A
female
age
41-50,
*izzicato
writes:I'm quite confused here and I need help!I'm starting to like a guy at my workplace. He started flirting with me and I wasn't very interested. I thought he was attractive but I was still in recovery from my ex and I wasn't paying much attention to him though I did think he was an interesting person. But I WASN't interested. He broke up with his ex a few months ago as well and from what I learnt it was tough on him.He asked me out to drinks with friends a couple of times and calling me and stuff. We even had sex one time. I tried to sneak out the next morning but he asked me to stay and he kept on with his flirting. One Sunday he went to a bar and sent me a text asking if I was interested in coming down and having breakfast with him. This was about 10 am. I didn't receive this text. Meanwhile at 12 I sent a text of my own asking him what he was doing, he sent a text back repeating what he had said the first time. I didn't receive any text. So I just thought screw it and went out with my sister and a friend and we were out the whole day. I kept glancing at my phone to see if he had replied but he hadn't. I THOUGHT he hadn't replied at all.At about 6pm when we were coming back from our trip, I suddenly received the two texts he had sent. So he thought the whole morning that I was ignoring him. I sent him a text apologizing and explaining but he didn't reply. Some of my friends told me if a guy had done that to them, they wouldn't believe him and I'm not sure I would have either. Later on that week, I tried to set up a date but he kept waffling in his texts, saying maybe then yes then maybe for about 6 texts like that and I was slightly pissed off so I called and asked him if he really wanted to come out. He said he was very tired. I replied okay, fine and hung up. The next day he called me and said he wasn't looking for a serious relationship at the moment. Fine, I told him and I believed him. I'm not very good with social skills (I've ADHD, I told him that) so I generally believe what people say to me. I'm not one for reading between the lines. If you say you dont want a relationship, I might be upset but I will take your word and move on badly or not, but I will. For about 2 weeks after he was friendly but it was definitely toned down. So I shrugged. He's turned it up AGAIN. He's always hanging around where I'm. He's slightly higher up than me, not my boss but I do ask for help sometimes. If he sees me raise my hand or wave at him, he'll instantly be standing next to me asking me what I need. I had some problems with my computer and he sat next to me to help with his entire thigh right against mine and sitting very close. He always seems to be somewhere around wherever I work. When he talks to me, he's always staring very hard into my eyes. And takes the long way so he can be in my area. There are some girls at my workplace and everytime he's talking to me, they will call him over and ask for his help so he stops talking to me. I thought he was being friendly but acquaintances have begun to comment. One girl said "Ever since you wore that dress, he can't stay away from you". She doesn't know what happened between us or that we've gone on dates. We were chatting once and I'm studying a fairly hard course which pays quite well when I graduate and he commented that when I finished, I would be earning money and I could support him when we were married. I just blanked out in astonishment and mumbled something and changed the subject. He continued talking about how he wanted to get married, families, his future and how he wants to travel. I ignored the getting married bit and recommended jobs he could do and travel the world, like teaching English. I got very angry but didn't say anything to him. Why was he saying these things? If it's just being a player, it's very cruel. I'm still taking him at his word. Everyone says he likes me, but he said he didn't want a serious relationship so that's what I'm accepting. I sent him an slightly insulting text recently at about 3am (I was fairly drunk), the next day when he saw me on Facebook, he immediately (I was watching, he was idle when he became active, he started chatting) asked why I said that. I denied all knowledge and said it was meant for someone else. I do think I pulled that off.It just keeps going on and on and I feel like pulling out my hair. If he doesn't want anything serious, he should leave me the f alone. I've started to really like him and this is upsetting me. I don't deal with social skills. It's mental torture for me. I can tell something is going on but not sure what. I feel like running away when I see him, and at the same time running to him. I guess that's what he wants. Please advise. Do actions really speak louder than words?
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broke up, drunk, facebook, flirt, his ex, money, move on, my boss, my ex, player, text, workplace Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 August 2009):
 Yes, he did get hurt. Go for him if you want him. I bet the man loves you.
A
female
reader, Pizzicato +, writes (2 August 2009):
Pizzicato is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers, I just wanted to make clear that he acted like he really liked me till I didn't reply to his texts the whole day(the Sunday incident I explained above) then he cooled down and THEN said he didn't want a relationship. But he's started acting like he did before. A friend commented perhaps he got really hurt about me not replying to his texts and backed off but thanks for all your suggestions.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (2 August 2009):
I can see your problem. All the signs that he very much likes you, and is even willing to consider a very long-term relationship with you are there. He seems to have mentioned the marriage to let you know that he would take the relationship serious, if there was one. Yet he initially told you he didn't want anything serious. So, where do you stand?
People can change their minds. Just as they might like you and then not, they might not want anything serious with you and then very much want it. I guess this is what is going on here.
Why don't you ask him out, for coffee or something (keep it light and informal) and tell him you have noticed a lot of attention coming from him, to the point that people have told you things. Tell him that it seems he would want to explore a serious relationship with you (emphasis on "serious") and that, if that were the case, you would want one too. Ask him whether everyone has been misreading him or not. He should answer.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (2 August 2009):
 He definitely likes you, and you seem to like him, so why not have a non-serious relationship? Go out with each other and enjoy each other's company, and take it from there. It may develop into something serious down the line.
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A
male
reader, LoveDocBruce +, writes (2 August 2009):
 If you have a hard time communicating with him in person, then do it digitally. Right him an email saying that you can't say it in person, and tell him what you are thinking. Ask him if he is giving you the run-around on purpose, tell him you really like your time with him. And tell him your unsure of his motives.
He will respond I'm sure by calling or texting you. So put in the email that you want him to email you back, because that's the only way you can keep your composure until you're more comfortable around him to tell him in person you're feelings.
I think that would be the best way to go. Good luck, let me know what happens.
-LoveDocBruce
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A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (2 August 2009):
Maybe he just has a crush on you, You have to take him at his word and respect the fact that he says he isn't ready for a serious relationship. Why can't you just ask him what is on your mind he may give you a straight forward answer and you can stop wondering what his intention's are but I would say he likes you or at the very least enjoy's your company.
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