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age
41-50,
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writes: So, I never in my life chased after women. Just a male ego. I had fun with girls here and there that came my way but never chased after one, because i've been heart broken in the past and i'm not ready for that again but it seems like its happening and i'm fallin for it. First time I was heart broken after that I turned cold hearted for a bit towards women feelings, because my feelings were taken for granted. I'm not no pimp or cheater or some mofo that always got girls lined up on the side. No, not me..so this time this is how it goes..I'm so lost if anyone can help me. I really like this girl and she is pure wifey material and I would be really depressed if I lost her. She means the world to me. I'll start the story now...thanks...So I have known this girl for about 5 to 6 years. Her and my friend met online through some chat room about 6 years back and they were talking to each other and getting a little serious but never met. So about 6 months into chating each other, my friend passed away and she came down to my friends funeral and we got to know her and finally got to see her face. Remind you guys she lives in California and Me and my friend we live in New York (She never met my friend face to face but she came down to his funeral, that means something good to me). So, I have known her since than, we keep contact by callin and when i visit. However, I never thought of her anything more than a friend always and always treated her with great amount of respect, although i was little cold hearted i still have respect for people and there privacy. So I visit California every 7 to 8 months because i got family and friends out there in L.A. and that's where she is from. So i always see her when i'm down there and we talk on phone here and there always but not too often. So last july2008 I was in L.A. and when i got back I lost contact with her but I finally got hold of her this year in May 2009. By the way she is 26 years old and so am I. back to the story...so now we been talkin too often (texting and longdistance calls), before she goes to sleep, on her way to work in the morning, few times through out the day. And at one point I asked her that "I feel like i'm bothering you because I seem to be taking lot of your space". And she said "No, it doesn't bother me, I like talking to you, it feels good talkin to you". The reason I asked her was because she got out of on and off meaningless relationship for good this time, with this next guy, in feburary, which was goin on for several years. So we have been talkin too often ever since starting of may. she is always saying things like "I like you a lot, You are an amazing person, you are awesome, You give me butterflies in my stomache" and all those kind of nice things, she calls me "love", "baby" "boo" and all those nice names..lol. and I say stuff like that to her also because i mean it, my heart is getting little tender and soft again. I'm open hearted with her because she hasn't been keepin secrets from me. So I got emotionally built up to a point where it felt like I was almost on top of the mountain grippin on a last set of rocks before the very top. So,now July hits. So, i been texting her at the same pace that we agreed on and all of the sudden I noticed for couple of days that she hasnt been replying too often or calling often. I know she's not that busy because i have analyzed her entire schedule. So I texted her one day and I told her how i felt about her and how i also felt about being ignored and "I dont wanna be a bother but I dont wanna feel like a loser who keeps bothering because i'm not". So now she writes back saying that "I do like you and I do think you are amazing but We are moving too quickly and we have been talkin too often. I need space and time to myself". Well, I'm not a lunatic, i understand everyone needs space so I told her "what ever decision she wants to make I support her 100% and I understand what she is going through. I'll be here for you if you wanna talk about it or if you wanna take your time and think i'll still be here for you". Because I have known her as a friend for a while and dont wanna lose that friendship. Meanwhile I been sleepless for three weeks now and sad and depressed, dont feel like eating because I dont know what she really means and how much time she needs. But I text her every few days just to say "good nite" or "good morning and have a nice day" that's all. I'm just keeping it simple. I dont get any replys back from her and i havn't talk to her in three weeks. So mid August I'm going out to L.A. to visit family and friends and she knows i'm coming down mid August. So I texted her yesterday for an address of this clothing store location in L.A. in her town. So while she's was texting me the address she also texted that she wont in L.A. mid august that she is going on vacation for 10 days to Jamaica with her friends and when she comes back she is going camping with other set of friends. before all this moving too fast mumbo jumbo she was dying to see me when i come down and we were gonna spend a week togther because she was gonna take time off work for me. So i said to her "no worries maybe next time when one of us visits i guess" and i asked her if she is mad at me for anything I said or done and she said "no I'm not mad or angry about anything. I think we are good as friends and nothing more. and we'll see each other next time one of us visits". Obviously I was little heart broken and at that moment it felt like the rock i was holding on to before the very top, while climbing the mountain, it broke and I slipped and fell, but it feels like i'm still falling and havn't hit the ground yet. So when she said that i had glassy eyes full of tear and i sucked the tears back into my eyes and I decided to change the atmosphere a little bit and I said "that's nice, atleast there is no awkwardness, so please crack a joke here and there, lol"....she replied right away with and smile and said "lol, i'll talk to you later u dumbo. we busy right now" --she was at work at that time. Honestly i dont wanna turn to into coldhearted. I dont know what to do? Do women have no heart? Sometimes the person you are looking for is in front of you but you dont see it. Honestly she means the world to me and i dont know what to do and dont wanna lose her, i'm not too good with women, so..should I still flirt with her? should I just leave her alone and forget about her? I never turned online for help but look at me. I dont have a shoulder to talk to that would understand my feelings or situation. usually i'm the shoulder people seek to dump there built up emotions on, i'm the one they seek for some advice. What about when i need advice or help, never in my entire life i had anyone i can speak my heart to, till this girl came to my life but it seems like she is also shutting me down slowly. I know and always known one thing is that "this world will leave me, I will leave this world but the only thing that i will never leave is GOD and he's been with me from day one watchin over me." GOD is the best thing ever happened to my life with spiritual connection.... but I also need to connect emotionally and physically with someone and I think she is the one. She always said she likes talking to me and she can share anything with me. She trusts me...but all of the sudden I dont know what happend and where will it lead to in the future but i'm worried all the time.
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at work, chat room, depressed, flirt, met online, needs space, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, its been around 2 weeks since I've spoken or texted her. Last night around 9pm she texted me and she said "Hey bum. Hope u been well. Have a great weekend!"....that's text right there made my day even though it was night. for about two weeks I was lost in deep thoughts, little depressed and sad. But in a click of a second when I read her text, I dont even remember the sad 2 weeks anymore. So, half hour later I wrote back "Hey girl. thanks. How u doin? I been great, just getting things done. Hope you been well also and have yourself a great weekend also. bye (: " ....so did I write back too early or i should have wrote back at all...What do I do next? When should I contact her again? I was thinkin in a week or so? She's a great girl, and she's a strong, harworking women. I get the feeling its gonna be like 8 months before me and her start talkin at our regular pace again...i might be wrong...if u guys have advice for me..please u are most welcome..I appreciate it..thanks guys
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSamantha thanks for the inspiration...i appreciate it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): I personally don't think you are being smothering at all. You have been giving her space when she asked for it, and I think it is understandable you are feeling confused.
I think she really does probably only want to remain friends now. Maybe her feelings just changed, sometimes they do. I am sorry that the first girl you have opened your heart to in a long time doesn't seem to feel the same. I can imagine that this must be very difficult for you.
I think you have a couple of options though. You could close your heart again for fear of getting it broken. Or, you could look at this situation in a different, more positive way.
This girl has helped you to open yourself to love again. Maybe she isn't the one for you, but she has still given you a blessing. You are open again. Try not to let this experience put you off. I am sure that there is someone else out there who will feel strongly for you, and want to be with you. And when you meet that person, you will be more ready for it, because this girl has taught you how to open your heart again.
Good luck, I hope things go well for you. x
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male
reader, lonestarchalk1  +, writes (26 July 2009):
 Man, you've turned this relationship into a personal fantasy fulfillment for yourself, unless you have real face time with this chick in person, your reading way to much into this thing than is there, take a break in your mind dude.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your advice guys I really appreciate it...and you guys are right...i should just back off...thank you so much for takin your time to answer my question ..thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your advice guys I really appreciate it...and you guys are right...i should just back off...thank you so much for takin your time to answer my question ..thanks
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male
reader, jj. +, writes (26 July 2009):
fella iam going to be up front with you..this girl has issues and you need to realize some big ones..and one of those is committment..and the other is that she doesnt want the good guy she wants the guy she can see is bad for her..sad but true..take it from someone who is like you..nice,caring and a wonderful fella to be with ..realize there is women out there who are standing in line for you.this women has some hard core issues that need to be taken care of and now..my best advise is get out of her life asap and dont look back..move..and keep going....there is ms right out there and she is beautiful and a wonderful person and has her head together. just sharing from exp..i spent 11 months doing what your doing and it did no good ..she ended up a space cadet and needed counseling .let her go and move on down the road now..or you will end a space cadet.take care..
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male
reader, lonestarchalk1 +, writes (26 July 2009):
There's a thin line between attraction and when something turns into an obession, I think it sounds like your smoothering her man, whatever attraction she may have had for you, your making sure with your behavior to kill it, she probably feels like your trying to control her, and your wanting from her what she doesn't have to offer, it's best for you not to call or text or communicate with her for a month, if she contacts you fine, if not, wait a month before, contacting her, your always available to this chick and it's human nature not to want something you have access to anytime you want it. later
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (26 July 2009):
 She enjoys your friendship and your friendship only. She has been open and honest with you about that. Don't push it and force it to be something it's not because you will both end up hurt for sure. If she had no heart she would have used and abused you but because she liked you she told you the truth. Sometimes the truth is not what we want to hear, but we all have to deal with it.
I think it would be good for you to flirt with more people and try opening your heart. Love cannot come to you if you won't look for it. It would be best for you to keep your options open, date other people, and practice to be the best man you can be when the right lady comes along.
Good luck.
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