A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and though he has expressed that he wants to marry me, he says he can't marry me yet due to limited finances. The problem is, I know him well enough. Limited finances has never been a hindrance to him. If he wants something, he usually cannot wait. He will really find a way to get it. This is the reason why I feel that he really doesn't want to marry me. What should I do? Do I wait for him or should I end the relationship and start looking for a guy who can't wait to spend a lifetime with me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): Hi dear
7 years is a loooooong time. Enough to know each other well enough to know if he or her is the right and to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with your partner! Tell him that he should know that money doesn't matter for you and that you know that it doen't for him as well. So if he still doesn't want to call you his wife soon, he is not worth to be cald your boyfriend any longer. So either he will change it to fiance or to ex-boyfriend. Give him something like three to six month to take his decision.
(just about me: After 4 years I told my boyfriend it's time to propose and I gave him 4 month to decide if he will do it or not. After he decided to marry me, I gave him all the time he needed to propose to me. He did it after 3 more month).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): I have been in the same situatuon as you, I waited 8 years. The thing is with these types of situatons the guy doesnt necessarily not want to get married. They just dont want to be married to you. Sorry :-(I gave the ultimatum after 8 years i felt that was long enough. The response I got "sorry I do love you its just that iv never really seen you as a long term prospect" and this was from a guy who I owned 2 houses with.For better or worse you need to know. Just bite the bullet and day either we get married or its off. Life is too short to waste it with someone who cant be bothered finding the right one so just sticks with the conveniant option.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): Sounds like there's some silly fears there.
Make it clear that you need to see a ring... very soon, or you're gone. Expect some big fights. If the issue doesn't seem to be getting resolved, try couples counseling so he can discuss his holdup. Maybe you can set a deadline of when he needs to propose by. I'm willing to bet he has some fears he's afraid to say outloud and once he does, he'll realize how ridiculous they sound.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (2 August 2009):
 Talk to him and find out exactly what he needs financially to marry you. How much money does he need in the bank? How far away is he from getting that money? Pin him down exactly and find out if he has a plan. If he hems and haws and tries to wriggle out of it, he is not serious about marrying you and the money is an excuse.
I would then give him six months to come up with a plan or you walk. There's no point to being with someone who is going to string you along forever.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): Yes move on and find someone who can't wait to be with you. As hard as it might be you're going to have to. Maybe once you leave you boyfriend will realise how much you mean to him and ask you to marry him , but if he doesn't chase you after you leave forget about him. Don't wait more than month for him to come to you. I'm sorry I know it's gonna be really hard. I've been with someone for 4 years, i felt like i was going to die when he left me. I can't imagine 7 years. But you gotta do what's best for youy. You can't be waiting around like a dumb ass. Leave him and see what happends, if he doesn't come to you soon move on.
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