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| | *oyofthe Rovers's profile:I am currently coming to terms with alot of things in my life. One, would be the break up of someone extremely close to me which is taken its toll on me. The second, is to do with something which happened to me along time ago which I know i must now face to look forward. I feel I have reached a point in my life where I need to change things for the better, by facing my fears.
I found this site when i was at a real low point and it really helped to hear from other people who could understand/help my situation. Since then I have found myself wanting to help others who have found themselves in a situation they need advice from an outside source.
I just like to try and give my neutral and mature perspective to a given situation, without judging or labelling people.
As you probably guessed I am now single; I live in London, England and am just getting on with things the best I can for now. |
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My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 30 April 2007: I think you have made the brave and correct decision. I wish you all the best in your future.... (read in full...)
Since moving in together hes been less affectionate, is this because I cheated in the past ?
Q. i just recently moved in with my boyfriend. we've known each other for about 10 months and i've been unfaithful to him in the past but i still feel like he's holding on to everything that has happened. i thought us moving in together was the ...
A. 17 April 2007: I was the same when moving in the my ex. It was frightening in a way, the reality sunk in. This is not a bad thing, but where before you have the space, now you are living together.
It may be your past which is preventing him, but I would as... (read in full...)
I can never seem to talk to my bf about anything meaningful.. Any tips!?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been seeing each other for 2 and a half years. but i cant seem to talk to him at all. i trust him more than anyone else and i feel safe when im with him but i cant seem to talk about anything meaningful with him. he keeps ...
A. 17 April 2007: Its hard to express yourself sometimes to the person you love because you frightened of what they might think. Having these thoughts spiralling in your head is only going to keep holding you back.
But you dont know until you do. Wait for the ... (read in full...)
Is this an eating disorder that she has, even if it is sporadic!?
Q. I discovered my friend throwing up after a meal and she later then admitted to me that she throws up her food on the odd occassion yet does not have an eating disorder. She says she does it rarely, the most twice a month and claims she usually ...
A. 17 April 2007: Throwing up your food is not a good thing to get into the habit of doing.
Yes, she may well be telling the truth, but if so she still needs help. Doing that because your depressed is no way to deal with the stress.
She may well have a more... (read in full...)
I just don't trust him, anymore..am I right to feel this way and what can I do about it?
Q. Im feeling really depressed at the moment and i just dont know where to turn.I broke up with my fella last year for a number of reasons but my man always kept contacting me to see him etc,in the mean time he met someone else and started a ...
A. 17 April 2007: If you cant get past what he has done, and no-one can blame you for that. Then the damage is done already. Your feelings cant be played like this. He had his chance and he went off and saw another woman, with the excuse he done it to get over you; ... (read in full...)
Does a number really matter if both people are equally interested in one another ?
Q. hi, im a 17 year old nearly 18 year old seeing a just turned 27 year old, we've been dating for a month now, ive told my parents about this and they seem to think that he is using me and repeatedly say "why would a 27 year old be interested in a ...
A. 16 April 2007: I have to agree with juliet. Age difference usually isnt an issue unless its in your case.
This takes nothing away from what you feel and what you want, but just be aware that you WILL change over the years in one way or another so be aware of... (read in full...)
When he said he would quit smoking, did he really mean, I'd like to but dont think I will ?
Q. After being together for almost a year I found out my bf smoked. He had hid it well and told a few lies to cover it up. When I found out he smoked he said he'd quit when he was ready. When we moved in together he was worried the smoking would be...
A. 16 April 2007: Being a smoker myself I can tell you that he wont be ready until he feels its time to give it up.
I have gone through stages of promising myself to quit and then never do, but at this present time I find myself smoking for the wrong reasons,... (read in full...)
He doesnt seem as interested about me moving closer to him... Do you think I should now forget the move!?
Q. Dear agony aunts/uncles, I have this friend for whom I´ve had a big crush, and so he had for me. Last november we met and told each other feelings, and finally were togheter (without sex). He came back to his country and we kept in touch since t...
A. 16 April 2007: Until you can be sure of his intentions and commitments i would be wary of doing anything rash no matter what or how much you feel for him.
Its commendable that you are willing to so much for him, but be sure before you go ahead with any large co... (read in full...)
He deletes the history on his computer so he must still be looking at porn, but hiding it! I hate it and its ruining us!!
Q. I have a huge problem with my boyfriend looking at porn (which I know he does). I looked on his computer once and saw in the history all the sites he had been looking through. It hurt so badly and I still can't stop thinking about it everyday, and ...
A. 16 April 2007: Is it the fact that it is porn?
Or the fact he is lying about it?... (read in full...)
I'm so sexaully frustrated and my partner isnt meeting my needs!! Its driving me insane what do I do!?
Q. I no longer know how to deal with feeling sexually frustrated all the time. I have talked to my partner a few times about the lack of action in the bedroom but he doesn't seem to think it is that big a deal. He tells me he doesn't feel like it as ...
A. 16 April 2007: He needs to be understanding in all this. Just because he walks away with a smile on his face does'nt mean you do.
Its easy for a man to be satisfied and much harder for a woman. He must know this, most men do; some ignore it and others act upon... (read in full...)
Why does my Fiancee blame me for everything when we row, infact even when we dont things are my fault!?
Q. Why is it easier to blame things on someone else when things don't go as one has planned? When there is an arguement betweem my fiancee and myself, no matter who has started he blames always it on me. He brings up the past of me and tells me how it ...
A. 16 April 2007: He needs an anger management course or seek some professional guidance. He is putting all of HIS worries onto you by blaming you for every little thing which may go wrong, whether it is your fault or not.
Until he can control his rage he will con... (read in full...)
She wasnt happy and enjoyed the outside attention, would it work if we got back together, or is she just playing me for a fool!?
Q. Where do I start? My g/f and I of four years ago split up yesterday, and I'm absouletely heart broken. She is 29 and I 30. The problems started 6mths ago when I questioned our relationship not knowing what I wanted at the time. It didn't he...
A. 16 April 2007: The difference that I see in this situation is that your momentary lapse in the relationship seemed more one sided (from what it sounds like), yet her lapse was more two-sided where both sides reciprocated their feelings.
If im wrong let me know.... (read in full...)
I like being on top, but how should I move so the guy likes it ?
Q. im 22 and i really got one simple problem , i like being on top but i dont kno really how shall i move foward backward or up down??i mean for a man to be satisfied with it??up and down is good but it slips.oops plus wat speed is best...
A. 16 April 2007: From a males point of perspective there is no particular speed or motion. All of the above.
A bit of variety helps tons to change the sensations, it really depends on what HE likes and play around that.
Getting him going then slowing him down... (read in full...)
She wasnt happy and enjoyed the outside attention, would it work if we got back together, or is she just playing me for a fool!?
Q. Where do I start? My g/f and I of four years ago split up yesterday, and I'm absouletely heart broken. She is 29 and I 30. The problems started 6mths ago when I questioned our relationship not knowing what I wanted at the time. It didn't he...
A. 16 April 2007: I think you know you have to move on.
It is clear she is confused about how she feels about things but you cant be expected to hang in there forever. Its not fair.
If she does come back to you, then you need to be 100% you can trust her not to... (read in full...)
Im sick to death of my husband, Sometimes I love him, others I dont, I want to make it work, maybe I dont, Help!
Q. Hello everyone.. I'm really in trouble here.. I have been married for 4 years with my hubbie for 8 have one child and its just gone down down down hill. I really love my husband but i hate him to. I hate the fact that he promises things and...
A. 16 April 2007: You cant be blamed for feeling the way you do. To be honest, if you want things to work then you need to have a SERIOUS talk with him and let him know your concerns.
He needs to realise the seriousness of the situation. If you cant talk one on o... (read in full...)
How important are looks to a man ?
Q. How important are looks to a man? Long hair, short hair? Short, tall? Brown eyes, blue eyes? How big is too big? How small is too small? What about chest size... does size really matter? Let's get really honest here. We're not all supermodels... ...
A. 16 April 2007: In my book looks only go so far. Some men tend to only look at the "beautiful" women, but to me it is the personality and the real person inside the counts (cheesy as that sounds)!
Yes, looks can automatically attract you to someone, but that... (read in full...)
Is this all my fault because I wouldnt have sex with him ?
Q. Hi plse help, ive wrote before im in my 30s and a virgin, been with my now ex bf for over 1 yr. He said he needed time to think 3 weeks ago and kicked me out then on saturday just gone i got a phonecall from his mum... his 8 y/o daughter passed on ...
A. 16 April 2007: You and ONLY you choose when and who you sleep with. Someone who uses physical violence should not be tolerated to any extent. If he loved you he would of understood your reluctance to sleep with him. Being a virgin is nothing to ashamed about, ... (read in full...)
Just had my first break up... How do I cope ?
Q. I just had my first break up...how do I cope. He was like my life for five months. Everything I see reminds me of him. I cant get him out of my mind. Any suggestions?...
A. 16 April 2007: The best thing you can do now is to slowly move on with YOUR life.
Start doing the things again which you enjoyed. Do you play a sport, like clubbing, collect stamps?....Is there something you have always wanted to do, but never had a chance t... (read in full...)
My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 16 April 2007: He has to make the choice to give his marriage 100% commitment or to choose you. If he chooses his marriage he must do whatever he can to make it work. This means cutting his relationship with you and seriously thinking about counselling to ... (read in full...)
I just don't trust him, anymore..am I right to feel this way and what can I do about it?
Q. Im feeling really depressed at the moment and i just dont know where to turn.I broke up with my fella last year for a number of reasons but my man always kept contacting me to see him etc,in the mean time he met someone else and started a ...
A. 15 April 2007: Only he will truley know when he is over this other woman. You wont know until he decides to devote his time and his mind solely to you.
What does his depression stem from?
It might be wise for him to seek professional assistance with ... (read in full...)
He shouts at me-calls me a parasite-criticizes me, a lot! Should I just leave him?
Q. Should I leave my boyfriend of 3 years because I can't see him changing his ways? He shouts me down, does not take me seriously, points out the fact that he has to pay the lions share of the rent and calls me a parasite (Im a student), he tel...
A. 15 April 2007: You are not happy where you are and he seems to treat you like dirt. He is pushing away the one person he should be pulling towards.
You cant be expected to take all of this insult without feeling the way you have. The relationship is gone.
... (read in full...)
He hates that I help my troubled family! Is he wrong or should I stop doing this?
Q. I need some advice, I've been in a relationship for the last 11 years I've dedicated myself to my boyfriend always there for him putting up with so much abuse and financial distress. Within the last year he has really changed for the better, but now ...
A. 15 April 2007: Families are important, you know that and he should know that too. To make you choose between him and your family is a low thing to do.
As long as your time with him is'nt affected and you are not negleting him I dont see what his problem ... (read in full...)
Moved to Germany to be with her. After finding pics of her and a guy on her computer, I am thinking about leaving!
Q. i have been going out for a long time with my GF, and after some time now i moved out to her home country, (Germany), and been feeling isolated and lonely as i have nothing to do while she is at work, so anyway i started to look at her pics, and ...
A. 15 April 2007: Sending her insultive texts and e-mails was never a good move to be honest. Letting your anger overwhelm you before knowing the whole truth has meant that you have hurt her, when all this may be innocent. You havent mentioned when this picture was ... (read in full...)
What can i do if im having sexual intercourse with my girlfriend and I always finish before her?
Q. What can i do if im having sexual intercourse with my girlfriend and i always finish before her??...
A. 15 April 2007: Dont be so selfish in bed! Use oral and foreplay to please her first, get her screaming for you.
Take your time with her, give her more attention.
Sex should be a two way street so dont always have full intercourse. Foreplay can be just as e... (read in full...)
He seems shy but interested but I'm not sure. How doI find out?
Q. How do you know a man is interested in you? He seems shy but interested but I'm not sure. In conversation, he remembers every word I've said. He holds my gaze. Has personal conversations. He smiles at me more than other people. We are in a ...
A. 15 April 2007: How does he react to physical contact?
If he is shy he will find it hard to assert himself in that way. You may need to make it easier for him.
I dont mean jump on him, but escalate physical contact, make it more obvious of your feelings. ... (read in full...)
I'm angry at him for pressuring me to take my pants off, after I said NO! Any thoughts?
Q. I'm so confused. I am 18 years old and about 2 months ago started a relationship with a guy. We met through university. Anyway, he is my first real bf, my first kiss etc. Hes had 2 girlfriends before me and I assume hes had sex with them, but I ...
A. 15 April 2007: Sounds like to me he is a bit immature when it comes to him getting his own way. He needs to learn that what he wants, is'nt exactly what you want. Your expectations are different.
You should'nt of given in to him as this has probably made thi... (read in full...)
My married lover and I are soulmates but he won't leave his wife because of the kids! What can I do?
Q. Hi, I've been having an affair with a married man for three years nearly. We completely are soul-mates. We have shared so many of the same personal experiences that are very hard for anyone to come to terms with. We can talk about anything...he ...
A. 15 April 2007: You have made things difficult for yourself by starting a relationship with a married man. This in reality could of never of been expected to work out the way you wanted.
The thing is he cant have it both ways. He needs to decide what he wants... (read in full...)
I want to talk to him about how i feel but maybe now it's too late? Any advice?
Q. hi, i was going out with a guy for 3 and a half years and we have just broken up. i feel really confused. we got on great together, he is my best friend and i really wanted to make things work. however, what went wrong was that he didnt seem ...
A. 15 April 2007: It does sound like HE has lost interest in the relationship. It is always that feeling that you or both of you could of done more to get back what you had when the relationship was in its prime.
I think you have done pretty much everythi... (read in full...)
How do I ask him, if he is ready to turn our casual dating situation into an actual relationship.
Q. I have been dating a guy off and on for the past three months. I have developed feelings for him but I don't know if he feels the same way I do. I don't get to spend as much time with him as I would like due to his job. When we go out everything ...
A. 15 April 2007: Do this over a quiet meal, somewhere you can both talk openly. It sounds like you may have a good thing here, so being open about how you feel should'nt be problem.
3 months is long enough to know whether you know someone enough to start a "relat... (read in full...)
I seem to be attracted to males yet I dont want sex with men. What is going on with me?
Q. Hi everyone. Ive always wanted to have sex with women and still do. But i dont seem to be attraceted to women like a lot of other males like boys at school. I seem to be attracted to males yet i dont want sex with men. I would also like to have...
A. 15 April 2007: When you say you are attracted, what does that mean to you?... (read in full...)
I feel like i'm betraying my family and my older sister especially, by entering into a relationship with this guy! Any advice?
Q. About six years ago, my elder sister ran away from home. She was 17 at the time. Since Nat* left, things have been ridiculous. My younger sister, Alice* who was only a baby when Nat left, is constantly ignored by my mother and shouted at when the...
A. 15 April 2007: It does sound like you have a lot on your plate, but dont make that stop you finding your own happiness with this friend of yours.
The best thing you can do is get through your exams the best you can do. Your mum can take care of herself for the ... (read in full...)
I want her back but she's enjoying her independence too much! Should I wait or move on?
Q. My gf of 3.5 years has just left me and i am so distraught and confused by her at the moment about it. I'm 29 and she has just turned 21 and is in the last 3 months of her uni degree which is stressing her out lots. What makes it harder is ...
A. 15 April 2007: I would move on mate. However hard it may be, she has clearly made a decision about the relationship.
It seems like her priorities in her life have changed and you have to respect that. Yes, she is 21 and her mates are getting drunk all the ... (read in full...)
Had an argument with my ex bf/friend and now he won't talk to me! Whats the best way to get his forgivness?
Q. Me and my boyfriends split up after two years, we remained best friends and it hasn't helped us get over eachother, i still love him like a boyfriend and recently i have caused an argument that made my friend end our friendship, he will not talk to ...
A. 15 April 2007: Give him time.. Your feelings for your ex are clearly what is causing the problem. It is hard to find a balance between friend and lover.
I have had a similiar situation and I had to choose not to see the person again. Purely because I knew i w... (read in full...)
How do I get her away from her computer to pay attention to me?
Q. Every time I visit my girlfriend, she seems far more interested in her computer and different sites such as facebook and myspace than she is of me. Believe me when I say I am not a needy person, and it doesnt bother me if she hops online to check ...
A. 15 April 2007: The internet is there all day, all week, all the time. Why she feels the need to use it when you are there is being fairly unreasonable.
She needs to understand that you have come round to visit her, you need talk about this and get things s... (read in full...)
I got a uninary tract infection after having sex...is this common for women?
Q. When I first had sex with my boyfriend, I didn't know it is a good idea to pee after intercourse (even using condom). Therefore, I had urinary track infection. The doctor gave me some antibotics and suggest me to drink cranberry juice. Therefore, ...
A. 15 April 2007: My ex had a similiar problem. I can recommend those little yogurt drinks like activ8 and the like. These tended to work and helped build up some kind of resistance.
... (read in full...)
Am I being too harsh to tell my gf to stop doing this thing that makes me very unhappy?
Q. My girlfriend is doing something that is making her happy and while im not happy and she wont quit because she loves doing it but it takes a lot of time out of being together but then she says she loves me more than anything... am i being to harsh ...
A. 15 April 2007: I can only assume that what ever she is doing is not a sport. The fact that you have'nt mentioned what she does raises the obvious question..
She has to understand that if it takes that much time out of your relationship, she has to be reasonab... (read in full...)
After seeing his dating profile, I am wondering...is my bf gay? What should I do?
Q. I have been seeing my boyfriend for over a year and just after valentines day we had a big blow out and split up, it lasted for just over a month then we got back together, i was sittin in his computer chair one day when he was making me a cup of ...
A. 14 April 2007: Both of you seem to have different views on sex and your limits. He does'nt sound 100% gay, but definately bisexual.
He probably still loves you but his desires are just more than you probably bargained for. He has to learn and respect your bou... (read in full...)
I am very unhappy in my marriage..my wife/family doesn't trust me! What can I do?
Q. I'm not happy in my marriage. What should I do? We have been married for 17 years and for the past 6 1/2 years I have been working 2 full time jobs. Prior to that I had worked a full time and a part time job. Our son just turned 16 and my ...
A. 14 April 2007: To be honest mate, i would of gone. But that is me.
It sounds like a very unhealthy relationship and an even unhealthier family. Was there always a visible seperation between you and the step-daughter and wife?
Have they always taken sid... (read in full...)
His excuse for these emotional affairs, is that he likes to feel wanted!! What should I do, he hasnt slept with them so its not a real affair right ?
Q. I need help to figure out what to do about my fiance having an emotional affair. We have been together for 3yrs and have a daughter. I found out that he had been talking to another girl and that they had sent naked pix to each others phones. He ...
A. 14 April 2007: Sounds like he has an underlying issue. He is greedy. If he cant be happy with just the one person, you need think seriously about your future.
He and only he can change the way he is, by talking to you or by going to counselling. As along as... (read in full...)
My love is fading fast for my computer addicted bf! Help!
Q. my b/f and i have been together for 3 and half years, he started playing this pc game that never ends. and now our relationship is goin down because he so addicted to the computer. we always argue because he can't control himself,and he says he will ...
A. 14 April 2007: I can understand the addictiveness of computer games nowadays, especially the ones which you can immerse yurself in a different world. However, he cant seriously pick the computer game over you?
There should be a time and place for his game whi... (read in full...)
I just don't trust him, anymore..am I right to feel this way and what can I do about it?
Q. Im feeling really depressed at the moment and i just dont know where to turn.I broke up with my fella last year for a number of reasons but my man always kept contacting me to see him etc,in the mean time he met someone else and started a ...
A. 14 April 2007: Your feelings are totally valid. Why was he looking for her while he was back with you?
He might still have feelings for you, but while he is confused to what he wants I think you need to give him the distance.
He cant expect you to wa... (read in full...)
Been seeing a married man for 15 years, but cant get over the guilt that his wife may have heard a voicemail message!
Q. i am in therapy trying to get over a relationship i have had with a married man for the past fifteen years. we actually broke it off (i did as i always did) a year ago but started speaking again this year. i became very threatened by a friendship ...
A. 14 April 2007: It sounds like this man is a bit of a player. You and possibly your friend?
Guilt..Maybe you have done his wife a favour? He maybe going through a hard time with his prostate cancer, but if he has been messing around behind her back for this... (read in full...)
His excuse for these emotional affairs, is that he likes to feel wanted!! What should I do, he hasnt slept with them so its not a real affair right ?
Q. I need help to figure out what to do about my fiance having an emotional affair. We have been together for 3yrs and have a daughter. I found out that he had been talking to another girl and that they had sent naked pix to each others phones. He ...
A. 14 April 2007: There is something in the relationship which maybe he feels he isnt getting. But what he has been doing is WRONG. What kind of trust can you hope to have with someone like that?
If he isnt happy with the way the relationship is he should t... (read in full...)
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