A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love him, he loves me but he is with another woman because thay have a baby together. We have a history together but are just friends right now. He has never loved his babies mum and says he will leave her tomorrow if I would be with him. I dont want to split up a family but i really dont want to lose him from my life either. Its too much pressure to put on a relationship that hasnt even started yet. I know he should leave her regardless of me but thats not going to happen either. He thinks if he cant have me he may as well stay with her and at least be there for the baby.Im not naive - he is NOT playing me. But what do i do? Take the plunge and be with him but destroy their relationship? Or try to keep things just as friends as we have been before. Keeping him out of my life isnt an option.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): wow, you are not serious are you. strange that he does not love this woman yet he cared enought to have a baby with her. you think you have all the answers so yes, go ahead of "destoy" this family. but be craeful, you are not destroyed in the process.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): Go right ahead, he'll probably resent you for it!
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (22 August 2009):
 Outsiders can't destroy happy relationships. This is not Victorian England, you don't have a moral obligation to consider what society might think of you. If he never loved the baby's mother, why did she allow herself to get pregnant to him? If you are genuinely in love and want to be together, go for it.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (22 August 2009):
 He's a grown ass man and should make his own decision on who he wants to be with. He's with her because he's lazy and comfortable, and he wants to be with you IF you make it comfortable for him.
Tell him to get it together and decide what he's going to do on his own.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 August 2009):
 No. Ask him to make up his mind first. He needs to be free to come your way. Don't get messed up and don't let him put the burden of the decision on you. He will blame you later. And you will always be "the marriage breaker". DON'T GO THERE.
If he can stay with her even if you're not with him, then I am afraid that he is fine where he is. Sorry to say it this way, but that's how I think you should see it, too.
He needs to make up his mind. THEN he can come to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): He's a married man with a baby. It's fine if you guys are friends, but this situation sounds a little strange to me. If you had an intimate past, and then he got married and had a baby with another person, isn't it a little bit inaproppriate for you two to be "so close"? I think that your gut is telling you how wrong this is, and you need to follow your conscience.
I would say to find a guy that is available, because it sounds to me that you are already feeling guilty.
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