her so what can i do?The other thing is although she has never really liked to talk about whats bothering her she was very quiet the other day and suddenly that night she really wanted to have sex and i said it wasn't right with her being upset and she said it would help and kept saying she really wanted to to take her mind off it. We did in the end and she was ok but i feel that it was really wrong and that we shouldn't have done it. She's still as upset as she was so what was it that made her want to have sex at this time? Was it just to take her mind off it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (27 April 2007):
 You need to be a s supportive as you can be. It is times like these that she will remember that you were there by her side.
Mourning someone takes its time and differs from person to person, depending on how they deal with a loss like this. Try and take her mind off it by talking about something unrelated and light. She now feels so alone and is probably feeling isolated even tho you are around. make sure you keep talking to her and let her know you are there if she wants to talk, about anything.
Being on your side is'nt easy either, seeing your partners vulnerable side is a hard thing to sit and stare at and not being able to "fix" it.
She needs you now more than ever and just make her aware of how much you love her and that you are there for her no matter what time of day.
This will take its time like any grieving process, so be patient and you will see her start to change and begin to slowly recover. You need to be strong for her at the moment, so be that for her. Take some of the stress of her hands but not too much as giving her things to do will keep her mind off thought of the family member.
Dont feel uncormfortable, shes your wife; remember that.
Best wishes..
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (27 April 2007):
 Grief can make people a little unstable. All you can do is be there when and if she needs to talk about it. Time is the healer but if she is willing there are grief counselors who do amazing work and she may benefit from talking to one of them. Otherwise it will just be a matter of time. Good luck.
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