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| | *oyofthe Rovers's profile:I am currently coming to terms with alot of things in my life. One, would be the break up of someone extremely close to me which is taken its toll on me. The second, is to do with something which happened to me along time ago which I know i must now face to look forward. I feel I have reached a point in my life where I need to change things for the better, by facing my fears.
I found this site when i was at a real low point and it really helped to hear from other people who could understand/help my situation. Since then I have found myself wanting to help others who have found themselves in a situation they need advice from an outside source.
I just like to try and give my neutral and mature perspective to a given situation, without judging or labelling people.
As you probably guessed I am now single; I live in London, England and am just getting on with things the best I can for now. |
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We just broke up and I wish I could stop thinking about it all the time! Any advice on how to stop doing this?
Q. Well, I'm on a bit of a downer. I've blown a relationship with a girl that I loved probably more than any other. She had qualities I've never seen in another woman which where so similar to myself. We had so much in common, liked the same things. J...
A. 31 May 2007: You hit the nail on the head with what you said. You have to take the chance. Without question. If you dont try you just dont know..When your in a relationship you owe it to yourself to say the things you mean and want. Without doing this you are ... (read in full...)
I am working with Female Bullies whom are 17 to 20 years older than I am
Q. Working with Female Bullies whom are 17 to 20 years older than I am; seriously, this is ridiculous! I have been working there for 15 years and about 2 years ago, this happened when I moved from one part of the warehouse to where these rude femal...
A. 28 May 2007: Whether or not you have a blemish on your record does not make a blind bit of difference, and the fatc that there are witnesses to the womens misbehaviour is a good thing.
Does the place have in house cameras which might of recorded such an incid... (read in full...)
I am working with Female Bullies whom are 17 to 20 years older than I am
Q. Working with Female Bullies whom are 17 to 20 years older than I am; seriously, this is ridiculous! I have been working there for 15 years and about 2 years ago, this happened when I moved from one part of the warehouse to where these rude femal...
A. 28 May 2007: It is unfortuante to hear your story and this kind of behaviour is unjust and totally immature. Sounds like a female prison to me. Your right in what one of your collegues have said, they are probably jealous of you for their own reasons and use ... (read in full...)
I would really appreciate some advice on how to move on
Q. hello all, I would really appreciate some advice on how to move on! dont get me wrong i've had break-ups before but this time i'm finding it difficult. i'll try to keep this brief... i'm almost 50 i've been married twice, the first lasted 15 year...
A. 28 May 2007: To be honest while she is still around you your always going to find it that more hard to move on. I know i would find that hard living with an ex who id loved and trying to move on, anyone in your position would most likely find the same.
Ideal... (read in full...)
Trying to date and move on--but I can't shake these strong feelings for my ex even after all that he has done. Any advice?
Q. Hi I am 37 year old female with 2 children, 9 and 2. I found out 8 months ago that my husband John whom I have known for 14 years had an affair whilst on a course. I immediately kicked him out. He said he loved me but was not in love with me and ...
A. 27 May 2007: You have known someone for 14 years, that in itself is going to take a long tim to recover from. Maybe more than the time you have given it. The feelings you still have for your ex are still fresh even after 8 months, never under estimate your ... (read in full...)
We were both alcoholics and I quit the habit for our child, and now he has too. I feel like an empty shell now and I'm wondering if it's possible for us to live together anymore.
Q. I have been married for eight years to a man that is an alcoholic. I partied with him daily until we decided to have children (we have two kids, a boy 5 and a girl 4) Our children came fast to us and there wasn't much time to adapt to our new lives ...
A. 27 May 2007: You have both gone and going through a hell of alot here and the effects to your lifes is bound to mean emotional and physical changes in you both.
You took the first step which is commendable and very brave to do so, he is just taking those fi... (read in full...)
My friend has just got married but says she can't ever imagine having sex with her husband.
Q. hi there i need some advice its not for me its for a friend of mine. see she just recently got married and she says that she loves this guy but she just cant bring herself to have sex with him they've never had sex. she said she thinks its cause ...
A. 27 May 2007: Surely this issue should of been addressed before getting married?
I can understand what she is feeling and iit doesnt mean it has to be the end. She obviouly fell in love with him at some point and that love still remains but is being hidden b... (read in full...)
I feel like no guy can ever win with me and I am so confused because of it.
Q. I feel like no guy can ever win with me and I am so confused because of it. My ex said for ages that he didn't feel like having sex and although I accepted it because he had been in a long term relationship that he was struggling to deal with and ...
A. 27 May 2007: His previous relationship has meant that he is taking out his anger from that relationship and bringing it into yours. This is unfair and unjust and totally wrong.
What you have to remember is that you are NOT worthless, you are NOT a piece of... (read in full...)
Can you ever heal and move on from your first love?
Q. Can you ever heal and move on from your first love?...
A. 27 May 2007: Course you can...It may seem like the hardest thing you have had to deal with (or one of them), but over time you will heal yourself depending on ending of the relationship.
It is right what has been said, you do set your boundaries from here and... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is trying to steal my bloke! I don't want to fall out with her so what do I do?
Q. Hi! I really need some help with this, so I'm going to do my best to keep everything straight so you don't get confused...lol Ok, so I have this best friend, we've been friends since preschool, and we're both now 27. I'll just call her J. Ok, ...
A. 27 May 2007: Dont choose. You live your life the way you want to live it regardless of her unreciprocated feelings for your online mate. You need to be focusing on your relationship with this guy rather than get tied up in her problesm with your happiness.
... (read in full...)
We started living together and then plans to get engaged fell through! What happened here?
Q. I have been a relationship with my boyfriend for two and half years and since October we have been living together. He has rented out his flat and has moved into my house. We have discussed getting engaged and were planning a holiday to celebrate my ...
A. 24 May 2007: You need to look at yourselfs and ask both of you what has changed since you moved in together?
It may well be that he has got "cold feet" about the whole thing, but you need to sit down and really discuss your plans. if he once said he would... (read in full...)
My ex is still really angry at me for taking her virginity, when we were both 24...
Q. Hi. My ex is still really angry at me for taking her virginity, when we were both 24. We had been together for about 5 years before having sex for the first time, she had expained she wanted to wait until she was married before having sex. I had ...
A. 24 May 2007: I dont think you can say much to her that will help her rsolve her anger towards you. As has been sai d already her anger is at herself and not directed at you personally. She is angry that she let her own beliefs and attitudes down and therefore ... (read in full...)
I really love a man with whom I am not sure I can share my life with, in terms of money matters.Any advice?
Q. I am 26 years old, married for about 3 years. I am a positive person with self-esteem and confidence in the future. I have a great CV with high education and experience. However it is not easy to find good income work in the country I live i...
A. 24 May 2007: I think you need to accept who he is and his "lack" of ambition. Your drive and determination for life is admirable and an excellent quality to find in someone, but not everyone has the same drive as you do.
Does he try at least to pay his own ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my children, their beloved Grandmother is dying? Any advice?
Q. Hi can someone please help. i have just found out that my childrens grandma is dying my middle daughter loves her so much how do i tell her she will be leaving us. their grandma is not very old and my children are 10 7 5 and 2 how do i handle the ...
A. 24 May 2007: With the oldest of the two children, they are old enough to know about life and death and they are the ones who will carry the memories of the grandma for the rest of their life.
Maybe sit them down together, and explain as much as you can so t... (read in full...)
Decided I am moving to another country to start over! Is this a good idea?
Q. ("I fell in love with someone while i was in a troubled relationship.I decided to end the troubled relationship so i could go and start a new one with this guy i fell in love with and he was thrilled and said he was in love with me too. After a ...
A. 24 May 2007: He obvioulsy went through alot with his previous partner who has bared his child and strong emotions and memories are bound to be attached and hard to break. I would'nt say he didnt love you at all. He most likely did but he never got over from ... (read in full...)
The girl I really want to be with keeps changing her mind about me! Do I go back to my ex gf who wants me back? Any advice?
Q. I've been seeing a girl for six months, but much of that time have secretly pined for another a girl, a shared friend. A month ago this friend told me she had feelings for me, and it was obvious to her I did as well. Shortly afterwards I broke up ...
A. 24 May 2007: I think you have to be sure in yourself who you have true feelings for before you bound straight into the next part of your life.
The girl who has changed her mind is not too sure where she wants to be and even tho your feelings for her remain t... (read in full...)
What does it mean when someone you have been chatting to on the internet for a while, suddenly turns round and says he secretly likes you?
Q. What does it mean when someone you have been chatting to on the internet for a while, suddenly turns round and says he secretly likes you. I replied that it wasnt a secret now, then he left 6 kisses straight afterwards. I have never thought of...
A. 24 May 2007: Internet relationships are funny ol things...I dont think its impossible to fall for someone in this kind of situation. Typing your thoughts and words is different from actually talking to someone verbally and you can get a mental picture of ... (read in full...)
My ex keeps sending me emails telling me he hates me! Does this mean he's not over me or what!?
Q. I had been dating a boy for about 3 years and we recently broke up for the second time about 4 months ago. He constantly calls me and emails me and when I respond with a casual answer, he turns around and insults me. He tells me to leave him alone ...
A. 18 May 2007: His feelings for at the moment are swinging widly between hating you and still loving you. When you are hurt by someone you love it is hard to seperate the emotions that run through your head.
He is only looking to get a reaction from you rath... (read in full...)
He spends too much money and I think he's gay. What can I say to make him listen?
Q. I'm 21, my b/f's 27. I was told that my boyfriend spent £4,000 on going to see a male stripper called "Rogue"... and on going to see male strippers in general! I confronted him about it - but he said I should "take a chill pill" - and said "...
A. 13 May 2007: His answers are all very defensive, maybe showing his inability to come to terms with what he doing..You need to explain to him how it look on your side of the fence and how this is affecting the relationship for you.
To spend that amount o... (read in full...)
why am I always jealous?
Q. hi! i have a serious relationship and I'm always jealous. i think I've been jealous for almost all the girls we know. please help. sometimes it is because i see in his actions towards other girls that he's sweet and i get jealous. am i wrong or I'm ...
A. 13 May 2007: Jealousy is a natural reaction to your feelings for your fella. But you need to learn to control these feelings, otherwise they will affect everything that you hold dear.
Remember he has chosen you and he is with you..Not with anyone else, an... (read in full...)
How can I tell my boyfriend I don't want to have anal sex?
Q. My boyfriend has started suggesting anal sex and while I happily enjoy a little anal stimulation, I don't want him fully penetrating me with his penis; I have a terribly low pain threshold. I don't feel I can say no however as he often lets me use a ...
A. 13 May 2007: It sounds like you have good communication so use this. What he likes is'nt necassarily what you like, i am sure he will be understanding of this. Your not a hypocrite at all..... (read in full...)
I was raped, got pregnant and I CANNOT let my family know about this. Please help!
Q. Hope someone can help me or offer some advice! I know its terrible that I'm having to ask this here... but I really dont know where else to turn now. I'm 19 and living in the UK. I was raped at university several months ago by someone I hardly...
A. 13 May 2007: I am so sorry to hear about your current situation and my heart goes out to you.
The thing you have to remember is that you have done nothing wrong, you were raped. The blame lies with the filth that did this to you.
I am shocked to here ... (read in full...)
What is REAL love???
Q. how do i know if he loves me?...
A. 12 May 2007: If you love someone you are prepared to do anything for them, and I mean anything and almost blindly. The thing which you need to worry about is how you feel?
... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and this 17 year old guy has been all over me lately I really like him but I know all that he wants is sex.
Q. I'm 14 and this 17 year old guy has been all over me lately I really like him but I know all that he wants is sex. What should I do?...
A. 12 May 2007: You know what you should do otherwise you would'nt be on this site asking this question. You know what he is doing is wrong, your young and you know you are not ready; so tell him this and walk away.
If he loves you he will wait, but it sounds l... (read in full...)
We just broke up and I wish I could stop thinking about it all the time! Any advice on how to stop doing this?
Q. Well, I'm on a bit of a downer. I've blown a relationship with a girl that I loved probably more than any other. She had qualities I've never seen in another woman which where so similar to myself. We had so much in common, liked the same things. J...
A. 11 May 2007: Time is a great healer. You have to stop thinking about the things you could of done and accept your mistakes and learn from them. Dont let those fears overwhelm your future, just over come them.
5 months ago I was in a similiar position... (read in full...)
I want to move on from her but I can't...am I crazy to want to get back with her?
Q. i kind off made a big mistalke i was dumped 2 month ago but kep seeing my x having sex wth her and doing stuff it was like we never broke up and on the easter holidays we met on the fri and met on the sat and we were on about starting it up again ...
A. 11 May 2007: It unfortunate that you called it off when you did. Looking at this from an outside point of view, you should of never have gone back with her without finding out where you stood and where it was going. The time you spent seeing her for sex built ... (read in full...)
I got a text from a female friend and my girlfriend left me again, thinking I was cheating on her. How can I get back with her?
Q. I’m so confused over my ex girlfriend. We were together for around 5 months, we got on well and as far as I was aware everything was going fine. Then out of the blue, she told me she felt we should split up and stop seeing each other. Her reason was ...
A. 10 May 2007: Sounds to me like she has some trust issues from her past or just part of her character. Whether or not the mistrust was called for, her issues have to be resolved by herself and she has to aknowledge this.
it seems to me you have handled ... (read in full...)
He had a sudden change of mind about our relationship, could it be because of his mother and the kids?
Q. I'm involed with this man for the last 4mths when he asks me how do i feel about his, i gave him a postive answer and he says he doesn't feel that he feels confused, and doesn't know why. When we first started the relationship he was excited for me ...
A. 10 May 2007: First of all the mother. It must be hard on a mother to see what was once a happy family deteriate into what it has become, but she has to accept the way things have turned out; that is her problem. Whether or not she is influencing her son, I ... (read in full...)
GF dumped me and now I can't get a date because people think I'm gay
Q. I really need you help!! I'm still at school in 3rd year now (just done my sats) and i really need your help. i went out with a girl in 1st year and loved her to bits it lasted 7 month and i was devastated when we broke up over some jealous idiot ma...
A. 10 May 2007: Rumours come and go and I guarantee some else will be brunt of the jokes soon. I can imagine in a school this is'nt do you any favours, but you are who you are.
You hanging around with girls is probably why they are picking on you. their je... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is addicted to computer games!
Q. My Boyfriend just turned 20 years old. I am going to be 21 in october. We have been together for 7 months and have an apartment together. All he wants to do is play computer games. He says that when he gets home from work he just wants to relax and ...
A. 10 May 2007: If you love someone it means making sacrifices big or small. He should be prepared to make the time with you.
He should find you relaxing and want to chill out with you, and not the computer. I can understand why he does it, they do get help ven... (read in full...)
Why did she break up with me?
Q. why would my girlfriend finish with me because of a few arguments,everything else was great especially in the bedroom,she was very experienced compared to me but she taught me the right way to make a girl happy and satisfied,i love her and i know ...
A. 10 May 2007: What reasons did she give you? Surely not just coz you argued a little?
Maybe give her the time to think. How long has it been?
She may need the space right now and even tho you want nothing more to rush to her and speak to her it is probab... (read in full...)
Should I try to ignore my feelings for him? Ex's are ex's for a reason right?
Q. i was seeing a guy for 2 months and we only split as i wanted a relationship.. but he wasnt ready for one.... since then he has seen someone else but has now split with her and started talking to me a lot more... complimenting me and asking to me...
A. 10 May 2007: If the basis of your split can be talked about and you are both looking for the same thing, i see why not. Sometimes partners split, it happens.
Everyone can learn from their mistakes, and I am a true believer that everyone is worth a second c... (read in full...)
Why was he so subdued and sat apart from me?
Q. Thank you to all who answer this question. My ex and I broke up a couple of months ago and I really have had no contact with him till last night. We are on a committee together. I expected a hello and I got one...very subdued though. I was laughing ...
A. 10 May 2007: Its not easy for everyone to jump into a friendship from a relationship no matter what anyone says. I have'nt read you previous post, but by the sounds of it you called it off and he does'nt seem happy with how it concluded.
If he still has feel... (read in full...)
He said he may hook up with another girl, so how do I find out if he's cheating on me?
Q. well if my boyfriend tells me he may hook up with anothor girl, then later his way changes with me,then how should i know if he is actually cheating on me ? ...
A. 9 May 2007: For him to turn around and tell you this I find disturbing. Why would you want to be with someone who treats you like that?
You cant know if he has/is cheating on you, unless there are signs pointing in that direction. Changes in his appearen... (read in full...)
What can I do to make my boyfriend trust me more so I can have friends again?
Q. i've been going out with my boyfriend for just over ten months, i am sixteen and he is twenty. throughout the relationship he has always been jealous of me and people at school, and the same with me and people who are a similar age to him and his ex ...
A. 9 May 2007: I feel you have let him "win" this situation, by letting him determine who you socialise with. At no-point did you give a reason in your post to signify that you have done anything wrong to deserve this level of untrust.
It is his jealousy... (read in full...)
She says things are getting into a routine and she's feeling used. What can I do to make her happy?
Q. i've been with my girlfriend for 4 months now, and everything's been going great. but lately shes been feeling depressed and we talked about it, and she explained to me that she feels that things between us are getting too "routine" and she told me ...
A. 9 May 2007: First of all its good that you have both been able to talk about this in the open and not ignore it until its too late.
Use your imagination and take her out somewhere special out of the blue. Do something different regularly to change things a... (read in full...)
After 10 years together he's going with another woman behind my back. Should I stick it out?
Q. Why can't I leave him? Should I follow my heart or head? I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years, we have a house together which we have shared for the past 4. Last August I found out he had met someone else - someone different to me and he w...
A. 9 May 2007: Its the ones we hold dearest which manage to find a way to REALLY hurt us. I feel for your siuation, i really do.
You have to put yourself first, even though you want to put him in your focus, you have to figure out what is best for you.
... (read in full...)
I am not coping at all with our 2 year old son since he isn't around to help me!
Q. How can i get my ex to see how much he's hurting me? He fails to see how much im in love with him. I cant turn my feelings on and off and to add to my misery our son, whom is 2yrs old, is such a handful and all the signs point to ADHD and there is...
A. 9 May 2007: The first thing you need to take care of is yourself here before you can move onto the problems with your son.
Go and see your doctor and tell him your situation. he might put you on anti-depressants but that is only short term and wont be the a... (read in full...)
Am I being jealous of the attention my fiancee paid to the blonde-haired girl?
Q. Am I being jealous? My fiance and I were at dinner the other night with some of my friends. And one of my friends dyed her hair blonde. (My fiance likes blondes). Anyways, when she walked in he looked at her for awhile which made me mad. Then he had ...
A. 8 May 2007: Dont go down that path!! You not ugly, dont let his selfish actions determine that, when you know its not true.
You need to talk to him and make him understand what effect all this is having on you and the realtionship. If you cant come to some ... (read in full...)
My BF tries to beat me in the quality of electronics we both own and we just can't stop arguing!
Q. I don't know how to stop the arguing in my relationship. I don't know if it is my fault or his. He always says it's mine. For example, he got mad that I didn't want to have sex anymore because of my beliefs and said I must be cheating or that I d...
A. 8 May 2007: If he truley loves you he should abide by your choices, whether or not he understands them. (I didnt totally understand what you meant at first, sorry).
Someone who loves you entirely will do anything to keep you, if that means not having s... (read in full...)
Am I being jealous of the attention my fiancee paid to the blonde-haired girl?
Q. Am I being jealous? My fiance and I were at dinner the other night with some of my friends. And one of my friends dyed her hair blonde. (My fiance likes blondes). Anyways, when she walked in he looked at her for awhile which made me mad. Then he had ...
A. 8 May 2007: Ok, ogling the opposite sex in my book is disrespectful to your partner. The occasional glance and admiration is ok, but to stare and do some of the things he has done is out of order.
How would he feel if you done the same down the Gym? Watchin... (read in full...)
My BF tries to beat me in the quality of electronics we both own and we just can't stop arguing!
Q. I don't know how to stop the arguing in my relationship. I don't know if it is my fault or his. He always says it's mine. For example, he got mad that I didn't want to have sex anymore because of my beliefs and said I must be cheating or that I d...
A. 8 May 2007: First of all what are your beliefs and how come the change around?
Did you talk and consider what that would mean to the relationship before going ahead with your change in beliefs?
... (read in full...)
I worry that i may not be good enough for her!
Q. Hi there, I'm not used to using these kind of things, however, i'm not sure where to turn. Friends of mine seldom give advice and i'm one of those who cannot take his own. My problem is as follows; I've found a partner that i beileve to be gr...
A. 8 May 2007: You have two issues you are addressing here; the trust you have for her AND your lack of self-belief.
The trust is a hard one to solve and can only take a leap of faith from yourself. You got with this woman for a reason; you love her. Your rea... (read in full...)
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