A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been casual friends with a woman i've known for about two months. I kept getting mixed signals from her one day she'd be really warm another day she'd be really cold.Anyhow I asked her out on a date and this is what she told me:'I appreciate it but I am looking for a serious relationship at the moment. I don't mind going out as friends though'. I know she is single. I have asked her close friends and also asked her myself.I don't understand if either:1. she is not interested2. is interested but sees me as non-long termAnd what action should i take?1. Never talk to her again2. persist and see if she changes her mind3. Continue being casual friends with her Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2013): She thinks that you only want a fuck buddy relationship and she wants a proper relationship so she declined your offer for a date because she thinks you're just after sex. If you actually like this girl and want a proper relationship with her , you should pursue and say 'I'm not just looking for sex, I'm looking for a relationship and I would like to ask you out for dinner again because I like you and would like to get to know you better'
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2013): Personally, I don't think people really send mixed signals. I think people dismiss what the don't want to see, and see what they want.If you ask a woman out on a date and they don't seem all that enthusiastic about it, they're not that into you.You are friend-zoned. Who would turn down a free meal with a "friend?" Some women form platonic relationships men, and use us as stand-ins; until they find another man to form a real relationship. Gay men, like myself; are often chosen for our charm, masculinity, and access to good restaurants. Oh, and because we like to dance. We are good substitute boyfriends. We also protect them and boost their self-esteem. Straight men are taking over, and doing quite well at it; and not even making passes! New girlfriends don't believe nothing is going on, but they are truly only friends. Just don't get them drunk.They love platonic friendships with straight guys. They give them a feeling of desirability. She may find you attractive, but not her type. She was being polite by dancing around that by saying; "I'm looking for a serious relationship."Excuse me, but a serious relationship has to start somewhere; and why would she presume you aren't looking for the same? You've hung around for two whole months!!!If you don't have intentions of taking it to as many levels as she has indicated; don't waste her time, or yours. You describe it as casual friends, and that's how she sees it.She doesn't plan to have sex with you. She appreciates you as a male companion, and she has set a boundary. A nonsexual but intimate friendship.You are free to pursue her if you like. I don't think you will get very far with her.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 December 2013):
 so if you are looking for FWB.. then she's made it clear that's NOT what she wants. I am assuming casual friends means no sex at this point just friends....
you asked her on a date...are you willing to entertain the thoughts of a serious relationship with her?
if so tell her that.. "i'd like to date you 'properly' and see if we could have something serious." and to prove the point keep sex off the table for at least 3 months unless she asks for it.
if you don't want anything serious with her but were looking for FWB (sex) and she declined and it will be too hard for you to respect that and not want to try to sleep with her then walk away
DO NOT try to change her mind.
accept your "friendship" on her terms.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 December 2013):
 I'm not sure what a "casual friendship is" but if it's involves sex (call it a F-buddy relationship then because it's not about FRIENDSHIP).
I think IF you want to date her and a SERIOUS relationship with her that isn't a "casual thing" - then tell her- I WANT to DATE you, because I want the same thing.
Now IF she doesn't want YOU and she was trying to give you a "polite" (girl thing, sorry) brush off, she will tell you that she isn't interested in you or she will go out on a date.
Then talk to her about what SHE expect. Do you two try to date and pretend you never had a "casual friendship" or what.
TALK to her.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (4 December 2013):
Well I think it could be one of two things:
She is interested and she said that because she thinks that since you've had a casual relationship (I guess that means hooking up?) that you don't want anything more, so she's testing you to see if you'll say, "I'm looking for something serious too." In that case, then you should persist.
The other thing would be that she's not interested in you because she doesn't see you as long-term, in that case, then you don't talk to her anymore.
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