A
male
age
30-35,
*e130890
writes:Apologies in advance.. this situation is very complicated. There is this girl.. my ex girlfriend / what I thought was my girlfriend. I was with her (fakely) for 3 months a while back until I found out she had been secretly in contact with her ex boyfriend wanting him back and planning on getting back with him in june. This hurt me beyond belief that I had been used for so long and the fact that we had such an amazing time together and were perfect when with each other. She was my world, I feel in love with her. After a talk with her where she explained her actions we agreed too move on not hold any grudges. She told me she still loved her ex-boyfriend but he wouldn't get back with her because she had done some unforgiveable things when they were together, including cheating on him. Anyway I went away travelling for 2 months and a month after getting back I get an email from her saying "i miss you". So I sent one back saying "miss you too". And then she tells me how she lives away from her parents because she got kicked out and that she realised just how much she loves me. And that she can't be without me, etc etc. I told her I can't go back to that i'm going to university soon and I can't risk that pain again. A few days later she calls me.. and tells me shes desperate too meet up. So i foolishly agree too meet and we have the most amazing time ever again and spend the next day together and also have an amazing time. At the end of the night we kiss and she asks me if i have sumthin to ask her (obviously thinking I'm going to take her back).. but I say no I don't and I start driving her home. She has floods of tears and I realise as shes about too go home that I love her so much. I say that maybe we can work something out. But now she has gone back to ecstatic because she thinks I'm going to want her back. She is, I must admit, a completely different person to before. She wants me too meet her family and friends, something I never did before, and she wants too make sure everyone knows we're both taken and happy. And she says she wants it too last and be a completely normal relationship. I can see from her eyes she is genuine and really means it, despite that slight cautiousness I'm bound to have. Can I really take her back? She has bipolar, an illness that gives severe mood swings and causes her too cut herself sometimes when really upset. She does have medication though. The good things are that when together I am the happiest person alive.. we're so perfect in that respect. She makes me feel like noone else can. The bad thing is that our sex life was never good.. I always had a problem but I think thats just me personally and maybe some anxiety (which caused erectional difficulty) even though I'm 19 its my first physical relationship. Also, I find it hard to trust her, always have, but she seems genuine so maybe I could. She said she would do ANYTHING to make it work. And she guarantees she could never hurt me again. She is also expensive to be honest. Her coming too see me at university may also be impractical. As well as this, my friends and family dislike her and they may frown upon me for taking her back. This makes me uneasy about the situation. But on the other hand, I should not base my decision upon what they think. At the end of the day, I love her stupidly and it would hurt both me and her soo much not too be together. But it may be for the best. What do you think? Apologies for length but I could do with the help. Thanks everyone.
View related questions:
erection, ex girlfriend, her ex, move on, my ex, sex life, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): The law states people with illness's do not have to take medication. People make too much of a big deal about Bipolar. One is absolutely normal, then may get the flu, sick. Severe mood swings? That's only if you are sick. If she is cutting herself, her parents would drive her to look like one big moodswing. This girl needs love
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): She was getting over her past boyfriend. When you met her, you were with her fakely. The two other reponses you received, I don't think they read and thought much about what you had written and mental illness a concern, no it's not, the other response is prejudice. There are two types of Bipolar. It is like a heart condition, it is triggered with acute stress, like a shock. The rest of the time they are normal people. With time the pair of you have bonded more and she is liking you more, as you her. Cutting yourself is not Bipolar. It suggests her family is not doing a very good parenting job. And her arguing is not just by her alone. A person cutting themselves is a person who feels bad about themselves because they've been put down, ridiculed. Her parents needs counselling to support a child with an illness which could be triggered to depression where she could commit suicide. Let her be happy, let you be happy, and tell your family to be kind to the unfortunate
...............................
A
female
reader, \m/J.D\m/ +, writes (17 August 2009):
 I genuinely dont want to sound harsh as i try to put this across to you so ill be as subtle as possible... from the sounds of things from what you are saying, she knows she can manipulate you because of the way you feel about her, she wanted her ex who turned her down and then got kicked out for messing around her parents.. she has no one and nothing to turn to except you, she is playing an emotional head f*ck with you to get what she wants and the fact nobody has any time for her obviously means its not just down to her been bi polar, she sounds like a very vindictive manipulative person,i strongly urge you to think long and hard before entering back into this relationship, obviously i cant predict the future, but it looks very much like once shes back on her feet in a more stable situation she will just walk all over you and move onto the next victim. your at a cross rds here down one rd you stand to move on with your life and education and gain alot, down the other rd you stand to possibly be hurt, your education ruined because you'll be to emotionally messed up to consentrate on your work, loosing friends and family members ect ect.its a huge risk to take. also if you did go back into the relationship you would never be truely happy, because without trust there really is nothing but misery. i wish you the best of luck.JD x
...............................
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 She realized she loves you after she got kicked out of her parents, huh? I just bet that she did. She cheated on her ex-boyfriend, she emotionally cheated on you, she burned her parents. From your letter it does not sound like she is a good relationship candidate and you are right to be wary. The fact that your friends and family (all of them? wow) don't like her is also an incredibly bad sign.
I think that being with her will cost you a lot in the long run, and while she does make you happy, her baggage is going to be difficult to overcome. If you go into this, you make sure that you and your wallet are on guard. And if you get burned, consider it a lesson learned.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, annareece +, writes (17 August 2009):
From what you are saying, you are right to be cautious and right to be concerned about the illness etc etc. And I also feel that you sort of came into second place, she waited to see if it works out with her ex and when it didn't she decided to be with you rather than being on her own. These signs are not good. However, But, I have been in the same situation s her and it turned out that the second option was the best choice I made for the time. You also have strong feelings for her and I think that you should give it a go, otherwise you will just never know whether she was genuine, whether it would have worked out and whether it can actually work. You don't mention how old she is, but I assume she is as young as you are. My experience of 30 years says that the only things I regret are the situations when I didn't give someone a chance because of logical reasons. Be with her, be on your guard, don't give too much and enjoy it. If it works, you were right in your decision, if not, she is not for you.
...............................
|
