A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:He hits me but i love him so much, can anyone help me?I've known this man since I was fourteen and he was sixteen we were best friends but i fell in love with him. I finally told him on his 19th birthday and he confessed he felt the same! We've been together ever since but i have had to quit my job because he doesnt like me leaving the house and i never see me friends at all. He started slapping me early on in our relationship but things got worse, he'd throw things at me, beat me till i was black and blue and i even got a stomach ulcer from worry and not eating. He even once injected me with a sedation drug knocking me out for a day or so. He cries at night begging me to forgive him for everything he's ever done and begging me to help him change but i feel useless because i dont know what to do. Can he get any professional help? What can i do for him?
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 April 2007):
 Hi Hun,
It's wonderful that you want to help him, but you need to help yourself first. I am afraid for your safety. You need to find somewhere else to stay until he gets the help he needs. There is an excellent site - www.familyshelterservice.org/ - that has really good information on abuse. Go into Services and in the right hand column there are articles about Domestic abuse, Statistics, Victims, Perpetrators and How to assess whether or not you are being abused. Please get yourself away from this man and protect yourself, this is a very toxic situation and you need to take care of yourself first.
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (20 April 2007):
 This love he has for you is not a "healthy" love. He is clearly insecure with you and is threatened by the thought of losing you to the point of insanity. His love is based on need rather than what he wants. there is a difference between the two.
You need to be careful. He needs serious help if he is carrying out these things you say. he should see a doctor and explain his anxieties and go from there.
People may say leave him, but IF he is willing to come to terms with his problems realistically AND shows his commitment to this than stay with him AND support him. BUT dont carry him, he has to work this out himself and see what he has/is doing to the person he says he loves.
You two have a deep relationship which is good, but he may never change while he is with you; consider that fact. If so, can you continue taking this kind of abuse?
Take care of yourself....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): Hi, It doesn’t sound like you can help him any man who truly loves you
Would not lay a finger on you he’s a girlfriend beater he should be behind bars,
For what he’s done.
Theirs no way to sugar coat this, he gone beyond any help you could give him, I think you know this deep down although you may belive you love him,
At the very least he should be sectioned to sort out his anger problems,
Women like yourself will find it incredibly hard too leave an abusive man as your not confidant and what he’s done as probably made you think you deserve this deep down but you need to
Get some self esteem Hun, Real love is nothing like this when he sedated you he could have killed you,
he’s got such bad psychological problems call this Helpline now or when you in the house alone
Be clever about this don’t tell him or let him find out you doing this but get help and plan how your
Going to leave him,
If something about your relationship with your partner scares you and you need to talk, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
Later try hypnotherapy to combat the fears he’s left you with, Please do send me a message to let me know what you’ve done about this, and I will try and advise you anyway I can
Keep positive ask your Angels for help with this as well and they will keep you safe, be brave, You are a strong woman, x x x
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