A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been cheating on my wife for several months with another woman that I have clicked with in every way since the start. I have been married for 5 years but never cheated before. The woman I have been having an affair with wants me to be with her and she knows I had been having marriage problems before. My wife doesnt know but she knows we have problems. The real problem is that I simply do not know what to do especially as I simply cannot bear the thought of being away from my young daughter and I am wary of the financial pressure I will be under if I leave but at the same time my feelings for the other woman are deeper than those I have for my wife and maybe have ever had and I know now its more than a crush I feel for the other woman. Very confused but feel I have to sort this out once and for all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2007): hi, although you are cheating i do understand what you are feeling , i myself am the other woman and would like to say on behalf of your girlfriend.. it obviously isn't working with your wife.. marriage really is an ideal for most people i truly believe when a marriage has run its course and someone has broken the trust and respect not just in infidelity but with showing respect for one another too.. its so impossible to get back.. you actually moved on away from your marriage when you decided to see someone else.. your wife is the only one who doesn't know that and i'm sure she does feel it .. you gave up already even if you tried to give it your all now and give up your girlfriend you would be lying to yourself and to your wife and i understand you probly dont want to hurt her.. but the not knowing and the lie is so much worse .. give her the same shot as you have found .. there is someone out there that can make her happier than you can.. let her go .. and as for your child a child is never better off with parents that live together.. they just need to know they are loved and taken care of.. don't let it get too dramatic be adult and talk to your wife you both want whats best for your child.. probly the most important is now show the respect to your childs mother and let her find happiness too.. thats whats best for your child and all involved.. good luck
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (18 April 2007):
 You married your wife for a reason, have you changed that much? has she changed that much?
Surely talking to your wife and both of you being open about things, maybe seeing a counsellor is an easier choice.
If everyone who got cold feet in marriage looked elsewhere so easily, what would marriage stand for. marriage stands for a firm bond between two people who WANT to make things work, through the bad times as well as the good.
I think you deserve to really make your marriage work before you even start to consider another woman. You have a child as well who needs a stable up bringing, so is'nt it worth at least trying to see over the top of this hill?
Please consider this...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): The grass isnt greener on the other side,and maybe you do have marriage problems,but do you think you would concider leaving your wife if you didnt have somebody waiting?you say your feelings for this other woman run deep,are they deep enough to want to marry this other woman,make sure you really know what you want before doing anything rash as hearts are going to get broken.
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A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (18 April 2007):
You have got your self into a pickle -
a piece of advice for ALL Readers - if you feel an urge to start having an affair, then it means that there is a PROBLEM in your marriage.
Having an affair is the WORST solution to solving that problem. The BEST solution is to say: "we're having a problem in our marriage, so much so, that I'm considering having an affair. That would be a bad thing to do, so let's see if we can deal with this problem, else it looks like curtains for us"
At least then both of you would give it 100% of your attention.
However, you are where you are....
The grass is always greener.
If you are married and have a child, then you should concentrate on seeing whether you can make your marriage work first - as you say, leaving it would be painful for everyone involved (especially the kid) for the rest of your lives.
You cannot concentrate on this while you are seeing the other woman - tell her that you want to try to make it work with your wife and that you can't see her while you are doing that.
If after, say, 6 months, you are convinced that you can never be happy with your wife, then leave your wife and live by yourself.
Then, if the other woman is still single (and do not dare to ask her to wait for you - that would be wrong on her) and if you still like her, then you could start dating, in the normal way.
Do not necessarily expect it to work out - you will have issues on the split up from your wife, no doubt a difficult divorce, and in any case, you might find that she is not nearly as enticing when you share domestic problems and kids, like you and your wife do now. It would be a shame to go through all of that, only to realise it was not your wife, it was you all along.
That said, if you are really unhappy with your wife, and cannot resolve your issues, then do not bring up your child in a loveless home. But be sure before you give up on your wife - have you really done everything you can to save the marriage?
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