A
female
 ,
*ELLULAH
writes:Hi All,I would like to ask, mostly the Guys I guess. Does being stressed efect your sex life.I am asking this, as when my partner and I were first together, we were like bunnies. But he is under stress with his ex at the moment and seems to have gone off it completly. He dosnt cuddle me as much as he used to either.I have asked him if there is a problem, and is it that he doesnt love me anymore. But he insists that its not me. Its hard not to let it effect you, when you are rejected all the time though.We are very loving when we are out, and he always holds my hand. But our sex life has taken a nose dive.Also I worry that he misses the kind of sex he used to have. He was into S and M with his ex, but I find it a bit disturbing. I am willing to do a few bits, but I dont want to be tied up and beaten like he used to with her. He says this distroyed normal sex between them anyway. So he would not want to go down that road with me. But I am affraid I am not adventurous enough for him.I really am in love with him, and I take care of him, and think he is georgous.What am I doing wrong ?.Thanks to all who answer XX
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male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (23 April 2007):
 Stress can kill the sex life rotten. But as the post above states once you can find a way of easing into it, it becomes a way of relieving the stress you had in the first place.
Most of the time it is the thought rather than the act, so maybe a gentle massage or something like that to slowly get him in the mood. It does depend on what he is stressed about, but ask him questions like these so he can tell you about them. You may find that him talking about things might eliviate some of the pressures too, but might have an opposite effect.
Letting him know you are there to help and support him will help his mind and make him feel a bit more wanted in this kind of situation. It does'nt have to full sexual intercourse anyway, just need to release some of the pent up stress that builds inside.
Get him to chill out with some music and good food and let him forget about the days troubles.
A
male
reader, Dr. Mark  +, writes (23 April 2007):
Yes, sex can be affected by stress levels. Getting into a funk can as well. Remember the brain is the largest sex organ, and if you are under stress, your mind is occupied with other matters, it can be difficult to let go of it all and think about arousing matters.
However, sex itself is a stress reliever. It's like cardio. Sometimes you hate the thought of getting to the gym and exercising, but if you can force yourself to, you feel great afterward, and are thankful you did it. Sex can be a little trikier though, as it's difficult to just say to oneself, "I will be turned on now". It can sometimes take a little gentle caressing down while laying down.. and you feel the old guy starting to warm up.. Mind you, it does depend on the degree of the stress the person is going through.
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