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My mum has changed since my dad left, and now I'm having nightmares about her!! Please help!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 April 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 April 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I keep having violent nightmares about my mum trying to kill me because ever since my dad left , my mum has changed and she gets really angry and violent towards me and she says its my fault he left and she sometimes hits me to teach me a lesson and I keep dreaming about her and its tearing me apart and I cant sleep because When i sleep , its all I can think About

Help!

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A female reader, penta United States +, writes (30 April 2007):

penta agony auntSome time when your mom is calm, ask her if you can talk to her about something. Use what are called "I statements" to let her know how she's hurting you: "I miss dad too." "When you tell me it's my fault he left, I really feel hurt." "I know you miss him and you're hurting, but I'm starting to be afraid of you." Try not to blame, or to give her any reason to get defensive. It's okay to write out what you want to say first, then read it to her. Remain calm.

Somehow she needs to see that taking her hurt out on you is not a good idea -- she may not even know that she's doing it.

If this doesn't work, and you're still afraid she's going to hurt you, please talk to a trusted teacher at school. They can help you find a safe place.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

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A male reader, Royofthe Rovers United Kingdom +, writes (30 April 2007):

Royofthe Rovers agony auntIts doubtful that your mum actually blames you for your dad leaving her. But i dont know the whole situation, but still it is unlikely.

You mum is probably transferring her anger over the split on to the nearest thing to her, you.

Physical violence towards children is WRONG! If this is a constant threat to your safety and is escalating i would advise you seek professional help through your school. Even though your mum must be going through alot right now, she has no excuse to threaten you in the way she has been. You have done nothing wrong.

The dreams you are having are natural in relation to your circumstances. This is obviously taking it toll on you mentally as well as physically, I really would try talking to your mum and let her know your worries. She has to see what she is doing to you and herself.

Are these sudden bouts of anger? Or are they more of a character change? Realistically she needs to seek guidance herself to help her properly control her anger and prevent you from getting seriously hurt in the future.

Please think about this as you are not a punch bag for her to vent her frustrations on, you are her child which she should be loving and caring towards.

Take care and remember you have people out there who want and can support you whenever you need it, you just need to ask.

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